It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Parenting Issues Message Board

  • Teens Drinking

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 06-28-2005, 11:34 AM   #166
    goody2shuz
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2004
    Location: New York
    Posts: 5,805
    goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
    Re: Teens Drinking

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    Goody, as I think about the differences you mentioned between K and E, it reminds me of our girls. Our older daughter, D1, was the more headstrong, stubborn one of the two. Our younger daughter, D2, was more sensitive than D1. As such, K and E seem similar to D1 and D2, so I offer you this warning… With D1, we knew we could expect an in-your-face, meanager response; with D2, things were less certain. I think D2’s sensitivity and what she learned from D1, led D2 to become secretive and sneaky. D2 was more experimental than D1, too. If you see parallels, then don’t be too confident that what worked with K will work with E. All that said, both girls are close to us now and especially their mother. Breaking away from the control of their parents and peer pressure seem to be the main two causes of meanagerism. The sooner they see you as a mentor, rather than as mom, the easier it will be for you. Of course, you don’t want to make that transition with E until she shows signs of being responsible when you are not around.
    Thanks, my friend for sharing your experiences with me. E. is definitely coming into her own....I try to find things for us to do together but with much resistance (sound familiar???) I offered to pick her up to go shopping with me but she prefers to stay at home & watch some TV. She's just out of school so I am laying off. I picked up a movie for us to watch (Mask of Zorro) from the library since it is raining today.

    I certainly expect things that worked with K. not to work with E. I have always treated them individually although E. seems to try to follow closely in K.'s footsteps. She wants to work at the same place as K. and checked it out with K. first. Not many places employ 14 year olds so the reason mostly stems from that although alot of the time K. gets mad at E. wanting to wear her clothes or do similar things. E., however, has different interests so I try to encourage those.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    As we discussed before, don’t expect Tom to help much other than being the enforcer, because teenage girls mystify men like Tom and me. We notice that mom has some sense of what the daughters are going through so we keep our nose out of what we don’t understand. My wife and I had a son, too, and I had an edge with him so it must be some type of gender bonding phenomena.
    You are right....and I didn't realize you had a son....and I noticed you used past tense. You speak about your daughters often here but this is a first you mention a son. If you don't mind sharing I'd love to hear more about him.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    For some time now, I’ve felt that MBF sees me as a conduit since we currently share several basic problems. As I form opinions about what she has written, I’d feel negligent if I didn’t pass them on. So, using your terminology, I feel His hand guiding me to open her eyes. I think He always prefers to work through others whenever possible and I am acting accordingly. If you have more thoughts on this, please tell me.
    I am still trying to figure my role out in all of this as well. The last time I spoke to MBF...she had called on a Sunday which is highly unusual for her. Her husband came into the room so I was never able to know the full purpose of her call.....I intend to call her today and hope to find out more.

    I totally understand your feeling responsible to guide her in anyway you see fit. You are good at that and I am confident that you have her best intentions at heart as you do mine. So you needn't worry, my friend. I know that the faith that we all share allows for us to work as He has wished us to from the start. That I am most certain of. I hope you are doing well with your pet project and I know that the end of the summer was yours and Mrs. H.'s goal to have you land a job. I know as the time draws nearer that your fears and concerns will increase as well. I will pray for you that you will continue to know that you are a wonderful asset to any job and that you will be confident that even if you are overqualified that the stepping stones will lead you to fulfilment in your career. I know how you wish to avoid a move.....we do think alike but you must remember that if it is what is meant to be you will see it.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    Concerning your player, CD recordings can be encoded as MP3 files by a process commonly called “ripping”. As such, you never need to ******** music if you have it on CD. Presumable, your player came with software that allows the player to be connected to your computer via a USB/USB2 cable and software to rip recordings. The player will most likely appear as a “removable drive” when connected and files can be copied to and from the player or deleted. All the software is easy to use once you understand the big picture. Ask E what she knows about ripping…
    I cannot do anything until I have my CD's.....I do know a little about what you are talking about although on this subject I consider you far more qualified than me . I will keep you updated. I don't think I need Internet service to rip a CD.....just need to get my CD's which won't be for a few more days. Well I'm off.....hope all is well and will check in on Thursday after PT.....Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 06-28-2005 at 11:38 AM.

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 06-30-2005, 07:40 AM   #167
    heartlandguy
    Senior Veteran
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Aug 2004
    Location: Nebraska
    Posts: 1,311
    heartlandguy HB User
    Re: Teens Drinking

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    E. is definitely coming into her own....I try to find things for us to do together but with much resistance (sound familiar???)
    Sure does. Teens see us only as parents (i.e., the enemy) until they can actually picture us as a teenager with similar problems. E still sees you as “Mom, full of grace”. Once they start acting like meanagers, it would be nicer to be thought of as a mentor than as mom so you could feel closer but I’m not sure if it is a good idea to rush the process. The early meanager years are still (hopefully) full of innocence. A mentor isn’t needed or wanted until that innocence is lost so… long live the innocence.

    Quote:
    I didn't realize you had a son....and I noticed you used past tense. You speak about your daughters often here but this is a first you mention a son. If you don't mind sharing I'd love to hear more about him.
    (I know I wrote something about him long ago but may have removed it before posting.) First, let me say that we HAVE a son and I meant that we HAD a (teenaged) son. It’s ironic that you picked up on the “past tense”… yesterday I attended the funeral for the college-aged son of a popular family who died with several of his friends in an auto accident. I don’t know how He chooses who He wants back early but, as parents, we must count our blessings every day that we have them.

    I speak about our daughters so much merely because they relate so closely to your girls. Our son had the same adventurous streak that the girls did. (I just noticed that I’m using past tense again ) Because of our gender connection, I understood his actions much better than I understood the girl’s actions; however, understanding didn’t aid in control. He had his share of teen drinking. Yesterday, he called and I told him about the funeral and how we were blessed. He made me feel good when he said that he liked the way we handled drinking. He reminded me that I told him that if I could be absolutely sure that his drinking would never affect anyone’s safety nor his reputation or his public record, I would probably condone it… but since I couldn’t be sure, we would treat it like the problem it is. If he would need a ride home, we’d always be available to get him because safety was paramount… but “strings” would be attached. He ended by saying that my speech left him with a certain amount of healthy fear that he would like to impart on any children that they may have. (I’m beaming and a bit teary-eyed as I write this. ) If you have specific questions, just ask, my friend.

    Quote:
    The last time I spoke to MBF...she had called on a Sunday which is highly unusual for her. ……… I intend to call her today and hope to find out more.
    She hasn’t replied to my comments from last week; did I upset her in some way?

    Quote:
    I hope you are doing well with your pet project
    Like a turtle, I’m slow but sure… My wife appreciates the careful handling of details. She got concerned about how to seal the gap between the ceiling vent fan and the drywall cutout after I showed her how much air would circulate through that void hidden under the fan’s cover. She was shocked at seeing a remodeling show that ignored the problem totally. I think she sees we are doing a first class job.

    Quote:
    I know that the end of the summer was yours and Mrs. H.'s goal to have you land a job. I know as the time draws nearer that your fears and concerns will increase as well.
    You are so wise, my friend. The most recent withdrawal from our reserve finally hit a nerve with Mrs. H and for a few days we didn’t talk much. She is not used to “things not working out” because we always felt His presence (sooner or later) in similar situations. I have never gotten a clear sign of His will on this matter, which I find as unusual and disturbing. Please pray that I do not miss His signs so that I may perform His will.

    Quote:
    Well I'm off.....hope all is well and will check in on Thursday after PT.....Goody
    I see you couldn’t wait to post until Thursday… There’s still a lot of Tigger left in you!

     
    Old 06-30-2005, 08:51 AM   #168
    goody2shuz
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2004
    Location: New York
    Posts: 5,805
    goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
    Re: Teens Drinking

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    Sure does.Teens see us only as parents (i.e., the enemy) until they can actually picture us as a teenager with similar problems. E still sees you as “Mom, full of grace”. Once they start acting like meanagers, it would be nicer to be thought of as a mentor than as mom so you could feel closer but I’m not sure if it is a good idea to rush the process. The early meanager years are still (hopefully) full of innocence. A mentor isn’t needed or wanted until that innocence is lost so… long live the innocence.
    I agree....with E. I am just starting the rollercoaster ride. She stated her jobe yesterday and the first thing she shared with me was how a guy there who was in his mid thirties was "hitting" on her. She pleaded with me on not overreacting and stopping her from working and I explained to her how I couldn't stop guys from hitting on her and that I thought a job would help her in organizing herself and acting responsibly but my main concern would be that she were safe anywhere whether it be at work or elsewhere. I told her that she was an attractive young lady and that I was often concerned when she wore skimpy clothes (like the night she was going to play "manhunt") and makeup that made her appear older and that she may be placed in situations that she was not quite ready to handle. I advised her to avoid this guy as much as possible but in the workplace that it was important to get along with other workers but to be wise and not place herself in a situation where she was left alone with somebody she felt uncomfortable with. I explained about sexual harrassment and that if she were ever employed and a guy consistently made her feel uncomfortable that it was important that she brought it to her employer's attention and to never feel obligated to stay in a job that made her feel bad in anyway.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    (I know I wrote something about him long ago but may have removed it before posting.) First, let me say that we HAVE a son and I meant that we HAD a (teenaged) son. It’s ironic that you picked up on the “past tense”… yesterday I attended the funeral for the college-aged son of a popular family who died with several of his friends in an auto accident. I don’t know how He chooses who He wants back early but, as parents, we must count our blessings every day that we have them.
    I think this is my greatest fear as a parent.....that one of my children will be gone before me. Each time I gave birth I personally thanked God for the gift He had blessed me with & promised to do my duty to raise them in a way in which He would be proud of. I held each of my daughter's up and gave Him thanks and asked that He would always guide me in raising them as He saw fit. I know that they both are borrowed gifts as each of our lives are gifts only to be called back to Him when He so chooses. And I am relieved that your past tense was in terms of teenage years for your son.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    I speak about our daughters so much merely because they relate so closely to your girls. Our son had the same adventurous streak that the girls did. (I just noticed that I’m using past tense again) Because of our gender connection, I understood his actions much better than I understood the girl’s actions; however, understanding didn’t aid in control. He had his share of teen drinking. Yesterday, he called and I told him about the funeral and how we were blessed. He made me feel good when he said that he liked the way we handled drinking. He reminded me that I told him that if I could be absolutely sure that his drinking would never affect anyone’s safety nor his reputation or his public record, I would probably condone it… but since I couldn’t be sure, we would treat it like the problem it is. If he would need a ride home, we’d always be available to get him because safety was paramount… but “strings” would be attached. He ended by saying that my speech left him with a certain amount of healthy fear that he would like to impart on any children that they may have. (I’m beaming and a bit teary-eyed as I write this.) If you have specific questions, just ask, my friend.
    I look forward to the time that I will be blessed with what you experienced yesterday with your son. You deserve the beams of love and tears of joy that came to your eyes....you are a terrific father and I am so fortunate to have a friend like you who shares his wisdom & experience as I travel a road you have already travelled.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    She hasn’t replied to my comments from last week; did I upset her in some way?
    No....not at all. She is just very down about the whole entire thing and her financial struggles. Goody asked Tom for the type of gift I treasure the most for my 46th birthday. I asked for the opportunity to bring MBF in for a visit and she arrives the 21st for 5 days I am sooooo lucky to have such a loving and giving husband who understands my need to give and my deep friendship with MBF. When I shared with MBF what I wanted most for my birthday she screamed words of joy and told me that it was just what she needed and dreaded having vacation time with nothng to do. And so....Tom has granted us a few days alone at the summerhouse ( I couldn't ask him to leave us alone the entire time even though I know that he would) and we are granted the freedom to come & go as we please throughout her stay. I am soooo excited, like a little girl I am planning out our time....we plan to go to the ocean and to a favorite restaurant....I may take her to a local play and a girly movie....just do all the fun things we would do if we lived closer to one another. Just hug and sit and talk to the weeee hours of the morning. I am sooo looking forward to this as I know she is too.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    Like a turtle, I’m slow but sure… My wife appreciates the careful handling of details. She got concerned about how to seal the gap between the ceiling vent fan and the drywall cutout after I showed her how much air would circulate through that void hidden under the fan’s cover. She was shocked at seeing a remodeling show that ignored the problem totally. I think she sees we are doing a first class job.
    Mrs. H. shouldn't expect anything less from her Libra Everything is first class that you do and I am certain that she is proud of you.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    You are so wise, my friend. The most recent withdrawal from our reserve finally hit a nerve with Mrs. H and for a few days we didn’t talk much. She is not used to “things not working out” because we always felt His presence (sooner or later) in similar situations. I have never gotten a clear sign of His will on this matter, which I find as unusual and disturbing. Please pray that I do not miss His signs so that I may perform His will.
    Just reassure Mrs. H., that you are not procrastinating and will take whatever comes your way in order to replenish that reserve. Even if it is temporary, my friend, consider it a stepping stone to something bigger. His hand has been there for you to hold all along.....take hold of it and allow Him to guide you but be careful not to do what we often try to do...convince ourselves that it is His will when it is ours. That is what MBFH did and we must be certain that you do not do the same. I will pray that your eyes, ears and heart be open to what it is that He sees you must do. And the signs are always there.....we just have to learn how to read them.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    I see you couldn’t wait to post until Thursday… There’s still a lot of Tigger left in you!
    It's been raining the past 4 days And I am really feeling it in more ways than one. I will elaborate more on the Back board. Thank goodness the library is just a stones throw from our summerhome and conveniently right across the street from PT. The library also offers much reading mateial that Goody loves. E. gets off of work at about 1pm and that is only a block away. So it all works out for Goody to do what she loves to do!!!

    Can't wait for the rain to stop....we have a High School graduation party to attend over the weekend in Stony Brook and before I know it the 5th will be here and so will the good weather.

    ((HUGS)) ~ Goody

     
    Old 06-30-2005, 09:42 AM   #169
    jo5086
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jan 2005
    Location: vancouver
    Posts: 501
    jo5086 HB User
    Re: Teens Drinking

    hi, to be honest, i didn't read all the posts (just the first few) so if i am repeating/bypassing anything, feel free to ignore.

    i am 22, so just recently out of my teengae years. i also have alcoholism on my mom's side (grandfather, uncle, and i am sure it goes farther up but no one knows). i started experimenting with drinkng when i was 16, difference was, i went to nightclubs to do it. but, like one poster said, your daughter sounds smart. i think i was a smart teen too. i never got heavily into it, (well, when it was new to me, maybe twice a week), but after i got over the novelty, it lessened (to about once every two or so weeks). i still had straight A's in school. got into a to university, and have now just graduated with a degree. i partied a lot in first year uni, (up to 5 times a week), but still had straight A's and great relationships with everyone. that totally went down. last year, i worked as a bartender and club promotor, a lot of partying, but my life was not disrupted. now (it took 6 years) i have realized i hate hangovers and the feeling my stomach gets while drinknig, so at clubs, i usually have 1 or 2 drinks and water for the rest of the night. i am just saying this to let you know that as long as her grades, life (activities/hobbies/routines) aren't disupted by alcohol, it may be nothing more than simple experimentation.

    i think that her drinking at home is a good thing, that means to me that this is where she felt comfortable enough and SAFE to do it. drinking at bars/nightclubs can be potentially dangerous at that age.

    i think you handled it very well. my mom is against drinkig 100%, my dad has the occasional glass of wine/beer. they are also open in their views of alcohol/drugs (i never got into any drugs b/cl i was so scared of what my parents might do!). my parents have never seen me drunk, or know that i have been for that matter (probably woould have shipped me off to rehab or something

    so that is my story.
    my sister, on the other hand, may have more vulnerability to the 'alcoholic gene' in that she lies about it. she has recently snuck alcohol (she is 23, lives at home, i am 22, moved out at 18). she left the bottle of vodka in the cupboard but would take some out ( i think she ahs a flask). well, my mom began to notice and started marking the level of vodka left in the bottle, and sure enough it would decrease below the level. my mom confronted the kids at home (sis and bro) and they both denied taking the vodka so we don't know what happened.

    now, why i think this was my sister is becasue she has actually gotten '****** drunk' twice infront of my parents (something i would never do). she seems to lack some mental capacity that tells her its not right/smart to get ****** in front of them. i don't get it. my mother is really upset about it. my sister is dumb because she never thinks she will be caught, and she thinks she can deny the obvious.

    i believe she drinks becasue she gets self-conscious (though she wouldn't admit it). she is a very shy person, and goes clubbing becasue her friends at this age do. so to fit in, she drinks (i have only been to the bar with her about 12-15 times but have observed this).

    probably the worst thing is she likes to drive drunk. the first i heard about this my cousin (who parties with her a lot) called me 2 years ago and said after a night at the bar she gets really mad if any one tries to take away her keys. she also ran into a tree (lightly) ooutside of my cousins house. i called my mom and told her right away, though i was racked with guilt-ratting out my sister vs. causing my mom to worry.
    after we talked, my sister wanted to come over to my house (which she never does), i was assuming she would have liked to confide in me, but she never brought it up. so at the end of the night, i brought up how stupid it is to drink and drive, but she had no comment. (maybe she was expecting sympathy?).
    so i thought it was all over...
    i went to a club with her two years ago, and she was so drunk she was hiccupping and couldn't walk up the street without hanging on the lamp poles. she wanted too drive (about an hour drive). iwas sooooo mad. she said she would be fine in twenty minutes. i didn't know how to drive at that point, so i coulsn't take the wheel. we fought and i made her eventually call a taxi, which cost her 80$ and then she had to make up a lie to tell my mom about why her car was still at the club. i felt so guilty about what happened. 1. would she have driven if i wasn't there? probably. 2. i had to passively lie to my mom about the story,i could not have told her, she would have had a break down.
    so i told my sister i would never lie to my mom like that again.
    i don't like going to clubs with her anymore after that, if she wants to kill herself, she can go for it, but i want nothing to do with it.
    since then, i have heard she only has one or two drinks when she is driving.. i have partied with her twice since then, and she didn't drink more than 2 drinks(i don't know if its becasue she's scared of me, or that is how she really is now). oh about drugs, i think she used to smoke pot in high school, she doesn't talk to me about it b/c i never did, her grades were always average, but she was never much for school even before she started on weed.

    so what will come of her, who knows. her life otherwise is good. she has a good job, started getting into real estate (buying and selling property), so hopefully her phase is over.


    so coming from a barely-post teen perspective, i would be aware of the driving situation when she goes out, and not let her get away with things. watch out for elaborate stories/explanations. i think you and your husband are doing a great job by being diplomatic (my dad doesn't know most of the stuff my sister does...my mom and i are way to scared, of what he might do, to tell him), reaching out for support, and keeping other parents informed. i would venture that by building up her self esteem (getting her involved in sports or whatever she enjoys which may require financial help from you) can have her focus on other things besides drinkng/partying.


    i don't know if this post helps at all besides give a little perspective. it seems like you are doing a great job, thats all i can say. in my case, the scare factor eworks for me. at first, i was always scared of my parents getting angry with/dissappointed in me, but later i got scared of what alcohol does to you. maybe find some research of the effects of alcohol on the brain, on people with a vulnerability to it (ie alcoholism, social disruptions, drunk driving, korsakoff's syndrome), and of Fetal alcohol syndrome.

    oh and i wouldn't worry about your relationship with her too much. i have a great one with both my parents, and so does my sister. kids. like parents, forgive, and as they grow older, they recognize and appreciate what their parents did for them (both the paren's intentions and behaviour), and we recognize what little jerks we were and how we are not as invincible as we may have thought.

    good luck

     
    Old 06-30-2005, 09:48 AM   #170
    jo5086
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jan 2005
    Location: vancouver
    Posts: 501
    jo5086 HB User
    Re: Teens Drinking

    oh i meant to say a top university ...and when i said it went down, i am refering to the amount of partying, now my grades or anything.

     
    Old 06-30-2005, 10:05 AM   #171
    goody2shuz
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2004
    Location: New York
    Posts: 5,805
    goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
    Re: Teens Drinking

    Jozi ~ Thanks so much for your reply. It really helps to hear the perspective of somebody who has been in my daughter's shoes and how she went on to be a successful young woman who has grown up to have a great relationship with her mom. I have yet to experience that....am just getting to that stage and hoping that things will transform to what you have so lovingly described in your post. Thanks for the time and care you took in supporting me through these "rough" years. It is a comfort to see firsthand that one day my daughter will see me as you do your own mom....Thanks again ~ Goody

     
    Old 06-30-2005, 12:02 PM   #172
    heartlandguy
    Senior Veteran
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Aug 2004
    Location: Nebraska
    Posts: 1,311
    heartlandguy HB User
    Re: Teens Drinking

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    I held each of my daughter's up and gave Him thanks and asked that He would always guide me in raising them as He saw fit.
    This quote made me flashback to images from the “Lion King”. You have such a wonderful sense of motherhood. I saw your posts to GirlHarley today and they were wonderful. I take pride in seeing how you amalgamated Goodyisms and HLGisms into something much greater. Add your storytelling ability and marvelous empathy to your amalgamation and the impact is incredible. (I’m putting my socks back on now! ) At times like these, it’s very humbling to have you consider me a special friend.

    Quote:
    I look forward to the time that I will be blessed with what you experienced yesterday with your son.
    Just like it’s easier to say things on the boards than it is face-to-face, the phone can give you moments that are better than real life. Moments like yesterday are too emotional for a dad face-to-face, but over the phone, we could say these things with ease. The emotions flowed like the tears for me when there was no visual scrutiny possible… for that is a father’s role and image - to provide strength. That was so, so painfully evident yesterday at the funeral. As the deceased’s family left the pews to leave the church, the father comforted the two wailing daughters as his wife clung to him. The Lord mercifully gave him fatherly duties at that poignant moment and he carried those duties out with great strength for all to admire. Without those duties, I’m sure he would have revealed that he was a quaking shell of a man… like any man who had just lost his son. Sometimes, duty is our salvation.

    Quote:
    I am sooooo lucky to have such a loving and giving husband who understands my need to…
    I really appreciate hearing your innermost thoughts on this subject, my dear friend. So many negative thoughts flow on these boards and one can begin to wonder if a woman can truly cherish a man with all our imperfections. Your posts are so positive and I think they reflect my wife’s attitudes about me so I choose to interpret them that way. Knowing we can impact our wives so powerfully is a tremendous incentive to try even harder. Immediately after the funeral, I bought my wife a rose with tree fern and leather leaf, took them home to trim and put in a vase, and then hand-carried them into her cubicle at work. Under the circumstances, “just because” was more than enough reason.

    Quote:
    I am soooo excited, like a little girl I am planning out our time....we plan to go to the ocean and to a favorite restaurant …….... Just hug and sit and talk to the weeee hours of the morning.
    Favorite restaurant… let me guess I need to ask a special favor of you, Goody. Cyberhugs are so lame compared to the real thing that I choose not to use them. When MBF arrives and after you’ve hugged, please give her an extra strong, second hug for me (improvise if a strong hug would hurt your back). Hugs should be warm and I know you would be a wonderful proxy. MBF needs all the support she can get so please don’t pass up this opportunity to pass along my loving care for her. She has been a great help to me in seeing how my wife feels deep down about my need for employment. I mentioned long ago that maybe He saw us as a mutually helpful triad, especially since He is big on things like trinities. Looks like the best I can do is wish you two Long Island gals a great time. BTW… have I mentioned that your birthday is only two days after my Leo’s birthday?

    Quote:
    I will pray that your eyes, ears and heart be open to what it is that He sees you must do. And the signs are always there.....we just have to learn how to read them.
    I may need your eyes to see them clearly and your wisdom to interpret them properly. These situations are always emotional and emotion clouds one’s faculties. It is so easy to do as MBFH did… it’s hard to see the signs properly while traveling so quickly down the road in a fog.

    Last edited by heartlandguy; 06-30-2005 at 02:07 PM.

     
    Old 06-30-2005, 02:08 PM   #173
    goody2shuz
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2004
    Location: New York
    Posts: 5,805
    goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
    Re: Teens Drinking

    Wow, Heartland....what a wonderful post. It really touched me to read your wonderful words. Yup, popped back into the library after leaving my jacket behind & returning the next disc of "24" after watching it with Tom. I have instructions to get disc 4. E. is due out of work anytime now and since it is only a block away I thought I'd hang out in my favorite place until she calls.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    This quote made me flashback to images from the “Lion King”. You have such a wonderful sense of motherhood. I saw your posts to GirlHarley today and they were wonderful. I take pride in seeing how you amalgamated Goodyisms and HLGisms into something much greater. Add your storytelling ability and marvelous empathy to your amalgamation and the impact is incredible. (I’m putting my socks back on now!) At times like these, it’s very humbling to have you consider me a special friend.
    Funny.....that's the image I have as well. When I first saw the Lion King scene that you depicted I thought that Disney productions had plagerized a moment out of the delivery room from a moment in my life BTW....thanks for the compliments on my posts to GH.....I like how you put it....Goodyisms and HLGisms, that's cool And I never knew that I could knock the socks off of somebody I so look up to Hmmmmm....I guess that's why we make such good friends

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    … for that is a father’s role and image - to provide strength. That was so, so painfully evident yesterday at the funeral.
    Thanks for sharing this with me....my heart aches just thinking of that family's loss. I recall many moments when Tom stood strong....the one that tugs at my heart is when our first lab had to be put to sleep. We decided to call someone to our home because she would shake everytime we took her to the vet. We wanted her to be in her yard under a shady tree with our arms wrapped around her in love. We prepared the girls knowing that the day was approaching and K. was away at basketball camp and E. at a friends house. Tom dug a hole on a 100 degree day in preparation and we layed by our faithful friend, who came into our lives before our girls. And when she took her last breath, Tom wrapped her in her favorite blanket and carried her to the grave he had dug and layed her to rest. As I watched him do that I never loved him more....for he loved that dog more than anything else (besides us of course ) and his love remains strong as we speak often about her.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    … I really appreciate hearing your innermost thoughts on this subject, my dear friend. So many negative thoughts flow on these boards and one can begin to wonder if a woman can truly cherish a man with all our imperfections. Your posts are so positive and I think they reflect my wife’s attitudes about me so I choose to interpret them that way. Knowing we can impact our wives so powerfully is a tremendous incentive to try even harder. Immediately after the funeral, I bought my wife a rose with tree fern and leather leaf, took them home to trim and put in a vase, and then hand-carried them into her cubicle at work. Under the circumstances, “just because” was more than enough reason.
    I think that was wonderful of you to do.....Mrs. H. is a lucky woman. I am glad that my posts appear to give a positive light to men and marriage.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    … Favorite restaurant… let me guess. I need to ask a special favor of you, Goody. Cyberhugs are so lame compared to the real thing that I choose not to use them. When MBF arrives and after you’ve hugged, please give her an extra strong, second hug for me (improvise if a strong hug would hurt your back). Hugs should be warm and I know you would be a wonderful proxy. MBF needs all the support she can get so please don’t pass up this opportunity to pass along my loving care for her. She has been a great help to me in seeing how my wife feels deep down about my need for employment. I mentioned long ago that maybe He saw us as a mutually helpful triad, especially since He is big on things like trinities. Looks like the best I can do is wish you two Long Island gals a great time. BTW… have I mentioned that your birthday is only two days after my Leo’s birthday?
    I will defintiely have plenty of hugs to share and will definitely give real ones from you. And believe me....our Nebraskan friend will be included amongst them. Yes....there is power in threes and we are certainly proof of that. I know that MBF will be glad that she has helped you in the way you have described....she has shared with me how she saw her purpose in this whole thing as being just that. As far as the restaurant....we have a few favorites...the one I am referring to is not Carrabbas but called the Harborside which was a restaurant Tom took me on our first anniversary and which my friend took me out to last year for lunch to celebrate my birthday and loved it!!! She insists that we go back there again since it is closer to the summerhouse. And an extra hug to Mrs. H. from Goody on the 26th (if you think she would appreciate it)

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    … I may need your eyes to see them clearly and your wisdom to interpret them properly. These situations are always emotional and emotion clouds one’s faculties. It is so easy to do as MBFH did… it’s hard to see the signs properly while traveling so quickly down the road in a fog.
    My eyes and wisdom are always there for my friends.....keep looking, my friend, I see that Mrs. H. would love to see her wonderful husband gainfully employed by her birthday.....somehow the jewelry and materialistic things don't seem to matter as much as the love & security to us Leos. I will pray that you will see something that will allow you to be near family and make use of your many talents and gifts. Have faith, my dear friend.

    (((HUGS))) ~ Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 06-30-2005 at 02:13 PM.

     
    Old 07-02-2005, 04:26 PM   #174
    sfgirl2005
    Junior Member
    (female)
     
    sfgirl2005's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2005
    Posts: 15
    sfgirl2005 HB User
    Re: Teens Drinking

    Hi Goody!

    I'm still considered a newbie in here, but not with parenting. Although I don't share the same situation as you do with your daughter, I have a teen-age son. But reading your post and about your daughter sounds like your daughter is testing hers & your boundaries to see how far she can go.

    I think grounding her is great... but in my humble opinion, not long enough. Don't worry, a parent is never too strict when it comes to things that might harm their children. It's our responsibility and I think you and your husband are great parents. You are enough to come in here and post.

    When I was your daughter's age, I started off that same path. I was a good student, but an angry child. Long story, and I'll spare you the details. But what saved my not going deeper into the drug & alcohol alley is an angel who I will call Joyce (my high school sweethearts mom) took me under her wings and became the strict parent I needed. Yeah, we butted heads, I made her cry, but she loved me so much, she didn't give up. She kept me on a short leash, she asked the 4 W's = where, when, who & what.

    Your daughter sounds like she's just experimenting and she sounds like she's still on the right path. She still sounds like a great, well-adjusted young lady by talking openly with you, giving you the empty bottle, etc. Just keep at her and listen to her. Don't give up. This too shall pass. Just ask the 4-W's. One day, you and your daughter will look back at this and laugh. Just keep telling her that you're being strict because you love her that much.

    SFGirl

     
    Old 07-05-2005, 08:14 AM   #175
    goody2shuz
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2004
    Location: New York
    Posts: 5,805
    goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
    Re: Teens Drinking

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by sfgirl2005
    Hi Goody!

    I'm still considered a newbie in here, but not with parenting. Although I don't share the same situation as you do with your daughter, I have a teen-age son. But reading your post and about your daughter sounds like your daughter is testing hers & your boundaries to see how far she can go.
    Thanks, sfgirl, for popping in and giving me the added reassurance that us moms of teens are in so much need of. I am sure that this is a test and I am finding that most of the time I am doing okay....I just wish that things would be more "friendly" between us....we are getting there but it's taken us a while. I think that it's taking a turn now that her younger sister is going through similar things and she sees our parenting the same. For instance, my 14 year old just started her first job and we are limiting her hours and keeping a close watch over things having learned through my older daughter some things that we had overlooked. It certainly makes it alot easier and in fact my older daughter is now an acvocate for her younger sister having just informed me that she is being underpaid and that we should step in on her behalf because in her Economics class she had learned that minimum wage is $5.75/hr. while in training and $7.00/hr. once on her own. Her employer paid her only $5.00/hr while training and has yet to discuss a normal pay with her. So it is on my to-do list to make a call to her boss today and discuss this with him. Hopefully my older daughter is correct & I don't make a fool of mysefl

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by sfgirl2005
    I think grounding her is great... but in my humble opinion, not long enough. Don't worry, a parent is never too strict when it comes to things that might harm their children. It's our responsibility and I think you and your husband are great parents. You are enough to come in here and post.
    I have found that grounding too harshly doesn't work well with my 16 year old. I have found that finding where it hits her the most is a better strategy. Right now it's her savings towards a car. With her last incident of sneaking alcohol from us I took $500 out of her savings acoount teling her that it was the penalty for theft and her behavior. I told her since it was her first offense that it will be restored at our discretion with good bahavior but if there were any further offenses that I would deduct another $500 each time and she would lose the opportunity of having it returned. I find that this works best with my 16 year old whereas limiting social contact with friends works best with my younger one who is 14. And thanks for the compliment in terms of my parenting Since I consider it my most important job it means alot.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by sfgirl2005
    When I was your daughter's age, I started off that same path. I was a good student, but an angry child. Long story, and I'll spare you the details. But what saved my not going deeper into the drug & alcohol alley is an angel who I will call Joyce (my high school sweethearts mom) took me under her wings and became the strict parent I needed. Yeah, we butted heads, I made her cry, but she loved me so much, she didn't give up. She kept me on a short leash, she asked the 4 W's = where, when, who & what.
    I'm also a strong believer in the 4 W's...funny how you mentioned them because my kids hear it all the time so I know that I must be doing the right thing when you so openly shared how with lots of love we can make a difference. I know that during these years my daughters need a parent much more than a friend....and in the years ahead we will be friends after my job is done.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by sfgirl2005
    Your daughter sounds like she's just experimenting and she sounds like she's still on the right path. She still sounds like a great, well-adjusted young lady by talking openly with you, giving you the empty bottle, etc. Just keep at her and listen to her. Don't give up. This too shall pass. Just ask the 4-W's. One day, you and your daughter will look back at this and laugh. Just keep telling her that you're being strict because you love her that much.

    SFGirl
    Thanks agian, sfgirl!!! Your post really lifted my spirits and I too believe that me & my daughters will have lots of laughs when we look back on these years. Thanks for reminding me of that.


    Heartland ~ Goody's up & running in the internet department again. Sure feels great to be back. Hope all is well and that you had a great weekend. I see on the Friends thread that you are a little down....as your CBF I would love to hold your hand and certainly get you off the couch BTW...whose idea was that??? Did you remove yourself or were you asked to leave???? I know that things must be tense and I would like to remind you of the wind & sun theory and shields theory that we know so well. I have a feeling that the shields are all up in the Heartland household and I would like to help you get them back down. I am here for you my friend and wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts & prayers. If you need to hop on the road again you just holler....I am always here for you ~ Goody

    PS...I have since reread your post and see that it was you that relocated to the couch I know that it was once advice you gave me but under the circumstances I see it as making things worse than better my friend. Goody must speak her mind and tell you that us Leos do not deal well with abandonment of the "Lion's" den by our mates Talk to me....Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 07-05-2005 at 10:20 AM.

     
    Old 07-05-2005, 11:39 AM   #176
    heartlandguy
    Senior Veteran
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Aug 2004
    Location: Nebraska
    Posts: 1,311
    heartlandguy HB User
    Re: Teens Drinking

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    Goody must speak her mind and tell you that us Leos do not deal well with abandonment of the "Lion's" den by our mates Talk to me....Goody
    Okay, I’ll talk to my friend. So we men are just supposed to stay in the den and accept our punishment? Last night, the Mrs. went to bed without a word as I was finishing up some drywall in the bathroom. Other nights, I get the sighs or snorts… no words but clear communications. The couch is much easier to accept than either of those situations. You know one of my weaknesses is that my mood follows that of whomever I’m in prolonged contact with... so it's low now. I just don’t have many words today, Goody, …but I’m glad you’re back.

    Last edited by heartlandguy; 07-05-2005 at 11:40 AM.

     
    Old 07-05-2005, 12:29 PM   #177
    goody2shuz
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2004
    Location: New York
    Posts: 5,805
    goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
    Re: Teens Drinking

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    Okay, I’ll talk to my friend. So we men are just supposed to stay in the den and accept our punishment? Last night, the Mrs. went to bed without a word as I was finishing up some drywall in the bathroom. Other nights, I get the sighs or snorts… no words but clear communications. The couch is much easier to accept than either of those situations. You know one of my weaknesses is that my mood follows that of whomever I’m in prolonged contact with... so it's low now. I just don’t have many words today, Goody, …but I’m glad you’re back.

    My dear CBF....I am certain that MBF has effectively described a woman's feelings in terms of the worry & concerns involved in a missing paycheck. And you yourself see that your reserves are dwindling which a woman sees as her future. We women need a healthy balance between love & security....I must say that I have been fortunate but in a sense for the first time worry about the security ahead now that Tom has sold his business. I trust him but he has alot in stocks that he is hoping to come through but we had big bonuses of his in the past that we lost......nothing is certain but I do have trust in him and his business sense but for once I am fearing for our future and at this point in time things look okay but just the way I am feeling I can in a sense understand the fear and uncertainty Mrs. H. & MBF feel. As you already know I always thought that it was love that was most important in a relationship but I am beginning to see that security is also important.

    Now...in terms of how we men & women deal with stress.....Mrs. H. is acting similar to how I sometimes act But from personal experience when Tom leaves it just adds alot more to the pile of emotions that we need to work through. Talk to her....tell her you understand her fears and that you will finish that bath and are willing to work a few jobs if necessary to replenish your savings. She needs to hear that, Heartland, just that you will do anything to give her the security she needs. I have a strong feeling that she already knows that you may need to move in order to do what is best for the two of you....she loves you and wants you to do what you are good at but also needs to know that you are willing to entertain all options. Daughters have a strong hold on us mothers She is lucky to have her girls close by. Tom & I often have disagreements on this very issue.....he wants to live on a tropical island when we retire and wishes to retire in Florida. I tell him I want to stay near the girls but he says that we cannot make our plans according to our girls and that they will probably meet men whose jobs will bring them away from us. And in my heart I know that this is probably true.....but it's still difficult to accept. You and your wife are fortunate to be near your girls but funny how you spoke about your son and he so happens to be in an area where you may find work. As far as the pet project...I know that you may be thinking about not having the enjoyment of it but think about the value it will give to your home if you should have to move. I'm just being the eyes for you while you're in the fog. It's going to be okay, my friend. The snorts and the sighs are only temporary but you can change things by changing yourself....retreating is not the answer. Leos are proud but they need somebody to soften that pride. I know that you are capable of doing so.....be the sun, my friend and don't forget to lower that shield a little too.

    (((HUGS))) ~ Goody

    PS ~ Going out to fish in a little bit with my hubby perhaps I will get his input to share with you later...will think of you and also remember how He promised to make us fishers of men....perhaps that meant that we would have to lower our shields and be sunshine to others. Hmmmmm

    PSS ~ MBF having been in Mrs. H's shoes has often told me that it was her husband's strong love for her and demonstration of that which has carried them through the toughest moments. She shared with me just yesterday a beautiful card he got her and wrote to her how much he needed her & loved her and how it made her day. As I was talking to her on the phone he was inside cleaning for her.

    We are counting the days until we see one another. I am going to get tickets to a local theatre's performance of AIDA to make up for the terrible play she went to a few month's back. And Tom is going to be our private Captain for a cruise....and I am going to do a surf -n- turf as a special dinner. MBF was once told me to not to order lobster when going out to dinner with Tom..thought I would make it a fun night for all of us together to reminise about that.

    BTW....K. is doing great at my brother's. Only thing is that she got her final report card and I was a bit disappointed in her Economics grade....she wants to apply for business and gets a C+ in Economics....her lowest grade. Her overall performance in terms of trend is not strong....I am not sure how they look at things. If they see quarterly reports of her grades they will not see her in terms of an academic improvement but rather more of a up & down trend. I think that they look at the final grade...unfortunately when we wanted this to be her strongest year she has seen better. My intentions are to just read off the grades and see how she reacts. From your experience if one is applying for a college for business and the only business course she has taken reflects her lowest grade would that discourage an acceptance??

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 07-05-2005 at 01:13 PM.

     
    Old 07-06-2005, 07:06 AM   #178
    heartlandguy
    Senior Veteran
    (male)
     
    Join Date: Aug 2004
    Location: Nebraska
    Posts: 1,311
    heartlandguy HB User
    Re: Teens Drinking

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    From your experience if one is applying for a college for business and the only business course she has taken reflects her lowest grade would that discourage an acceptance??
    I took Econ, my first business class, as an elective in college and didn’t do well in it either. (I’m sure my Econ professor was Ben Stein’s brother; he could drone on forever and ever. ) I think most students view business as a very practical discipline so Econ’s theoretical nature can disappoint them as a starter course.

    So, how to handle damage control… Several issues come to mind. How the schools K likes best will respond to the C+ in Econ. How those schools view K’s school and her extracurricular accomplishments. How serious K is about being a business major. How important it is to attend a highly competitive school. Of course you want the best outcome for K, which really means discovering what K is really willing to commit to. If her top choices for schools find her Econ grade unacceptable (I assume she won’t have grades from another business class in time for her admission applications.), what would K see as her next alternative… A different major? A different school? Regardless of her Econ grade, K should have a contingency plan.

    I suggest that you anonymously call a few colleges K is interested in and pose K’s situation. They are the only ones who could give you additional guidance that you can count on. Maybe they will tell you that their business college has an entrance exam she could take or maybe they highly depend upon categorized SAT and ACT scores in similar situations. …the things we must do for our kids.


    I see your plans are becoming quite structured for MBF’s visit. You put so much thought in what you do… no wonder you’re a great friend!

    I see the Friends thread was closed because it got too long. I have good news about Mrs. H and I and will open a new thread to report it. Thanks for being my CBF.

     
    Old 07-09-2005, 11:30 AM   #179
    goody2shuz
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2004
    Location: New York
    Posts: 5,805
    goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
    Re: Teens Drinking

    Heartland ~ Thanks for the wonderful advice regarding Econ and how I can help guide K. through deciding how to pursue things and the various options we may have. Funny, I never knew who Ben Stein was until I was watching some thing with E. on the Game Show Network and they introduced him!!! I can see how one would have difficulty following anything he had to teach with such a resonant low monotonish voice like that. I would have gone crazy if somebody like that were teaching a class of mine.

    I just spent a few hours in town with E. and her friend at a craft fair....we had so much fun and I came across something I read on a plaque that had me laughing enough to gain the stares of many people around me. It read as follows.....

    RAISING A TEENAGER IS LIKE NAILING JELLO TO A TREE


    I am still laughing about it and am sure that many other parents of teens will appreciate that one too.

    Anyway....I ended up treating myself to some nice Swarkowski crystal earrings....I don't usually get many things for myself the giver that I am but this time I think that I deserved something to celebrate my day. I also got a crystal oval pendant that is dainty with the moon & the stars etched in it that when hit with light beams beautifully like the northern lights in the same periwinkle color as the earrings. I absolutely love it. I figure it's my mission in life to reach for the moon & the stars and K. happens to love anything with moon & stars as well....perhaps she is more like her mom than she thinks

    Also....thought I would take this opportunity to post today's horoscope for you. I am hoping that it is another sign, since we love that

    LIBRA (September 23 - October 22)

    Your primary goal is well within your reach, and much closer than it ever has been. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to take the one final step to ensure your success.


    I sure hope this means something....I'm telling you, that metaphysical thing is working high today and I am really expecting to hear some good news from you and MBF. They say it comes in threes and I am hoping that this time I am right. Also....you do not have to give me tech support on the MP3 titling...E. thinks she can help me on that tonite.

    Well.....I am off to read in the sun watching E. jetski with her friend.

    (((HUGS))) ~ Goody

    PS ~ I am actually enjoying this week with E. but missing Tom like crazy.

    PSS ~ I am a pro at the ripping and tiltling of my MP3 player...I am sooooo proud of myself I AM a self suffiecient gal after all

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 07-09-2005 at 03:25 PM.

     
    Old 07-18-2005, 06:47 AM   #180
    goody2shuz
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2004
    Location: New York
    Posts: 5,805
    goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
    Re: Teens Drinking

    Hi Heartland & all Wow...what a weekend Goody had!!! I think that I am begiinning to come full circle with balancing marriage, parenting and friendships...in fact I am convinced of that.

    This weekend we finally had our "Big Chill" weekend with our closest friends. The baby of the 10 of us was turning forty and it was a significant milestone for us. While it celebrated her coming of age it also celebrated our common threads as parents, friends and couples. Tom had carved the way 9 years ago and the closure to a 4th decade in each of our lives was now upon us.

    We had been planning a weekend with just the adults for what seems like forever but could never seem to come up with one that would allow everyone to be together. And finally it came And it was an experience that brought us all so much closer together.

    A van had been rented that would accommodate us all. Everyone drove out to our summerhouse where we started our journey together. There was drinking and laughing......Tom & I as hosts welcomed everyone and I commented on how W., the birthday girl was the perfect one to give us reason enough to have a "Big Chill" weekend because she was the one that we could chill out the most with. I asked everyone to raise their glasses for a toast and shared with everyone how W. was all heart and how once I had called upon her in my time of need and she was there in a hurry. She dropped all that she was doing and came to my house. I cried for what seemed like hours and she stayed with me as my friend and comforted me. I told everyone that she was the first and only person that told me that I was beautiful even when I cried. We hugged with tears and that was the first of many toasts that evening. I had an opening ceremony in which we drew straws for sleeping arrangements. I expressed how I wanted to offer what I call the "Sunshine Room" (E.'s Room) to W. since it was her birthday and that she was our sunshine. The other rooms that I named just in honor of this first occasion of filling them with friends were quickly assigned...the Dolphin Room (K.'s room), the Carribean Room, the jackpot which was a pullout couch in a loft area and of course Tom & I were not going to give up what we refer to as the Paradise Room.

    Soon it was time to head out to an Italian Restaurant where W.'s oldest son waits at. This was a surprise for W. We piled into the van in which we had wine and beers awaiting. Of course we had a designated driver. We partyed and I must say that there came the moment in my life where I made a decision that I thought I would be more upset in making it than I actually felt.. A joint was being passed around and I had never smoked before. W. had been presented with a Coach purse as a present that was stocked with some weed. Somewhere when we had first started out I decided that perhaps it was time to try it....and I announced that in honor of W.'s birthday the only virgin smoker in the van would give it a try. Well the cheers went and my closest friends held my hand and told me what to do...Tom was overprotective I asked him if he would be disappointed or upset if I did and he reassurred me that he wouldn't. Heartland, I don't even know what possessed me to smoke after not ever doing so but I came to understand soon enough.

    I choked and burned my throat on the first puff....and did two more. I commented on how it didn't do a thing for me and everybody laughed and protectively Tom told me to hold off from anymore. By the time we reached the restaurant I was okay but suddenly out of no where I was talking to Steve, our friend who was driving, I turned to talk to W. behind me and then to continue my conversation with Steve who was replaced by a Hispanic image of himself (the valet parker). Well......I couldn't stop laughing....I asked who he was and he said "Enrique" and I asked him what he did with Steve??? Well, W. at this time was refusing to get out of the van....she was awfully upset with her husband for even thinking of bringing her high to a restaurant her son was working at. I was hysterieally laughing at Enrique as was another friend who was laughing at me. But....my "friend mode" kicked into high gear and I looked at W. and told her that I understood her hesitation in going into the restaurant, that her son and husband had gone through an awful lot of trouble to make this night special for her and that she had to now get past the thought of being a mother to her son but his equal. I reasssurred her that he understood more about life than she would like to know, that he was 19 and knew that she was not as perfect as she would like him to think she was and that I had recently come to the realization that this was perfectly okay with our children. I reminded her that we were now at a crsosroads in our childrens lives and that her son would see that his mom had cool friends who were celebrating her 40th birthday with her. I told everyone to head into the restaurant and that I would take W. for a walk while she had a cigarette and get her in ASAP.

    As it turned out....the evening was a huge success, I'll never forget the feeling of making it to & from the bathroom without falling on my face....I refer to it as "The Green Mile" and just all the love and friendship we shared in the entire experience. It was our roadtrip and as I wondered why I had given in to smoking my first joint after almost 46 years it hit me that I did so out of friendship and also it allowed me another opportunity to firsthand know what I could do in terms of offereing my girls advice from having experienced it. My friends told me that it was amazing how I handled it and that it was a gift to them in sharing in my first time. Funny, how I thought that I would feel ashamed but I felt human and more bonded in terms of friendships, marriage and parenting. Tom had my water nearby and kept me from overdoing things, my friends supported me in that as well and made a toast in my honor and my girls will have the same mom who is human and now has some experience regarding smoking a joint. I can definitely say that it has it's aphrodesiac effects....and I wouldn't want my girls placed in that situation before they may be ready. That is what I want to share the most with them.

    I know that you will probably be smiling about this whole expereince...I'm probably the only friend you have that would save her college partying until she's in her 40's but it was definitely a growing experience. Will I smoke again....I really don't know. It was something I hold no regrets about and know that I will act responsibly with. Who knows.....but I will be honest with my girls if the time should ever arise. Of that much I am sure.

    Thought you would get a kick out of all of this. K. has called a few times, we have had great conversations and she even suggested that she fly home for my birthday and to see E. in her first big solo!!! Yes, E.'s big break finally came through and I want to make a big thing about it. So, K. coming up with the idea all by herself was wonderful!!!

    Hope all is well with you. I have PT in a few minutes 10am and then need to get E. to theatre practice. Will be back by noon and check in because I think you may have some news for me too!!!

    (((HUGS))) ~ Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 07-18-2005 at 06:54 AM.

     
    Closed Thread




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:20 AM.





    © 2022 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!