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    Old 03-26-2005, 04:19 PM   #16
    SophiaM
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ninispjc
    That's what sucks so much about it for me, anyway. It can, and does fall into place, for some people (like the elephant) just not me. I'm more concerned with other things going on, but I'm still hanging on by a thread on the online stuff. The guy I thought woudl be a good prospect dropped off the face of the earth. Never returned my email from 3 weeks ago. Oh well. Another guy did email me back with his phone number. Guess I could call him this weekend and see what's up. This next week I'll be insanely busy filling in for someone, though. He seems ok, not thrilling, but he's a bit younger than me, might take one look at my middle aged body and bolt. Plus, he doesn't make quite as much money as I'd like (no, I'm not a gold digger, but with my family issues and everything, I don't need a man who needs to be taken care of. I can be poor all by myself thanks) and he's a Taurus, not a very compatible sign for me, but I don't know, we'll see. My "ex" was so poor he didn't have a pot to you know what in, and I stuck it out, though I was worried he'd always be so dirt poor. It didn't help that his roommate always made comments like "he's going to be poor forever." I let it get to me, and after two years of going dutch and feeding him when he couldn't buy food and such, he dumps me, lands a great job and the elephant reaps all the benefits. Not again. I want to be the one to reap some benefits for once. But at the same time, I dont' want to make the same mistakes again. I just want to stop missing him and stop kicking myself for messing up what I still think could have been the best thing that ever happened to me if I hadn't been so stupid. I think that will be my biggest challenge in dating and trying to read men, is trying not to make the same mistakes, not being fear-motivated and not being crippled by the fear of getting my heart broken again. Because really, if another man does to me what my ex did, if you evern wanted to see someone actually, literally die of a broken heart, I'll be sure to hand someone a camera as I go down for the count.

    And incidentally, I think it's still a little early to fret about him not calling. Unless he specifically said he'd call you today or something, it could be he's just tied up with other obligations. It is a holiday weekend, after all.
    Yeah, Nini, keep on hanging on. I have to force myself to hang in there too. God knows I'm so tired. I'm tired of repeating my life story over and over again and going on these stupid dates and when i finally meet someone I like, he might not like me after all. But as for the guy you mentioned, do you know for a fact he's dirt poor? If he's not making quite as much as you'd like him to but has a decent job with a possibility of advancement, I would take a chance. Also, PLEASE, don't pay ANY attention to the zodiac signs! It's ridiculous Nini and you know it.

     
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    Old 03-26-2005, 04:21 PM   #17
    CrimsonClover
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Oh gosh, Nini - once again, we have so much in common. Your co-worker sounds like my last guy, also a co-worker (NEVER AGAIN!). Flirted with me like crazy even though he was engaged (but failed to tell me that last part, of course). I think the lying, cheating creep was a sociopath, I swear - he was THAT bad. But now he's married, of course; and he and his mail-order bride (that's my nickname for her) just had a kid. Meanwhile, I am still single and childless and cannot see the end of that. Just thinking about his smug face makes me want to scream - thank goodness I'm not working there anymore.

    So I can't really help you out about "men-reading"; just wanted to show my support. Take care, "hon" (and that goes for Sophia as well)! - CC.

     
    Old 03-26-2005, 04:24 PM   #18
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SophiaM
    Goody, what is AWOL? ......maybe I am really wasting my time with this online thing? Maybe most of these guys are weird freaks who don't know what the heck they want? Here I go with my negativity again.
    AWOL=Away With Out Leave, a military term for leaving base without authorization. I don't know what to say......the guy sounded like he was looking forward to seeing you and then this????? I don't like all this game playing.....but there are guys and girls that play these games and apparently Europeans are not exempt from it. I don't know what to say
    Sophia.....but don't let this have you giving up just because of one jerk.

    Nini....Wildcat apparently doesn't know you like we do And the story was just to see if you still had a sense of humor intact.....Goody

     
    Old 03-26-2005, 04:25 PM   #19
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    First of all he is married and that isn't exactly the type of relationship your looking for is it? If it is then u are only setting yourself up for the heartbreak! Sister u can do better!

     
    Old 03-26-2005, 04:43 PM   #20
    SophiaM
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    AWOL=Away With Out Leave, a military term for leaving base without authorization. I don't know what to say......the guy sounded like he was looking forward to seeing you and then this????? I don't like all this game playing.....but there are guys and girls that play these games and apparently Europeans are not exempt from it. I don't know what to say
    Sophia.....but don't let this have you giving up just because of one jerk.
    Yeah Goody, I know, I shouldn't give up, but it's hard. I don't like all these games either--that's the frustrating part for me. Maybe he is just playing it cool, I don't know. I'll give him till early next week and if he doesn't call by then, I'm going to have to assume that he's not interested anymore. There's no one else besides him that is a good possibility right now. Oh well, we'll see. Happy Easter to everyone!

     
    Old 03-26-2005, 04:59 PM   #21
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    I think that Evy38 back in post #8 pretty much hit the nail on the head.
    I don't think most men are "playing games" for the most part.
    They're being.... men.
    Older, wiser, but mostly older,

     
    Old 03-27-2005, 04:33 PM   #22
    Ninispjc
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Happy Easter to everyone as well. I actually feel better about writing off this co-worker fellow. I was thinking maybe I might be missing out on something, but now I know I'm not, so I'm pretty comfortable with knowing that he's just a harmless flirt and that's just how he relates. That's fine. I just wish they came with a little warning tag in the back of their neck or something.

    And if I came off a bit of a male-basher, oh well. I calls 'em like I sees 'em. Bitterness courtesy of my lying, manipulating, using, heart-smashing ex. You can pick the bone with him.

    And Sophia, I actually do put quite a lot of stock into astrology. I don't believe the stars can tell us our future at all, and I don't believe in horoscopes, but I do believe people born under a particular zodiac sign have certain characteristics and personality traits. I don't think it's a coincidence that the only people who can even stand to be around me and who have ever even tried to be any kind of a friend or companion to me have all been Cancers.

     
    Old 03-27-2005, 04:47 PM   #23
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ninispjc
    Happy Easter to everyone as well. I actually feel better about writing off this co-worker fellow. I was thinking maybe I might be missing out on something, but now I know I'm not, so I'm pretty comfortable with knowing that he's just a harmless flirt and that's just how he relates. That's fine. I just wish they came with a little warning tag in the back of their neck or something.
    Hi, Nini Happy Easter, sweetie......glad to see that you're seeing that this coworker is harmless so long as you don't positively reinforce his flirting. Goody wonders if you knew he was married before what he said the other day???? Usually you would know after working with someone....but it seems that you were surprised. No pictures, wedding ring or anything to know???

    Yeah....those would be the usual warning tags but I guess not these days....Goody

     
    Old 03-27-2005, 04:51 PM   #24
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    Hi, Nini Happy Easter, sweetie......glad to see that you're seeing that this coworker is harmless so long as you don't positively reinforce his flirting. Goody wonders if you knew he was married before what he said the other day???? Usually you would know after working with someone....but it seems that you were surprised. No pictures, wedding ring or anything to know???

    Yeah....those would be the usual warning tags but I guess not these days....Goody

    Nope, I had no idea. He doesn't wear a ring, and we don't have desks or anything for people to put family pictures and stuff on or around. I mean, I really don't know him all that well. We never got into real heavy conversations about our personal lives, just polite small talk, and maybe a little flirting (on his part).

    Last edited by Ninispjc; 03-27-2005 at 04:53 PM.

     
    Old 03-27-2005, 06:47 PM   #25
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    stay away from him...some guys flirt to boost their egos and just cause they can...and flirting happens at work...i know it's hard to tell if it's flirting or more...but if they were serious we shouldn't have to wonder

     
    Old 03-27-2005, 08:37 PM   #26
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ninispjc
    Yeah, thanks Ruth, I guess it helps a little just knowing other women have trouble seeing the line as well, and I'm not just a total moron. I just find this all so exhausting enough without having to wade through the BS and game playing.
    Nini, I'm so sorry to hear that this guy turned out to be full of BS...there really isn't any great way to tell when someone's being sincere and when someone's just casually joking around. Reading your post actually made me feel a little guilty--I've always been a very flirty person by nature, even with guy friends for whom I have no romantic feelings, and your experience made me realize that while such behavior seems fun and harmless to me, it could be misleading and hurtful to others. It sounds like he was just trying to be friendly and flirty--I doubt he had any intention to disappoint you or follow through on his flirting--but that doesn't make it any easier for you (or anyone) to be able to tell the difference between joking around and sending out romantic signals. To some people, there really is a game-like aspect to it--well, let me see if I can get this guy to like me, or let's see how many guys I can get to flirt with me, or let me see if I can feel better about myself today by getting some guy to pursue me...but ultimately, it's not really fair or harmless to toy with people in that way. I wish I could say it was just men who engaged in these games, but I've definitely played myself quite a few times. Remember that not every guy who flirts with a lot of girls is a total jerk or a player who cheats and sleeps around...but Nini, you're right to note that the line between such behaviors is pretty thin and often blurry. I'm glad I read through this thread; it helped me realize that I should be more concerned and careful about how other people feel, rather than telling myself that it's all harmless fun. That said, there's nothing wrong with flirting in moderation with people who are available...it keeps you feeling attractive and desired and helps keep your flirting skills sharp for when you really need them.

    Oh Nini, my heart really aches for you having to go through so much loneliness and disappointment. You are so wise, caring, generous, and sensitive--it just doesn't seem fair that you can't find someone who will love and appreciate all your wonderful qualities, when so many jerks and losers have no trouble finding relationships. Know that we are all pulling for you, and here to support you whenever you need a place to vent or some friendly support. I for one refuse to believe that your streak of bad luck can possibly continue for much longer...I'm hoping that if you keep an open mind about dating online, some great guy will come along before you know it and give you all the love you've waited for for way too long.

    Sophia, I'll write more to you on the appropriate thread (online dating), but please don't get too discouraged about not hearing from this guy yet. For all you know, he could REALLY like you and be extremely nervous about coming on too strong...so just try to be as relaxed and laidback as possible. You're an amazing woman with tons to offer, and only an idiot guy wouldn't see that. Anything that is meant to be will work out naturally, and if a guy isn't interested in pursuing anything further with you, I'm sure it's because of his own issues and has nothing to do with you. But anyway, I'll save the rest of this for the other thread and will stop here and go back to wishing you luck from afar for the time being. Happy Easter everyone and have a great night!

     
    Old 03-27-2005, 09:06 PM   #27
    Ninispjc
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Thanks Snails, so nice of you. I agree, I do think by and large flirting is harmless. And it's not that this guy confused me or led me on, I don't really feel like he did, I just feel so off center and shattered by my "ex" that I second guess my judgment. I feel like I'm starting from scratch, learning how to speak the dating language and read signals men send out and when to hope and when to let it go and move on. I was so stupid with my ex, I made so many mistakes. It's just been a really sucky weekend. I remember so well the two Easters we spent together, and they were so great. And now having to spend it pretty much alone, not really doing anything except working, I haven't been able to stop crying all day.

    But I don't think you have to feel too guilty about flirting. I do think there's such a thing as harmless flirting. I've never been really good at it, but I guess you just have to be careful how far you take it. I mean, pulling me close to him and saying "come here, cutie!" and saying "I can't sit too close to you or I'll get all flustered" I think that's laying it on a bit thick if you have no intentions of following through. I know I sure wouldn't want any husband of mine to be saying things like that to another woman. I work with so many men, almost all my co-workers are men, and they're all nice and really friendly, I guess borderline flirty, but none have really "come on" to me, that I would consider "coming on." I get along really well with one of my bosses and we talk alot about the stuff we have in common, but I think i can read him pretty well. He's never really flirted with me or anything. He's engaged, and already is wearing a ring, and is pretty head over heels over his fiance and doesn't go out of his way to mention it, but works her into the conversation on a regular basis.

    Anyway, thanks, and I'm glad if this thread helped you in some way, too. I think my eyes have been opened a little.

     
    Old 03-27-2005, 09:14 PM   #28
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    It is hard to read men and I wish I could as well. I am sure that they say exactly the same about us. We are just made differently.

    I do have some advice that might work (and I am trying this myself since I have the same problem as you do). Look at the man and decide what kind of person he is. Is he considerate, thoughtful to others (not just you), intelligent, etc., whatever traits you think a good person that you would want to be with has? Try to look beyond the flirtations when you notice a man flirting. If he doesn't have qualities that you are attracted to, then just feel flattered and move on. Like you, I am tired of settling too.

    Well, that is what I am trying out on my journey to try to find a suitable male some where out there, LOL.

    I hope things get better for you.

     
    Old 03-27-2005, 09:23 PM   #29
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Hey Nini,

    Maybe this guy at your work notives that you are somewhat depressed since you have said that people do notice this about you, so those couple of flirty lines he said to you may have been his way of trying to make you feel better about yourself- a confidence booster- like this girl is cute... but she looks down... lets see if I can make her feel better about herself??? It is not so far fetched and could be a possiblility??

    Last edited by soulster; 03-27-2005 at 09:25 PM.

     
    Old 03-27-2005, 09:30 PM   #30
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by soulster
    Hey Nini,

    Maybe this guy at your work notives that you are somewhat depressed since you have said that people do notice this about you, so those couple of flirty lines he said to you may have been his way of trying to make you feel better about yourself- a confidence booster- like this girl is cute... but she looks down... lets see if I can make her feel better about herself??? It is not so far fetched and could be a possiblility??
    Hmmm..I suppose that's a possibility. Or maybe just a way to break the ice at the meetings, since it was at the group meetings that he really flirted. he's always amiable to me, but not really flirty except in the meetings. My other boss, the one I get along with pretty well, is scary about how well he can read me, though. He walks in and says hi to me and all I have to say is "hi" and he's like "whoa, everything ok today?" He can tell immediately when I'm having a bad or good day.

     
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