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  • Don't love my husband anymore

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    Old 09-22-2005, 03:31 PM   #16
    Falcon554
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    Re: Don't love my husband anymore

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Rita05
    Reace, thanks for your warm reply, I felt tearful when you said fight for the spark, cause I really loved him once wholeheartedly. The spark has gone not because of familiarity, but because of deep deep sharp and unpredicted hurt that is taking ages to heal, and I just feel numb. Maybe it is the depression . I experienced the pain of being put down the closest person to me when i treasured him and trusted him the most !
    He noticed the change in my personality, and I think that he feels guilty inside of him. He suggests things like taking me out to buy exotic fish tanks something that I really loved doing, he bought me tickets to see the biggest horse race in the country and booked a fantastic classical room in guest house in a lovely village. So I know that he's trying his best. Last night he pulled me so close to him in bed and kept his arms tight around me. I felt very warm but not even able on this occasion to reciprocate (although we still have wild sex).

    ((((((((Reace))))))) Thanks a million...
    Sounds so familer, for years I did not respect my marriage or do anything to really help it out. When I got sick and thought i was going to die then it all came to me what a jerk I had been. I wrote my wife a letter and said I was sorry for everything and ment every word of it. Well it was to late. The affair was well on its way to starting. But I have to say one thing about my wife, she saw this man 1 time then seperated from me. She could of kept it going because I was so lost in myself that I would of never known.

    So her I sit, the affair is over, my wife got really hurt by this fool. Shes having a mid life crisis and all that goes along with that. But I know that she still loves me, she would have never let me back in teh house or would see me now if she did not. But the in love part is gone. I can forgive the affair, thats easy. I know where and why she did it.

    Its just this I cant give you more then this (what she says) that I cant stand. We can go out to the movies, watch TV, hell we went to a strip club the other day and had a blast. First time we ever did something like that. But its just not what I need, I need her love and I hope someday soon ill get that back.

     
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    Old 09-22-2005, 07:11 PM   #17
    Reace
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    Re: Don't love my husband anymore

    Rita,

    I understand wholeheartedly the pain and rejection that you feel by someone that you admire and love so deeply that it hurts. My husband and I have been through so much and still are going through things BUT we sat down in all of our pain and hurt and resentment and promised ourselves and each other that we were going to continuously work to make the relationship whole and healthy again. We are STILL working on it. I am NOT going to sit her and tell you that "it will get better" because it won't...not unless you cry the tears and put in the work that it is going to take to not get over your pain-but confront it, articulate it, accept it, and deal with it. I do not think that we ever get past the pain, however, I think that you are human just like me and with time, effort and love will be able to work through the resentment and not find the love (because it IS still there) but rediscover it. We women are very emotional creatures. Men are wired differently and it takes extra compassion, understanding and deliberate consciousness to understand our feelings. It sounds as though your husband has a genuine desire to make you understand that he is sorry for his hurting you. He is taking extra care to do things that he knows you enjoy. He is still connected to you and your emotions. TALK TO HIM! AND DON'T STOP TALKING TO HIM. If you shut down, there is no hope. You must communicate to him your feelings. If you are not impressed by his actions to "heal" your pain, tell him-but be able to explain to him why. If it is going to take years for you to come to terms with your hurt-tell him. After all, you all have an eternity together Rita, I personally do not believe in divorce (personal opinion-no judgement whatsoever). It is alright to feel the way you do. I have been so disgusted by my husband that I felt like vomitting when he touched me.

    Talk to him-PLEASE! Your marriage IS worth fighting for...lovey feelings come and go but true love is able to sustain anything. I know that sounds cheesy.

    I am here if you need to talk. K?

     
    Old 09-25-2005, 03:49 PM   #18
    Rita05
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    Re: Don't love my husband anymore

    Hi Reace and everyone
    I feel terrible tonight. I wanted to have some nice time and bite the bullet..so I invited him out. I was telling him on the way how I admired my workmate for caring about his girlfriend when she had a bike accident, and how he made all kinds of phone calls to make sure that she was fine. His reply was that this was childish!!!
    Again I tried to overcome this and had a couple of pool games with him in a university pub. When we came back, I wanted to go to bed cause I had few pints and had to get up at night, he said there was a film (it was with nude women) and I said that I prefer not to watch it...so he called me controlling!!
    I felt sick and tired of this unescapable and uncontrollable anger I have towards him. My realisation that we don't click together is tooooo late and the urge of leaving him is growing out of control.
    Thanks for listening again...I really feel very unhappy and very frustrated
    Love

     
    Old 09-25-2005, 08:56 PM   #19
    Reace
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    Re: Don't love my husband anymore

    Okay Rita...you know what! Don't know everything but it sounds as if your man is really tripping. Could it be that he is sensing the fact that you are not into him anymore and wants to "be the reason things end" verses being on the receiving end of the situation? At any rate, it is my opinion that he is mandated through marriage to love and respect you. His attitiude, actions and words are not doing that...therefore, you need to stop biting your tongue and voice your feelings and concerns to him. Tell him about your storong desire to leave him and be explicit when doing so. Be honest. Tell him what you are lacking in the relarionship and suggest a way to correct it....counseling, church, courting again....whatever. Ask him how he feels about the relationship too. See where his head is. It could very possibly be that for whatever reason, he is hurting too and just does not know how to articulate that to you. Whatever the case may be right now, it is his duty as a man and husband to voice his feelings and decide whether or not you all are going to deal with the situation at hand because honestly, while I do not advocate nor believe in divorce...I do not judge others for making that decision either. It is very possible that you may indeed build up a wall that is so thick, he , no matter what he does, can penetrate it. Rita, explain to him that the tickets, and horse shows are bandades and that you all need help for the real issues at hand right now or the relationship, not that you want it to--but because of the state of you guys' union, is destined to end. Maybe once he sees how serious you are, he will get it. You all are working against each other right now when you are are a team. The world is a crazy place and the one place that you should find comfort, stability and peace is with your lifelong mate.

    Keep me informed. Also, PLEASE be sure to tell him that the remark about the concerned guy being childish was hurtful to you. I know that feeling b/c my man has done it too. Ask him if he wants his feelings to be belittled. Maybe he said that because he knows he is not that way and since you respect that about another man, maybe he feels inadequate or threatened? Just a thought.

    Talk Later! Hope you feel better.

     
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