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  • Obsessed friend has gone mad

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    Old 01-29-2005, 05:41 PM   #1
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    nelzun HB User
    Obsessed friend has gone mad

    I will try to keep this short but I've known her for eight years. My old supervisor and I became friends when I was 20 and she, 34. She and I would go out to the bars together as we both enjoyed live music. Her boyfriend was a musician and I dated one of his friends for about 6 months. I've stayed friends with everyone and still hangout with her and her boyfriend's group of friends though I date other people outside the group. I have no problems bringing my relationships up or introducing men in my life to this crowd.

    Well this friend, my old boss, has cheated on her musicain ever since I've know her. She threatens to leave him and then just can not do it. I support her decision either way. I just want her to be happy and make a decison. It's been eight years and 4 guys that she's had alternate relationships with. She's always asking my advice and I try to tell her to go where she will be most happy, but bottom line CHOOSE. It's not fair to either relationship when she is in limbo back and forth.

    Now he finally is fed up with her manipulation. (He's caught her with 3 out of 4 of the guys) but she's managed to explain her way back into his life. No biggie. That's his decision and thier business. BUT now he's using me (supposedly) to keep her away. He told her that he wasn't so innocent and that he'd slept with me. NOT TRUE!!! I make it a point never to be alone with him because she tells so many lies and I don't want to condone her actions by covering for her and I don't want to give her up either. So I avoid one on one with this man. She even asked me to give him a ride before and I refused. I told her this exact reason.

    She asked me if I'd slept with him and I reassured her no, that I wouldn't do anything like that. But I told her that if she asked me again that I would feel personally attacked. (I already did feel that way but I was trying to understand). Anyhow she and I went out on Monday and everything was fine. She was supposed to drop by on Wednesday and I figured she had forgot or decided not to. My friend Erin showed up and I left with her and her boyfriend. We went to get a burger and a beer and then I went home.

    The next day I was being accused of going to a completely different bar 20 miles away. She was asking me what kind of car my friend Erin drives and if it was a 4 door Grand Am (which she used to drive a 2 door but it's been junked for months). I told her where I went and gave her Erin's number to verify. I told her to Please call, but when she feels stupid to stop emailing me with these ignorant accusations. I also told her that her mind was playing tricks on her and that she needed counseling.

    What is going on? She's completely nuts over this guy. He's nothing to me. I don't act inappropriate. I'm never flirtatious. I know how she feels about him. I don't find him attractive. I just want her to be happy. Now I am the cause to all her problems??? It couldn't be her cheating.

    I know I am better off because if she loves him SOOO much like she says she does than she wouldn't have two cars and two houses given to her by other men. She wouldn't have moved her things out of his house to manipulate a married guy into leaving his wife for her. She's bad news. But I was never one to get involved passed giving her advice to make a choice one way or the other. And now I get shafted because I kept all her dirty little secrets and she's telling everyone at my old work that I am promiscous and that I MUST be sleeping with Mike. It's insane.

    Yes I admit that my boyfriends don't last long. but that's because I don't tolerate bull from anyone. I don't cheat, I leave first and while that may make me have more partners than some, I don't have a problem admitting anything I've done. I dump my trash I don't need anyone else's.

    I just wanted to vent about this friend. It really upsets me to find that after 8 years of listening to her whine about this guy, drive by his house, live with him, leave him, cheat on him, and then be miserable now I'm the bad guy. She's completly lost her marbles!!!!

    Any advice other than stay the heck away from her?

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    Old 01-29-2005, 06:52 PM   #2
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    StormGirl HB User
    Re: Obsessed friend has gone mad

    Nope, that's probably the best thing you could do.... stay away from her. Wow, I don't envy your situation, and frankly don't know how you could have put up with her for so long.

    Before you stay away from her for good, be honest with her. Tell her exactly why this guy doesn't want her anymore... and how do you know? Because you've heard her whining for 8 years, and no guy would put up with it. Put her in her place and tell her that it is her cheating, her manipulation etc that has driven this guy away. I'm sure that it makes her feel better to put the guilt and blame on you... she doesn't seem like one who would admit to her own mistakes. Be blunt... if you don't take crap from anyone, don't take it from her now. Give her an earful of the honest truth, tell her how low she is for spreading rumours that aren't true about you, but that you wouldn't expect anything less from someone so childish. Suggest that perhaps she seeks professional help. Then tell her you want nothing more to do with her. That you are insulted that she would believe that it is your fault and you had anything to do with it, and you no longer consider her to be a friend.

    Life is complicated enough.... you don't need someone else's baggage to complicate it more.

    Good luck, and I hope that she stops spreading rumours about you. You don't deserve that (I'm sure if people know how neurotic she is they wouldn't believe her anyway)!!!
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