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  • PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

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    Old 04-05-2005, 10:35 AM   #46
    reddoorblack
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ninispjc
    Remember, it's not about who has the power or how to play this right. It's about accepting the situation as it is and planning your life accordingly.
    Nini is right-on with this advice! I did that for months and it got me no where. In fact in kept me in a cycle of backsliding. As nini says, men, I think, are pretty simple creatures. This is hard but the best thing you can do is move on and if he wants to explore the possibility of a relationship with you in the future, he'll let you know. Take care of yourself and be the wonderful person you are and that anybody would be lucky to have as a girlfriend.

     
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    Old 04-05-2005, 12:08 PM   #47
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lovingyou
    I was strong and I didn't send him a message or an email after yesterday's conversation that went so wrong! He has just sent me an email that says:

    hope u're ok today and work is going well! I'm sorry about yesterday, i told u
    many times yesterday I'm sorry so u shouldnt have got so upset. I thought u
    didnt want to reply to me so i was worried. BUt after u told me the reason, i
    trusted u but u kept on doubting. But i tell u u shouldnt. I trust u! so dont
    get so offended please.

    Have a good day and sorry again!


    So I guess I was the guilty one! Do you think I should reply back? I feel afraid that if I don't.. he won't talk to me ever again or he will not send me another message ever again!
    Honey, I think the only thing you're guilty of is being in a relationship that is murky, undefined and one that keeps you in a constant state of confusion. Lovingyou, love doesn't look like this. Real love doesn't keep your stomach in knots and it doesnt' keep you in tears, wondering is he going to be there tomorrow, oh I said something wrong in my email, now he'll never talk to me again. That's not healthy, secure real love, it just isn't. Let me ask you something, what do you honestly think he'd say if you told him straight up "I still love you and when we slept together the other weekend, it felt like we're still a couple and I still want to be a couple with you. I don't understand why you say you don't want to be with me anymore, then continue to sleep with me. If you need space, fine, but it hurts me to be in love with you and want to be with you and not know how you feel about me." I think you know deep down he'd most likely say something like "well, if it hurts you that badly,maybe we shouldn't talk or see each other anymore. I care about you but the distance, I'm confused, I'm into my career, I need space, blah blah blah blah blah..." I thin kyou know that's what he'd say. Do you really want to keep up a relationship with someone you have to be on pins and needles around so much? You have a new job that you need to learn and focus on. Please Please Please PLEASE don't blow it over this guy. What's at the bottom of all this drama and confusion and tension is the fact that you want to be his girlfriend, but he doesn't want to be your boyfriend. Yes? That's really what it all boils down to. As you know, my advice to you has been to just break off all contact with him and not worry about whether you'll ever hear from him again. But it seems you can't or won't take that advice, which I understand. I know the feelings can run so very deep, and sometimes these things just have to run their course. But he's made it so very clear that if you guys are going to stay in contact, then you must play by his rules. I DO NOT think you're to blame for the little email quarrel you had, but he wants you to think it was your fault, thereby taking the focus off the fact that he broke up with you, then turned around and slept with you without getting back together with you, knowing you still love him. In my book, that's a lousy, crappy, lowdown dirty rotten thing to do to a woman. I'll be blunt, I don't like this guy at all. I don't like what he's doing to you at all. I don't like all the confusion and pain he's put you in. BUT...having said that, if you insist on keeping contact with him, let's take baby steps. Before you touch the keyboard or the IM keypad or whatever to contact him again, I want you to chant to yourself twenty (20) times "He's not my boyfriend anymore, he broke up with me, he's just my friend." Say that to yourself 20 times and try to keep it in your head, and if you hear the word "why" pop into your head at any time during this, pinch yourself and get it out of your head. "WHY" is no longer in your vocabulary when it comes to him and his breaking up with you and his being with you but at the same time not being with you. Communicate with him just like you would communicate with any other man in the world who is NOT your boyfriend. Can you do that? In the meantime, have an awesome day at your new job, focus and learn and do well, kick butt and take names and be excellent and brilliant, and let me know what you think about what I've said to you.

     
    Old 04-06-2005, 12:38 PM   #48
    lovingyou
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    Thanks for your great support everyone!

    Nini I did take your advice seriously! I am concentrating on my new job and I am trying to tell myself he is not my boyfriend anymore.. it's so hard though.. not to think of him that way! but I guess what helps that we are in a long-distance so we don't see each other. the thing is I feel like I cannot separate myself from him completely and walk away! I don't know! I know that he is also a nice guy and very sensitive too..and I know that now he is not being fair because he still contacts me and gets upset if I don't contact him straigh away.. but there are still so many things about him that are nice.. I don't know I guess I am still in love and it's still so fresh but at least i am trying to be strong here and I am not calling him 20 times a day asking him for another chance! I am happy that I am managing this well!

    I have been taking my distance recently and I think I am much stronger than before, however, I feel I am kind of manipulated into the situation! It seems to me that it has affected him the fact that I haven't been there for him when he expected me to reply so that's why he said in his last email he was worried I didn't want to reply! I feel he is still attached or am I wrong? Anyway, I feel like I am slowly moving on myself but I feel like he won't really let me.. it's just that I signed online because I wanted to catch up with a friend of mine and he was there again! I haven't been on msn recently because of him but I feel it's not fair towards my friends.. so anyway, he said hi and he asked me about my day.. so I kept it brief and said it wasn't too bad and I said to him about my job.. and I asked him about his! Oh my gosh, he sounds really unhappy! He says it wasn't a good day as usually! when I asked why he said that he is not happy about his life! he said he is ****** off with everything and that he doesn't care about anything anymore! I didn't go into emotional speech because I tried to control myself! But what do you say to that? It sounds worrying in a way! I said to him that I received his email and I said thanks for that! and then I asked him about the Mongolian ex-housemate that he used to live with here and aout their weeeknd and he said that it was nice and that he enjoyed it.. I replied and said "so not everything is bad then" and he said "yes but that's not enough! having nice weeknds sometimes it's not enough for me to be happy" but then he said "but I won't complain because it's not good to complain.." I said to him that it's good to complain sometimes to get it out! He said (typical male) "I am fine! I am completely fine!" I said if it's something to do with his job or where he lives and he replied "please stop asking me questions.. it's not very pleasant! I said I am fine!" I said "I was just trying to be supportive" and he said "I don't need it! im not happy with my life and noone can change that!" I couldn't help myself and I asked him if it means he is also unhappy about me and he said "no. don't worry. please don't start again...." So I stopped asking questions and I said to him "i am here if you need to talk" and I decided to finish the conversation because I can see he is in the world of his mind! so I kept it all calm and said good night to him and he said good night back.

    I am going to keep distance from him now! I won't go on msn for a while now and I won't send him emails! nothing! you know it's so hard! I am such a soft-hearted person in a way that I don't have the heart to tell him that I don't care that he is unhappy and to deal with it on his own now that he is not my boyfriend anymore! I just can't do it!! I was polite to him and I was trying to be understanding so he can't blame me for anything! I think if I didn't receive the apologetic email from him today I would not be there for him!

    You probably all think Iam wrong because I am still there.. talking to him and so on... but I managed not to ask him about us and our relationship!

     
    Old 04-08-2005, 06:25 PM   #49
    lovingyou
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    It's Friday evening and I have no news from him since last time we spoke online.. since last time he was angry wtih me because I didn't reply to him ealier..

    I have not contacted him since myself and I haven't been signing online! Do you think he will never contact me again because he thought I don't reply to his messages anyway?! But he doesn't know that I miss his messages and I was happy to hear from him!! He probably thought because I didn't reply I wasn't happy and now he doesn't send a message anymore! It's so hard!! I am not sure if no contact was the right step! Maybe he thinks I lost interest in him but that's not the truth at all! I feel like giving him a call or sending him a message! He spent such a nice weekend here with me 2 weeks ago and now we are not even talking to each other and we don't contact each other! I am worried if the no contact is right from my side because I wouldn't like to loose him completely but it seems like I have lost him already! It's so hard to know what to do! I miss him terribly especially now that is a weekend! I am going out with my housemate and some of her friends but I think of him all the time! It's so hard to know what he might be thinking and expecting of me at the moment? My housemate told me that not necessarily every guy is the same and not necessarily every guy wants to be always the one who is chasing.. I don't know what to do! I feel very low actually!

    I have just come back from a night club and there were a couple of guys interested.. one of them was actually pusueing me heavily but I am not intersted! I still think of my ex a lot and I miss him so much! I have just got home and I feel so lonely without him! I am sure he is out.. probably pursuing girls.. I would like to talk to him but I am worried now! should I contact him? maybe he really thinks I lost interest in him but the fact is I haven't and I still love him and think of him so much! If only he knew...

     
    Old 04-08-2005, 07:11 PM   #50
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    i had a similar situation and then we got back together after a yr of being broken up . he never saw anyone else and we were together 4 yrs before that. but after you go through somehitng that hard, you may both realize you are going in different directions. yes he is being vague. i would reccomend moving on.. good luck to you hun!

     
    Old 04-08-2005, 07:14 PM   #51
    lovingyou
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    you got back together? how was it while you were broken up? were you in contact? who broke up with whom? please tell me more mikesbaby...thanks!! I still love him to be honest and I still hope!! I miss him and I am scare of loosing him if I move on and won't initiate any contact with him? are you still together? if you decided to get back together why did you recommend to move on?

     
    Old 04-09-2005, 05:47 PM   #52
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    i had to come here to vent..

    I spoke to him today on msn and at first we had quite a nice chat about anything.. but then we started to talk about us.. i said to him if he would like to meet each other again and he replied "why are you asking me that?" he then said "yes but I don't know when". I said the reason why I am asking because I miss him and he replied and said "I miss you a bit". he then said that I shouldn't worry too much about us.. that it was him who made the decision to stop so I shouldn't blame myself. i said to him that I miss the times we had and he replied "ok. what are you trying to do now? it's like you want me to change my mind". I said that i am just being honest to tell him i miss him because last time we had such a nice time. He said "I know but it won't change my mind". He said nothing has changed since last time.. he said "I don't want to be with you now and I don't know about the future". he then said "i can see you are still hoping we will get back together because because you are asking me that after 2 weeks since last time I saw you". I said no it's just that i miss you and he said "ok. but you need to get used to. what can I do? i wanted to stop so I am not going to see you every time you miss me". I asked him so should I move on? he said "for now yes.but i told you already". I said so should I forget about us and he said "us maybe yes, me I hope not". I said to him that when he came last time he sounded as if it's not a final break up and now he sounds so sure and he said "i said one day maybe we can be together again but not after 2 weeks. im talking about years!!". i said to him i cannot believe that he was telling me to forget about us and he said "what is different from last time? I said to you I don't want you back now already before! nothing has changed". I said to him that he is talking to me now as if everything is final and over and he said "I never said I am not going to be with you again. but not before years because i won't change my mind after 6 months" he then said "you sound surprised" and I said "yes because you were talking differently before and behaving with me differently when you came here! He said "it's not truth" but i feel it is! he then said "of course it's difficult for me to let you move on but that's the best for you" I said to him "so it's completely the end? So why did you say before it was a break?" He replied "i said it because it was hard for me to break up and I didn't want to close any door if I want to go back again". I said so now you closed them? He said "no". He then said to me that he can see I was still hoping and that he doesn't want to explain himself to me all the time..

    I said to him ok don't worry i'll move on! now I know the truth and he said "like a month ago! nothing has changed" but i know that it has changed because he wasn't behaving to me like he was sure and he wanted things completely over! I guess I am facing the reality now! He has made his mind up! I feel like he has met someone else because I didn't sound so convinced when he came to visit me 2 weeks ago

    The worst thing was at the end of our conversation I said to him I'll move on! I said I wish you well and he said "so you won't talk to me now anymore? I said " I will but not now". he asked "if not now when then?" he said "so you accepted to talk to me and to see me only because you thought it would change my mind and we would get back together? he said you only thought about you!" I was so shocked when he said that! He then said "you didn't listen to me and you didn't understand me at all". I said to him that it's harsh of him to say that I only think of me because i don't think it's true and that I am trying to understand him but I need time to think! and he said "ok i'll give you time! see you then!" and then we finished our conversation!

    I cannot understand the sudden change in his behaviour! He is so convinced now! he sounds so sure! he sounds like he knows that he doesn't want me now anymore! he was so different when he came here 2 weeks ago

    I guess i talked to him today because i wanted to have some kind of clarity of what is going on with us but im quite hurt that he was like this! what should I do now? what do you think about what he said to me? i know it's pretty much clear but I guess it's so painful to accept it all! im really hurt now!

     
    Old 04-09-2005, 10:11 PM   #53
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    I don't know...obviously you're a lot more familiar with this situation than any of us are, but it doesn't sound to me like there's been a sudden or dramatic change in your ex's behavior. He's been pretty clear and consistent in letting you know that for the time being and the forseeable future, he's not interested in being in a relationship with you. I know this must be incredibly hurtful and sad for you, and I am really sorry for all the pain he's put you through. But to be honest, the only one who has ever seen any signs or indications that your ex wants to get back together is you--all along, the posters here and (from what you've told us, anyway) your ex have asserted that you really need to move on and not sit around waiting and hoping based on a very slim chance that he'll change his mind. But as he told you online and tried to tell you right before left, your ex has made a firm, final decision that he no longer wants to be involved in your relationship. I'm going through a painful breakup myself right now and understand just how difficult it can be to believe and accept that a relationship is over when you still love and want your ex so desperately...but unfortunately, it takes two willing and eager partners to maintain a happy and healthy relationship. If one person has decided that they want to break up, there's just nothing the other person can do to change his or her mind, as your ex is trying to make abundantly clear to you. Try to take a step back and see the situation as it really is, not how you want and hope it will be. I hate to say this because I can tell how much you still love him and how much you are hurting without him, but I really think you need to accept that this relationship is over. It sounds like by telling you there was a chance of a future reconciliation, your ex was just trying to let you down easy and extract himself from the relationship without too much of a fight from you. But I think now he's realized that those words (along with his weekend visit) just led you on by keeping your hopes up and preventing you from accepting the breakup and moving on with your life. It sounds like he's trying now to do the right thing by being honest with you that in his mind, the relationship is over. 99% of the time when people who want out of a relationship say that there may be some chance for the couple again in the future, they are just trying to be gentle and lessen the shock and hurt of the breakup. Lovingyou, I really feel for you, but I also hope you are able to look at this situation honestly and accept it for what it is. The only person you are hurting by continuing to devote so much energy and attention to your ex is you, and unfortunately, things probably won't improve much until you are able to admit that it is truly over and thus take the first, most important, and perhaps the most difficult step in healing and moving on. Hang in there, just try to make it through one day at a time, and good luck--you WILL feel better and get over this pain in time, as impossible as it seems now. But millions of other broken-hearted people have sworn that they would never recover from a breakup and never love again, and sure enough, time really does heal almost every wound if you actively desire and pursue healing. Good luck!

     
    Old 04-09-2005, 11:04 PM   #54
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    Yeah, I'm sorry lovingyou, but I agree with Snails.

    I see you are hurting, and understandably so. I'm sure if I were in your situation, I would be hurting, also.
    Well, actually I am still hurting over an ex, so I can certainly understand that it is hard.

    But it sounds like your ex is just being honest with you. And that is a good thing.
    Actually, my ex still swears he loves me and wants to be with me... All along he is with someone else.

    So would you prefer he lie to you, give you false hope to hold onto? Then find out later on that he never wanted to get back together? For as much as you are hurting right now, I feel very confident the hurt would be at least 10x's worse if he was leading you on about it all.

    I know its hard, but could you try to just respect his honesty with you, even if it's just a little bit to start off with?
    To me (and I'm a bit trusting) it seems maybe he felt you would get back together in the future. But maybe now he is realizing that you are holding on tighter than he is, or tighter than he thought you would be, so he may just be viewing the situtation different now, seeing the effect it has on you.

    I am sorry you are going thru all these feelings, it's not fun at all.
    And honestly, I can't tell you about the future. I can't tell you how to get over it, move on, that you'll find someone else, because I just don't know about that myself. They say we'll all find love again. I don't know - maybe, maybe not. But if nothing else, I certainly hope you can find some peace of mind over this situation very soon!

     
    Old 04-09-2005, 11:32 PM   #55
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    Nini, you have taught so many of us such a good lesson here or reminded us what we already knew, but refused to accept. Now, if we will only remember, not just today but tommorrow and the week after when we're feeling lonely and weak.

     
    Old 04-10-2005, 04:52 AM   #56
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lovingyou
    I cannot understand the sudden change in his behaviour! He is so convinced now! he sounds so sure! he sounds like he knows that he doesn't want me now anymore! he was so different when he came here 2 weeks ago
    !
    LY, I'm so sorry you're hurting so badly, I really do feel for you. I do agree with Snails, though. His words haven't changed from when he first broke up with you. The thing that confused you was the weekend you spent together. He was different in his behavior then because he wanted to get laid, but his words were the same. You just weren't listening to them then. this guy may be honest now, but it wasn't honest of him to sleep with you when he knew that you still loved him. Personally, I still really don't like this jerk at all. He has handled this situation very poorly in my opinion. The to turn it around on you and make you feel bad for wanting to cut off contact with him and calling you selfish and only thinking of yourself has me seeing RED I think it's pretty crappy of him to not see how he's hurting you and how you obviously still feel too strongly for him to be just friends now. He should be doing everything possible to make this easier for you, and instead he's only thinking of himself. But at least you know the truth now. As much as it hurts, there's no denying it's over, at least for the next few YEARS! You must do what you can to move on NOW.

    There's only one thing I disagree with Snails on. Time does not always heal everything. It's been seven, (7), count them, SEVEN years for me since my ex dumped me, and it still cuts like a knife every day. Trust me, LY, you DO NOT want to be feeling what you're feeling now for the next seven years and beyond. You must break off all contact with this guy for good. Not one more email, not one more note, not one more IM, nothing. Cut him out of your mind, your memory and your life. The longer you hold on and keep hoping he'll come back one day, the longer you'll get used to waiting for him and the longer it will take for you to move on, and then one day, you won't be able to. I beg you, please, take it from someone who's living this hell, please don't let it happen to you, too. Please, get your butt in a bubble bath, take up a new hobby, have a girl's night out with your girlfriends, rally friends and family around and surround yourself with as much support and company as you can, move, get a new job, whatever you have to do to get this guy out of your system for good and as soon as possible. I really dont' want to see you still feeling this way in another 7 years, and trust me, you don't want that, either.

     
    Old 04-10-2005, 01:20 PM   #57
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    Great advice, Nini--loving you would be very wise to learn from your hurtful experience rather than having to go through the same pain that you did in order to learn the same lesson the hard way. The longer you cling to hope of reconciliation, the longer you will continue to feel very sad and confused about t relationship and hold off on moving on and starting to heal. The sooner you can cut all ties with this guy (I agree that he's not handling this well, but I also think that LY is partially to blame for seeing what she wants to see instead of accepting that it's over as her ex keeps telling her), the better off you'll be and the better chance you'll have of healing fairly quickly and finding happiness again. Nini, I didn't mean to imply that time always heals all wounds...I know this isn't true, I just wanted to point out that while everyone feels like they'll never get over it and love again after a breakup, the vast majority of people do in fact move on and get past the pain of losing a loved one. That's one of the great things about these boards...people who have gone through a particular experience can share the lessons they've learned with those who are currently in the same kind of situation. It's really helped me to see that posters who thought they would never feel okay again after being dumped usually do manage to overcome the pain of that experience in time. However, I think anyone who has gone through a hurtful breakup will tell you that the longer you refuse to let go and accept that the relationship is really over, the more painful the healing process will be for you. Please take the advice offered here...people are only trying to help spare you the same mistakes and resulting unhappiness that they have suffered in the past.

     
    Old 04-11-2005, 08:17 AM   #58
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Snails
    The sooner you can cut all ties with this guy (I agree that he's not handling this well, but I also think that LY is partially to blame for seeing what she wants to see instead of accepting that it's over as her ex keeps telling her), the better off you'll be and the better chance you'll have of healing fairly quickly and finding happiness again. Nini, I didn't mean to imply that time always heals all wounds...I know this isn't true, I just wanted to point out that while everyone feels like they'll never get over it and love again after a breakup, the vast majority of people do in fact move on and get past the pain of losing a loved one.
    Yes, I agree that LY has heard what she wants to hear instead of what her ex has really been saying with his mouth, but you have to admit it's harder to believe the words "I don't love you and i don't want to be with you anymore" while he's lying naked in your bed. He never ever should have taken her to bed that weekend. I really believe he knows she wants him back, how can he not know? And he used her feelings to get some one last time, and I'm sorry, I think that stinks.

    I know, Snails, I get what you were saying. It's time and what you do with that time. time heals wounds if you use it constructively.

     
    Old 04-11-2005, 04:52 PM   #59
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    I FINALLY DID IT!!! I MANAGED TO TELL HIM THAT I NEED TIME ON MY OWN!! thanks guys for your help and your interpretations and your support and your advice! It's much appreciated!!! It's a bit long this time so sorry about the length but i had to tell you the details!

    Anyway, after he sent me the email I called him to make things completely clear! I couldn't go on like this anymore! As lili correctly said he would tell me he wants to move on.. explore others and then once I say I will move on he would come back to say he is sorry! I couldn't possibly let go with him coming and going like this! So I called him for clarification! He was actually nice to me and we had quite a calm talk about our situtation! He said it clearly that he does not want to be with me now.. it's over.. it's the end! But he said he still cares about me, misses me but he didn't want to tell me that just in case I would still hope! Anyway, after that we talked about whether to be in contact or not! I said that I am not sure but maybe for now we shouldn't be because he said it himself that he wants me to move on! He said that he will respect my decision even thogh he is not happy with that but that he would be unhappy if I decided not to hear from each other again! Anyway, I said to him that I cannot be his friend because I still have feelings for him.. we ended the conversation in a good way and then I thought about it for a little bit and we then had our "last conversation on msn"! Here it is:

    I said to him: I wanted to say that i was glad i received the email from you and i could talk to you about it today! i feel like i can tell you a lot and i really appreciate it! i became emotional today but i understand what you are saying! i just wanted to be clear that's all.. i don't want to forget completely as well and i agree with you that i would like to see you again but we need time. i guess i was worried today!
    i think loosing contact completely would be shame also.
    it's nice to feel that you still care and it's not only because i would hope.. it's nice to know it anyway.that's what i think

    HE says:
    you know, i m very happy to know u!! cos you are a great girl and I don't want to loose you completely! that's what I think.

    I said: thank you. that's nice to hear!

    HE says: thanks for being understanding!
    thanks for being understanding

    I say: i am trying to understand you because i care for you a lot and I want you to be happy

    He said " i know! the same for me! I want you to be happy and I respect you!
    that's why i try to be careful with u. i don't want to hurt you!

    I said: my heart is painful but I know as well that I cannot do anything. I can't force things and I must let it be!

    He said: i am sorry I hurt you! that's not what I want to do! i dont want to let u go completely! thats why i m still talking to u! It's difficult for me too. It was a harsh decision but I wanted to do it! i felt bad to do that but I did it.

    I said: but why did you tell me things like you don't want to close the door and that you never said you don't want to be with me again.. are these things truth?

    He says: i dont know! I am as lost as you! I am weak! I cannot promise you anything and you can't wait for me so we should forget us!

    I say: OK i'll leave it!

    HE say: because if i say no u would not move on and it's not fair for you!

    I say: if you want me to move on then i guess we might need to have time without hearing from each other for some time

    HE says: if that's what u want..i'll do it! it's your decision! i respect it!

    I say: but i didn't mean for good! I meant for now.

    HE says: what does "now" mean for u then? how long is it?

    I say: until we feel stronger
    HE says: and how can i know when u will feel stronger?

    I say: i can't say now! it's not definite when

    HE says: ok then! if it's what u think. i must respect it i guess

    I say: like i must respect your decision

    HE says: well i wish u all the best then

    I say: thank you! me too!

    HE says: but i ll be here if u need me

    I say: thanks. that's kind of you! i know you are someone who knows me well!
    i hope you are going to feel better about your job!!

    HE says: i dont think so...but it s ok i will survive. i may live abroad anyway...

    I say: good luck!! i hope it will work out for you and you will find the happiness you are looking for!

    HE says: please promise me we will see again?

    I say: i hope we will one day. you have been a very close person to me

    HE says: u dont have to hope. u can just say yes we will! because it depends on you!

    I say: also on you no?

    HE says:no because u want to stop keeping contact

    I say: but i didn't say for good

    HE says: so dont say all these things to me then. i feel depressed now

    I say: i said to you before it's until we are feeling stronger

    HE says: it's like we wont see any more! I hate that!

    I say: i know it's hard but we have to let it be now. I must go now. my friend is calling me. take care!!!

    HE says:I am ****** crying now....my life is meaningless! i m only good to spread sadness around me. i am weirdo

    I say: you are not. im sure you will find your happiness!!!

    HE says: never! i m a crap and creep. bye

    I say: bye

    I was then talking to my friend and he came online again and he said the following:
    "please dont ever change ur email address ok?" I didn't asnwer at first and he called me again and said "dont change ur email address .... that's the last link i will have to you! ok? u dont want to answer?"

    I replied:
    yes i do.. sorry i was talking to a friend of mine..of course i won't change the address.. He says: never? I replied "of course not". He then said "ok i m leaving u then! i cant believe u re talking to your friend now. it doesnt sound important for u ?
    wish u the best! bye

    I say:
    it is important to me of course it is
    HE says:
    but u prefer sharing our last words together with your friend! great
    I say:
    she is not here anymore
    I say:
    don't worry! i didn't mean it's for good!
    He says:
    u said me good bye cos your friend was calling u. i feel a bit bad now but it's ok.
    I say:
    she was just asking about something
    He says: anyway it s ok. bye. I said "take care"

    I feel so sad now! but I feel that at least I have some of my power back! But he sounds hurt and he said he was crying! Maybe he really didn't want let go completely and now I lost him for good? I am not sure if I made the right decision but the reason why I made this kind of decision because he said to me that I should move on and forgret about us otherwise I wouldn't have made this kind of decision but now I am so scared I lost him for good??? I still love him so much!! What do you guys think?

     
    Old 04-11-2005, 04:55 PM   #60
    lovingyou
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    Re: PLEASE HELP! Is it over or is there a hope?

    I forgot to add that he sent me an email this afternoon:

    Yesterday I told him that I need time to move on and he sent me an email today:

    I'm sorry about last time, i didnt mean to hurt u! of course i still like u and
    i miss u! but as i already said, i want to experience other things and i cant
    look backwards all the time, that's why it's good for both of us to move on. But
    that doesnt mean that i want to completely forget u! not at all! and i d be
    happy to see u again , that's for sure! but i dont know if it 's a good idea so
    soon, if we want to forget a bit our relation... what do u think? and after this email we had the phone conversation and then the final chat online..

    it's so hard to let go!!

     
    Closed Thread

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