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  • I can't stop hitting my husband

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    Old 08-22-2003, 08:18 AM   #16
    Pendy
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    Rita,

    What I was trying to say (obviously not very clearly <g> ) was that you could go the the psych Dr. alone, at least initially, that way it wouldn't and couldn't turn into a couples counseling session.

    Sorry for the confusion.

     
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    Old 08-24-2003, 10:03 PM   #17
    hopeinnj
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    I know what you mean! I get like that, A LOT, but mostly when my HORMONES are whacked out!

    My Fiancee is the greatest in the world! Does a lot for me and my son, takes the trash out, does the dishes, and I treat him like CRAP!

    I don't mean to, it is just when I get very stressed out I just go BERZERKED!!!

    What I find out, and it seems to be working, I warn my Fiancee, look here, I am not doing that well, at this moment, and I just need some time alone! Even if it is just watching a favorite program on TV! I know after a stressful day at work, dealing with my seven year old, ADHD, son (Especially during school time, HOMEWORK is the WORSE!) I find that my BIPOLAR IS WORSE!

    I take Neurontin, and noticed it does calm me down, not like the other meds I was on that made me gain weight and have the nervous energy! I also take Clonodine and Ambien to sleep. But, when those stressful days and hormones come into play, WATCH OUT! LOL!!! It gets better in time and medication! But, we all have our DAYS!

    I wish you luck, let me know how you are doing!

    Thanks

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    Old 08-25-2003, 08:04 AM   #18
    sawbuck44
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    Hey Rita, I know when I don't like the way I look, I don't like anything. Even if it's just a bad hair day it affects how I react to everything and everyone.

    Did you ever consider plastic surgery to eliminate what makes you feel bad about yourself? It is so much more common now and probably costs what you might spend in therapy or doctor's bills.

    And remember, this may sound corny, but love is in the eye of the beholder. Your hubby loves you and the more you think he doesn't, the more he may back away. He is doing all those things for you so there's one less thing to get you angry. He is showing you how much he loves you by making things as pleasant as possible. Wow, he sounds like a great guy. Accept his love and don't worry about what other people think - they've got problems of their own. Most times people who have an attitude about others have it because it makes them feel better about themselves.

    Nobody is care free and we all would be happier if we can accept that and not think the grass is greener somewhere else.

    [This message has been edited by sawbuck44 (edited 08-25-2003).]
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    Old 09-07-2003, 08:13 PM   #19
    bip69
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    Would it help if he hit back?

    I am honestly asking for your deep thoughts on this one, not being sarcastic.....


     
    Old 09-12-2003, 02:29 AM   #20
    perseverer
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    Your quote:
    ----------------------------------------------------------
    Plus, my husband looks young for his age, so it does look like I'm his mother instead of his wife and this irritates me beyond endurance. I'm mad at myself for doing so much sunbathing when I was younger. I'm mad at him for being younger than me and for aging well. The whole thing makes me mad and I just blow-up!

    When something gets on my nerves, instead of trying to control myself, I intentionally start thinking about all of these things that get me mad and my temper soars out of control and I fly into an ungovernable rage very often over the most trivial of things.
    -----------------------------------------------------------

    This looks like to me it is in your thinking. You think about all of this and it causes you to rage. I see a lot that can be improved through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Do you think you have low self esteem? How about self confidence, do you think you have low self confidence? I can't see a person who thinks well of themselves behaving like this, can you? What do you think about yourself? My guess is that it is very negative. What do you think?
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    Old 09-12-2003, 01:50 PM   #21
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    Last edited by RitaF; 12-03-2003 at 07:11 AM.

     
    Old 09-12-2003, 02:22 PM   #22
    HoosierBj
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    One more try at this... Is it POSSIBLE that you could be going through perimenopause or menopause??

     
    Old 09-15-2003, 10:01 PM   #23
    slurpygood1
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    From personal experience I would just like to give my opinion that being in a relationship with someone who lets you treat them however you want and is always golden to you can really wear on your nerves. I hate to say it, and people may disagree with me, but sometimes you lose respect for people who let you walk on them and it just results in worse and worse behavior on your part. One good way to know is if you treat anyone else the way you treat him. I didn't. Because no one else would LET me.

     
    Old 09-16-2003, 03:48 AM   #24
    simplychris1968
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    Rita,

    I agree with the majority of the posts here. You need to go out & find yourself a job to help this poor man. You are not bipolar. Bipolar people have mood swings. It seems he does alot for you without much thanks. Maybe you need some sort of hobby or take some anger management classes.

    It seems to me like you're taking out your shortcomings on him. Please seek some counseling.

    Quote:
    Originally posted by RitaF:
    [url="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/Forum27/HTML/000059.html"]It has been suggested that I might have a bipolar disorder[/url]. To the rest of the world it may appear that Iím living a fairy tale life. Iím a woman in my early forties and Iím married to a wonderful man several years my junior who treats me like a queen. In addition to working one full-time job and another part-time job in order to make ends meet and so that I donít have to work, he also does all of the housework and waits on me hand & foot so that I literally donít have to lift a finger.

    Unfortunately, it seems that the more he pampers me, the less patient and more irritable I become. I have developed an absolutely dreadful temper with no self-control what so ever. My husband & I can be spending a perfectly calm & relaxing evening together and then one wrong word or even an innocent gesture taken the wrong way and I start bubbling inside. I try to forget about it and not let something trivial upset me but once the fuse is lit, it seems that there is no stopping my temper.

    I feel myself growing irritable & becoming b!tchy. I start complaining about things that we canít do anything about such as the difference in our ages (which always bothers me that I am older) or my big nose or whatever; and no matter what my husband says, I become further angered by his response. I start screaming at him to control my temper but anything he does or says only makes me angrier. I start hitting him with my fists or whatever else I can get my hands on and I canít stop. Sometimes I beat him so badly that he is barely able to move afterwards and most of the time it's over something EXTREMELY trivial!

    I donít know whatís wrong with me. My husband treats me like a queen but the more he tries to pacify me, the more explosive I become. I feel as if there is a volcano inside of me simmering just under the surface and ready to erupt over anything & everything and when I start getting mad, I do NOT even WANT TO control it.

    Anyone else have these all-consuming rages and how do you deal with them?


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    Old 09-16-2003, 05:26 AM   #25
    perseverer
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    RitaF,

    Like I said, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy may be able to help you. People who have clinical depression continue to "replay" negative events in their lives, reliving the events which caused their depression to begin with. These negative thoughts become part of their everyday thinking and it keeps them in depression. It is a cycle. These folks themselves are keeping themselves in depression by how and what they think. Guilt also plays an important role.

    I believe you could be taught, or teach yourself how to make these bothersome thoughts become less and less part of your thinking. There are ways of doing this. All of this sounds to me like negative thinking which is what causes depression and negative emotions. Let's think about this. Your husband is younger than you. This is not something that you can do anything about. So, when this thought comes to mind, write it down. Then write down that you can't do anything about it. Then ask a question, "So, why am I getting upset over this? I have no control over it. I need to just let this thought go and not dwell on it. It only causes me hurt and pain." This may sound strange, but maybe you need to "forgive" your husband for being younger. Don't hold it against him.

    You got a lot of sun earlier in your life which has hurt your looks to some degree. Again, can you do anything about this? No. So, why continue to think about something over which you have no control and causes you emotional pain? Again, writing this down then writing down the truth next to it helps much of the time. You need to forgive yourself for this one.

    Your husband is younger and has good looks. Actually this is positive. Even though you are older, you were able to attract a younger man. Hey, score one for Rita!

    Your husband brings home the bacon. That's positive. He loves you and provides for you. That can be seen in a positive light.

    Anyway, I would encourage you to seek help. It probably is not going to get better without some help. I do understand getting to a point to where you feel out of control with anger. I have been there, but I am under control now thanks to the work I have done with CBT. It may take some time, but I think you can learn how to think more healthily and thus bring your anger under control.
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    Old 10-19-2003, 09:11 AM   #26
    robband debbie
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    Post Please Read RitaF "Hitting Husband"

    First I would like to say that I also think you have borderline personality disorder. I have been in counseling for 16 of my 24 years and I just recently found out about this disorder, I had been mistakenly diagnosed with bipolar. I would like you to know that this is the second time I am typing all of this since my computer lost my first submission, so I want you to know how important this is. First thing is that you are getting angry at all of the things people are posting b/c it is true, and you don't want to believe those things about yourself. Second, bpd is responsible for many actions including but not limited too agression, implusive spending, depression, inability to hold a job, and many other things. There are several wonderful books on this disorder. I feel the first thing you need to do is check your health insurance benefits. If you have insurance most plans cover therapy and inpatient hospitilization. If you don't have insurance check into and charity hospitals in your area most of the time they have a waiting list so get on it, and also most states have a program that includes free counseling and medication. I have personally checked myself into a hospital 3 times. I will tell you from expierience that the first few days will not be pleasant, but the next few days will be like a rebirth, especially since you really haven't been in long term therapy before. Most people with bpd don't feel sympathy for others, which inhibits their want to get help. If you truely are tired of feeling the way you do about yourself for the way you live your life, you will go to a hospital. It may seem embarrasing to go to an inpatient treatment, but think about how embarrasing it will be to have your husband leave you (which he will), you are unable to get a job b/c of your condition, and you are homeless and destitue. You also say that you can't control your actions. I understand how you feel, but that doesn't give you the right to not walk away. I know how that feeling feels, you feel like you are going to explode if you hold your pain in any longer, like you gave the example of your husband not hearing you when you asked for a drink, that reaction is also bpd in your heart you felt like he ignored you on purpose, that he was not listening to you to be spiteful and you felt horrible to be treated this way, you wanted to make him feel like you do at this moment, STOP go outside and kick a tree, throw a chair or a stick outside. Get an old piece of furniture and break it, do anything but hit your husband. You can control yourself, you just have to learn how to, and the first step is to go to the hospital. There is so much else to this disorder that I think if you buy a book on bpd you will be shock about how much it sounds like you. I wonder if you have ever heard the Serenity Prayer
    God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
    Please go get help, you can come up with a million exucses not to, and I can give you two million to go to the hospital. You do not have the right to abuse another human, or to blame your actions on other people, you are doing this to your husband, and you must take responsibity for your actions, you will never become a better person unless you do.
    After you leave the hospital there are several exercises you can do, the first is meditating, writing in a journal, getting up and cleaning the house, you may not want to, but it will make you feel better. Find a hobby like sewing or gardening. The last thing that I would like to say is that you can qualify for disability, but you have to have been diagnosed for 2 years first, you really need to go get help and start the healing process, your husband is your support, and believe me after he is gone it will be much harder to get better alone....

     
    Old 11-02-2003, 07:42 PM   #27
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    very well said... VERY well said.
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    Old 11-03-2003, 08:33 PM   #28
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    Couldn't have said it better myself! I hope she is listening.

     
    Old 11-04-2003, 06:16 AM   #29
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    Last edited by RitaF; 12-03-2003 at 07:05 AM.

     
    Old 11-04-2003, 06:52 AM   #30
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    Last edited by RitaF; 12-03-2003 at 07:05 AM.

     
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