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    Old 03-27-2005, 09:54 PM   #31
    SunnySmiles2u
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Soulster makes a good point too.

    Too bad men don't come with a manual (they probably say that about us too).

     
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    Old 03-28-2005, 08:01 AM   #32
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    okay, i've got the answer to what this thread is ostensibly about. get your pens out and take this down- the trick to reading men? stop trying to read them!! it's so not worth it! if a guy flirts with you, feel free to flirt back, but unless there is some sort of concrete invitation to go out with him, assume that it's all in fun. if you always assume that, then you can never go wrong, because if you do find out he's legitimately interested, then it's just a pleasant surprise. all the energy we ladies put into trying to figure everything out can really be better spent on other stuff. whenever i catch myself falling into overanalytical mode, i remind myself of the futility of it.

     
    Old 03-28-2005, 09:08 AM   #33
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Opie, you're a genius! that's absolutely right. We tend overanalyze everything to death. As they say, the proof is in the pudding, and the pudding would be how the guy ACTS and what he DOES on a concrete level, not some vague signs. Totally on the money.

    And speaking about signs, Nini, I am sticking to my story. My sister is happily married to someone whose zodiac sign is supposedly incompatible with hers. So is my aunt. Go figure. I used to be like you, paying attention to the signs, etc, but it's all just for fun, for the most part. You can't base such an important thing like a choice of a mate on his zodiac sign! Besides, even if you wanted to give astrology some merit, you would need to obtain both yours and the guy's complete astrological chart from a professional to even begin taking it remotely seriously. THere are a lot more aspects than just the sun sign to someone's personality and the alleged compatibility with other signs. If you want, I can be your guinepig because the guy I'm now seeing is of a sign that's not agreeable with mine, according to your basic zodiac. But I'm not going to let that determine if he's a good match for me or not. I'd rather find out for myself.

     
    Old 03-28-2005, 10:23 AM   #34
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by opielonghorn
    okay, i've got the answer to what this thread is ostensibly about. get your pens out and take this down- the trick to reading men? stop trying to read them!! it's so not worth it!
    I totally agree with opielonghorn here! I work with almost all guys - lots of them. It took me a while to get it where it concerns them. What I interpret as flirting, most of the time they consider joking or teasing (one exception "snake" but we won't go there). When I first started working here it made me very nervous and unconfortable but now I really don't think twice about the things they say or do. Guy's brains aren't wired like ours.

     
    Old 03-28-2005, 11:37 AM   #35
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    I think Opie's right, too. It ties in with the whole "He's Just Not That Into You" philosophy. It shouldn't be taken seriously unless he gives you an unequivocal, clear cut sign he's serious. I'm glad I really didn't think too hard about "going for it" or wondering just how much he may have liked me. The more I live, the more sense it makes to me, when a man really likes you, he lets you know in absolutely no uncertain terms.

    And Sophia, I do agree with you to a large extent. I woulndn't base my decision on whether or not to date someone solely or even significantly on his zodiac sign. I mean, according to most charts, my ex and I were made for each other, and he and his wife aren't suited at all, but he obviously liked her a whole lot more than he liked me, so...it's just that, and no offense to any of the Tauruses on this board, but I've never net a Taurus who wasn't loud, pushy and overbearing, and that doesn't really fit with my personality. But we'll see.

     
    Old 03-28-2005, 05:54 PM   #36
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Speaking of "He's Just Not That Into You." Lots of people at work got that book and believe it or not, it really does have some useful information in it. It is a good read. The philosophy of the book has an outlook like one of the previous posts on here (I think from Opie) and it said if they don't ask you out then take it all in fun and go on. A guy is into you if he ACTUALLY asks you out, calls you, etc. We do complicate things b/c we try to read between the lines. Speaking of which, maybe I should go back and re-read that book again. It is entertaining as well as informative.

    I think we try to read into what guys are doing or saying to us b/c women are not traditionally supposed to be the one to initiate asking a guy out, so we use flirting as our tool to let them know we are interested. So then we think guys are doing the same thing and they usually aren't.....Never mind all of this, I think I should start reading it again now, lol.

    Good luck to we single women everywhere.

     
    Old 03-28-2005, 06:02 PM   #37
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Ok, but in watching the sex in the city episode where the one guy explained the whole 'he's not into you concept' the one chick told the guy 'I get it, you won't come up because you're not that into me' and he said 'no I have diarhea' or something.

    Didn't that prove the whole theory of the book wrong? Doesn't that prove that sometimes things really AREN'T as they seem? Doesn't that prove don't automatically assume there isn't some other reason for a mans behaviors????
    Or did I miss something.
    I think that book is so off, but then I haven't read it, but I still don't buy it.


    PS... Happy belated Easter, Nini. Was away a few days.

    Last edited by lisa24; 03-28-2005 at 06:03 PM.

     
    Old 03-28-2005, 06:11 PM   #38
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lisa24
    Ok, but in watching the sex in the city episode where the one guy explained the whole 'he's not into you concept' the one chick told the guy 'I get it, you won't come up because you're not that into me' and he said 'no I have diarhea' or something.

    Didn't that prove the whole theory of the book wrong? Doesn't that prove that sometimes things really AREN'T as they seem? Doesn't that prove don't automatically assume there isn't some other reason for a mans behaviors????
    Or did I miss something.
    I think that book is so off, but then I haven't read it, but I still don't buy it.


    PS... Happy belated Easter, Nini. Was away a few days.

    Happy belated Easter to you too, lisa! Actually the diahrrea guy was there for comic relief and to show there are a few exceptions, but not to totally discredit the theory. I actually read the book a couple of times and found it so right on the money, but I guess I need to read it one more time. I mean, there are exceptions to every rule, but by and large, women would do very well to heed the advice in this book. It hurts like heck for me to read it because I can see so clearly now how so not into me my ex was, and how not in love with me he was, even when we were looking at wedding rings, and how stupid I was. I wish I'd had this book 10 years ago.

     
    Old 03-28-2005, 06:17 PM   #39
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Hi Lisa

    Well I wasn't convinced that I should read the book either until I read a few excerpts that someone gave me. Then I decided to read it. There are no pat answers to anything if that is what you are asking. But the book did make sense in that we try to fill in the blanks very often when it comes to men. And often times, there really aren't any blanks to be filled in, what you see is what you get basically. In other words, did he call you, ask you out, tell you he wants to see you or that he likes you? If not, he isn't that into you. Now that is not to say that most men wouldn't have a quick little fling. Like I said, the book was entertaining and somewhat informative, not the total answer....it is good for thought.

    Sunny

     
    Old 03-29-2005, 03:02 PM   #40
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    I agree with that book and Opie. I have never understood why people waste time analyzing relationships and making everythiing more complicated than it has to be. If you use someone's actions to gauge what they're feeling, you'll almost always be right on. I can remember a lot of occasions while I watched while female friends obsessed over their relationships and ended up creating problems and drama when nothing was actually wrong! Overthinking anything is never good. The other way to get into trouble like this is when people get in the habit of making excuses for bad behavior or refusing to accept what the behavior is indicating because they'd prefer to think optimistically and keep their hopes up. I've never had too much trouble reading guys' signs as to whether they were interested or just flirting casually--I think they're pretty obvious (since guys are pretty simple, sorry guys). Nini, if you are still looking for tips as to how to tell what a guy wants from you, I would suggest checking the library for a book about how to read body language and facial reactions. It's also important to be honest with yourself and try to see situations objectively, rather than allow your interpretations to be colored by what you want to see. Hey Nini, how have you been doing lately? Have you come across any promising potential dates? I have my fingers crossed and am sending good wishes your way

    Last edited by Snails; 03-29-2005 at 03:04 PM.

     
    Old 03-29-2005, 03:14 PM   #41
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Snails
    I agree with that book and Opie. I have never understood why people waste time analyzing relationships and making everythiing more complicated than it has to be. If you use someone's actions to gauge what they're feeling, you'll almost always be right on. I can remember a lot of occasions while I watched while female friends obsessed over their relationships and ended up creating problems and drama when nothing was actually wrong! Overthinking anything is never good. The other way to get into trouble like this is when people get in the habit of making excuses for bad behavior or refusing to accept what the behavior is indicating because they'd prefer to think optimistically and keep their hopes up. I've never had too much trouble reading guys' signs as to whether they were interested or just flirting casually--I think they're pretty obvious (since guys are pretty simple, sorry guys). Nini, if you are still looking for tips as to how to tell what a guy wants from you, I would suggest checking the library for a book about how to read body language and facial reactions. It's also important to be honest with yourself and try to see situations objectively, rather than allow your interpretations to be colored by what you want to see. Hey Nini, how have you been doing lately? Have you come across any promising potential dates? I have my fingers crossed and am sending good wishes your way
    Thanks for the good wishes Snails. Just one bite on the dating scene, a guy who left me his number. I called and left a message to tell him I'd call him tomorrow since I'm so insanely busy at work this week. We'll see how it goes. I'm done with the on line dating thing as I said in the other thread on online dating. I gave it a really good shot I think.

    I've actually always been fairly good at reading people. My problem is believing what I see instead of believing what I want to believe. Just having the courage to be honest with myself is where I get hung up, and trusting my instincts and walking away when I know I should. I'm jsut so sick of being alone and always walking away or seeing other people walk out of my life, that I tell myself it isn't really what I think it is and make excuses so I can keep that person in my life a little longer. Like my music guy. I know he's not really a friend and didn't reallyc are about me as a friend, just what I could do for him. He left town and didnt' even tell me where he was going or if he'll be back. I'll probably never see him again, I suppose no great loss, but still, just one more person walking away from me, just like everyone else. Then that makes me think, well, maybe I should have let him move in for a while, even though I know I would have been miserable having him and his drug-using friends hanging out all the time, but maybe it wouldn't have been as bad as I imagined and I would have been being there for a friend in need and he'd still like me.

    I think I knew all along that the co-worker's flirting wasn't serious, it just threw me for a bit of a loop when he mentioned a wife! I take men flirting too seriously. I think they actually mean it when 9 times out of 10 they don't. I already KNOW it, I just need to ACT on it.

     
    Old 03-29-2005, 03:52 PM   #42
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Snails
    I have never understood why people waste time analyzing relationships and making everythiing more complicated than it has to be. If you use someone's actions to gauge what they're feeling, you'll almost always be right on. I can remember a lot of occasions while I watched while female friends obsessed over their relationships and ended up creating problems and drama when nothing was actually wrong! Overthinking anything is never good. The other way to get into trouble like this is when people get in the habit of making excuses for bad behavior or refusing to accept what the behavior is indicating because they'd prefer to think optimistically and keep their hopes up.
    Well, I thought we were supposed to approach love and life with optimism and hope?
    Whatever happened to anything can be if you just believe?

    And like it was said, there ARE exceptions to everything. How do know if a particular situation might just so happen to be that exception.

    Guess you could call it naive. I call it believing in the power of love.
    And I all I know is I was ALOT happier when I could still believe.
    I just hope I find my belief again, before I become as hard up as 'He's just not that into you'.

     
    Old 03-29-2005, 04:19 PM   #43
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    To the some of the women on this thread. Let me give you a male point of view. It"s a little sad to read how some women feel they will NEVER meet someone who will love them like the way some guy whom most people wouldn"t give the time of day to (based on the way the women said they were treated). A negative outlook is a major turnoff. It shows that your still not over an ex. Why would a guy want to meet, date or even flirt with you if your mind is always comparing him to another. Let any man get a glimpse of your thoughts that you will never love another like your ex and he will be gone. Aren"t you making it sound like your settling?
    To be an attractive person to others, you have to look like your confident ready for love.

     
    Old 03-29-2005, 04:54 PM   #44
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lisa24
    Well, I thought we were supposed to approach love and life with optimism and hope?
    Whatever happened to anything can be if you just believe?

    And like it was said, there ARE exceptions to everything. How do know if a particular situation might just so happen to be that exception.

    Guess you could call it naive. I call it believing in the power of love.
    And I all I know is I was ALOT happier when I could still believe.
    I just hope I find my belief again, before I become as hard up as 'He's just not that into you'.

    Lisa - perhaps you're misunderstanding the concept behind the book. The thing is, it has everything to do with belief, belief in the fact that you deserve a love that is healthy and solid. We'd all like to believe that love can move mountains and conquer all, but the sad reality is, most times, it's not enough. You can't love someone into loving you, or into being who you want him to be. It just doesnt' work that way. It's not about being hard up, it's about believing you deserve to to be loved and valued and treated well, and not wasting your time with men who don't treat you right. I'd love to believe that if I just concentrate on my ex hard enough and just sit at home loving and missing him enough, he'll feel the vibes, leave his wife and come running to me begging my forgiveness and for another chance. But let's be real. If I waited for that, I'd for sure die alone. He's married, in love with someone else, he's gone and he's never coming back, and he doesn't care how much I still love him or how hurt I am that he treated me like he did or how much I cry over him. Sometimes it's just not enough. I wish it were, but it just isn't, sweetie. I hope you don't feel like I'm beating up on you, but you're such a sweet girl, I hate to see you still pining for this guy who didn't treat you right anyway. You deserve so much more. You deserve to believe in love, a real true love that is all yours and not shared with any other woman, a love with a man who lives you like you always dreamed of being loved, and you deserve to believe that you don't have to waste your time or heart on any man who isn't willing to love you like that.

    And Realguy, yes, what you say is true, and I think goes without saying. But I get the feeling you think I go out on a date and immediately start off with "boy I sure do miss my ex. He was so great and cute, not at all like you, I wish I were with him right now instead of you!" Eh, no. I've said before I never even mention my ex at all unless they ask about my past relationships, and then I keep it brief, concise and without detail. I keep it positive, and smile as much as possible without looking goofy or insane!

     
    Old 03-29-2005, 05:11 PM   #45
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    Re: Is there some trick to reading men??

    Hi Lisa, I didn't mean to say that by being realistic, you should have to stop believing in love, only that it's important to know when to stop believing that love will make everything ok when it's obvious that the other person is just not giving 100% and never will. I really just meant that it's only hurting yourself if you continue to believe that a relationship has potential despite obvious sign after sign to the contrary. Some people will continue to believe what they want to believe no matter how much evidence piles up suggesting that they are viewing the situation through rose-colored glasses, kind of like Nini is describing. But when you are in a happy relationship and getting treated the way you want and deserve to be treated, then of course it's a good thing to have faith and believe in your love. By the way, Nini and Realguy, I thought your last few posts were really insightful and right on...you both said things I wanted to say much more eloquently and concisely than I could have.

     
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