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    Old 03-26-2005, 01:31 PM   #1
    Ninispjc
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    Is there some trick to reading men??

    Some of you may remember I mentioned a co-worker who made some comments that might suggest he found me attractive? Well, today he was leaving as I was reporting in for work, and he was checking messages and he was joking with me, repeating the voice mail lady saying "you have...NO...new messages" and I said "don't you hate that? Makes you feel so unloved!" And he said "yeah, no one wants to talk to me, not even my WIFE, no girls, no one" and I thought to myself "uh...say WHAT??!!"

    Not that I'm interested in getting anything going with this guy, for many reasons I think it's a bad idea, but did I read it all wrong? I mean, at a meeting I guess it was last spring, I sat down and he sat down next to me, grabbed my chair and pulled it to him and said "come here, cutie!" And a few weeks ago, the comment about not sitting right next to me because he didnt' want to get flustered of whatever. I guess some men just use that as a way of relating to all women? After 7 years of heartache and crying my eyes out every day, I'm just so not in the mood to be played around with. Did I miss something, or just read too much into it? How can I be smarter about this whole man business, or should I just check into the nearest abbey/convent right now?

     
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    Old 03-26-2005, 01:34 PM   #2
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Ah, the elusive line between "Kidding aound", flirting, and "coming on to"...
    I'm not sure it's ever easy to tell the difference Nini. And for sure some guys just talk like that - much like a waitress calls everyone "hon".
    Hope this helps a little (hon!)

     
    Old 03-26-2005, 01:36 PM   #3
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ruth6:11
    Ah, the elusive line between "Kidding aound", flirting, and "coming on to"...
    I'm not sure it's ever easy to tell the difference Nini. And for sure some guys just talk like that - much like a waitress calls everyone "hon".
    Hope this helps a little (hon!)

    Yeah, thanks Ruth, I guess it helps a little just knowing other women have trouble seeing the line as well, and I'm not just a total moron. I just find this all so exhausting enough without having to wade through the BS and game playing.

     
    Old 03-26-2005, 02:03 PM   #4
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    I don't know why men who can't, or just won't, make the moves behave that way. They know better then to start something they can't, won't or shouldn't finish, but it doesn't stop them from doing it, ALL THE TIME! It implies that they have no respect for us, no comprehension of how it might hurt us and no respect for their wives or lovers. I think when we respond it feeds their egos. I once heard that it's not about blonde or brunette, fat or skinny, pretty or plain. It's about old and new. Plus, the thrill of the chase. Not all men behave this way, so I choose to believe that some men resist their nature for the possibility of something more.
    Evy

     
    Old 03-26-2005, 02:17 PM   #5
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by evy38
    I don't know why men who can't, or just won't, make the moves behave that way. They know better then to start something they can't, won't or shouldn't finish, but it doesn't stop them from doing it, ALL THE TIME! It implies that they have no respect for us, no comprehension of how it might hurt us and no respect for their wives or lovers. I think when we respond it feeds their egos. I once heard that it's not about blonde or brunette, fat or skinny, pretty or plain. It's about old and new. Plus, the thrill of the chase. Not all men behave this way, so I choose to believe that some men resist their nature for the possibility of something more.
    Evy

    Their nature...I guess every man has it in him to be a player dog, or at least a liar. I never in a million years would have guessed my ex would have ever lied to me or hurt me, but it turned out that's all he did. His roommate was a cheater from the word go, but met the most perfect woman in the world and treated her like a queen, and I thought he would never be dumb enough to mess that up, but he did. couldn't resist messing with a couple of skanks and she found out about it and she was not the kind of girl to give men a second chance to burn her. She left, and he couldn't understand why if she really loved him, why she couldn't forgive him. I don't have the heart to say "well, if you loved her so much, why didn't you just keep it in your pants?" He's never been very good at personal responsibility. It's quite sad, actually. I think she's married now, and having a nice life, and his life is pretty much in the dumper, and still hasn't learned much of anything. The last girl he dated played around on him, he put his fist through her windshield and got thrown in jail for it and he blamed her, the cop who saw it and wouldn't let him off with a warning, everyone but himself.

    I guess the trick is to just really listen to those insticts. If something doesn't feel right, act on it, don't ignore it because you're scared to lose him. It's funny, God gave us women such good intuition and instincts. Why aren't we better at using it??

     
    Old 03-26-2005, 02:20 PM   #6
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ninispjc
    Some of you may remember I mentioned a co-worker who made some comments that might suggest he found me attractive? Well, today he was leaving as I was reporting in for work, and he was checking messages and he was joking with me, repeating the voice mail lady saying "you have...NO...new messages" and I said "don't you hate that? Makes you feel so unloved!" And he said "yeah, no one wants to talk to me, not even my WIFE, no girls, no one" and I thought to myself "uh...say WHAT??!!"

    Not that I'm interested in getting anything going with this guy, for many reasons I think it's a bad idea, but did I read it all wrong? I mean, at a meeting I guess it was last spring, I sat down and he sat down next to me, grabbed my chair and pulled it to him and said "come here, cutie!" And a few weeks ago, the comment about not sitting right next to me because he didnt' want to get flustered of whatever. I guess some men just use that as a way of relating to all women? After 7 years of heartache and crying my eyes out every day, I'm just so not in the mood to be played around with. Did I miss something, or just read too much into it? How can I be smarter about this whole man business, or should I just check into the nearest abbey/convent right now?

    Eeeeeeeekkkkk Oh, Nini.....I can't believe that this is the same guy Goody and others here were pushing you into the watercloset with!!!!!!
    Please forgive me, my friend. Wow.....well Nini, he definitely is flirting and as Evy said he will continue to get his ego filled so long as you respond. Don't even give him the satisfaction. I mean.....I really find it unacceptable for guys to complain about their wives to other woman....just so they can get some satisfaction out of the response. For all we know he's just ignoring his wife & putting his efforts elsewhere, when he should be spending his time making her smile and working on things at home. But not all guys do this....and besides you said you're not interested in him anyway, that he's not your type.

    And as your personal dating advisor, PLEASE stay away from the married guys, you deserve way better than that. Now's not the time to lower your standards Remember, what comes around goes around. Stay away......and keep up with the online dating....Goody

     
    Old 03-26-2005, 02:35 PM   #7
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Yeah, I guess it's just an ego thing more than anything else. You just have to be careful and try to see through the sleaze as best you can, and be sensitive to when you've gotten yourself into a sleazy situation and get out asap. I mean, what else can we do? *sigh* times like this make me miss my ex so much I could just curl up and cry for an hour. It's so hard out there!And then I think of the elephant curled up nice and cozy with him, smiling, happy, kissing on him, etc, and how she was shacked up with him inside a year of her divorce, the unfairness of it...ugh. Well, don't want to get another thread closed so I won't go there. But I guess it's not just me, men can be really hard for all of us to read. I guess it just comes with experience. But not to worry, I would never intentionally or knowingly "go after" a married man.

    Last edited by Ninispjc; 03-26-2005 at 02:39 PM.

     
    Old 03-26-2005, 02:39 PM   #8
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    I guess the trick is to just really listen to those insticts. If something doesn't feel right, act on it, don't ignore it because you're scared to lose him. It's funny, God gave us women such good intuition and instincts. Why aren't we better at using it??

    You know, Nini our mothers were better at using them. I remember my mom telling me all these things about men and trusting your instincts, when I was a girl. I thought, "this is the 20th century, I'm a modern women who believes in honesty and not playing games." It's taken me 25 years to realize they weren't playing games. Just taking care of themselves. Women and men have evolved and altered their way of thinking, over the last century, but some things don't change. Men cannot change their nature or biology. As such, they have not been able to accept, deal with or adjust to changing women's roles, as well as women have. They also haven't got a clear understanding of what their role is now or is becoming. Add to that the knowledge that so many women will put up with mens bad behavior, and it becomes clear how important trusting our instincts has become.
    Evy
    P.S. The wife comment may have been his way of letting you know he was married. Maybe even a test to see if you'll still play the game once you've found out.

    Last edited by evy38; 03-26-2005 at 02:45 PM.

     
    Old 03-26-2005, 03:29 PM   #9
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Oh Nini, that is an EXCELLENT question. Unfortunately, I am no better at reading men than you are. But that guy must be a creep, unless he was really only joking about the existance of a wife. Do you know his sense of humor? there is a remote chance that it could have been a joke. Can you ask someone if he's in fact married?

    And continuing on the subject about reading men, how is it going with the online dating? Any new prospects? what happened with the guy who seemed like a possibility? As I mentioned on another thread, I met a guy I like and went out with him a few times. Had a great time, even met some of his friends, I thought he liked me, in fact, he TOLD me he liked me a lot, and now he hasn't called since Thursday evening. It's now Saturday evening and no word from him I would think if he liked me that much, he would want to go out on Saturday, no? I just so hate dating and all the confusion of it. Why can't things just fall easily into place, WHY???

     
    Old 03-26-2005, 03:41 PM   #10
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SophiaM
    And continuing on the subject about reading men, how is it going with the online dating? Any new prospects? what happened with the guy who seemed like a possibility? As I mentioned on another thread, I met a guy I like and went out with him a few times. Had a great time, even met some of his friends, I thought he liked me, in fact, he TOLD me he liked me a lot, and now he hasn't called since Thursday evening. It's now Saturday evening and no word from him I would think if he liked me that much, he would want to go out on Saturday, no? I just so hate dating and all the confusion of it. Why can't things just fall easily into place, WHY???
    Sophia......Is there a chance that he is away for the Easter weekend busy with family plans??? Just a thought. How did he leave off with you on Thursday???? Did he say he would call and what was his usual span of time in terms of contacting you after seeing you??? I'm glad to see that you actually found someone worthwhile via online dating....well I won't go jumping the gun.....especially since we don't know where this AWOL guy is....Goody

     
    Old 03-26-2005, 03:44 PM   #11
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SophiaM
    Oh Nini, that is an EXCELLENT question. Unfortunately, I am no better at reading men than you are. But that guy must be a creep, unless he was really only joking about the existance of a wife. Do you know his sense of humor? there is a remote chance that it could have been a joke. Can you ask someone if he's in fact married?

    And continuing on the subject about reading men, how is it going with the online dating? Any new prospects? what happened with the guy who seemed like a possibility? As I mentioned on another thread, I met a guy I like and went out with him a few times. Had a great time, even met some of his friends, I thought he liked me, in fact, he TOLD me he liked me a lot, and now he hasn't called since Thursday evening. It's now Saturday evening and no word from him I would think if he liked me that much, he would want to go out on Saturday, no? I just so hate dating and all the confusion of it. Why can't things just fall easily into place, WHY???

    That's what sucks so much about it for me, anyway. It can, and does fall into place, for some people (like the elephant) just not me. I'm more concerned with other things going on, but I'm still hanging on by a thread on the online stuff. The guy I thought woudl be a good prospect dropped off the face of the earth. Never returned my email from 3 weeks ago. Oh well. Another guy did email me back with his phone number. Guess I could call him this weekend and see what's up. This next week I'll be insanely busy filling in for someone, though. He seems ok, not thrilling, but he's a bit younger than me, might take one look at my middle aged body and bolt. Plus, he doesn't make quite as much money as I'd like (no, I'm not a gold digger, but with my family issues and everything, I don't need a man who needs to be taken care of. I can be poor all by myself thanks) and he's a Taurus, not a very compatible sign for me, but I don't know, we'll see. My "ex" was so poor he didn't have a pot to you know what in, and I stuck it out, though I was worried he'd always be so dirt poor. It didn't help that his roommate always made comments like "he's going to be poor forever." I let it get to me, and after two years of going dutch and feeding him when he couldn't buy food and such, he dumps me, lands a great job and the elephant reaps all the benefits. Not again. I want to be the one to reap some benefits for once. But at the same time, I dont' want to make the same mistakes again. I just want to stop missing him and stop kicking myself for messing up what I still think could have been the best thing that ever happened to me if I hadn't been so stupid. I think that will be my biggest challenge in dating and trying to read men, is trying not to make the same mistakes, not being fear-motivated and not being crippled by the fear of getting my heart broken again. Because really, if another man does to me what my ex did, if you evern wanted to see someone actually, literally die of a broken heart, I'll be sure to hand someone a camera as I go down for the count.

    And incidentally, I think it's still a little early to fret about him not calling. Unless he specifically said he'd call you today or something, it could be he's just tied up with other obligations. It is a holiday weekend, after all.

    Last edited by Ninispjc; 03-26-2005 at 03:46 PM.

     
    Old 03-26-2005, 03:50 PM   #12
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ninispjc
    Because really, if another man does to me what my ex did, if you evern wanted to see someone actually, literally die of a broken heart, I'll be sure to hand someone a camera as I go down for the count.
    Don't even kid about that....Goody just read an article about the power of the mind of how a guy got locked in a refrigerator car on a train and ended up leaving a note about how he froze to death. Turns out the refrigeration unit of the car was broken but yet he died as if he had actually frozen to death Scarey how our minds work

    So, Nini.....you are not to die of a broken heart, at least not around here you're not...not on Goody's watch .....Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 03-26-2005 at 03:51 PM.

     
    Old 03-26-2005, 04:00 PM   #13
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Goody, what is AWOL? My brain is working slower than usual today. Unfortunately, there's no chance he's away anywhere because he's from Europe and has no family in this country. Well, the last three times he would ask me out at the end of the date, but this time when I was getting into a taxi, he just kissed me and said "See you tomorrow!" and then the taxi took off. I don't know if that was supposed to be some kind of a joke or what (he cooked dinner for me that night and later when we were leaving, he said "So, you have to come back tomorrow to do the dishes," and I laughed) I mean, other than that silly joke we didn't discuss seeing each other the next day (which would have been yesterday) and he did not even call yesterday, so I just don't understand. Goody, maybe I am really wasting my time with this online thing? Maybe most of these guys are weird freaks who don't know what the heck they want? Here I go with my negativity again.

     
    Old 03-26-2005, 04:01 PM   #14
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    Don't even kid about that....Goody just read an article about the power of the mind of how a guy got locked in a refrigerator car on a train and ended up leaving a note about how he froze to death. Turns out the refrigeration unit of the car was broken but yet he died as if he had actually frozen to death Scarey how our minds work

    So, Nini.....you are not to die of a broken heart, at least not around here you're not...not on Goody's watch .....Goody

    Oh, ok Goody!! Although I was only partly joking, I'll try to be good and stop bouncing back and forth so much between hope and hopeless. Especially since I think a lot of where I went wrong with my ex was being very faithless in our future. I'll try.

     
    Old 03-26-2005, 04:04 PM   #15
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ninispjc
    Their nature...I guess every man has it in him to be a player dog, or at least a liar. I never in a million years would have guessed my ex would have ever lied to me or hurt me, but it turned out that's all he did. His roommate was a cheater from the word go, but met the most perfect woman in the world and treated her like a queen, and I thought he would never be dumb enough to mess that up, but he did. couldn't resist messing with a couple of skanks and she found out about it and she was not the kind of girl to give men a second chance to burn her. She left, and he couldn't understand why if she really loved him, why she couldn't forgive him. I don't have the heart to say "well, if you loved her so much, why didn't you just keep it in your pants?" He's never been very good at personal responsibility. It's quite sad, actually. I think she's married now, and having a nice life, and his life is pretty much in the dumper, and still hasn't learned much of anything. The last girl he dated played around on him, he put his fist through her windshield and got thrown in jail for it and he blamed her, the cop who saw it and wouldn't let him off with a warning, everyone but himself.

    I guess the trick is to just really listen to those insticts. If something doesn't feel right, act on it, don't ignore it because you're scared to lose him. It's funny, God gave us women such good intuition and instincts. Why aren't we better at using it??
    I dont like your comment , there are women that lie and cheat as well !

    Last edited by wildcat66; 03-26-2005 at 04:05 PM.

     
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