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    Old 02-21-2005, 05:56 PM   #16
    blurayne
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    Re: This blasted ultram

    It is very very hard to do, but can be done. I have been playing with these for years! Had a few different doctors and never worried about the doctor shopping thing because it is not a scheduled drug, so I figured if I do get caught, no big deal, what are they really going to do?? However, It has put a huge huge burden on my marraige, my being a parent, and my health. I have had many many seizures on this and convinced my doctor to put me on valume to over ride the seizures and do more!! I did get euphoria on them and they gave me so much energy I could work, cook, clean, and anything else you want to do. Without them, however, I could do nothing!! So what I thought was just giving me a little "pep" was starting to control me. It got to the point where I could do nothing without them. I am so glad my husband works with mail because i never had the balls to order them through the mail. He knew of my addiction and watched me waist away. I loved that I hardly ever had to eat and was thin. I felt perfect. Little did I know I was hurting myself and everyone around me. That pill became my God and trying to get off of them was hell!! As I said, I have come off of many hard opiates and methadone and this has been a *****!! Now I lost my job because I couldn't function without my pills, I have lived in pj's, I have fatigue so bad, can't hardly function. I am eating everything in site and have gained weight, legs I would like to chop off because they feel like bad toothaches. But when my husband looks at me and says he doesn't care what I look like, doesn't care if I cook or clean (he has done everything) doesn't care if I lay in bed all day long, just wants me to get back to being "ME". He says he didn't marry a pill and that is what I was becomming. I have an oppertunity to get off of this crap because I am home, Even though we don't have very much money at all, he wants me to take as much time as I can to get better and if I were working I would still be taking them. I can't pass up this oppertunity!! Other people see what we can't sometimes. Even though we might think we are so much better on the pills, it's not us. Sometimes it's like were robots, able to function, but no emotion, no passion, just numb. For me it was that way, Do I miss them, hell yah!!! And I am not 1/2 as strong as you think. I am a whimp and have been bitching crying and complaining throughout this whole ordeal. I just don't know if I will ever have another chance to do this. To stay home and make our financial situation suffer and watch him do everything, then turn around and slap him in the face by sitting around taking these pills after he has been so good to me, I just can't face myself if I did that. I don't have a choice. I started out like you. It was no big deal but eventually, even if it's not a reason you see now, it will come. It gets worse. The best thing I would suggest with such a large supply, is taper taper taper, you can go as slow as you want to and at least feel good that you are working toward something positive. I have got off of these before for a few months and remember one day waking up and thinking "WOW" I feel good and don't have to reach for a pill. I'm not there now, I mean today is my first day without any. From 1 to none and yea I feel WD's still and it's hard. Real hard. This is the closest I have come in so long and I refuse to give in after comming this far, even when I feel like I will NEVER feel good again. I am struggling, believe me, I feel like I'm gonna break! I know I can't. I have come so far. I know I will feel better in time, but right now it doesn't seem like it's true. I'm tellin ya, this crap is living hell!! Get off if you can. Even if you don't think there is a reason, just look at what it does, how it takes over your life. You may feel in control, but you will find that it will soon control you!! Just hope I will soon be able to function normal. This is terrible! I need to feel well enough to get dressed and go to a meeting. Right now taking a shower, feels like hail is comming out of it. Sorry to go on and I hope I didn't discourage anyone, I'm just struggling so badly myself and hoping to make a point that this stuff ruins lives!! hope everyone is well (sorry about the venting) thanks, Kim

     
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    Old 02-21-2005, 07:38 PM   #17
    herbal
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    Re: This blasted ultram

    There are so many replies to this thread, that I'm not even sure who I'm replying to. LOL. But here are some answers to some questions throughout the thread. I'm not a doctor, but pharmocology is a deep passion of mine, and I hope to be a pharmacist someday.

    The main reason why Ultram (tramadol hcl) alleviates depression is because of it's action on serotonin. Not just because of the euphoria it gives. It is believed that euphoria receieved from Ultram might be due to both the weak opioid attachment and serotonin/norepinphrine replacement.

    Ultram (tramadol hcl) has been shown to cause seizures even in recommended doses (50, 75, 100mg) in some patients. Most of them had a history of seizures or seizure disorders.

    Ultram has been prescribed for pain relief and Restless Leg Syndrome.

    I've been on Ultram since June 2003 because of pain. I cannot take NSAIDS because of my stomach. Even a GI specialist told me not to take NSAIDS. Ultram became a problem for a while, but I'm doing a lot better and my use the drug has dropped. I still use it for pain relief, but havn't really abused it. But I do enjoy the euphoric properties and the relief from depression it brings. I find it a lot easier to be around public and just have a positive outlook with tramadol. For awhile (early 2004) I thought I was the only person to have a problem with tramadol because everyone else here seemed to have addictions to oxycodone or hydrocodone. But it seems like tramadol addiction is growing in our soceity. BUT STILL - the chemical make-up of tramadol keeps it from being scheduled.

     
    Old 02-21-2005, 09:47 PM   #18
    Ellnyc
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    Re: This blasted ultram

    Blurayne~Wow, thank you for your brutal honesty and sharing your struggle with us. I so admire the strength, courage and willingness you are diemonstrating in your fight to be free again. Your husband sounds very special ...So just try to hang in there! K? I posted above about my struggle just trying to maintain my low dose of 100 mg., which really helps my post radiation burn pain, and tendinitis. Even taking just 2-50's a day, I definitely notice when that dose is decreased. Eeeek! The depression and fatigue and something else I can't quite put my finger on makes it feel even darker than alot of those other w.d.'s! Like Herbal says, it's probably the seritonen connection. Your post has given me the motivation to stay on track, and keep my dose as minimal as possible. Thank you!

    Hiya Lynn~So ashamed to say, I haven't visited the park to see the Gates yet! I am hoping to get there before I leave for LA on Friday. Such a New Yorker huh? Almost oblivious to the extrodinary events that bring tourists here from all over the world! I feel a little ashamed. Last week I was distracted with my 3 dental appts., and this week I am busy getting everything together before I leave on Fri. Not to mention how I really want to just stay in my nest. I use to LOVE traveling, but like you and others "aboard" here, I so prefer the my creature comforts of home! I'm hoping I will calm down once I'm on the plane. (I truly doubt it-lol!) Though I've never been diagnosed, painful "touches" of OCD, seem to rear it's ugly head when I have to pack! My adorable, #1 step son, age 37 is expecting his first child! His girlfriend's due date is smack in the middle of our visit, so if nature cooperates, we will be there to support and help them in any way we can. I have 3 stepchildren, who, btw, lived with us for over 10 years. I also have 3 darling granddaughters already (from my stepdaughter Kelly and her hubby!) Anyway, hope I will get to see the Gates before I go. It's suppose to be especially beautiful with the snow as a backdrop.

    I will so miss everyone here, and I don't know if I will get to check in or not. Being away from home will make it a little more difficult getting back/staying on track with the Ultram ~I know, but I was really "touched" by Blurayne's post! wow!

    Also, Lynn and Alice, in case I don't get back to the other "movie star" thread, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind, kind words and gentle support. That you felt so strongly and really heard my struggle means so much! Just a tad more drama if you can handle it? lol! I forgot to add that I was dx with breast cancer 2 weeks following my mom's death. I had to postone my biopsy in order to bury her and sit shiver. This was 2 years ago, Feb 7th. I really DO know how I stayed clean and sober through it, it was from the support of the people and friends that I've met in AA. They truly "carried me". Like Sara has said, they are just like here ~ Unbelievably wonderful and souls with only unconditional love and support to offer. We learn in AA(NA) that helping others is what allows us to help ourselves and stay clean. Ya know, "you can't keep it, unless you give it away" theory. So everyone is always wanting to be helpful! lol! It's part of how it works!

    "That Girl" huh? Of course I remember! I loved that show! I also once saw Marlo Thomas in Bergdorf Goodman's Donna Karan's dept. She must love to shop! She's adorable, do you both look like her? Are you Identicle twins? I use to to see Diane Keaton all the time when I lived on 72nd St. at my Health Club about 25 years ago. I'm not allowed to tell you about all the celebrity's I see and meet at my AA meetings ... But as you can just imagine, here in NYC! (I'll get you to come to a meeting yet!) Truly, it just isn't cool breaking others anonymity.

    Anyway, love to all. I'll try to write again before I go. If I'm not OCDing myself to death-Lol!
    Ell

    Last edited by Ellnyc; 02-21-2005 at 10:02 PM.

     
    Old 02-22-2005, 08:53 AM   #19
    bewildered42
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    Re: This blasted ultram

    Blurayne,

    Thank you so much for sharing your very difficult story. It has helped me more than you know. Prior to December I was using ultram within the guidelines and it wasn't that big of an issue, although I was aware in the recesses of my brain that I was starting to "need" it vs. "use it properly". And the dose was sneaking up..at first it was 1-2 a day and before my injury in December it was at 5-6 a day. Then I injured some ribs coughing and my doc said to use it rather than giving me something else for the pain. I had two fractures. I started taking WAY more and once the pain was gone and the ribs healed I found myself at this high dose (600mg a day). So I've only been at this dose for about 2 months. Your story has driven home the TRUTH that although I'm not injuring anyone I am headed down a terrible road. I'll burn and crash eventually.

    I will send prayers and "good karma" your way every day..I can't imagine the struggle you are going through. I can't function at all in the morning until I get a good dose of ultram in me. To cover this fact I put a dose beside my bed and wake a little early to take it. Then I lay there for another 15 min or so and when I do get up I'm ready to get my kids off to school and be the mom I want to be. This is pitiful!

    Hang in there and I'm glad your husband is there for you. I have no one but all you guys on this board to confess to. My husband knows I take pain meds but he's really clueless about anything medical and he's mostly in his own world anyway. So like I said, he wouldn't be any help whatsoever. Plus he doesn't know how to keep a secret. Sorry to say. Other thant those problems we are fine together. I just know that I can't really share anything deep with him and expect the response I need.

    Please update us today and let us know how it's going. I'm going to try and take a few less today and see how it goes. I am so in awe of your strengty..I know you said you don't feel very strong right now but your too close to it..your letter exudes strength whether you are "feeling" it or not. Don't allow negative thoughts to obscure the truth!

    Thanks Herbal, too, for your support and Ellen, Enjoy our trip!

    BW

     
    Old 02-22-2005, 04:44 PM   #20
    BH2004
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    Re: This blasted ultram

    I will tell you ultram is dangerous. Some of you may have read some of my post about Ultracet and palpitations. I have been off Ultracet(ultram) for 2 months and still have extreme panic attacks and heart palpitations. Everyone keeps telling me that its anxiety. I am telling everyone that the anxiety I have experience since quitting ultracet is not natural. I have a panic attack like every 20 minutes. I have palpitations every minute. I have started to take a beta-blocker which has helped but it is only masking a syptom of a obvious physiological problem that I am having. I only took it for 6 weeks at 4-6 pills a day. Doctors do not believe me but there is no doubt in my mind that this medcine has done something to me that I can only hope goes away with time. If not my life is ruined.

     
    Old 02-22-2005, 06:21 PM   #21
    blurayne
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    Re: This blasted ultram

    I'm not sure how i'm getting through the days. I can't hardly function and all of my muscles hurt. I feel so restless, but at the same time I have no energy. I feel like I am just misseribly existing. I lost my job so I don't work, can't do much around the house. My husband goes to work and busts his *** and comes home to a messy house, can't cook dinner, I look like hell and I am an emotional wreck. He says he doesn't care about all those things, but I do. I feel so guilty!! So so so guilty!! I suffer from self hatred and blame everything bad that happens on myself. I wasn't like that on the pills, but I have to learn to be like that without them. Right now It took everything in my power to take a shower, unload and reload the dishwasher!! I get so scared and think "what if I can't ever function without them??" That scares the hell out of me!! Sometimes I feel I can't go on, but the only thing keeping me going is I know I have to. In my head, i don't have a choice. It's just not an option to go back on them. I am comming off of neurontin (insane amounts) after being on them for 6 years. My doctor and I have a taper but it's kind of fast because my insurance is going to run out and they wern't doing anything for me anyway. They are also a ***** to get off if your on them for that long! My husband is a mailman so he is out in the cold all day. It is freezing and snowing today and when he came home, he was eating a bowl of cereal and I sat there and cried, mainly because since I am home all day, he should have at least a home cooked meal and I felt worse about myself (if that is possible, and I always find a way). To go from having all that joy, energy, being able to clean and have fun doing it, cook, smile, feel on top of the world, no pain, ect. to having it all sucked away and switched into reverse with depression, guilt, anger, pain, fatigue, incompatint, sluggish emptiness. I would so much rather be in the middle. Normal! Where I have some ups and downs but the ones everyone goes through. Where it sucks to clean, but I can do it. Where cooking a nice home cooked meal for us and watching him enjoy it gives me pleasure. Doing "wifely" things, having a career, getting my license back (another story) and being in a natural good mood. I'd rather be in the middle than this up and down rollercoaster ride. Chasing pills, keeping secrets, telling lies, feeling sick, ect. I'm just stuck in the dark tunnel and haven't seen the light yet. Just knowing this could go on for months (neurontin), I don't know if I can go on that long, I know I have to but I feel like I can't go forward, know I can't go back, and feel like I want to just die instead!! Feel like he'd be better off with a new wife, not a broken one, he so doesn't deserve this. I am on day 2 of no ultram, but I only took one a day all last week. I hope to God this is from the ultram and not the neurontin. If it's from the ultram, I know it won't be too long. If it's from the neurontin, I am so screwed because I still have a lot to get off of. If anyone prays, please pray for me. thank you, kim

     
    Old 02-22-2005, 09:34 PM   #22
    Ellnyc
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    Re: This blasted ultram

    Hey Kim~
    Keep your eye on the prize! Your husband even senses there is a prize at the end of this. A few skipped home cooked meals is nothing compared to what is ahead ~ He will have YOU back and more importantly, YOU will have YOU back! Just be sure to let him know you will make it up to him when you are well and prepare his favorite meal! You're on your way to being able to feel and do all the things you described ... in a normal state! I will be rooting for you! And will definitely keep you in my prayers.

    I forgot if you are getting some medical supervision through this. It sounds like a major drop from the amount you were taking and honestly, rather brutal. Please, please do a safe detox, have you considered taking w/d meds to help you through?

    Prayers and hugs, (((((((((((((((((Kim)))))))))))))))))
    El

     
    Old 02-23-2005, 09:18 AM   #23
    julzb25
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    Re: This blasted ultram

    blurayne,

    your story sounds so much like mine. i had a different addiction that did it to me though. i was addicted to xanax. i lost my job 1 1/2 years ago. i was still on xanax when i lost it but my husband and i decided to let me stay home to try and detox. well, i didn't completely stop until 6 months and 1 week ago today. i still have problems getting out of bed. i stay in my pajamas all day. i have started cooking and cleaning about 3 months ago. i know exactly how you feel though. i am 24 weeks pregnant and have gained alot of weight. not the normal amount and i still have 4 months left. i have an 8 year old and did not gain like this with him. 40 lbs so far. i feel horrible and it just adds to the depression. so, if misery likes company sweetheart, i'm with ya.


    love,
    julz


    p.s. to add to all this, i'm poor. not really poor but used to having more. i also can't get hired anywhere cause i'm obviously preg now.

     
    Old 02-23-2005, 06:39 PM   #24
    bewildered42
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    Re: This blasted ultram

    Hi BH,

    I do think the ultracet did all this...I'm no expert but my understanding is ultram messes with our bodies own ability to crank out endorphins(those feel good hormones we generate naturally). Without them we have anxiety and depression and all that entails. I hope time heals it for you....

    BW

     
    Old 02-24-2005, 05:44 AM   #25
    julzb25
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    Re: This blasted ultram

    I just don't think my body produces those endorphins period.lol. i was better than this before i started taking xanax. now, the reasons i started taking them just tripled. i have restless leg syndrome every night. wake up at about 4 am every day but at least i can sleep some now. i keep asking my husband if he thinks i did brain damage.lol. well, at least i do know that it does get better little by little and it will for you too. i also told my mom(she's a nurse practitioner) about how ultram has effected so many people. she said it's not supposed to be addictive but is very much so. she said she only prescribes it with the same caution she would prescribe alot of the controlled subs. well, i sincerly hope you have a good day today and i'll check on here later.


    luv,

    julz

     
    Old 03-17-2005, 05:30 PM   #26
    lori j
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    Re: This blasted ultram

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by BH2004
    I will tell you ultram is dangerous. Some of you may have read some of my post about Ultracet and palpitations. I have been off Ultracet(ultram) for 2 months and still have extreme panic attacks and heart palpitations. Everyone keeps telling me that its anxiety. I am telling everyone that the anxiety I have experience since quitting ultracet is not natural. I have a panic attack like every 20 minutes. I have palpitations every minute. I have started to take a beta-blocker which has helped but it is only masking a syptom of a obvious physiological problem that I am having. I only took it for 6 weeks at 4-6 pills a day. Doctors do not believe me but there is no doubt in my mind that this medcine has done something to me that I can only hope goes away with time. If not my life is ruined.
    How long did your w/d symptoms last when first going off? I have been off 8 days & still feel flu like symptoms & shakey. It seems to be getting worse, rather than better. Panic attacks are horrible, not the kind I used to get from anxiety, but these are not even controllable. thanks.

     
    Old 03-18-2005, 12:20 AM   #27
    HelpMePleaseHF
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    Re: This blasted ultram

    I just wanted to say thank you for understanding my pain when it comes to my mother-in-law. I'm sorry I don't have any advise about the ultram but I wish you the best! Keep us updated!

     
    Old 03-18-2005, 12:56 PM   #28
    BH2004
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    Re: This blasted ultram

    HEY LORI J,
    How is your withdrawal going. R U doing any better with the panic attacks? I am going on 2 and a half months with panic attack symptoms mainly heart palpitations. I have been taking a beta blocker which has helped a little bit.

    Last edited by BH2004; 03-18-2005 at 12:58 PM.

     
    Old 03-18-2005, 07:45 PM   #29
    blurayne
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    Re: This blasted ultram

    Sorry i haven't posted an update, have to get a liver biopsy and other stuff going on. I am doing soooo much better!! I got through the emotional phase for the most part and don't feel so out of control. It does get better for sure! What a difference. Worth it for sure. The emotional part was difficult, but it too passes. This is very do-able! It is just so worth it is all I can say. So happy to be finally free and it is the best freedom! I feel better about myself now and can get on with my life. Having a sponcer and going to meetings helps alot for me. Plus a supportive family. Funny, a few weeks ago i wanted to die, now life is so worth living. I feel like it's new. To everyone or anyone suffering, it gets so much better. Hang in there and keep the faith. it will get better, KIM

     
    Old 03-19-2005, 08:52 PM   #30
    bewildered42
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    Re: This blasted ultram

    Hi Kim,

    I am so very pleased and happy for you! It seems like just a few days ago you were posting about how awful you felt and you were so down. I am especially glad to hear your spirits are improving and that you are slowly regaining your joy! It's encouraging.

    I honestly don't think I'll ever be where you are. Today I spent the day with my parents and my kids and husband. I cooked for them and we went to my son's band concert etc...they can't even tell I'm on the ultram. I'm so good at hiding this mess...I have such easy access...and if I quit I know I'll really struggle and I won't have anyone to talk to. I just don't see how I can do it alone like this. Sorry to seem whiny..my dose is staying pretty stable so that's a good thing. I fight the urge every day to raise it but so far I haven't.

    BW

     
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