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  • Girlfriend cheated, Relationship better than ever

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    Old 05-24-2005, 05:27 AM   #16
    bendb
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    Re: Girlfriend cheated, Relationship better than ever

    I was in a similar situation a couple of months ago. My gf of five and a half years cheated on me. We didn't have sex until we had been dating over three years and she cheated on me. She wasn't the type to do something like this either, but it still happened. Like you, I chose to forgive pretty quickly. She was happy for a few days then she got confused about why it happened and wanted some time to herself. I can only tell you how I am getting through it. She says now that she wants to be with me. OK, I will try it again. But I won't get to deep into the relationship too soon. It has been a couple of months and I still think about that night. I hope it works out, I really do. But I am prepared to walk away. I am still young. I want things to work with her I really do, but I won't be a doormat. I'm just taking things as they come and seeing how it goes. Keep in mind that she did cheat on you. Things can't go back to normal just like that, she has trust to earn back. But also keep in mind that everyone does make mistakes, sometimes very bad ones, that they learn from. Just make sure it was a mistake and not something else before you get too involved with this girl.

     
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    Old 05-24-2005, 09:41 AM   #17
    Piranna65
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    Re: Girlfriend cheated, Relationship better than ever

    I dont like hearing "she's not the type to do this" when obviously she is otherwise she wouldnt have done it in the first place...

     
    Old 05-24-2005, 10:40 AM   #18
    RegularGuy7
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    Re: Girlfriend cheated, Relationship better than ever

    Perhaps this guy was actually turned on by thinking about his g/f with another man. Some people are just wired that way.

     
    Old 05-25-2005, 04:44 AM   #19
    MOONCHILD63
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    Re: Girlfriend cheated, Relationship better than ever

    Wired that way? If it were me i'd be blowing circuits left and right.

     
    Old 05-25-2005, 10:59 AM   #20
    T-zone
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    Re: Girlfriend cheated, Relationship better than ever

    dsf*fs*d*f!

    my point of view, as a guy;

    she slept with another guy... she wasn't drunk....she wasn't seriously angry.....she wasn't looking for revenge.... This girl doesn't respect you! shes got you into believing shes a sweet little girl and now can do anything and get away with it!

    By forgiving her instantaneously you have taught her she can walk all over you! You have also shown to us that you are insecure, you have no power in the relationship and are so scared of losing her you can't be angry with her for more than a few moments. But your actions will result in you losing her.

    If you want to keep this girl you must tell her you were totally shocked by the whole thing and were not thinking, you take it all back and don't forgive her at all and need time apart, say a week or two and don't call. If she makes serious attempts to get back together allow it only after enough time has passed of being apart.

    You need to show this girl you are the man, that you could go out and find someone else in a heatbeat if you wanter. She needs this from you, she needs to feel lucky to have you. The more hard to get you are the more she will want you. If this girl is like I imagine she will try and turn it around and expect you to be running back to her...(which you must not do). If she doesn't come back to you, forget it, she ain't worth it, and be thankful you got out before you wasted anymore time.

    This is how relationships work. When someone cheats in a way like this (with all their cognitive function intact and plently of time to think about it) the only possible way to continue the relationship is to break up and then for the perpetrator to beg the other one to come back. Hell, you better make her feel punished (in the form of seperation only of course) if the whole thing has any chance at all.

     
    Old 05-29-2005, 03:54 AM   #21
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    Re: Girlfriend cheated, Relationship better than ever

    be VERY Careful, you say things are AWESOME at the moment?
    what about next time things arent so good, she knows a way to get you both getting on great again
    have sex with someone else, yippee
    dont be okay with this, or it will become acceptable

     
    Old 05-29-2005, 05:59 AM   #22
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    Re: Girlfriend cheated, Relationship better than ever

    I'd have to agree with all the information you've gotten here. Your g/f never should have done this. And you being "okay" with it is screwed up. It's been a while now. How is the relationship? Still better then ever? Do you still have the thought of her being intimate with another man in your head? Do you think that image will ever go away? Probably not. Do you think she loves you more? Or now has respect for you? My guess is your answer is "no not really" to all of the above. I'd kiss her behind goodbye and tell her to see if the other guy is still interested in her. Unless he just wanted a one night stand...

    Real relationships work out of respect, love, trust ect...her cheating on you is not okay. And if you let her think its okay like ANT2005 said she will do it again knowing you think its going to make the relationship even better...

     
    Old 05-30-2005, 01:28 AM   #23
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    Re: Girlfriend cheated, Relationship better than ever

    Just make sure that she isn't going to run out and have sex with someone else every time you guys arent' getting along well.....where's the committment in that? If she wants a perfectly smooth relationship, she should stay single!

    Having said that, if this is the only time that she has done this and she does seem truly sorry.....she may never do it again. Maybe she just had to know. Maybe she was questioning her true feelings and needed some answers...like a previous poster said, only you can decide if you can or will forgive her. Forgiveness can be a pretty powerful thing.

    HOWEVER....would I forgive her (if I were a guy)? HELL NO. Well, let me rephrase that. Yes, I would forgive her. But I would not stay with her. No way. Like alot of the other posts say.....cheating is a big deal ender.

    Last edited by Lil'Pea; 05-30-2005 at 01:38 AM.

     
    Old 05-30-2005, 01:41 AM   #24
    Blackout_Chaos
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    Re: Girlfriend cheated, Relationship better than ever

    I haven't read all of the posts from others, and I doubt I need to. Here are some facts: It's easy for someone to say "*** are you thinking?!? Break up with her!" and just as easy to say "She's sorry, she won't do it again, forget about it." Something else, we don't know the situation. I don't know you, I don't know her, I don't know what happened.

    What I do know is this. Consider the situation and what the influence was. Did she drink? How does she know the guy? etc... Next, how long have you two been together. If it's for a long time, you should have a huge trust thing going. Take a day by yourself and think about it. If you sincerely think she's sorry and will be faithful from now on, give her a second chance. No one else can really tell you what's right and what's wrong here.

    From the other side, there are plenty of other fish in the sea, as the cliche goes. Others will come by. Listen to your heart and decide how you feel about the whole situation first. But like I said, if she's sincere, then hey, just like baseball, she's still at bat. Strike one. Just don't be naive.

     
    Old 05-30-2005, 01:48 PM   #25
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    Re: Girlfriend cheated, Relationship better than ever

    Actually it is very normal for relationships that survive infidelity to be stronger and better than what they were before the infidelity happend. Seeing as it seems that both of you are still young it could be that it was just out of immaturity/impulse/lust.

    Now like you said, your relationship wasn't the greatest at the time which means that this man could have made her feel good about herself. You know?

    You know. Now I agree with others that in time this happy feeling that you have will most likely be cast aside in time with sadness but for how long is anyones guess. Now some people can forgive that easily. One night stands are much more forgiveable than month long affairs.

    Now one thing that is interesting is that you get all these people that say they would dump their partner in a heart beat if they ever cheated on them but when it does happend they don't.

    Basically is this, your girl confessed to you, that takes a lot of guts. It is also shows that she isn't willing to lie to you and not to keep secrets. She is also giving you a choice.

    Now when it comes to the parents knowing, well if they ask questions answer honestly. The more people that know the more people can help you.

     
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