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Anxiety and depression because my mom has cancer


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Old 02-10-2014, 03:18 PM   #1
emilyrs23
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Anxiety and depression because my mom has cancer

It all started with depersonalization disorder. I found out my mom had pancreatic cancer in May, and was in denial about it for so long. In fact I was in so much denial that I was away at school and suddenly started getting this feeling of being very detached from my body and got the feeling that life wasn't real. Eventually it got to the point that I couldn't focus on anything, none of my classes, had to drop one, and eventually got to the point where I couldn't really go anywhere without being so overwhelmed by that feeling. On the outside I could seem perfectly fine but inside I thought I was going insane. Eventually it got to the point where I was skipping class, skipping work, skipping anything that wasn't absolutely necessary for me to go to. I wasn't even getting out of bed at one point. I realized I needed to drop out of school because I was so debilitated. I went home and spent most of my days in bed for about two months. I was seeing a therapist and trying to figure out what was going on, and things got a little better each day but I still had that foggy feeling and didn't know why. At therapy we realized that it must be about my mom because I literally was not thinking about the situation at all and it was so painful. Whenever I did allow myself to really think about it I burst out crying and after I would always feel better.

Now I'm helping out a lot at home but I don't really have my own life here. I'm becoming depressed and I exercise every day and make dinner for my family, clean the house and stuff, because my mom is extremely sick and out of it. She's not herself anymore and acts like a senile old lady and needs to be watched 24/7. It's very hard to see and I cry every day about it. I have two sisters at home and my dad. He needs to work some days, and my sisters are in school but don't really help out. I sometimes just feel so down and like I'm going crazy. I started to open up to my boyfriend back at school about my problems but he's so far away. I'm just so lost and sad most of the time. I know my sisters are sad too but they have their own lives. Even when I try to hang out with an old friend from high school every now and then I just feel so distant and spaced out, which is the anxiety. I really don't know what to do. I think that starting my own life out here might help me a little more but honestly my mom needs so much help that I have to be ready to help most of the time. My aunt comes down to help for a few days each week and it leaves me realizing that I just don't have a life here. I'm taking online classes and I see a friend a few times a week but I'm just really sad most of the time. My boyfriend helps me on the phone by listening but a lot of my friends don't really know what's going on. I wish I could have help to stay positive but I really don't know what to do.

 
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