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  • Boyfriend of 4 years wants space

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    Old 05-15-2005, 04:21 PM   #1
    merry_meri
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    Question Boyfriend of 4 years wants space

    I'm 26, my boyfriend is 31. I've been with my bf for 4 years and throughout the entire time he's told me that I am the love of his life (and I tell him that he is mine). In January he was talking about engagement rings, then in February he tells me wants a break from our relationship. He said that he's too overwhelmed with school, graduating, getting a job, marriage. He said he's not sure that he wants to get married. He said that he doesn't want to hurt me while he works through his issues and tries to finish school.

    I felt the exact same way as him and we totally agreed that a break would be good for us. Well I've been unemployed and out of school since December 2004, so I've had plenty of time to work on my personal issues and work on making our relationship better. But he's still super busy with school, his two jobs and getting therapy and other help for his problems. I'm ready to get back together with him but he isn't. He will graduate at the end of July. I asked him when he would be ready to talk about our relationship and he said that he wants to get through school first. I know he's still stressed and confused about what he wants. He keeps telling me that we are going to talk soon but we still haven't talked. And everytime I contact him, he says his head isn't clear and that he doesn't want to talk now. I know he's not ready to talk. I told him to call me when he's ready to talk. We've now gone 3 weeks without talking to each other.

    Do you think I would be crazy to wait until graduation for him? I'm willing to wait, but I'm not sure if that's the best idea. I'm thinking I could handle a couple more months. There is no quick fix for a situation like this. Should I try calling him again?

    OK, I can elaborate more, if necessary. I don't want to make this too long. Thanks!

    Last edited by merry_meri; 05-15-2005 at 04:35 PM.

     
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    Old 05-15-2005, 06:33 PM   #2
    Piranna65
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    Re: Boyfriend of 4 years wants space

    welcome to the boards merry.

    Okay Im a bit confused on your situation but here goes. He has a few months till graduation? Where does he go to school? Most colleges have just had graduation? Whats the deal w/that.

    So you've been taking a break now for 3 weeks and no talking? Im confused you see, i've never dated or known of anyone to date someone, talk about engagement then say they need space then actually get back together? Could there be other reasons your "boyfriend" wanted to split up?

    Usually most couples make it work through stress, no time, working, and school. And if you were to marry him some of these issues may not go away and you cant just take a break everytime a fork comes up in the road.

    Im a fulltime student, i work fulltime and I have boyfriend/fiance fulltime. He works fulltime. So there a some days we dont even see each other, we dont live together, but we see each other when we can. We've both been stressed in the past and splitting up has never crossed my mind just to have a "break''??

    If he has personal issues and was thinking about marrying you then he should be able to share these issues with you and consider talking to you about htem too ya know? It seems to me he may be loosing interest especially if he's not talking to you AT ALL. There's a problem there and I would be concerned. Whats wrong with just talking about whats new? How are things?How's school? You know small talk, why does he assume its about you two getting back together?

    I'd suggest calling him and telling him your worried about the turn out of this split..goodluck

     
    Old 05-16-2005, 02:42 AM   #3
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    Re: Boyfriend of 4 years wants space

    Could he be using the studies, etc as an excuse? When I was going out with this guy a few years ago he suddenly said to me that he "wanted a break" but actually it meant he wanted to split up.

     
    Old 05-16-2005, 04:01 AM   #4
    ladivapr02
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    Re: Boyfriend of 4 years wants space

    merry meri my advice is just look for another guy. This guy is showing no interest in you whatsoever and seems to me he is not going to marry you so if you call him and look for him the only thing it will cause is to hurt yourself. There is more men out there looking for true love so feel not afraid to move on. I know it's though to give an end to such a long relationship but you can do it. You are still young and you have a life ahead of you. You will be fine!

     
    Old 05-16-2005, 05:52 AM   #5
    evy38
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    Re: Boyfriend of 4 years wants space

    If a guy say's he needs space, should you?

    A. Cling to him, telling him how much you love him and begging him to stay.
    B. Fall apart, lock yourself up and end your social life
    C. Help him pack because you love yourself first and any man who can't committ to someone as wonderful you, doesn't deserve someone as wonderful as you.

    If you chose C you will recover and finally meet someone who really deserves you.

    Last edited by evy38; 05-16-2005 at 05:55 AM.

     
    Old 05-16-2005, 06:49 AM   #6
    greeneyes100
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    Re: Boyfriend of 4 years wants space

    When men say they want space, we give them all the space they want!

    He's not ready to take the plunge right now, so let him go. If he truly loves you, he will come back. As I said in an earlier post, the more we try to cling to the man, more they run the other way.

    Don't contact him AT ALL. Keep your dignity and work on staying busy and finding a job. Right now, you have too much time on your hands and it's not helping you. Post an online ad and start dating other men. Find a new hobby and stay busy, busy, busy!

    A lot men, instead of making a clean break, will say they need space. If he does call, don't answer the phone and don't return his calls until he's called several times.

    You will just have to play the waiting game for awhile, but don't count on him coming back; and, in the meantime, have fun and stay busy. Good luck!

     
    Old 05-16-2005, 07:13 AM   #7
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    Re: Boyfriend of 4 years wants space

    Yes, I agree with the other posters. Something sounds fishy and I think he's just using his school as an excuse. It's true, the more you try to change his mind now, the more he will try to get away. I think Greeneyes gave you great advice. I know it's extremely hard to not call him and not try to change his mind, but it's the best course of action for now. He knows exactly where to find you if he wants to. I would try not to sit around and get a new job and start going out on dates with other men. Hang in there, things will get better.

     
    Old 05-16-2005, 08:34 AM   #8
    Lover's Mirage
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    Re: Boyfriend of 4 years wants space

    I feel you should let him have his space, but at the same time keep your options open. Also, don't let him keep you in the "dark" with what he expects to come of the two of you. It is not fair to you. If he continues that behavior tell him you will give him some space.......a lifetime of it.

     
    Old 05-16-2005, 09:18 AM   #9
    SophiaM
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    Re: Boyfriend of 4 years wants space

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Lover's Mirage
    I feel you should let him have his space, but at the same time keep your options open. Also, don't let him keep you in the "dark" with what he expects to come of the two of you. It is not fair to you. If he continues that behavior tell him you will give him some space.......a lifetime of it.
    That is a great point, actually. You cannot let him have his space indefinitely and just put you on hold. I think you should speak to him once and give him a deadline to make up his mind. If it's OK with you to wait until June, let him know that after that date you expect him to make a decision about whether or not to get engaged. It's only fair.

     
    Old 05-16-2005, 09:31 AM   #10
    jay2003
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    Re: Boyfriend of 4 years wants space

    It lools like your guy might have lost interest, if he loved you, he would call, just to stay in touch at least once a week. Move on, chances are he is not sitting at home alone wondering what your doing. If he was your phone would be ringing. He is the one that made the split he should be the one to make the call. If it would make you feel better call one last time, but come to terms with your heart and if your gesture is not returned or you are brushed off, collect your losses, and mend your heartache and move on. I know its hard, but be strong. It will get better.

     
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