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  • The joys of NOT living with an addict - a message of courage



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    Old 08-21-2005, 09:11 AM   #46
    Macquig
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    Re: The joys of NOT living with an addict - a message of courage

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by herbal
    He's your son for Chrissakes. He is a human-being just like you!
    Yo!!Herbal.. you of all people ought to know the misery an addict puts their families through..didn't you read that woman's entire post??

     
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    Old 08-21-2005, 09:14 AM   #47
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    Re: The joys of NOT living with an addict - a message of courage

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Constant
    BlueJulie5,

    You find it odd? Odd that this father stood up for his family, stood up to the addict and said enough is enough?

    "Like" "since he went to jail everything is okay"? hmmmmmmm, okay compared to what?

    "He is just in jail, he is not cured" ??? So this means what?

    I am guessing you are very very young.
    I'm happy to see a morethoughtful response to that post about the son who tormented his family being in jailand the relief the family has now..My God..addicts ARE selfish and delusional aren't they!???Geez..give these poor folks a break..their son has ruled and ruined their family for two years ow!!

     
    Old 08-21-2005, 09:21 AM   #48
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    Re: The joys of NOT living with an addict - a message of courage

    i agree. I was awful to my family and also tormented them and i don't blame them one bit for feeling releived when i was jail. they did not have to worry about me, did not have to help and help and help me, and new where i was, which was safer then on the streets. everyone deserves a break and especially from someone who was like me. jail is the only reason i am now almost 4 years clean. i would be dead by now and i know that!!!!

     
    Old 08-21-2005, 09:43 AM   #49
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    Re: The joys of NOT living with an addict - a message of courage

    I feel the same way about jail for my son.

    No, it is not a cure.

    But you know what, when he's in jail he is NOT using. And if he stays there long enough for the drug "fog" to evaporate, he might see reality.
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    Old 08-22-2005, 07:42 AM   #50
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    Re: The joys of NOT living with an addict - a message of courage

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Sandyspen
    I feel the same way about jail for my son.

    No, it is not a cure.

    But you know what, when he's in jail he is NOT using. And if he stays there long enough for the drug "fog" to evaporate, he might see reality.
    This was certainly the case for our son.

    There were several benefits that came out of his jail time:

    1) It interrupted his out-of-control spiral of oxy/opiate abuse which was really beyond anyone's control.

    2) It gave him time to dry out.

    3) The fear of returning to jail is a strong deterant to stay off drugs.

    4) It gave the family a break from the hell of living with a teen addict in the house.

     
    Old 09-15-2005, 08:07 AM   #51
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    Re: The joys of NOT living with an addict - a message of courage

    You all are not wrong in any way and should not feel guilty what so ever for feeling that way. You feel the way you feel. Don't let anyone tell you any different. I was awful to be around and no one should have had to see me that way or deal with it!

     
    Old 09-15-2005, 04:04 PM   #52
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    Re: The joys of NOT living with an addict - a message of courage

    Hi all,
    Well- I'm a real 'newbie' here so I hope you dont mind my 2 cents worth. I have seen both sides of this argument. I grew up in a house where my teenaged stepbrother was a heroin addict, schizophrenic, and abused alcohol as well (and provided alcohol and heroin to me from when I was too young to remember until 13 in order to abuse me). At 13, I moved to Australia. My mother was also a 'mini' alcoholic (her words) but we had a comfy enough lifestyle thanks to my grandad. He was a good man, but very sick and was on diacetyl morphine (medicinal heroin) for cancer pain. He refused to take it, and I started to drink his bottles of it at 14.
    He died when I was 15, and I immediately left home. I hung out with the 'heaviest' people I could find and , predictably, had a baby by 16. My mother moved back overseas and I had only myself in the country, and a drug-addicted boyfriend and a baby. Things went on like that for a long time. I became pregnant again. I tried methadone, went to rehabs, went to court facing 7 years for fraud (tryingto get money to support my habits)...
    Finally, facing court again and facing returning to a destroyed house, a heroin dependant husband and a huge financial mess, I managed to get clean for the final time. I kicked out my husband, went to NA for 3 months and family counselling and eventually met my second husband (whom I am still with)
    Today, I feel only horror at the mess I created back then. I have terrible guilt for all of the consequences and especially the pain I caused my parents and my children.If you stop an addict from hurting you, they will have less pain later when they make it through. In my opinion, offer the hand of support whenever they're willing to make the big change but don't let their addictive beast manipulate you to support the lifestyle. I have over 5 years clean now.I had addictions to everything at one time or another; heroin, amphetamines, pills,alcohol, marijauna,methadone, (except for crack and the new designer drugs) and now I don't even smoke cigarettes. I love and respect my parents so much for all they've been through and daily attempt to make my childrens' lives as wonderful as possible. I call my parents all the time, and we write to each other nearly daily on the email. I consciously try to teach the kids the value of life and the wonders we have been given, and how easily it can all be lost. I so hope my children will be ok. My youngest is now 3 and is blossoming, as is my 10 year old daughter, though I still have to periodically send her to visit her addicted father, and my eldest is nearly 20 and is finishing school. Myself, I'm studying to try and get into University to do behavioural science.I just hope it's not to late to make my parents proud.
    Love them and be there for them, but don't help them hurt themselves or you or your family- and all of you will be better off.
    Hope that helps. There IS light at the end of the tunel!
    JJKoala

     
    Old 09-16-2005, 02:09 AM   #53
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    Re: The joys of NOT living with an addict - a message of courage

    I hope i did this right and im replying to the right message..lol, if not ill repeat a bit of it just in case, KFld, you mentioned how happy you were that someone said they thanked thier parents... I just wanted to say, first of all im sorry i never said that to you before. you've been reading my posts regarding my boyfriend and i hadnt taken the time to read all of your posts yet...my deapest apologies. I've been so caught up in dealing with my ex's issues and the issues hes left me, i forgot about how i got here in the first place. When i fell off the wagon so to speak, if it wasnt for my parents i dont think id be here today to complain about my boyfriend. They were my pillars and still are to this day, if it wasnt for their faith...there is no way i would have pulled myself out. My love for my parents and the fact that they taught me to love myself over everything else is what keeps me clean to this day. no matter what is going on in my life, I know im going to be ok...thanks to them
    I told you before you sound a lot like my mum, so i have all the faith in the world you're son is going to pull through with flying colors. good luck to you and everyone else reading this.
    hugs and kisses

     
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