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    Old 12-27-2004, 04:19 PM   #16
    miamore
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    Re: uncontrollable anger towards fathers baby need help and advice

    trystme thanks for the response. u know what i am seriously thinking about that i have noticed that i do have an anger issue that has arouse since this man left. even though ur right i would never hurt my child, i am going to seek counseling for anger management. my biggiest fear was i am a first time mom and i am scared that they are going to think i am a bad mom and take my kid away ..... u know i dont know what to do ....

     
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    Old 12-27-2004, 04:52 PM   #17
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    Re: uncontrollable anger towards fathers baby need help and advice

    I see what you mean. That is a mother's worse fear. I can only tell you from my own experiences with Family and Chidren's Services, child psycologists, etc. They very rarely ever take chidren away. I have been a teacher for 13 years, I have dealt with DFACS where it involves my niece and my nephew, and at least here in GA, DFACS is pretty inept. The psycologist who tested my 14 year old nephew for drugs and found methamphetamine didn't even calle DFACS. The therapist that I am seeing keeps assuring me "what is said here, stays here." I really don't think that you have anything to worry about, but as a mother, I totally understand your fear. I can only ask you to try to see beyond that fear, for the wellbeing of your son.

     
    Old 12-27-2004, 05:15 PM   #18
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    Re: uncontrollable anger towards fathers baby need help and advice

    Dear Miamore, I wish you and your son a happy holiday season. You probably have not read any of my posts...but when you asked if there was anyone else out there like you...well yes, a lot of us.

    I have posted here before about the anger I had towards my ex boyfriend and it only came out when I drank. And why did I drink? His constant abuse and rejection of me lead me to have no self esteem left and sometimes ( only 3 occasions I would get drunk and stand up to him). Funny thing was...it gave him yet one more weapon to use against me because when he made the final break with me, I was to blame because of my drinking...according to him anyway and I still cry and I still search my soul and I still feel ashamed of behaving the way I did towards him.

    But...never once did he apolgize for the nasty, diabolical things he said to me. He constantly cut me up, critisized everything about me from my clothing to my wearing of lipstick, my hair/nails, my taste in music and the list goes on. And me being the overachiever that I am...kept saying '' sorry'' and trying harder to please him. But nothing made him happy with me - and I fell further into his trap because when I got drunk and brave, he said '' see you have a problem and you need help''.

    I think the utter rejection, him leaving me, cutting me off....our last conversation was November 21st...he told me he loved me and missed me and 24 hours later he was screaming at me on the phone because I asked him if he met another girl. He said '' you are my ex, it is none of your f------ business if I met any girl...you have no right asking me that!!!'' CONTROL...He could not tell me the truth ( I know he met someone ) and although he kept calling me when I confronted him, he had to turn it around and yell and scream at me. And what did I do??? I looked like the bad one again and cried and told him I hated him and to stay away from me forever. And of course he has because he has a new girl to abuse now.

    I miss him...and I do have a problem. I am a co-dependant. I went for my first therapy session last week and I am going again on Thursday and I will keep going so that I will feel better about me. If you seek help, it does not mean you are a psycho ( my exes favorite word about me to his pals ). It means you want to get strong, and find out why you love a jerk who abuses you mentally and will cause you and your son grief in life.

    He is the one with the problem, and I believe every action causes a re-action. Don;t beat yourself up over loving him or missing him...it is natural to do so...you gave birth to his child. Love yourself and your son, and not now, maybe not next week or even next month, but one day, you will realize ( as I will ) that we are far better off alone or in a world with people who love us and care for us...not men who reject us and cause us to act out our feelings of abandonment when they leave. Stay well and all the best. let me know how you and the baby are - K-

    Last edited by Administrator; 12-30-2004 at 09:05 AM.

     
    Old 12-28-2004, 07:23 AM   #19
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    Re: uncontrollable anger towards fathers baby need help and advice

    hate one thing that i am learning , is that i truley need to love myself first, before i can love anyone else and at the moment that is the hardiest. i try to stay away from him , but no matter how hard i try i cant seem to be able to . if it aint him, me or trying to contact me for the baby its so hard and when u have that kind of love 4 someone even thought its a love hate relationship sometimes is so hard . because it makes it harder to get on with ur life, but so far regardless of the baby, for the last 3 days ive ignored is phone calls, cuz ive noticed that ive started to sink in to depresssion real bad and im trying to stay strong for my son. u know.

    Last edited by miamore; 12-28-2004 at 07:23 AM.

     
    Old 12-28-2004, 12:56 PM   #20
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    Re: uncontrollable anger towards fathers baby need help and advice

    Believe me I know it is hard...it's worse than quitting drugs or drinking. It's been 38 days since I spoke to my ex....and I sent him a Christmas e mail in a moment of weakness ( he never responded and it is killing me more). I know how hard it is....and I am trying to understand why I love my abuser so much...but hey I have made the one month with no physical or phone contacts. I dream of him everynight, I cry for him too and I keep reminding myself how much he made me cry....how sad I was. Leopards do not change their spots. Stay strong, do this for your boy!!! And in time, if things are meant to be, then hopefully you can both go to group counselling , but right now, you need to get YOU back.

     
    Old 12-28-2004, 03:09 PM   #21
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    Re: uncontrollable anger towards fathers baby need help and advice

    my mom told me once was i was real young like around 17 the best way of getting over a love to set up a schedule. say 6 months to grieve and grieve ur eyes out, move one, next goal find ursle do something new, then carry that over to start dating again. and just get out there .. she said it would help i was young but mommies really do know best sometimes she was right and it worked............. so i think i am going to set a month goal of ignoring him, ill send him a letter to let him know once a week that alex is doing good. u know, but as far as me goes i cant talk to him..........

     
    Old 12-28-2004, 04:28 PM   #22
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    Re: uncontrollable anger towards fathers baby need help and advice

    Strange becuse mom knows best....my thereapist told me the same thing...No men for 6 months. Heal and love me and do not give thought to dating. And as for my ex, he is on my mind 24-7. I wonder how he can just be happy and move on without me after telling me I was his soulmate and he wanted to marry me. BUT...I sincerely think that the day I asked him outright '' did you meet someone else and if you did then I will not play this game anymore''....I stopeed it, just like the move 9 and a half weeks. Someone has to end it and it hurts like hell. But we will survive and get through this. Stay strong, and love your boy, your family, friends and you.

     
    Old 12-28-2004, 05:58 PM   #23
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    Re: uncontrollable anger towards fathers baby need help and advice

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lifechange
    Strange becuse mom knows best....my thereapist told me the same thing...No men for 6 months. Heal and love me and do not give thought to dating. And as for my ex, he is on my mind 24-7. I wonder how he can just be happy and move on without me after telling me I was his soulmate and he wanted to marry me. BUT...I sincerely think that the day I asked him outright '' did you meet someone else and if you did then I will not play this game anymore''....I stopeed it, just like the move 9 and a half weeks. Someone has to end it and it hurts like hell. But we will survive and get through this. Stay strong, and love your boy, your family, friends and you.
    even when i wrote that statement that u replied to i feel weak, prob because i have brought it to my own selfs attention that i am giving up, as we speak i wanted to pick up the phone my grandmother says that we are addict to one another i cant help it sometimes i love him still and i realize that but i know he is not good for me, i think it when u cant have it anymore u want even more u know........ holding on to not calling him

     
    Old 12-28-2004, 06:01 PM   #24
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    Re: uncontrollable anger towards fathers baby need help and advice

    where u at stormgirl have not heard from u in awhile

     
    Old 12-28-2004, 07:11 PM   #25
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    Re: uncontrollable anger towards fathers baby need help and advice

    Hi miamore... I'm here!!! I know that this is hard for you miamore. I go through the same thing everyday. I get weak, call and then get disappointed in myself, as well as hurt and feeling like a fool. Sometimes I just don't learn. I think that your idea for a "goal" is brilliant. Something to work towards, and be proud of when you accomplish it. And it will show you that you are in control of your life and will build your confidence. I am proud of you for having avoided his calls for even a few days. It really shows some progress, and your willingness to help yourself. The great thing about you is that you are willing to listen to the advice of others who have been there. You take it on board and really try with it, which is pleasing to see. It will get easier for you, trust me. Start with small steps, cut back on anything to do with him gradually, and the more you succeed, the better you will feel. You know that you will always have some sort of contact with him, but if you eliminate as much unnecessary contact as possible, it's a start. And keep remembering, that you do not need someone like him in your life, someone who walked out on his partner, his child, and his responsibilities. He left you to cope on your own. Did he even think of the consequences to you or the child? Probably not, he's too wrapped up in his own world. I think you will find that as you cut back on communication with him, your anger will probably start to fade too. You will accept that he is a jerk, and that you can't change it, and will resign yourself to coping with it somehow. But if you feel that this anger does not subside, please do speak to a professional about it.

    Miamore, you're doing great. Keep being strong. There will be bad days when you feel very depressed, but know that they will pass and soon, the good days will stay longer and longer and the bad will start to get fewer and fewer. Look at your baby and think how can you be sad with such a beautiful life having been created. Concentrate on yourself and your baby. I have noticed that you have other health problems too, so please look after yourself. Worrying about the ex is not going to help your health problems. He is what he is, and no amount of worrying will change that. Surround yourself with the people that do care about you, they will make you feel better. Seeing that you can't rely on him, it's up to you to change your life around. Make it a happy one, not a sad one. Sometimes it may seem like all the bad things happen to you, but it's time to say ENOUGH... and start making the good things happen!!!
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    Old 12-29-2004, 09:36 PM   #26
    miamore
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    Re: uncontrollable anger towards fathers baby need help and advice

    listen to this storm girl , rem the guy that i told u about that was not so good to me ( u rem what i said happened). well he gave me this guilt trip about why do i not want to give him another chance........ i was like really think about that for a sec, not only when u did what u did, i lost respect 4 u and ive tried loving u but i cant love u way i should love you and thats not fair. well he bought me furniture for christmas and he was like what the heck i thought i bought this for u so that we could be together one day....... i said let me tell u something, they say that a person is only used be cuz they allow themselves to be used. if u want to take it back fine ... i dont want nothing from u i told him........ i was strong and proud of myself. i stood up for myself and stood firm and let him know that i have to get over my babys father first and concetrate on loving my self and being there for my son. and for the next six months i dont want to date anyone, i dont want to argue , tell someone where i am going, i just want to be free and show myself that i can be alone and do it u know....... he started crying i told him u know what if u cant respect my dec... then we were never meant to be...... u know.............he kept going on i was like shut the heck up i told u already im not going to change my mind ive not been alone since i was 15 and now i am 24. and i told him he was the one that made me be mean cuz that seemed like that was the only way he would understand........... i said look i already have a man in my life and in my heart and he may be lil meaning my son but i need him and only him right now and he comes first , me second and when the time comes for someone else them third........... i have no room in my heart right now for another lil man( another child) ........ ( lol) im proud of myself others and storm arent you yipppppppppppppppp eeeeeeeeee

    Last edited by miamore; 12-29-2004 at 09:39 PM.

     
    Old 12-29-2004, 10:06 PM   #27
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    Re: uncontrollable anger towards fathers baby need help and advice

    I am sooooo proud miamore. That's fantastic the way you are actively trying to turn your life around. But let me warn you, you may feel a little down about this a bit later - especially if you get a little lonely. Just remember why you felt you had to do this, and you will be fine. I think that it's a good idea for you to eliminate as much stress as you can from your life, so you can grab a hold of things slowly... and it will help you to figure out what it is that you do want from life, and what sort of partner you want. After all, you've had your baby and since then it's been very stressful for you. It's time to start again and build the kind of life that you want, and the person YOU want to be. Hehe, I'm 26 now and I haven't been on my own since I was 15 either. Although it's a little scary right now, it's also refreshing not to have anyone to answer to, or to make us feel bad, right?

    Good on you girl. I really am very proud. You've come so far in such a small amount of time. Now try to relax and enjoy life a little, without all the stress that makes you mad/sad/angry. Throw yourself into your business, and build the life that you always wanted for yourself and your little guy. Then when you least expect it, that special someone will come along and sweep you off your feet. They will respect you for having turned your life around, and not letting it get the better of you when a lesser person would have. And in this time, figure out the behaviour that you will and won't put up with from a guy. Raise the bar a bit and don't settle for anything less. You and your little man deserve all the very best in life.
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    Old 12-29-2004, 11:25 PM   #28
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    Re: uncontrollable anger towards fathers baby need help and advice

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by miamore
    its so true he is like a kid even when we were together. i always took care of him, bailed him out, trying showing him how being a better person can help, u know what it didnt work when we were together . i dont know why i still do it now. like trying to teach him to be a father, im learning its a waste of time u know............ i dont need that im learning that........ but u know what my problem is now would i be wrong to keep him from him, im not trying to do this in a mean way but heck he dont seem that much anyway, or have in part in his life that much......... i dont want him to hurt our kid but then i dont want him to tell my son one day that mommy is one that kept me from u .... to me the more im thinking about that would be a better excuze for him to use against me in the long run , but right now i dont trust him with our kid, i tell him supervised vistation only..............what u think storm girl or others

    Hi Mia,

    What a lot of grief you have been through and who knows what the future holds for you or your son.

    I know you are not going to like what i have to say.
    If you are honest with yourself and want to do the best for your son,
    you must get financial and helpful support.
    Your son's sperm donor is not a father and you must ask him to either act like one or sign away his parental rights forever.
    If he refuses, he will have to pay to help raise the boy. He may be out of work on purpose to avoid paying, so you must ask for sole custody and then look into having him adopted into a stable two parent family who is ready to
    do what you are finding so hard to do. He will be so much happier.

    Your emotional problems are not going to make your life or your son's life easy.
    How will he like you bringing one prospective guy after another to meet him and then find out that the guy isn't coming back because you had a fight or a
    diasagreement. Your mind needs to be helped with the right meds or one day, you might just loose it and hurt your son.
    (Remember that woman who drowned her three children in her car a few years ago?)

    I know you love your son and think you can do this, but you must ask yourself
    if you would like to be in his shoes without a father and with a mother who is
    either crying or too depressed to take him out for a hamburger or a pair of shoes.
    You need to find a special MAN to be your husband and your son's father.
    Do you trust yourself to be able to find such a man?
    If you find the wrong man, you could end up with another child and a guy who also runs away. You would be better off without a man if you choose the wrong one again.

    Whatever you do, you must think of your son's welfare before yours.

    Now, "go do the right thing".

    Last edited by Ron; 12-29-2004 at 11:29 PM.

     
    Old 12-30-2004, 01:25 AM   #29
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    Re: uncontrollable anger towards fathers baby need help and advice

    ron let me ask u a question have you read all of the post and the progress that i have made. u know what ur exactly right i dont agree or appreciate u comparing me to a women that drowned her 3 kids. or asking me to take the rights away from his father and giving my son away now that is 10 months old to a more stable family.................................. .


    where do u get all that from explain to me cuz i sure as heck dont know

    and u know what u never take a kid away from there parents unless they have been mistreated, i give my son love, give my son attention give him everything he needs and more my son does not suffer cuz when im doing my suffering is when he is asleep ......

    i dont need finacial help i have my own business that makes good money and allows for me to stay at home with my son...........and how can u determine that i am unstable from reading one thread......................please reply back very interested in your response and to what others may think of it to

    Last edited by Administrator; 12-30-2004 at 03:52 PM.

     
    Old 12-30-2004, 06:50 AM   #30
    Ron
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    Re: uncontrollable anger towards fathers baby need help and advice

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by miamore
    ron let me ask u a question have you read all of the post and the progress that i have made. u know what ur exactly right i dont agree or appreciate u comparing me to a women that drowned her 3 kids. or asking me to take the rights away from his father and giving my son away now that is 10 months old to a more stable family.................................. .


    where do u get all that from explain to me cuz i sure as heck dont know

    and u know what u never take a kid away from there parents unless they have been mistreated, i give my son love, give my son attention give him everything he needs and more my son does not suffer cuz when im doing my suffering is when he is asleep ......

    i dont need finacial help i have my own business that makes good money and allows for me to stay at home with my son...........and how can u determine that i am unstable from reading one thread......................please reply back very interested in your response and to what others may think of it to

    Hi Mia,

    Congratulations on your financial success. Could you explain if this is an internet business that depends on your being there?
    (With so little explanation, what else am i to think)

    Will your son be understanding about it when he is older?

    Where I get my opinion from is obvious by the tone of my post, (especially the last line.) Someone else will notice and let you know, I am sure.

    If you really don't want to deal with your issues, or deny that you have any,
    why are you asking for comments?
    You don't have to do anything that anyone else says, so what are you
    searching for?

    Ron

     
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