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    Old 06-08-2005, 05:49 PM   #121
    SophiaM
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    Re: Dating Multiple People at the same time--good or bad?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by glamourgal
    Goody, I know what you are saying is very true. I just feel so down today that I don't even want to believe anything good about myself. And yes that does make me very mad that a guy is what is making me feel this way about myself. I am just tired of most all of the people around me being happily coupled off and oh, there's poor me (that's what they probably think), the girl who is always single. I am too prideful to let others see me this down on myself, but I am so tired of always being single!! I just want my "someday" to get here and I want to be able to have a relationship with someone whom I really like and for them to feel the same about me. I don't think that I will ever just settle for someone--if so I would have already done that by now. I am just tired of things not ever working out for me (I guess I am just in a selfish mood right now.) But thanks Goody for trying to get through to me and to others here, I definitely agree with what you are saying.

    And Sophia, the sexy young nun convent idea--- well, at this point I am willing to try anything!!!

    I just wanted to add that I really do want to be optimistic and I have been trying to be that way! I guess there are just many ups and downs with dating--as there are with most other things in life .
    Glamour, I swear I could have written this word for word myself! We really do seem to have a lot in common. I'm guessing from your nickname that you're probably very stylish and into fashion, which is what I like as well. I'm sure you're a very beautiful and obviously kind-hearted woman, but I don't know if it seems to matter. I honestly don't know WHAT matters to men. Just on the way back from work, I saw this tall, lean, handsome, dark-haired guy (completely my type, can you guess..LOL) with this really plain looking, short, quite roundish in the middle woman (same exact kind my ex-fiance married--grrrr...). I kept looking at him and asking myself WHY can't I ever find a guy like that? Ok, forget even a guy like that, but apparently, not even a short (but cute) guy wants me? I am tall, blonde, and slim (some people said I look like Naomi Watts, which I take as a compliment). WHAT in the world is wrong with me??? I mean, I know I'm not stupid, either and I'm basically a good person. So what can it be that I seemingly keep attracting the scum of the earth (sorry for being so blunt, but I'm angry). Maybe I should be more ruthless and less sensitive, compassionate, and nice. These qualities seemed to have had a negative impact on my life, strangely. Do you also find that being a nice person backfires on you? It backfired on me badly. I wish my mother taught me how to be more demanding and "bitchy." I truly wish.

    Nini, thank you so much for the kind words. and sorry if I was a bit blunt in the past. I keep my fingers crossed for you as well. I'm not really considering the married guy, although he is quite good looking and charming. There is a possibility that he's just in a "greencard marriage" because he's from another country and married to an American citizen (here we go again! ), but in any case, I will stay clear of him.

     
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    Old 06-08-2005, 06:13 PM   #122
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    Re: Dating Multiple People at the same time--good or bad?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SophiaM
    Maybe I should be more ruthless and less sensitive, compassionate, and nice. These qualities seemed to have had a negative impact on my life, strangely. Do you also find that being a nice person backfires on you? It backfired on me badly. I wish my mother taught me how to be more demanding and "bitchy." I truly wish.
    Sophia ~ Do not change a single hair on your head or any other wonderful quality that you possess. Your mother taught you well and besides, Goody possesses many of the same great qualities that you do and you seem to like me and I think I have done quite fine. Please don't let this get you down to the point that you turn callous and cold.....it goes so totally against your nature

    It's a bad week and NG really brought your hopes down.....his loss if I may say I'm really disappointed almost as much as you are, if you can posssibly believe that!!!

    Glamourgal ~ You hang in there too....so you went out with a gorgeous guy...he just primed you for the next. And besides, you probably improved your golf swing as well It's all about attitude, girls...keep it positive as difficult as it may seem. You're one day closer to meeting Mr. Right

    ((HUGS))) ~ Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 06-08-2005 at 06:15 PM.

     
    Old 06-08-2005, 06:15 PM   #123
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    Re: Dating Multiple People at the same time--good or bad?

    What great advice, Goody...I am very flattered by the nice things you guys have said lately, particularly because I am usually not so blunt and honest about how I approach guys and dating. It's really nice to hear positive feedback about things I usually don't open up about nearly as freely. Anyway, you do have a very good point, Sophia, that it's a lot easier to meet great guys in your twenties (I'm in my mid-twenties for the record). But that doesn't mean that linking your self-esteem to how successful your romances are at any age will benefit you...like you said, I was recently in a relationship that I was so sure would work out and last forever. When it didn't, it was tough for me not to blame myself and feel like the failed relationship reflected on my worth as a person, particularly where men are concerned. I had to force myself to believe that it just wasn't meant to be, despite my best efforts, and that a failed relationship didn't make me a loser who no man would ever want again.

    After all, when guys get rejected or go through a breakup, they don't automatically assume it was all their fault and that they won't ever be worthy of being loved they way they want and deserve to be loved. But so many great women take it way too hard and personally when they don't have good luck with men. I really hate to see amazing ladies with as much to offer as you guys do get down on yourselves just because some jerk ended up not as interested as you'd hoped...I know it's easier said than done, but having success with men really requires that your sense of self-worth be completely independent from (and therefore unaffected by setbacks in) your love life. Please don't punish yourselves because these guys are too screwed up, scared, or clueless to treat you with the consideration, respect that you deserve...Greeneyes is so right that if a guy likes you, he will do anything necessary to spend time with you. If he's really into you, not only will he make sure you are consistently reminded of this, but there will be very little you can do to deter him from being interested...on the other hand, if he doesn't like you, there's little you can do to change that as well. So why blame yourselves when it's really out of your control and certainly not your fault if a guy's just not that interested?

    Like Sophia mentioned, it probably is easier to meet guys at my age, but it certainly doesn't mean it's easy to be happy and find someone you love. Just as you described, I recently went through the experience of losing someone I thought I'd love permanently, and it was incredibly difficult. Being young didn't help things any, but taking control of my attitude and outlook made all the difference in the world in allowing me to move forward with optimism. It would have been easy for me to react to losing Patrick by being really down on myself and depressed about having to date again. I truly thought I would spend my life with him, and when it didn't happen, I was just as lost and sad as anyone who's ever lost a lover they wanted to be with forever. But a terrible breakup is no reason to give up on love and dating...everyone goes through painful breakups, but those of us who do find happiness again refuse to allow them to dictate the course of the rest of our lives and hang over our heads, negatively impacting our outlooks on dating, forever.

    It's not easy to get past such a tough setback, but is within our control if we want it badly enough...it's not just my age that has made it possible for me to move on and be happy again, it was in fact much more a result of me forcing myself to embrace the future with optimism. After all, following previous failed relationships, I could have reacted by feeling sorry for myself and hating that I had to get out and date again after breakups with great guys who I'd loved very much, but then I would have never found Patrick. And by refusing to allow myself to sit around feeling bad for messing up everything with Patrick and forcing myself to embrace being single and get back out there, I was fortunate enough to meet a wonderful guy like J. While on some level I was heartbroken that something I'd invested so much of myself in hadn't worked out, I also didn't want to sit around feeling sorry for myself and feel like a loser just because I was single again. I could have spent the rest of my life, or just my prime dating years, feeling sad and punishing myself for screwing up that wonderful relationship, but what good would that do me? I've now had several relationships that I thought were "the one" but didn't work out, and if I had let any one of those failures damage my confidence and erode my hope of being happy with someone I love, I probably wouldn't have had nearly as much success in relationships. Instead, I try to be grateful for all the happiness I experienced with my exes and all that I have learned from them, which will help me be a better partner to the man I am eventually meant to be with...I'm happy to have had the opportunity to love those men, rather than down on myself because things ultimately didn't work out. Besides, if you're not confident and happy with yourself while single, it's not like that's going to magically change just because you find a great guy and get involved in a serious relationship.

    I could be miserable and bitter about being single again, but why not embrace the opportunity to have a great time as an independent, unattached young woman instead?? Being single doesn't make a man feel like a loser--just the opposite, in fact--so I decided to be as positive about the future as I could and be happy for the opportunity to date again, to meet lots of great guys with characteristics I could custom-select online, and to have fun and feel very desired again by a variety of men. There were a couple of guys I met who didn't call again, even though I liked one of them and enjoyed our date, but instead of feeling rejected and down on myself, I figured it was their loss and all the better for the majority of guys who did like me and were interested in continuing to date me. I really think that attitude, for which you all deserve quite a bit of credit, IS a choice that is within our power to make, even though it's easier to take setbacks personally and let them erode our self-esteem. Not only am I a lot happier with my outlook than I would be if I gave into my doubts or insecurities, but I think it makes me much more attractive to men when I project confidence along with the sense that I don't need a man to feel good about myself. I'm happy being independent and confident with myself regardless of what happens with men--I think they can see right off the bat that if they don't realize what a great catch I am and treat me accordingly, then it's their loss and I won't waste one minute feeling bad that they didn't want me when there are so many other guys out there that might.

     
    Old 06-08-2005, 06:16 PM   #124
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    Re: Dating Multiple People at the same time--good or bad?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    Girls, girls, girls.....please don't allow a guys inconsideration make you see any less of yourself!!!! I know it's a downer, but like Heartland brought up about Stacey....it's all about self-love and self image. Do not allow the disappointments to chisel away at that....you need to go into this with a good self image truly believing that you are a wonderful person to begin with and no matter what happens....you are still that great person. It seems that when things do not work out that you view yourself as a lesser person and we do not want any of that happening. You girls are wonderful, intelligent beings who are allowing this whole process to damage your confidence. If you truly see yourself as a good person then having a guy will not affect your confidence or self image at all. It will remain strong.....do not allow these guys problems and lack of consideration to reflect on who you really are....great women. Okay...I hope that got through.....Goody
    Goody is so right in everything she says--with so much going for you ladies, there is absolutely no reason why you should allow any of these men to affect your self-esteem in any way. What is it about them that is so great that their lack of interest (which in all likelihood has little to do with you, or if it does, has nothing to do with anything that is in your power to change) has the power to alter the way you regard yourselves? What is it about anyone that should give them the power to make us feel bad about ourselves, when there are so many amazing qualities that we possess and can offer both potential lovers and friends? Sophia, I was so sad to hear that your toxic friend succeeded in skillfully manipulating you into feeling bad about yourself and doubting yourself...this is probably the only satisfaction she achieves in life, and it makes me sick that it comes at your expense. Please, please, cut her out of your life completely and don't look back...you have so much going for you, so much to offer, and she is clearly jealous, insecure, and desperate to sabotage you in any way she can. Until you refuse to have anything further to do with you, she will continue to pick at your insecurities and undermine your self-esteem in any and all ways possible. I've had numerous female friends who started off as nice and supportive, but over time did anything they could to undermine my self-esteem and ruin my relationships. They'd lie or make up rumors about me, try to seduce my boyfriends, beg guys not to date me, all the while acting like they had my best interests at heart when in my presence. Yeah right! Their lives were so pathetic and miserable that the only way they could feel any satisfaction was to see someone they envied go through a hard time. They would try so hard to manipulate me and my boyfriends into doubting or ending our relationships because they were so jealous of my happiness and confidence...the best thing I ever did was to tell them to go you-know-what as soon as it became clear just how desperate they were to ruin my life. Your friend is no different--she knows just how to prey on anything good that happens to you until you're so distracted by the negativity and doubts she exploits that you lose sight of all the positive qualities you possess and all the successes you've achieved.

    It really is all about loving yourself passionately and loyally enough so that nothing and no one can shake your conviction that you are a wonderful person who deserves love and respect. This will provide the confidence and independence which appeal so strongly to men and explains why, paradoxically, the women who are happiest while single are the ones who have the best luck with men and the most eager suitors. But attracting men should be secondary, because if you aren't happy and secure in your own skin, you won't be able to sustain a healthy, fulfilling relationship anyway. Way too many women believe that their lives will be wonderful and perfect if only they can find the right man, and when that happens, end up disillusioned and disappointed that they are no happier or more fulfilled than before. No one can make you feel confident and content with your life if you don't feel that way deep inside, and there's not much point (in my view) in even bothering to try to build a serious relationship until you reach the point where you are happy on your own to the point where no man can shake your sense of self-love and independence. Heartland's post along these lines (besides being very touching, thank you!!) was really right on--there is very little chance of building an open, secure, honest, and stable relationship unless both partners already possess these qualities. Even the most amazing, loving guy can't make your life wonderful if you don't feel like you deserve to be happy and content for the rest of your life, regardless of whether or not you have a man at your side.

    PS--Sophia, you may have something there...I certainly have never been known for being sensitive and nice. I am very assertive, demanding, and can definitely be bitchy at times. I never thought before that those qualities would have helped me when it came to dating, but looking back, I think most confident and driven women come across as bitchy to some people. If you think being more demanding and bitchy would help, then why not try? I actually really like being that way rather than wasting time being nice when I don't want to be...it may be time for you to put yourself first rather than worrying about what other people want/need/think and letting them affect the way you view yourself.

     
    Old 06-08-2005, 06:29 PM   #125
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    Re: Dating Multiple People at the same time--good or bad?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Snails
    ......a terrible breakup is no reason to give up on love and dating...everyone goes through painful breakups, but those of us who do find happiness again refuse to allow them to dictate the course of the rest of our lives and hang over our heads, negatively impacting our outlooks on dating, forever.

    There were a couple of guys I met who didn't call again, even though I liked one of them and enjoyed our date, but instead of feeling rejected and down on myself, I figured it was their loss and all the better for the majority of guys who did like me and were interested in continuing to date me. I really think that attitude, for which you all deserve quite a bit of credit, IS a choice that is within our power to make, even though it's easier to take setbacks personally and let them erode our self-esteem. Not only am I a lot happier with my outlook than I would be if I gave into my doubts or insecurities, but I think it makes me much more attractive to men when I project confidence along with the sense that I don't need a man to feel good about myself. .
    Stacey ~ Now look who's giving such wonderful advice This is so true and I hope that Sophia, Glamourgal, Greeneyes and everyone else here see that it's all about attitude and self confidence and not equating our self worth with having a guy. Each of us is just as wonderful without a guy...it just makes it all the more special when we can share our wonderful selves with the right guy. And as I said....with the attitude that we are one day closer to that at the end of each day, we at least will be smiling when we run into that guy, right girls??? I often feel like the coach in the locker room before the last big game.....telling each member of the team how valuable they are and that they can come out winners at the end of the day and even if they don't there's always the next game so long as we give it our best. So, girls get out there and be the winners that you are. But remember it's not the game.....it's how you feel when playing it!!! (We need to come up with a clever name for this team )....Goody

     
    Old 06-08-2005, 06:53 PM   #126
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    Re: Dating Multiple People at the same time--good or bad?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    Stacey ~ Now look who's giving such wonderful advice This is so true and I hope that Sophia, Glamourgal, Greeneyes and everyone else here see that it's all about attitude and self confidence and not equating our self worth with having a guy. Each of us is just as wonderful without a guy...it just makes it all the more special when we can share our wonderful selves with the right guy. And as I said....with the attitude that we are one day closer to that at the end of each day, we at least will be smiling when we run into that guy, right girls??? I often feel like the coach in the locker room before the last big game.....telling each member of the team how valuable they are and that they can come out winners at the end of the day and even if they don't there's always the next game so long as we give it our best. So, girls get out there and be the winners that you are. But remember it's not the game.....it's how you feel when playing it!!! (We need to come up with a clever name for this team )....Goody
    Goody and Stacy, you always cheer me up!! Always. I feel so much more confident already So, you don't suppose it's a good idea to call NG and find out what's going on? I don't think it is, but on some level I'm tempted, only because we seemed to have such a great time together.

     
    Old 06-08-2005, 07:36 PM   #127
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    Re: Dating Multiple People at the same time--good or bad?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SophiaM
    Goody and Stacy, you always cheer me up!! Always. I feel so much more confident already So, you don't suppose it's a good idea to call NG and find out what's going on? I don't think it is, but on some level I'm tempted, only because we seemed to have such a great time together.
    Sophia ~ I am a litttle confused about something. You said that NG set up a date for this week but that you had forgotten which night. Is it possible that he may be thinking that you didn't acknowledge that upon his return and perhaps may think YOU are losing interest??? It just seems so strange that things were going so well and this happens. Unless you think there is a possibility that there is a misunderstanding....I wouldn't contact him. Is there a chance that he is thinking that you are not into him??? ~ Goody

     
    Old 06-08-2005, 08:15 PM   #128
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    Re: Dating Multiple People at the same time--good or bad?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SophiaM
    Goody and Stacy, you always cheer me up!! Always. I feel so much more confident already So, you don't suppose it's a good idea to call NG and find out what's going on? I don't think it is, but on some level I'm tempted, only because we seemed to have such a great time together.
    I'm so glad you're feeling a little better, Sophia--you really do have so much to be proud and confident about! I know how frustrating and tough it can be to go through so many duds and keep putting yourself out there and meeting new guys, but someday soon it will pay off when you finally meet that guy who sweeps you off your feet. I don't think it's a good idea to call NG because if he wants to pursue anything with you, he will contact you, no matter what. It doesn't matter if you're lukewarm or don't return his calls--if he wants you, he'll be persistent and chase you down until he finally wins you over. It can be really confusing when you meet someone that seems like such a gret match for you and someone you have so much fun with, yet he seems to disappear...but if it's meant to be, you won't be even a little confused when it comes to his intentions for you. At this point, even if NG calls, I think you have a right to be a little angry and aloof because he left you hanging...I don't like or trust guys who don't do what they say when they promise to do it, and I really think you deserve a lot better. If he gets back in touch and you want to see him, that's one thing, but I think you'd also be justified in telling him you deserve better treatment and that he blew his shot with you. I read parts of "He's Just Not That Into You" in the bookstore recently and really liked what those authors had to say...women would have a much easier time dating if we stopped making excuses or giving guys the benefit of the doubt when their actions suggest ambivalence or a lack of interest. If he's not smart enough to realize how lucky he was to meet you and not let you get away, then I think you'd be better off with a guy who is more decisive and aggressive than NG. Just my opinion, but I think you deserve nothing less than the best when it comes to both guys and friends.

     
    Old 06-08-2005, 11:49 PM   #129
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    Re: Dating Multiple People at the same time--good or bad?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    Sophia ~ I am a litttle confused about something. You said that NG set up a date for this week but that you had forgotten which night. Is it possible that he may be thinking that you didn't acknowledge that upon his return and perhaps may think YOU are losing interest??? It just seems so strange that things were going so well and this happens. Unless you think there is a possibility that there is a misunderstanding....I wouldn't contact him. Is there a chance that he is thinking that you are not into him??? ~ Goody
    I kinda agree with Goody on this. Maybe he is feeling insecure because you didnt bring up the date . Maybe just call him, but sound breezy, but yourself

     
    Old 06-09-2005, 07:59 AM   #130
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    Re: Dating Multiple People at the same time--good or bad?

    Sophia, at this point, hes just a friend so treat him like any other friend. Its okay to call him if you would normally call any other friend in this situation.

    If a guy likes you at this stage of dating but hasnt called you back yet, Id suspect one of three things 1) hes following some set of rules, 2) hes confused, like you, about whether to call (that is, sort of following some rules or taking advice from his buddies) or 3) he thinks your next date is set and sees no reason to call (probably a bad sign if true because you want a guy wholl call you more often than he has.)

     
    Old 06-09-2005, 08:09 AM   #131
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    Re: Dating Multiple People at the same time--good or bad?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    Is there a chance that he is thinking that you are not into him??? ~ Goody
    Well, apparently that's EXACTLY what he was thinking! I called him last night and left a very brief message, and he called me back immediately. We had a pretty long conversation, and he said he was under the impression I wasn't that interested in him because he was always the one who initiated all the phonecalls and that it seemed like I was still looking for someone else online. He said he took his profile off because he met me and thought I was beautiful and fun and he didn't want to look for anyone else! I told him, well, I didn't know that, I thought we're supposed to discuss it. I said for all I knew, you could have taken it off because you got bored or met someone else. He didn't call from his trip, so I thought he wasn't that interested either. Looks like the poor guy must have been totally confused because I kept logging in and changing my profile, and I don't know what kind of a coincidence that was but my profile was up for only about an hour or two yesterday before I decided to just hide it for good, and he saw it! Makes me think he must have been looking at it all the time, which is a little disturbing.

    So anyway, he said "Now that we've established we both don't like each other, do you want to go out on Friday?" So it looks like everything is fine now. It's true that I am more used to the aggressive type guys who chase me even more when they think I'm only lukewarm about them, but I guess not every guy is this way. I'm actually supposed to have a date tonight with this guy who won't leave me alone even though I told him I only want to be friends. I agreed to go out with him finally because he was persisitent and because I thought I will never hear from NG again. I am not sure if i should cancel now that supposedly NG and I are sort of exclusive I would feel bad cancelling at the last moment since that guy was pursuing me for so long and I mostly brushed him off until now.

    Last edited by SophiaM; 06-09-2005 at 08:12 AM.

     
    Old 06-09-2005, 08:45 AM   #132
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    Re: Dating Multiple People at the same time--good or bad?

    Hehehehehehehehehehe Wow....Sophia, I am sooooo happy that this was a misunderstanding. We must remember that in the beginning of dating everything is so like walking on eggshells, we're all nervous trying to figure out if the other is on the same wavelength as us in terms of feelings, attraction, compatability etc....and all of our senses and natural intuitions all become suddenly questionable and frozen I really had a feeling that since you said a date was lined up and you sent an email and he didn't get any excitement or anticipation from you that he misunderstood that to be a total lack of interest on your part.

    If he has made it clear that he would like to be exclusive, I really think you should cancel for tonite....besides you seem to think this other guy is quite pushy. After Friday you should have a pretty good idea if NG is really into being exclusive. I have a feeling that he intends to demonstrate this quite clearly in word or action next time you see him.

    So....it's terrific sharing in such good news You will have a fun weekend and Sophia....Goody's advice is to keep NG far away from your "toxic" friend!!!

    ((((HUGs)))) & smiles ~ Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 06-09-2005 at 08:46 AM.

     
    Old 06-09-2005, 09:20 AM   #133
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    Re: Dating Multiple People at the same time--good or bad?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SophiaM
    Well, apparently that's EXACTLY what he was thinking! I called him last night and left a very brief message, and he called me back immediately. We had a pretty long conversation, and he said he was under the impression I wasn't that interested in him because he was always the one who initiated all the phonecalls and that it seemed like I was still looking for someone else online. He said he took his profile off because he met me and thought I was beautiful and fun and he didn't want to look for anyone else! I told him, well, I didn't know that, I thought we're supposed to discuss it. I said for all I knew, you could have taken it off because you got bored or met someone else. He didn't call from his trip, so I thought he wasn't that interested either. Looks like the poor guy must have been totally confused because I kept logging in and changing my profile, and I don't know what kind of a coincidence that was but my profile was up for only about an hour or two yesterday before I decided to just hide it for good, and he saw it! Makes me think he must have been looking at it all the time, which is a little disturbing.

    So anyway, he said "Now that we've established we both don't like each other, do you want to go out on Friday?" So it looks like everything is fine now. It's true that I am more used to the aggressive type guys who chase me even more when they think I'm only lukewarm about them, but I guess not every guy is this way. I'm actually supposed to have a date tonight with this guy who won't leave me alone even though I told him I only want to be friends. I agreed to go out with him finally because he was persisitent and because I thought I will never hear from NG again. I am not sure if i should cancel now that supposedly NG and I are sort of exclusive I would feel bad cancelling at the last moment since that guy was pursuing me for so long and I mostly brushed him off until now.
    Sophia, that is wonderful news! Just be extra careful with him from now on; I would hate to see you get hurt. I think it's very unusual how it turned out, because I really did think he was giving you the brush-off.

    However, nothing is ever written in stone, and sometimes following your heart works! I just know that in the past whenever I pursued men, the relationship usually fizzled out rather quickly. I'm not saying this will happen to you.

    But I still would like to advise you to have other activities planned and go on with your own life and interests while dating him. Don't plan your life arouind him or anything like that.

    Good luck!

     
    Old 06-09-2005, 09:33 AM   #134
    SophiaM
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    Re: Dating Multiple People at the same time--good or bad?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by greeneyes100
    Sophia, that is wonderful news! Just be extra careful with him from now on; I would hate to see you get hurt. I think it's very unusual how it turned out, because I really did think he was giving you the brush-off.

    However, nothing is ever written in stone, and sometimes following your heart works! I just know that in the past whenever I pursued men, the relationship usually fizzled out rather quickly. I'm not saying this will happen to you.

    But I still would like to advise you to have other activities planned and go on with your own life and interests while dating him. Don't plan your life arouind him or anything like that.

    Good luck!
    Yes, Greeneyes, I will still be careful, of course! I don't think I really "pursued" him, in fact that's why he thought I wasn't really interested because I never called or emailed him myself. We'll see if it's just some line he's feeding me or not. But I think the fact he was checking my profile with such dedication would mean he does like me but was just feeling insecure He told me he never liked talking to any girl the way he likes talking to me because usually he would get bored very fast. We spoke on the phone for almost 2 hours last night! Still, definitely not going to plan my life around him or anything like that How's it going with you and Nick?

     
    Old 06-09-2005, 09:41 AM   #135
    BLUE EYED LADY
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    Re: Dating Multiple People at the same time--good or bad?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SophiaM
    Well, apparently that's EXACTLY what he was thinking! I called him last night and left a very brief message, and he called me back immediately. We had a pretty long conversation, and he said he was under the impression I wasn't that interested in him because he was always the one who initiated all the phonecalls and that it seemed like I was still looking for someone else online. He said he took his profile off because he met me and thought I was beautiful and fun and he didn't want to look for anyone else! I told him, well, I didn't know that, I thought we're supposed to discuss it. I said for all I knew, you could have taken it off because you got bored or met someone else. He didn't call from his trip, so I thought he wasn't that interested either. Looks like the poor guy must have been totally confused because I kept logging in and changing my profile, and I don't know what kind of a coincidence that was but my profile was up for only about an hour or two yesterday before I decided to just hide it for good, and he saw it! Makes me think he must have been looking at it all the time, which is a little disturbing.

    So anyway, he said "Now that we've established we both don't like each other, do you want to go out on Friday?" So it looks like everything is fine now. It's true that I am more used to the aggressive type guys who chase me even more when they think I'm only lukewarm about them, but I guess not every guy is this way. I'm actually supposed to have a date tonight with this guy who won't leave me alone even though I told him I only want to be friends. I agreed to go out with him finally because he was persisitent and because I thought I will never hear from NG again. I am not sure if i should cancel now that supposedly NG and I are sort of exclusive I would feel bad cancelling at the last moment since that guy was pursuing me for so long and I mostly brushed him off until now.

    Hi Sophia,
    I am very happy for you. From what I have read about you, you are blond, tall, very attractive and intelligent. (You sound like a description of a model! ) Perhaps NG has felt very intimidated by you since your such a good catch and doesn't think he measures up to you!! He proabably can't believe his good fortune! So just go out and be yourself - the intelligent, kind, and witty person we have all come to know on the boards. I hope you have a wonderful time out on you date.
    As far as the other guy that you are not even interested in, my opinion is that you should just cancel your date. (If you were interested in him, I would tell you the opposite.) Why waste your time and give this other guy the wrong idea.
    Be yourself and you can't lose!

    Last edited by BLUE EYED LADY; 06-09-2005 at 09:42 AM.

     
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