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  • Clingy friend!

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    Old 06-26-2005, 06:45 AM   #1
    LittleRose1982
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    Clingy friend!

    Hi everyone!
    Everything's going great with my new love! But I need your advice on how to handle my friend. She's been a very close friend since intermediate school and and we've only grown closer through the years. She's always been a bit clingy, always expecting to come with me wherever I go, and asking me to make plans just about every day. But since I've been with my new boyfriend, she's gotten SO MUCH worse. She wants to hang around us every single day. She's been talking to one of his single friends and hanging out with him a lot but I've heard from my boyfriend that his friend simpy isn't into her "that way". I'm afraid he's just hanging around her to be nice!
    Every day she's calling me wondering where me and my boyfriend are and what we are doing, and she's suggesting her and my boyfriend's friend come hang out with us. I'm flattered and all, and I love her like a sister, but this is really getting a bit out of control! I honestly think my boyfriend's friend is getting annoyed with her, and is just being nice. If I tell her we are just planning on staying in, she asks if she can come over and watch a movie with us! Do I not get ANY alone time with him? Am I being selfish or asking too much?
    The problem is I can't really talk to her about this because I have a feeling she's lonely, seeing as how she's the last one of us who's still single. She has no other single friends at all, and she broke up with her fiance not too long ago. Is there any kind of discreet way I could "hint" something to her? Has anyone ever dealt with this problem before?
    Another thing is that sometimes I feel like my boyfriend should be spending time with his guy friends doing guy stuff. And when he gets together with them, my friend is always calling his friend and meeting up with them. So I'm afraid she's blocking his guy time!! If he (the friend) liked her and wanted to date her, this really wouldn't be a problem. But I really get the feeling that he's irritated with her. Maybe it's just me being paranoid. I want my boyfriend to spend quality time with his friends, especially since he just got a new motorcycle and can now go riding with them. I don't want her interfering, but when I suggest she come someplace with ME instead, she finds a way to refuse.
    Can anyone help??

     
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    Old 06-26-2005, 07:48 AM   #2
    joekerr30
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    Re: Clingy friend!

    this situation always is a tricky one.
    your friend is taking advantage of your friendship. this happens all the time.
    she's so focused on her own needs (ie. hanging out with people and potentially landing a bf) that she's not considering that she's become the intrusive third wheel in your life. she's tryign to leverage the "success" you've had and hopes somehow she can get some of it for herself.

    the easiest way out of this is to start using different phrases when you are talking to her.

    so if she says 'why dont you and chuck come over and watch a movie." you can say 'thanks but i think we're just going to spend some alone time together tonight'

    flip it back on her and make it uncomfortable for her to impose herself as a third wheel.

    if you have to you can even frame things to her that your relationship with chuck has been choppy and the two of you are focusing on spending more alone time together to get it stronger.

    what you dont want to do is tell her that shes being an annoyance and to stop. she'll be really upset if you do that, even if she doesnt show it on the outside. then, if one day you and chuck break up and you want her more in your life again, she won't be there.

    J

     
    Old 06-26-2005, 08:28 AM   #3
    LittleRose1982
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    Re: Clingy friend!

    Thanks Joekerr!
    Do you think I should mention this to my boyfriend? Or ask him to be 100% honest and tell me if she is annoying him at all?
    I hope she's able to get the hint without me being too direct. It's probably too early in the relationship for me to tell her that he and I are having problems. It's just been under a month since we started dating, but things have moved quite quickly. That's another thing- If we are still in the fragile first few months, I can't have her screwing this up for me!!

     
    Old 06-26-2005, 09:19 AM   #4
    joekerr30
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    Re: Clingy friend!

    well first off she cant screw it up for you. if its meant to be then nothing she does will effect that.

    sounds to me from your last post that you're overly concerned with what this guy thinks.

    i dont see why you wouldnt ask him whether your friend is being a burden. whats the point in being in a relationship withs omeoen if you cant voice your thoughts with them.

    J

     
    Old 06-26-2005, 09:51 AM   #5
    LittleRose1982
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    Re: Clingy friend!

    He and I actually have amazing communication! I have always been comfortable telling him things. I just wasn't sure if this is something I should be handling between her and I, or if it would help to involve him. I guess I definitely should talk to him about it, you're absolutely right.
    Thanks!

     
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