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I feel detached


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Old 01-30-2014, 08:48 PM   #1
Jqms
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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I feel detached

For the past year i felt my life was boring and that i was just a spectator.
I guess is first started after i started college, everything just seemed to lose all meaning and i would find myself depressed many times, thinking that i didn't matter.
Almost everyday i have moments where i forget that pain and could be "happy", but i never felt fullfilled. It was like a sudden ray of sun quickly erased by dark clouds.
Many times i thought about injuring myself and i even "joked" about it with my friends (maybe hoping they would realise my pain), i even pretend i die (in more ways than one) but the most i've done was cut my finger.
I believe that in part this may have been brought by my inferiority complex towards my brother. He is the one with perfect scores, the one girls go for, even my friends would prefer to be with him (at least that was how i saw it). Sometimes i also feel like i'm alone, even when i'm surrounded by people it's like none of them can touch me or realise that i'm there. I wonder how can they not understand that i'm hurting.

These days i started getting anoyed by people who were happy, i keep delaying my tasks and feel like my life is crumbling down, and even though i have plenty of friends to talk i always hear the same speech and feel like they never understand or that they never will.
I also feel that this pain is only getting worse with each day.

Thanks for reading

 
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