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    Old 07-06-2004, 10:11 AM   #31
    RosaMay
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    Re: How to get the girl to chase after the guy?

    joquiero, I think it depends a lot on the age also. Among people under 25 or so I imagine attitudes are more relaxed, but it you are in your thirties or forties or older, you will always find traces of the old double standard, like it or not. A woman who makes a move is "easy". I don't think any guy loves a woman just because she would be hard to get, but guys like to make an effort.
    What can I say, this is my own personal experience.

     
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    Old 07-06-2004, 10:13 AM   #32
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    Re: How to get the girl to chase after the guy?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by RosaMay
    Sophia, HI!
    He made the first move in kissing and holding hands, and eventually sex, but in the very beginning I was the one to ask if he wants to have a cup of coffee. So I made the very first move, and from then on he kept asking me, when do we meet, where do we go, what do we eat, plus he asked me to call him... it was as though I was doing all the work and he was sitting back and relaxing! I really didn't want that. He wasn't acting like a normal guy who calls you, e-mails you, etc.
    In short he was so phlegmatic that he drove me crazy!
    He also began treating me like I were not worthy of him (he was full of himself) but somehow inferior to him. I then thought, good riddance to him!

    Seriously though (considering something else that happened) I suspect he was gay who wanted me as a cover-up girlfriend. But that's another story then...

    Maybe this is a bad example in this thread, sorry!!!
    I still do think, however that we need to make guys work a little to earn our attention. It is in our genes, it's simple biology. Guys easily become lazy. We need to be more challenging than the tv screen!
    Hey RosaMay , I am laughing at your last sentence, but it's true. I'm sorry it didn't work out, but in reality, this guy would have driven you crazy and made you feel unattractive eventually. I don't want to say "I told ya'" however, usually, when things seem strange, they turn out to be strange. Remember the guy I told you about who was acting the same way as the guy you dated? I still don't know what his deal was, but he was surely bizarre. YOu never know, he might have been a closet gay, or just very asexual. Not your problem anyway. I have a female friend who is extremely attractive and smart. Well, her boyfriend is treating her like s*hit and she is doing all the work and he just behaves like it's expected of her. He didn't even buy her a lousy flower on valentine's day, or take her out. Nothing. She's the one who always travels to see him and everything they do is dependent on his mood. She's crazy about him and maybe on some level likes the challenge he gives her, but for the most part she just feels miserable. A lot of times she doubts her attractiveness and desirability although there would be tons of guys who would die to date her. Not the best position to be in and makes me all the more convinced that it's detrimental to chase after men. Well, at least you and I learned something from our mistakes

     
    Old 07-06-2004, 10:20 AM   #33
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    Re: How to get the girl to chase after the guy?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by eightball61
    Well if you can go up to a guy so casually then why can't they to you?
    Because guys are not deluged with people hitting on them, whereas girl ARE and you just get tired of it.

    My ex told that had I not asked him out, he would have asked me (he said he saw me looking at him and got up very obvious so i'd know he was getting off and was hoping that I was getting off at his stop too)

    But thing is, I'd have been a bit put off if the second we caught eyes he invaded my space by coming and sitting next to me. He wasn't too quick to talk to me and in fact gave ME the chance to approach him.

    Also, it made me see that he wasn't the type of guy who would approach girls so easily - i like that

     
    Old 07-06-2004, 10:33 AM   #34
    RosaMay
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    Re: How to get the girl to chase after the guy?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SophiaM
    Hey RosaMay , I am laughing at your last sentence, but it's true. I'm sorry it didn't work out, but in reality, this guy would have driven you crazy and made you feel unattractive eventually. I don't want to say "I told ya'" however, usually, when things seem strange, they turn out to be strange. Remember the guy I told you about who was acting the same way as the guy you dated? I still don't know what his deal was, but he was surely bizarre. YOu never know, he might have been a closet gay, or just very asexual. Not your problem anyway. I have a female friend who is extremely attractive and smart. Well, her boyfriend is treating her like s*hit and she is doing all the work and he just behaves like it's expected of her. He didn't even buy her a lousy flower on valentine's day, or take her out. Nothing. She's the one who always travels to see him and everything they do is dependent on his mood. She's crazy about him and maybe on some level likes the challenge he gives her, but for the most part she just feels miserable. A lot of times she doubts her attractiveness and desirability although there would be tons of guys who would die to date her. Not the best position to be in and makes me all the more convinced that it's detrimental to chase after men. Well, at least you and I learned something from our mistakes
    Hi Sophia! Thanks for your response Yep, that was too strange. The more I think of it, I'm pretty sure this one was a closet gay, looking for a cover up girlfriend. His performance between the sheets pretty much got me convinced.
    Yes, I remember the guy you dated, and I think we both are better off with someone else!
    The situation of your friend is so sad, however. She must be hurting badly, doubting herself because of this moron of a guy. I just wish something would happen to open her eyes. I suppose words of advice won't help, if she is in love - she probably knows herself this man is bad for her but she can't break away.
    For how long have they been together?
    Is she very busy? What I mean, does she have time to think about her life and analyze things? Sometimes when we are in a hurry we are unable to think what we are doing, we just react and do not really think.

     
    Old 07-06-2004, 10:34 AM   #35
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    Re: How to get the girl to chase after the guy?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by joquiero
    Because guys are not deluged with people hitting on them, whereas girl ARE and you just get tired of it.
    I see where you are coming from and it makes sense, but the only way you are going to meet someone is if you made a move like you did with your ex or the guy make a move similar.

    The name of the game is not playing hard to get. If you are not interested just let them know. I have seen my fair share of this where a guy would just get dismissed. A guy would through cheeseball line and girl say " I am not interested."

    Girls are starting to stand up for themselves which this is why you feel this way. Times are changing and so arn't we...........

     
    Old 07-06-2004, 10:48 AM   #36
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    Re: How to get the girl to chase after the guy?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by eightball61
    I see where you are coming from and it makes sense, but the only way you are going to meet someone is if you made a move like you did with your ex or the guy make a move similar.

    The name of the game is not playing hard to get. If you are not interested just let them know. I have seen my fair share of this where a guy would just get dismissed. A guy would through cheeseball line and girl say " I am not interested."

    Girls are starting to stand up for themselves which this is why you feel this way. Times are changing and so arn't we...........
    I just like guys who are not ALL about hitting on girls. But i'm not in games at all and i'm not into dissing guys (although some just DESERVE a few choice words) I just don't wanna be gawked at, or hollered at, or whistled at etc.

    Eightball, the thing is, guys sometimes don't realize how up-in-our-faces they are. They often appear out of nowhere (sometimes when its dark in a lonely area) with that "whats your name" crap and when you're not forthcoming they get all offended.

    And when you say 'no thanks' or 'not interested' they STILL don't get the message and are basically following you home and you have to say something harsh, then you're considered a bytch. You just can't win.

    Also, guys should pay a little attention. if you're on a train and you and a girl catch eyes and she smiles DON'T assume she likes you - she could just be polite. But, if she keeps catching your eye and smiling THEN maybe thats a reason to talk to her. But don't be too confrontational - don't get up in her face.

    Instead, try asking something like "do you know what stop is next?' or ask for directions!! But, if she's short with you or doesn't elongate the conversation then leave it alone. If she IS interested she'll ask again where you need to get to and ask if you're new to the city/area or even say "i'm walking that way, i'll show you where it is'.

    Its all about giving someone breathing room and not being all up in their face.

    Last edited by joquiero; 07-06-2004 at 10:49 AM.

     
    Old 07-06-2004, 10:56 AM   #37
    eightball61
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    Re: How to get the girl to chase after the guy?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by joquiero

    Its all about giving someone breathing room and not being all up in their face.


    Exactly

     
    Old 07-06-2004, 11:24 AM   #38
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    Re: How to get the girl to chase after the guy?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by RosaMay
    Hi Sophia! Thanks for your response Yep, that was too strange. The more I think of it, I'm pretty sure this one was a closet gay, looking for a cover up girlfriend. His performance between the sheets pretty much got me convinced.
    Yes, I remember the guy you dated, and I think we both are better off with someone else!
    The situation of your friend is so sad, however. She must be hurting badly, doubting herself because of this moron of a guy. I just wish something would happen to open her eyes. I suppose words of advice won't help, if she is in love - she probably knows herself this man is bad for her but she can't break away.
    For how long have they been together?
    Is she very busy? What I mean, does she have time to think about her life and analyze things? Sometimes when we are in a hurry we are unable to think what we are doing, we just react and do not really think.
    Thanks RosaMay. As for my friend, yeah, I wish she would open her eyes too. They've been together for close to two years, but there is no way she will ever break up with him. Despite being beautiful and smart, she is extremely insecure and quite neurotic. She can't imagine being without this guy. In fact, I'm even afraid to advise her to break up with him because I"m kind of afraid she might do something stupid if that were to happen. She's just completely obsessed with him, even though she knows he doesn't treat her right. The thing is, he was treating her great in the beginning, but it only lasted a couple of months and now he has her completely wrapped around his finger. She is busy but even when she didn't have a job she was obsessed with him, even more so. Of course, he's not that stupid to always be horrible to her; occasionally he rewards her with a "treat" and does something nice, which is sufficient to keep her hanging around. Interesting, right? The guy must be a great psychologist! Also, he is very charming and nice to her in public. You would never know what kind of a jerk he can be.

     
    Old 07-06-2004, 11:37 AM   #39
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    Re: How to get the girl to chase after the guy?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by joquiero
    NOOOO!! Approaching a guy does NOT make him lazy - unless you're sweating him. If i like a guy I'll pursue him, but once we've been out, HE ends up pursuing me!! Also, i'm a very easy going, lighthearted person who NEVER does the dreaded 'so, where is this relationship going?' too early on.
    This is what is happening to me at the moment. The girl pursued me initally in the beginning and now it seems the the roles have reversed now. I'm the one chasing after her. How can I make her chase after me again? And how long should I wait before calling her? I want to call her like all the time but I know that would annoy her. So should I wait for her to call me or call her like after 3 or 4 days? What do girls usually expect?

     
    Old 07-06-2004, 11:44 AM   #40
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    Re: How to get the girl to chase after the guy?

    Continuesly going after someone can and will get annoying. You don't want to call everyday but waiting a period like the 3-4 days may be a good start.

     
    Old 07-06-2004, 11:46 AM   #41
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    Re: How to get the girl to chase after the guy?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lamal3
    This is what is happening to me at the moment. The girl pursued me initally in the beginning and now it seems the the roles have reversed now. I'm the one chasing after her. How can I make her chase after me again? And how long should I wait before calling her? I want to call her like all the time but I know that would annoy her. So should I wait for her to call me or call her like after 3 or 4 days? What do girls usually expect?
    You know, there's no easy answer to this one. We just don't know what the girl is thinking and what the reason for her sudden change of heart is. she might have been initially interested but after she got to know you better, she might have decided, for whatever reason, that she's not that interested after all. If she's no longer interested, no phone games you play will really help. Having said that, don't do the knee-jerk thing and call her all the time, even though you might be tempted to. Let her wonder a little bit. How is she when you do get to talk to her? Does she encourage you and talk to you in a friendly way, or does she always want to end the conversation quickly? What does she say when you ask her out? If she always finds an excuse and refuses you, she's just not interested and you would be smart to just leave her alone for a while. You can try calling again in, say, a month and see how she acts then.

     
    Old 07-06-2004, 11:55 AM   #42
    RosaMay
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    Re: How to get the girl to chase after the guy?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SophiaM
    Thanks RosaMay. As for my friend, yeah, I wish she would open her eyes too. They've been together for close to two years, but there is no way she will ever break up with him. Despite being beautiful and smart, she is extremely insecure and quite neurotic. She can't imagine being without this guy. In fact, I'm even afraid to advise her to break up with him because I"m kind of afraid she might do something stupid if that were to happen. She's just completely obsessed with him, even though she knows he doesn't treat her right. The thing is, he was treating her great in the beginning, but it only lasted a couple of months and now he has her completely wrapped around his finger. She is busy but even when she didn't have a job she was obsessed with him, even more so. Of course, he's not that stupid to always be horrible to her; occasionally he rewards her with a "treat" and does something nice, which is sufficient to keep her hanging around. Interesting, right? The guy must be a great psychologist! Also, he is very charming and nice to her in public. You would never know what kind of a jerk he can be.
    Ouch. Unfortunately this guy is really good at what he's doing! He was treating her great in the beginning, he rewards her with an occasional "treat" (to silence any doubt she might be having), he is nice to her in public (so that her friends are always reminding her what a great guy she is with, in case she would ever doubt). He must be taking advantage of her being insecure and neurotic, and is playing with her head. Yes, what a great psycho--- logist.
    Since their relationship has lasted so long, I guess the only thing that might make her break up with him would be a vast change in her life, a crisis or something else, a change in careers, moving, falling in love with someone else... I most certainly don't wish anything negative her way, but sometimes changes like that generate something worthwhile.

     
    Old 07-06-2004, 12:02 PM   #43
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    Re: How to get the girl to chase after the guy?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lamal3
    This is what is happening to me at the moment. The girl pursued me initally in the beginning and now it seems the the roles have reversed now. I'm the one chasing after her. How can I make her chase after me again? And how long should I wait before calling her? I want to call her like all the time but I know that would annoy her. So should I wait for her to call me or call her like after 3 or 4 days? What do girls usually expect?
    Well, stop chasing. Focus on your own life, your own hobbies then you won't be so keen to call her so much. Give her a few days and have something to say when you call, things you've done, places you've been to, sound like you have a full life.

    How long have you guys been involved?

    also, some girls (and some guys) are ALL about the conquest - hopefully this one isn't like that

     
    Old 07-06-2004, 12:12 PM   #44
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    Re: How to get the girl to chase after the guy?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lamal3
    This is what is happening to me at the moment. The girl pursued me initally in the beginning and now it seems the the roles have reversed now. I'm the one chasing after her. How can I make her chase after me again? And how long should I wait before calling her? I want to call her like all the time but I know that would annoy her. So should I wait for her to call me or call her like after 3 or 4 days? What do girls usually expect?

    Why do you want to make her chase you again?
    It's natural that boys "chase after" girls.

    Of course when you are g/f and b/f you should both feel free to call each other when ever you want. But you have not reached that stage yet have you? So until you have, I suppose you should call her every now and then, after 2 to 4 days and see what her response is.

    You said she used to pursue you. None of us knows what she is thinking now, could be whatever, but she might like you to take the lead now. A girl doesn't want to be on the driver's seat forever. Just a guess, but I would be this way.

     
    Old 07-06-2004, 01:02 PM   #45
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    Re: How to get the girl to chase after the guy?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SophiaM
    How is she when you do get to talk to her? Does she encourage you and talk to you in a friendly way, or does she always want to end the conversation quickly? What does she say when you ask her out? If she always finds an excuse and refuses you, she's just not interested and you would be smart to just leave her alone for a while. You can try calling again in, say, a month and see how she acts then.
    Whenever I call her she doesn't sound like she wants to cut our conversation short. We have good conversations and they never seem short. She dosen't appear to be disinterested, so I'm not sure. I however don't seem to see her as much at work as before. She would always see me whenever I go up to pick up something, but nowadays I hardly see her. Maybe because she is busy but she dosen't seem to pay as much attention as before. I'm don't know what kind of sign that signals. She hasen't been feeling that good lately because of some mental stress, she says she's getting better. I want to spark her interest in me like she did before.

     
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