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    Old 08-03-2005, 09:01 AM   #16
    Tina maria
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    Re: feel fat all the time, dont know what to do,

    I will be leaving the sight for now but will be back on later tonight, as my partner will be home soon. and house work needs doing, great!

     
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    Old 08-03-2005, 09:28 AM   #17
    aleash
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    Re: feel fat all the time, dont know what to do,

    I'm glad you came to this site for help and advice, the girls here are really great and have given me alot of advice. I do think this site does help, but it can only do so much. If you can work up the guts to call the doctor, I think it would be really beneifital. I know if I had the means, I would go to thearpy too. Do you have a daughter?? I thought you said you did, I really think If you have a child its more of a reason to get help. Its not good to have all these feelings and trying to raise a kid, I know thats of my biggest fears with ED is passing it on to my child. My mother made me have poor body image ever sense I was little, and its driven directly from the fact that she has poor body image too. Which is werid to me becuase no one in my family is fat or even ugly, but for some reason both my mom and I (or at least me have sufferd from ED). I just think with all the stuff your feeling asking for help will help husband to be, and help you raise a great family. Also thearpy will help you with your panic attacks, and the emotions you are dealing with the child you lost. So in all thearpy will help with several things, if your scared to do it would you feel more comfortable if your fiance went with you? That way you would feel alittle more comfortalbe talking with a thearpist.
    Hope that helps, I'm always here to talk.
    Aleash

     
    Old 08-03-2005, 04:27 PM   #18
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    Re: feel fat all the time, dont know what to do,

    look in a phone book for nutritionists or dietician ( do they have phone books in England like here in the US - I presume since you used "stone"). We have much in common my oldest daughter was a twin which I lost one and you know Tina over time it gets better - whenever some mile stone happens I always wonder about the twin, how would they look now, would they be as pretty as my surviving daughter, would they smart, all the things. Your therapist doesnt have to have had ED to help you - in fact you need to be careful, some therapists who have had ED shouldn't be helping others because they are not healthy themselves - if that makes sense. I am a social worker and I DO NOT work with ED clients b/c of my ED - it would be dangerous and unethical. See if there are any eating disorder groups or clinics around your area and they can surely refer you to some one.

     
    Old 08-04-2005, 12:58 AM   #19
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    Re: feel fat all the time, dont know what to do,

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Tina maria
    hi aleash, I dont want to have an ed if thats what im suffering with, i certainly wouldn't consider it being an good idea.why would i.
    just to clarify, we weren't saying you are thinking "gee, i'm gonna go out and get me an eating disorder! what a great idea!"

    all we mean is that when ANY eating disorder begins, the process (not the disorder itself) seems like a good idea. it always starts with the best of intentions.

    a person will think to themselves "instead of dieting for months, i'll just starve myself for a couple weeks, then keep the weight off", but then they get addicted to watching those pounds drop, and BOOM! anorexia.

    in my case, i was feeling a little too full one day, so i decided i'd throw up once... no harm done... but what i DIDN'T realize is that once you've done it once, it's suddenly a "solution" that comes to mind every time you eat anything that you think might gain you so much as an ounce. even so, it took me MONTHS to realize i was no longer in control of it!

    that's all we meant. we meant you are very lucky and very smart to have caught your disease in its infancy, and there's still so much hope for you... being anorexic "just until you've lost the weight" isn't worth it, because really you're leading yourself into a life-long struggle. healthy lifestyle changes are the ONLY worthwhile way to lose weight.

    best,
    snitter

     
    Old 08-04-2005, 04:38 AM   #20
    Tina maria
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    Re: feel fat all the time, dont know what to do,

    hi aleash. I have a daughter of 8 years, she's nearly nine, I also had another daughter whom i lost to cot death 7 years ago. her birthday was last month, so it wasnt easy.
    I do try and watch what i say or do in front of my daughter now, but there were times i'd complain about my weight, saying oh i look fat in this or god look at my stomach. she did start saying, look mummy my legs are fat. and this worried me. so i would then say, dont be silly, you have lovely legs, theres no fat on them, your a little girl and your perfect. she hasnt said anything lately. she has just started tap classes and has to wear a leotard(poor spelling,sorry) and once complained of her legs then. but i just said they are the same as the other childrens, and theres nothing wrong with them. her friends do say things about their weight, so i have to keep an eye on that. I do feel bad, but i didn't realize what i was doing, inputting these horrible thought into her head as well. Im always telling her she looks beautiful. and i haven't or never will tell her she's fat. even if if she did have a bit of puppy fat. i wouldnt dare.

    my mum always complains about her tummy, she does suffer as she has a thioriod problem, and has put weight on. she told me that she has always been a big woman even as a child. i dont know if she has ever had a problem with her food or anything, i suppose ive never asked, but now she dont seem bothered what she eats even though she has to be careful.

     
    Old 08-04-2005, 05:04 AM   #21
    Tina maria
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    Re: feel fat all the time, dont know what to do,

    hi maggie, im sorry to hear of your lost. it's the most heart breaking thing for a parent to go through, loosing their baby. words cant discribe it. Im always thinking the same about my daughter. she had real bright blonde hair, just like me and blue eyes. when i was little i had lots of ringlets in my hair, and im always wondering if she would of looked like me. and when my daughter whom is well and alive plays around and does certain things, i always wonder if my daughter would of took after her. i also try and picture them playing together and wonder what they would be like togher now.

    As for the therapist i didnt think of it in that way i suppose. I am in england, i live on the isle of wight, it's quite a tiny island, they dont have many organisations on the island. but i think that my doctor will obviously know of one locally, or refer me to the out patients at the hospital. doctors and hospitals do worry me, as i have always had bad experiences with them. some doctors just try to thob you of to, and couldn't care less. vut i have really been thinking of calling my doctor and making an appointment. I was going to sit down and talk to my partner last night, he knows i have a problem but not in the way i have expressed my to you guys. but i didn't as he has work and didn't have the time to start disgusing something as big as this. I was going to explain about the sight, and how i feel, but half of me felt stupid, and didn't want to.

     
    Old 08-04-2005, 06:19 AM   #22
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    Re: feel fat all the time, dont know what to do,

    part of ED is how it makes you feel and it does make you feel stupid - all of us feel that way - we are all intelligent people who realize and dangerous ED is and can also see the stupidity of the disease but it doesn't change that we have it or that we are participating in something quite dangerous. PLEASE don't feel stupid - if we took a poll on this site about the percentage of people who feel self-conscious or stupid because of their eating disorder I bet, unless they were in complete denial. it would be nearly 100%. Be brave - talk to your partner, if they really care about you that is one more person who can support you and love you while you start working on this. They already know something is wrong - probably even before you realized it. Be strong you CAN do this!!!

     
    Old 08-04-2005, 08:45 AM   #23
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    Re: feel fat all the time, dont know what to do,

    Tina-
    Thanks for writing answering some of my questions. I just wanted to tell you I think its really brave of you to be considering getting help so early on, and I tottaly think you should. It took me many many years to even realize I had a problem.
    Sad thing is I think my ED was driven directly from my mother, or a big part of it was. I love her to death, but ever sense I can remeber my mom always complained about her body, worked out excesively, and was on a "diet". Being rasied in an envoiroment like that how do you think the child is going to end up. I was a competive gymnaist when I was little. My mom was too when she was growing up, and started me in lessons when I was a toddler. I made the compotion team when I was in second grade and honestly I think thats when it all started. Now I didn't starve myself or throw up, but I was constantly worrying about my weight, dieting, and working out all the time (and I was a second grade). I just couldn't let my self be fat in my littard (can't spell that either lol). I look back on it and see how little I was and how little I was growing up, and think "what the hell was I conserned about".
    I'm not saying this to upset you or make you feel bad for me, I just want you to let you know how tragic comments about weight can be to a young child. I think it's great you tell your kid she is perfect the way she is, but try not to make comments about your own weight around her because it will rub off on her.
    If you can stop an ED from coming in the future for you or your daughter, please do. I have been suffering from it from as long as I can remeber in some form or another, I hope this makes you realize how important it is to seek help.
    Thank you for listening, best of luck.
    Leash

    Last edited by aleash; 08-04-2005 at 08:48 AM.

     
    Old 08-04-2005, 09:35 AM   #24
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    Re: feel fat all the time, dont know what to do,

    tina,
    aleash is right, once u are bulimic it is hard to get out of it. i was anorexic for a year but once yr body lacks something it craves for it and to get over that craving i ate and was puking it out just to maintain the weight i have i am underweight though but still gained someweight. i mean now i am so upset with so many health problems i am facing i regret wat i did and still am doing. No Control! try my best everyday and everyday is like a test but i am failing. Just hoping one day i am not purging and waiting to do it.
    Suggestion is "talk to someone, someone u believe will understand you" we all are here if someone who is actually now facing it won't understand.
    Come on forums and share with us. i am trying to share with all people here and they have their experiences and will come out with solution

     
    Old 08-04-2005, 09:45 AM   #25
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    Re: feel fat all the time, dont know what to do,

    i agree with snitter, same thing happened with me anorexia changed to bulimia when i read that a girl puked everytime she ate and controlled her weight.
    So once i ate when i was back home for a dinner party and that night i puked and was elated as that was one way of controlling weight, bu didn't realize problems that are coming my way... all complications.
    good to hear that u have controlled in the initial stages not like me who is in it and thinks of food and buying food everyday.
    sucks life sucks for me




    Quote:
    Originally Posted by snitter
    just to clarify, we weren't saying you are thinking "gee, i'm gonna go out and get me an eating disorder! what a great idea!"

    all we mean is that when ANY eating disorder begins, the process (not the disorder itself) seems like a good idea. it always starts with the best of intentions.

    a person will think to themselves "instead of dieting for months, i'll just starve myself for a couple weeks, then keep the weight off", but then they get addicted to watching those pounds drop, and BOOM! anorexia.

    in my case, i was feeling a little too full one day, so i decided i'd throw up once... no harm done... but what i DIDN'T realize is that once you've done it once, it's suddenly a "solution" that comes to mind every time you eat anything that you think might gain you so much as an ounce. even so, it took me MONTHS to realize i was no longer in control of it!

    that's all we meant. we meant you are very lucky and very smart to have caught your disease in its infancy, and there's still so much hope for you... being anorexic "just until you've lost the weight" isn't worth it, because really you're leading yourself into a life-long struggle. healthy lifestyle changes are the ONLY worthwhile way to lose weight.

    best,
    snitter

     
    Old 08-04-2005, 08:51 PM   #26
    cryingskies
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    Re: feel fat all the time, dont know what to do,

    tina, I just wanted to say that I agree with everyone here. I too suffer from panic attacks, I know how bad they can be, I really do. I've had to be put on all different kind of meds that calm me down to prevent them. And I went through a psychologist, They really can help you with your panic and with your eating.....Please stop this before it starts. I've had a lot of bad things happen in my past as well. I've been sexually abused and I felt so horrible about myself because of it I started thinkin I was fat and ugly and no one wanted me, and so on. I would eat and purge because i didnt want anyone to know, and that way I could hide it, soon my mom found out and I was caught, I watched a movie on karen carpenter, she was anorexic, and I thought hummm why not just stop eating like her, and thats why I did.....I simply refused to put anything in my mouth....now I am struggling every single day, there is not one day I can get through without food being on my mind constantly. weither its to figure out how to get through the day without eating, o r trying to figure out what I can eat that would have the tiniest amount of fat and calories in it. its a horrible thing to live with and it will comsume every single bit of your time. and as others have said you will affect your daughters life with this. It doesnt even have to be you talking about it, or saying your fat or saying you hate ur body or dont like ur body.....it can just be the way you look at urself in a mirror, or the way you are with food....it doesnt all have to be spoken and she will pick up on it.....I take care of my friends little girl, she is my daughter, even tho she isnt my blood, I'm the one she calls mommy, and I'm the one who takes care of her every day, I tuck her into bed at night, I've taught her everything she knows, and if there is one thing I've done with her, I tell her she is beautiful every single day a ton of times, she just smiles and laughs when I tell her and she is only two. . .I make sure she eats at least three meals, good meals a day and she has a couple snacks throughout the day as well....and no matter how much I hate myself I will never look in the mirror and cringe around her or say anything bad about my body, because I know she will pick up on it, and I want her to grow up happy and healthy and never think about an ED. Please get some help. I know how hard it is, I know how scary it is, but you know, really, what is it that you are scared about in getting help? What is it that makes u not do it? If you find out why ur scared and why you dont want to then you can over come that fear and save ur life before u go down that path....look at the posts from us over the past few weeks or even months, check out the terrible things that are in our hearts, souls and minds on a daily basis, see that we pass out, we have trouble taking care of things we have to do, I am falling apart as im sure many others are because of this, please stop it before u go too far....and u dont need a therapist that has been there, because once u have an ED u are never completely cured, u can relapse at anytime, and no matter if you've been "recovered" for years one thought, or one thing could trigger u and u are right back to square one, you could be talking to a therapist for ED's and if they've been anorexic you could say soemthing and trigger them right back to it, or they could trigger you, You'd be suprised how much that they really can help even tho they havent been there, if they specalize in ED's they know everything that they need to, to be able to help you....The first step is always the hardest and the scariest, but please take it, for your daughters sake....you dont want to get caught up in this and have it kill you, then where will ur daughter and hubby too be, be without you? god bless you and take care, dont give up okay...you've been through a lot, but look at the good/great/wonderful things and people you have to live for and be strong and healthy for....you dont want to get so sick you can't play with ur daughter.....every daughter needs her mother, so please if not for urself or ur man or anyone else, do it for her
    __________________
    peace and love
    Chrissy

     
    Old 08-05-2005, 05:40 AM   #27
    Tina maria
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    Re: feel fat all the time, dont know what to do,

    hi i am back. thanks maggie, i do agree, its just when people start telling you, you are stupid, i think you start believing it. It is great talking to all you guys, i know you all understand, and you all give great advice. I am really trying to listen to you all. i went to the doctors today and nearly spoke to him about the way i feel, cos i thought my tonsilitus had came back. but he had a student in there, i also had my daughter with me, so i couldnt talk with her being there. but as i were even thinking of telling him, my heart started racing and i came over all nervous. but at least i was a step closer.

    ~~~~~hi selldom sick~~~~~~,thank you also for writing to me and sharing your illness me. I do give out my heart to all of you, i have been reading some of your boards and really feel for you all. but we are all in this together. and i do appreciate all of you veiws and concern.
    i have made myself sick a couple of times in the past months, i was drinking, and felt i could easilly do, so i did, it gave me the guts to do it and not care. but i do have a fobia of being sick so normally i wouldnt dare, but the thought does cross my mind. but im not brave enough. i dont think you can call it brave really, can you? I am always thinking of food to, always, i hate it, i dont want to be thing of food. i hate food. i am bored of food, i only eat because if i dont i feel ill, and get the shakes and so on...plus i eat because i want my daughter to have a good attitude toward food, shes really fussy as it is, dont like this, dont like that. but i will take laxatives now and then but sometimes i have to, i also have IBS, i have had it for years, and i get really consitpated and servely bloated that i look like im 6 months pregnant, honestly! i have got my parnter to take a photo of my stomache when it bloats like that, dont ask me why... and when my tummy does this i cant handle looking like this, it gets me down.
    I also have just changed my pill over to cos i have break through bleeding quit alot, and the pill im on now has made me gain abit of weight and i cant shift it. as i have mentioned i was 7st 4lbs at christmas,and i really want to drop my weight back down to this again. well i am going to be honest, if i had my way.i would like to be a size 6. but i think my body wont allow me because of my body frame.but i have changed my pill hoping i will loose some weight,but knowing my luck, ill put it on.

    Im having a bad week this week, i really feeling fat!!!!!! im trying to ignore these feelings, but finding it very hard. i have been trying nearly every top that i have in my wardrobe and tooken it off because i just felt fat it in, and they make me look awful, am i the one one that has this problem or do you guys have this to????
    I just wish i could have the perfect body that i want in my head. i wish i could be taller to, but that aint going to happen either.

     
    Old 08-05-2005, 05:48 AM   #28
    Tina maria
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    Re: feel fat all the time, dont know what to do,

    i will come back later as my partner will be due home any minute. but i will love to talk to you guys again later. take care all of you. x

     
    Old 08-05-2005, 08:54 AM   #29
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    Re: feel fat all the time, dont know what to do,

    No Tina your not the only one that has thoses feelings, getting dressed in the morning is a huge challnege for me. I stoped having a full length mirror in my house, otherwise I will never beable to leave. I have litteraly have spent 2 hours just getting dressed, trying everything on in my closet, and usally wearing what I started out with. Something I suggest is the night before decide what you are going to wear but don't try it on, just take it out of your closet and set it on the dresser or something. In the morning put it on but don't look in a full mirror. This helps me get out of the house in time and not stress over what I am wearing. As I said before I really think you should try and talk to someone, It's great you went to the doctor, but I think maybe you should call a speacialest instead.
    Best of luck,
    leash

     
    Old 08-05-2005, 11:59 AM   #30
    Tina maria
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    Re: feel fat all the time, dont know what to do,

    hi cying skies, thank you for sharing your view and concerns to me it is really appriciated.
    its not nice having the problems we do in all circumstances, having panic attacks in itself aint nice either, i have mentioned that i have had them for seven years now nearly. im got them again roughly abiut a month 2 months ago again. and it really started to get me down, i was starting to not go out the house because everytime i did i would really spin out and then get panicky. but i thought to myself, "i aint letting me stop going out." so i didn't and took one step at a time and started going out with my daughter, taking her to school, picking her up. also my sister. it sounds silly but my daughter made me feel safe, silly considering she's smaller and a child. i think its because you start to worry about them. but i still cant go anywhere really by myself, maybe into a shop.
    i use to take medicine for my panic attacks, but i found it made me worse. a doctor once told me when i was suffering with them quite bad that no medicine will help me, the only thing that will help me is myself. and you know what in a way he was right.
    because i found that no b****r would help me, and that in the end it was only me that had to help myself. but now i share my felings and worrys with my partner to, as he also suffers with them, so we look after each other.

    thank you again for talking to me, if you want to chat again im here, and willing to listen and talk. best wishes, tina

    I just want to praise you for looking after your friends little girl. It isnt easy, but you have a kind loving heart.

     
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