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  • Im playing the waiting game with my girlfriend ... what do you think?

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    Old 06-22-2005, 09:32 PM   #1
    ADAM84
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    Im playing the waiting game with my girlfriend ... what do you think?

    My girlfriend and I have been together just over 2.5 years. We've been with eachother every day, literally. Things were great but like every relationship we've had our problems. Within the last year we've been in 2 maybe 3 arguments in which breaking up was brought up by her. I love the girl to death and everytime this happened I'd get upset and yes, I'd cry. As soon as that happened she'd come to me, hug me and almost start crying herself, she said she hated to see me upset. After that things would be okay .... till the next time. The next time the same thing happened. Now to more recent events .... Last week my girlfriend came back from a week vacation to the Bahamas, prior to going she made comments about going to hook up with hot guys (when she was mad at me, pushing my buttons) I know she didn't REALLY mean it but the thought did get stuck in my head. Anyway, I call her when shes away because she tells me to but from the third day on she didn't seem like she wanted to talk much. She comes home, calls me in the morning before her flight, then call me when shes on her way home, she seems like she can't wait to see me. I go over, big hugs and kisses given, so happy to see her. We talk, we both start poking fun at eachother (with me saying who'd ya meet, how many guys you hang out with .... ) she didn't seem to care much, she poked back with a few comments. Tuesday goes fine .... but then Wednesday I start noticing she seems distant ... I start bringing it up and bam, a huge flurry of problems just start coming out ... shes not sure if she wants to be in the relationship anymore, she says we seem to bicker and argue to much, we're different people, she wants to party and have fun (so do I) she says Im grouchy, which Im not unless we're having issues .... etc etc. Wow where'd this come from, she was so happy to see me just the day before. Thursday wasn't good and Friday I only saw her for 45 minutes in which we talked about stuff and what was going on, I love her to death and would do anything to make us work, I was so happy she was home and before I could endulge myself in my girlfriend shes laying this on me, I was very hurt and upset. I knew something was up cuz I usually bring my GF to bed, and sleep with for a few hours and head home, this time she wanted me to leave and put herself to bed ... ouch.

    She pretty much told me what I said above and added that she needed time to be alone and think about things. God I felt like crap, she had already been away for a week, now Im not gonna be able to see her again. This hit me like a brick wall, where'd it come from? Todays Wednesday, I haven't seen her since this past Friday nor have I spoken to her. Its hard, Im so used to being with her everyday, knowing where she is, how she is. We were very close! Im crushed .... crying, not eating, sad, every memory is going through my head. Im expecting the worst but hoping for the best. If I do call her (which was twice) she doesn't answer, and she doesn't want to see me (cuz she hasn't returned my calls requesting we meet). Shes been working and going out but not doing all that much. She was out with a few friends the other day so I called them to see what she may have said about us... apparently she said we're on a break. This could be good or bad either we are on a break or she just didn't want to tell them we were over. Everyone knows us as Adam and __________ they were surprised to not see me with her. She hasn't said to be we're broken up or we're over so Im kinda in limbo just waiting to find out what shes gonna say. She did tell me in a 10 second convo we did have 2 days ago (she called me asking to drop off some $$ I owed her towards a gift we bought for a friend a couple weeks ago .... she had to give it to someone else we owed the $$ too) that she was taking her time to think things over before she made a decison (I kinda think I know what direction shes heading in). I know shes been thinking about it somewhat, apparently she brought me up a few times when she was with other friends. And her online away messege 2 nites said she was thinking things over. As immature as it seems the only contact b/w eachother has been thru the AOL AIM away messeges. Everyone can see them but our messeges have been directed towards eachother. Some of them okay ... some, from her, tell me not to bother her. I speak with her mother everyother day (have a good relationship with her, hell I practically lived at their house) but her mom doesn't know where my GF stands other then she needs time to think, she just suggest leaving her alone otherwise I might push her away.

    Anyway ... Ive never felt worse in my life, I miss my other half so much. I can't sleep, haven't had a bite of food in 5 days, have no motivation and CANNOT stop thinking about all our memories. And to add to it her B-Day is in 2 weeks in which I had an extravagent plan to spend a weekend in NYC with dinners, plays the works. What is she doing to me? Is she afraid to tell me its over (shes never had a problem mentioning it in past arguements), and what good would waiting so long do, is she hoping I'll just forget about things ..... or is she really thinking things over? In past events I kinda knew what to expect but this is much more serious, I dunno what to think. I know its hard to tell, esp. since no one here knows exaclty how our relationship has been. Trust me, we've done alot together and have plenty of great positive memories, which make things something like this but not quite, worth it in the end. Ive spoken to many of my friends, her friends, parents .... guess I needed to vent somewhere else.

    How can I handle this? Im so sad and the emotional pain is making me crazy! ................ Wow I had no idea I typed this much!

    Last edited by ADAM84; 06-22-2005 at 09:47 PM.

     
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    Old 06-22-2005, 09:49 PM   #2
    kitkat77
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    Re: Im playing the waiting game with my girlfriend ... what do you think?

    I'm sorry, but it looks like your girlfriend met someone else while on vacation.

    How to handle it? Just think of how mean and rotten she is. Sounds 99.9% like she cheated.

     
    Old 06-22-2005, 10:01 PM   #3
    ADAM84
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    Re: Im playing the waiting game with my girlfriend ... what do you think?

    Ya know it did cross my mind and thats why I kinda pressed the "guy" issue when she came back.

    I know they met a couple fellas down there but just hung out with them, in the casino and the pool. She did tell me their names, and what they did. (2 guys, GF and her 2 friends), so its not like she was hiding it. Her one friend told me that if something ever happened she'd tell me, cuz shes just as against cheating as I am, but I dunno how true that was.

    There wasn't one moment according to all of them that one was left alone with a guy.

    Girlfriend did have the guys number in her phone but then again she gets all kinds of numbers from people when she drunk. This made me think she kinda wants to keep contact cuz maybe something did happen. Oh and my girl did have her . but not for the last 2 nites.

    I did and still do wonder if this did happen, if it did I almost don't want to know, the thought of another guy with my girl makes me want to die.

    A big part of me feels my GF drunk or not wouldn't have it in her to cheat on me but I could be wrong and I hope I am.

    Last edited by ADAM84; 06-22-2005 at 10:03 PM.

     
    Old 06-22-2005, 10:06 PM   #4
    ADAM84
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    Re: Im playing the waiting game with my girlfriend ... what do you think?

    Oh and thanks, thats exaclty what I wanna hear someone say, I have enough in my head to think and worry about, now Im gonna start thinking of my girl with some other guy.

     
    Old 06-23-2005, 01:03 AM   #5
    kitkat77
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    Re: Im playing the waiting game with my girlfriend ... what do you think?

    I really am sorry but the writing is on the wall, so to speak. I'm a female and have partaken in a holiday romance or two in my time and honestly her behavior is too familiar. There's just something about being on vacation, meeting new people, having freedom and the booze of course, that even a saint would have trouble not "going with the flow". Holiday resorts are true Garden of Edens.

    I'm sure you do have enough thoughts rolling in your head and I truly am sorry that my opinion is causing you more grief, but it's better than sticking your head in the sand. She is acting different, has phone numbers, thinks of you as a bother, and even her mother has warned you to leave her alone or risk pushing her away. In a situation such as this, "I need my space and time to think", usually means "I'm waiting to see if the other one bites first".

    Regardless of whether or not you want to continue in a relationship with this girl you can only do one thing, and that is to give her what she wants. Set her free and set yourself free. There is no other option.

    Do what you want, but do it with knowledge and understanding.

     
    Old 06-23-2005, 04:37 AM   #6
    daylight568
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    Re: Im playing the waiting game with my girlfriend ... what do you think?

    Sorry, this has happened to you, I'm dealing with a broken heart right now too.Guess its back to the drawing board, huh.Its so hard to find anyone these days that love you as much as you love them.I give up.I'm 41 and its never happened.I don't believe it ever will. Goodluck to you though.

     
    Old 06-23-2005, 05:01 AM   #7
    junerose
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    Re: Im playing the waiting game with my girlfriend ... what do you think?

    dear adam, try not to clutter your head with "what ifs." 2.5 years together is a long time - though you don't mention your age. it's hard to say what's going through your gf's mind at this particular point in time. it's also not necessarily true that your gf cheated on you. it could just be that she was flattered by the attentions of other guys and had forgotten what that was like. this may have led to some questioning in her own mind. am i ready to settle down, etc? i'm not sure if marriage is something you've talked about - and again there are a lot of fuzzy things in my mind about this one because i don't know how old you both are or what your future/career plans are. in any case when you are in a relationship for a long period of time, it is natural to start questioning whether or not you are ready to make a permanent commitment. i also don't know where the two of you stand on this issue. if there are differences in opinion or willingness to commit - these could be things she wants to think about. i'd like to suggest this: between the two of you agree to spend a certain amount of time without any contact - no phone, email, internet, text, not even an away msg that woud give the other person info. also no third party contact - no questioning through friends or family. but when you make this agreement - set a date and time - perhaps meet for a quiet dinner - and discuss with each other all the things you've thought about regarding your relationship with each other during this time apart. i think this will help to define a direction for the two of you.

     
    Old 06-23-2005, 08:55 AM   #8
    SamIam123
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    Re: Im playing the waiting game with my girlfriend ... what do you think?

    I wouldn't say for sure that she was with another guy, but I would say that she def. met someone or as you say hung out with some guys and probably liked having the freedom of not being with the same person, I would def. leave her alone and let her figure things out on her own. Trying to contact her is only going to push her away because if she did start to develop feelings of wanting some freedom you trying to "get her back" is only going to re-enforce those feelings. As hard as it is and as much as it's going to hurt you time will tell whether or not your going to get back with her... I also wouldn't be asking her friends and family what is going on.. That will almost certainly get back to her and have the same effect as you asking her yourself.. Hang in there as everyone says it'll get better with time.....

     
    Old 06-23-2005, 06:37 PM   #9
    ADAM84
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    Re: Im playing the waiting game with my girlfriend ... what do you think?

    I spoke to a counselor today about the situation. He made me aware of what to do and not to do. And pointed out some of the things I need to change.

    Age, Im 21. I know your all gonna say Im young etc. To be honest Im mature for my age, have my own business etc. Love can make you act in odd ways, I've realized this by my own actions in the past week.

    She emailed me today cuz she didn't want to call me (didn't wanna hear me keep repeating everything over and over). She said she realizes she should let me know whats going on and said that she'll probably contact me after this weekend. She asked me not to involve her friend (I knew her friend would let her know I was talking to her). And she mentioned her friend woudn't tell me anything about her decison anyway. She said again she knew she had to let me know whats up and she'd decide when it was a good time for her to talk. She politely asked me not to drop of any letters, call her or try and see her, she needed her space.

    Now knowing Im going to hear from her in a few days scares me, sure I want to hear from her, Im just so worried Im going to hear what I don't want to hear. But if its how she feels then so be it. She knows I went to a counselor today so maybe her knowing Im making the extra effort might help, thats probably wishful thinking tho.

    The guys they did hang out with are 800 miles away. Its not like she's deciding b/w the two of us, its more like shes trying to decide b/w freedom to choose or staying with me. If she cheated on me I'd assume that she'd have ended this by now. Cuz she knows that at some point down the road I'd probably find out the truth, so why bother taking time to think rather then just ending it 7 days ago.

    Hurting more then ever ... Adam.

    Last edited by ADAM84; 06-23-2005 at 06:44 PM.

     
    Old 06-24-2005, 09:21 AM   #10
    evy38
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    Re: Im playing the waiting game with my girlfriend ... what do you think?

    I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm also sorry she is stringing you along, but that is what she is doing. Try to mix a little anger in the hurt. It may help you get over her. And quite frankly you have a right to be mad about being strung along. Cut the string. You will feel better about yourself for doing so, in the long run.

     
    Old 06-24-2005, 12:18 PM   #11
    Snails
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    Re: Im playing the waiting game with my girlfriend ... what do you think?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ADAM84
    I spoke to a counselor today about the situation. He made me aware of what to do and not to do. And pointed out some of the things I need to change.

    Age, Im 21. I know your all gonna say Im young etc. To be honest Im mature for my age, have my own business etc. Love can make you act in odd ways, I've realized this by my own actions in the past week.

    She emailed me today cuz she didn't want to call me (didn't wanna hear me keep repeating everything over and over). She said she realizes she should let me know whats going on and said that she'll probably contact me after this weekend. She asked me not to involve her friend (I knew her friend would let her know I was talking to her). And she mentioned her friend woudn't tell me anything about her decison anyway. She said again she knew she had to let me know whats up and she'd decide when it was a good time for her to talk. She politely asked me not to drop of any letters, call her or try and see her, she needed her space.

    Now knowing Im going to hear from her in a few days scares me, sure I want to hear from her, Im just so worried Im going to hear what I don't want to hear. But if its how she feels then so be it. She knows I went to a counselor today so maybe her knowing Im making the extra effort might help, thats probably wishful thinking tho.

    The guys they did hang out with are 800 miles away. Its not like she's deciding b/w the two of us, its more like shes trying to decide b/w freedom to choose or staying with me. If she cheated on me I'd assume that she'd have ended this by now. Cuz she knows that at some point down the road I'd probably find out the truth, so why bother taking time to think rather then just ending it 7 days ago.

    Hurting more then ever ... Adam.
    Yes, your counselor is almost definitely right about this. I can tell because I acted exactly the same way your GF was acting with one of my BFs when I was much younger. Looking back and reading your post, I feel so badly for putting him through such prolonged uncertainty and upheaval, but at the time I was being selfish and wanted to take whatever path was easiest for me. wish I would have had the decency just to be upfront with him, but it just wasn't that easy, so I ended up stringing him along like she is stringing you along. I did have another guy, so I don't think you can be so sure that there isn't someone else involved in one way or another, but that should be beside the point. She owes you a lot more honesty and respect, after being with you so long, than she is currently showing you. I do think she is right to suggest that you ignore what outsiders think about the situation, because your GF is the only one who really knows what's going on. One way or another, she owes you an explanation ASAP. II'm really sorry that you're going through this, but it's pretty clear what's going on...I think you should talk to her sooner rather than waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's pretty mean of her to keep dragging this out, whether or not she has moved on to another guy, you deserve an upfront and honest explanation...I really think you should ask for one. Again, I'm sorry to hear what you are going through, but I think you'll be better off knowing one way or another what's going on with her.

    Last edited by Snails; 06-24-2005 at 12:21 PM.

     
    Old 06-25-2005, 06:31 PM   #12
    ADAM84
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    Re: Im playing the waiting game with my girlfriend ... what do you think?

    I'm almost certain theres no one else unless of course shes keeping in touch with the guy who lives 800 miles away (that would suck!).

    I haven't spoken to her still .... today was extra hard because it was her younger brother graduation and for the past 3 years I've been at every family event. I was really looking forward to being there and wasn't able, made me upset. While Im home shes home with family and friends having fun ... wonder if she thought of me at all .... And with her fathers birthday, 4th of July and her birthday all within the next 2 weeks, I'll be having many more upsetting days (if things don't work out).

    Last couple days around the same time each nite I just break down and cry for about 45 minutes. I miss her so much .... theres still the slightest bit of hope but Im expecting the worst, I guess I'll know very soon

    Last edited by ADAM84; 06-25-2005 at 06:34 PM.

     
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