Twins 3months old, Pregnant with twins again...and an eating disorder

I am 17 years old. When i was 5 years old, i was molested by my grandfather. It lasted all the way until I was 15. When I was 14, I was raped by my uncle, and that just ended two weeks ago. My dad has always been an alcoholic, and all my mother does is denies. I was brought up to be the "perfect" little girl. I was a cheerleader, a flute player, a dancer, volleyball player, in gymnastics, on the swim team, and i was the best at all of it. When I was 12 I became bulimic, and then when i was 15 I started self mutilating. This became extremely bad, to the point where I was hospitalized in a psychiatric facility. There I admitted about my grandfather and my uncle, and my parents did not belive me. When I got out, my uncle was so mad at me for telling that he would rape me 3 times a week. I became sick of life, and started doing cocaine, and eventually overdosed as a suicide attempt. My parents found me passed out in my bed, and called 911, where they pumped my stomach, and I was put in ICU for 2 days. From there they transferred me to another psychiatric facility, where I really progressed in treatment, and realized that i did not need my parents approval of the situation to live my life. When I got out my uncle continued rapping me, but I started trying to live my life. I got married, and soon found out I was pregnant with twins. We were so excited, but I was so worried that the babies might be my uncles, that I didn't tell anybody my worries, and I began binging and purging again. I did it throughout the entire pregnancy, not thinking that it might hurt my babies. When i was 26 weeks pregnant, my husband and I got into a car wreck, and I was wearing a seat belt, but I was so big, that my stomach hit the dash board extremly hard, and caused me to go into labor. There was internal damage, and they had to do an emergency cesarean. The babies were 3lbs 6oz, and 3lbs 9oz. They gained weight quickly, and were able to go home after two weeks of intensive treatment. It was extremely obvious that they were my husbands children. Six weeks later, I found out that I was 3 weeks pregnant again. I was still builimic, so that scared me extremely badly. My twins were so healthy, that I thought that i haden't affected them, that it had just affected me. A couple weeks later I found out that I was carring triplets (obviously multiple pregnancies runs in the family ). That day, i went to visit my parents, and my uncle was there, and he rapped me again. I got so sick of it all, that I called 911, got a rape kit done, and he got sent to jail. Two days later I misscarried one of the embryos. It sent me through an unbelivable bout of deppression, that my husband could just not understand. He began cheating on me, and I left him. I moved into an apartment with my best friend, and got a job as a dance cheoreographer, and another job at a daycare center. I've noticed how much of a stronger person my children have made me. I love them so much, and the last thing i want to do is hurt them, or have them hurt. Now my twins are 3 months old, and they weigh 13lbs 1oz, and 10lbs 9oz. They are so healty, big and happy...it's one of the best feelings in the world. I'm 10 weeks pregnant, and my doctor said that she has never seen fetus's moving so spontaniously this early in a pregnancy. So obviously those two are doing pretty well also. The only problem is that I'm not. I can't stop throwing up, and I don't know what to do. My doctor is worried because she says I'm anemic, and I've lost 13lbs in the past two weeks. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt any of my babies, but i know if I continue like this...I will. HELP!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, you are very strong and brave for going through all that hardship. The next step for you is to start healing yourself both mentally and physically. You have two perfect babies in this world and your about to bring another set in, these are your miracles and your blessings, you must get better for all of them. You should start talking to a doctor about your condition and you should seek counseling and perhaps a rape/incest support group and an eating disorder group. There are so many programs out there willing to help you through all this and they will help you with your children as well. You seem to be a loving mother and you must be strong for ALL your children. You eating disorder can cause damage to both you and your babies, and even if they come out fine you still want them to have a mommy in the years to come right? I commend you for your strength and willpower and I think that there is a strong light at the end of your dark tunnel you just need some support and a strong loving hands to guide you there!!!

I am so sorry to hear all you've been through. You are a very strong lady! I'm glad to hear that your uncle is in jail where he should be and can no longer rape you. I assume your doctor knows about your eating disorder, but has s/he recommended counseling or something to help you get through it and have a healthy pregnancy? Having gone through everything that you have, a good counselor can help you mend emotionally to get on with a better life with a bright future. It sounds like you are well on your way. Try to always remember that none of what happened was your fault and neither you nor anyone else deserves it. You can get over it and have a healthy pregnancy, but you do need the support of a professional who can give you the tools to do it.

I read your post and would love to give you a big hug,you have already received some great advice and believe you should start working on your eating disorder, once you realise you have so much control of your life already you may not feel the need to control your eating in this way, at 17 you have already lived through so much you can only go up from here.....you are a survivor and you deserve all the happiness in the world.... you need to allow yourself to have that.... in england your dr can refer you for talking therapy its just a short course where you can unload your feelings on someone else and from then YOU decide whats best from there. Wishing you eternal happiness xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Katherine,
Your post brought tears to my eyes.You are a very strong person.
I had an eating disorder too when i was 16-18 and had a very hard time getting pregnant at 22 because of it I went from 130lbs to at one point 80 lbs im 5'4.5
It was very hard for me to gain weight but i knew i had to if I wanted to have a baby.
I was 105 when i got PG now im 134 i feel fat like a house but i know i am eating well for the babies (twins) .You conquerd so much already you can do away with the ED too.Do you binge and then purge or are you an anorexic Bulimic?
You might want to try eating on healthy things and then putting your twins in the stroller and taking a walk to burn off some calories as opposed to purging.
You need to get your metab. working again and pregnancy is the perfect time to do so since you expend more energy and your metab. does speed up a bit.
You need to occupy yourself with other things after eating so you wont be able to purge and you need to get real help . You can do this.
Best of luck

Katherine, do you have "morning sickness"? That is, does pregnancy make you feel nauseous? If so, it is going to be extra hard to deal with your eating disorder at this time.

Do you think you may need to be hospitalized for the sake of both you and your children? If so, is that available to you? I knew a teenage mom who was hospitalized for similar reasons so that she could be fed intraveneously.

I was malnourished during my first 2 pregnancies because of the nausea. It turns out that the nausea is at least partially relieved if you take pregnancy vitamins. After taking them for a few weeks, I would not feel so sick all the time. Vitamins can also nourish the brain, which can help you deal with the stress without tuning out. And they're good for the babies.

Do you have anyone to help you care for the children? The stress of not having that kind of help in your situation could also be exacerbating the bulimia.

I have a co-worker in the office next to mine who's wife is pregnant. She too had mental disturbances with the birth of her first child. He's been having an affair with another co-worker since she got pregnant again. It seems, as her due date approaches, the affair is diminishing. I know he was an adoring father and that he was a devoted husband as well.
Maybe you can forgive your husband (if he wants to leave the other lovers)?
It's a pretty crazy situation with you & the babies right now; it's not surprising that he is escaping into other realities with fewer responsibilities, which is not unlike what you are doing with the bulimia. No guilt intended. (I am presently taking medication that helps me to not do harmful things that I have longed to stop all my life.) I just wanted you to examine whether you can feel compassion and forgiveness for the father of your children. It must be really hard not to project the anger you feel towards your grandfather and uncle onto your husband. I've had sexual abuse experiences too, though not with family; and also unfaithful partners--so I'm not just saying things without having a clue as to how really, really hard it is to get to that place of forgiveness. You may never get back together, but you can leave your bitterness behind. (Do you even feel the bitterness? Maybe not at this time.)

Just a concerned mother posting. My sister was bulimic from age 10, through her only pregnancy and is still sometimes.

Katherine, you are an amazing woman.
I just prayed for you. *hug*

Katherine,

I just want to say that I believe it took a lot of courage for you to post your story. I have no reason to doubt your story because things like that happen everyday, unfortunately. You are an amazing person.

Seriousperson had some good advice for you so I'll leave it at that. God bless you. I will also be praying for you.