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Old 04-06-2014, 11:54 PM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 4
catcrazylady HB User
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I am a 39 year old woman who has Double Depression. This means I have Dysthymic disorder with periods of Major Depression. My condition is chronic and I will be on medication for the rest of my life.
I remember feeling worthless and unloveable from around age 9, which also happens to be the age I started menstruating; possible link perhaps? I grew up in a dysfunctional household where my father's solution to the most trivial problem was physical abuse. I remember being very afraid of him. My mother was more verbal with her abuse. She wasn't immune to my father's intimidation and I remember at least one incident when he slapped her while we were at the dinner table.
By age 11 I had seen my first psychiatrist who was clueless. I started missing lots of school because of my depression. My anxiety only grew when I was told by a friend that my classmates and teachers would jokingly talk amongst themselves that I had a horrible illness that kept me from school. If only they knew how true their words were.
Because of my continued absences from school, my family was forced into family counselling by the school administration. I believe they were threatened with truancy fines.
I remember feeling such shame for what I was putting my family through. High school was a mess. I quit twice and never went back. I started working full time at age 16, but was constantly in trouble with my boss because of missed work. I was told by several employers that I was a stellar employee...when I showed up. I made the mistake of telling one of my employers that I was diagnosed with depression. The incredulity on her face and the things she said to me I will never forget. That was 2001 and I haven't held employment since.
I have never been able to have a long-term romantic relationship. I had boyfriends in high school and a couple of short-term relationships in my 20s, but none after. I loved someone once; we dated for a few months, but he didn't feel the same. I don't think I ever fully recovered from that rejection. Since then I've had only no strings attached relations with men, one nighters mostly.
I am currently on long-term disability, which is a pittance. I would not be able to survive financially if I didn't live at home with my parents. This takes me to right now, and while I have skimmed over A LOT, this is me in a nutshell; a 39 year old single woman on disability who lives with her parents, no life partner, no children. Depression has stolen my life.

Last edited by Administrator; 04-07-2014 at 08:28 AM.

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