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    Old 09-18-2005, 01:13 PM   #1
    cidlette
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    Unhappy STILL addicted to Vicodin... need help

    It's been over a month since I last visited...I've been so horribly over whelmed with worrying about how to get off these pills while also worrying about how to get more of them! I take from 15-20 a day, and it's getting not only expensive, but my moods are so extreme I can't stand to be around myself. I'm afraid they'll find out at my job, where I have so much responsibility.... my husband left me with a huge mortgage and an house that's not in condition to sell so all I do is go to work then come home and work on my house when Im not searching the web to find a place to buy vicodin without a prescription. I think the latest site I found has ripped me off and I'm worried also becasue I gave them my credit card number. I am so stressed out. And as you all know the only time an addict can get anythign done is when I'm taking the pills. I feel so sick each morning and I have my little morning dose waiting on my night stand for my wake up at 5 am. I've only told a few friends and my sisters and they are all so understanding and loving and worried about me. But I can only help myself.... one of my friends was an addict and he told me to either go into detox or to a methadone treatement place where they will wean me slowly. I certainly am not doing good at weining myself off. But I couldn't find a place where I live... at least not on the net. I am so disgusted with myself for this and so depressed. Has any one out there gotten methodone treatment to get off of vicodin? Thanks for your help and listening...
    Cidlette

     
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    Old 09-18-2005, 06:09 PM   #2
    100%clean
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    Re: STILL addicted to Vicodin... need help

    Cidlette,
    Your story sounds similar to mine, especially the part about feeling so bad in the morning and having the pills ready to take. I was taking about 120 mg of Hydrocodon daily before stopping. I counted my pills everyday and planned ahead to get more when I got low.
    Everyday I would wake up and tell myself I can't go on like this, but never-the- less I continued day after day, until I finally stopped Cold Turkey!

    I just got so sick and tired of being sick and tired, I figuered wiithdrawal can't be as bad as continuing to use. You know what, I was right. The first few days are rough, with a lack of energy, no sleep and restlessness.

    Don't get me wrong withdrawal is no walk in the park, but it is not as hard as you think. Get rid of all the pills. Tell your family,,and cut off the source to the drugs like doctors etc so that it is not easy to get more. .

    Don't subsitute one drug for another especially Methadone for Hydrocodone. Withdrawal from Methadone is much much worse then Hydrocodon.

    Many people try to taper down on there pill usage, but that is hard if not impossible for most of us addicts.

    It sounds like you have had enough of the pain that goes along with active addiction.

    If you want it bad enough, you can do it! Let me know what you think.

     
    Old 09-19-2005, 03:03 AM   #3
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    Re: STILL addicted to Vicodin... need help

    I agree with 100% clean. My habit was very similar. If you read some of my other posts on the board you'll see what I've been up to the past few weeks. I stopped CT on Friday morning. I am now almost 72 hours into my withdrawl and it hasn't been as horrible as I expected. Everyone is different I guess but the biggest thing was body aches, chills, feeling very tired and drained and headache. I personally didn't even get the stomach cramps and nausea. Even if you do if you find an addictionologist or doc you can trust go and spill your guts - get some help with the withdrawls for the first couple of days and you'll be amazed how easy it is and how much better you feel in just a couple days. I tried to taper over a 6 month period but kept escalating and tapering and escalating and tapering - it was torture. Cold Turkey was much easier. Find an NA support group, an addictionologist, family or friend support and just go for it!!!!! We'll be here!!! If I can - so can you!!!

     
    Old 09-19-2005, 02:01 PM   #4
    man74
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    Re: STILL addicted to Vicodin... need help

    I agree with the COLD TURKEY approach. Don't get involved with other drugs to cure a drug habit. That just bugs me a bit when people just trade to another drug. I guess that's why I am here because I traded booze for Vicodin. I fooled myself for a long time, but I have finally faced the fact I must be 100% clean from all mind altering drugs. The WD's I had from the Vikes paled in comparrison to the WD's I had when I quit drinking. You will survive them.

     
    Old 09-20-2005, 04:57 AM   #5
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    Re: STILL addicted to Vicodin... need help

    I have to agree with what I'm reading here. For me, COLD TURKEY is the only thing that works. For the last month or so, I've been posting asking questions about different approaches, and frankly withdrawal sucks no matter how you go through it. I'm starting DAY 4 right now. Yesterday at 5:00 p.m, was 72 hours so I know I'm on the mend (physically at least). The mental anguish is ahead. Right now I have no cravings at all. I just hate the drug (vicodin) so badly right now that I never want to see it again. I don't know what's ahead for me as far as treatment. I know I'm going to see an addiction specialist this week and I may or may not attend an outpatient program. I made a quick decision on Saturday morning that I wasn't going to take any more vicodin so the last one was at 5:00 on Friday. On Saturday, I woke up and told my husband and knew it had to be real because now he'll be watching for all those little packages I always get from internet pharmacies. I even thought about trying to get into a suboxone program. I don't know what I was thinking! That would be trading one narcotic for another. I'm just so relieved I made the decision to QUIT and I know its for real this time. I'm not going back no matter what. I hated the person that I was becoming and for the most part I wasn't feeling well taking the pills anymore anyway. All I was doing was warding off withdrawals for a few hours a day. For everyone who posts here who is trying to make the decision to quit, you'll be so proud of yourself when you do. XRAYMAN, if you're reading this, I want you to know that you really helped me. I've read nearly all your posts for this last month and I'm so proud of you for sticking with it. I'm going to do the same! Have we heard anything from Froggirl lately? I'm wondering about her.

     
    Old 09-20-2005, 06:25 AM   #6
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    Re: STILL addicted to Vicodin... need help

    JKHopeful,
    Sounds like you are on almost exactly the same schedule as me. I stopped 7am on Friday. Mine was Hydrocodone, but the only difference is Lortab has Tylenol in it and Vicodin has Motrin in it. Cold Turkey was definitely the way. I'm not having as great a day today as yesterday, but still pushing ahead as best I can. Hang in there - we are all in it together.

    Woudln't it be cool to all be able to have a real live marathon meeting together? Everyone just sit and share, cry, laugh, whatever. Not possible but I feel almost like I know you guys, we've all shared so much of the ups and downs. HANG ON!!!!!!

     
    Old 09-20-2005, 07:05 AM   #7
    bluejulie5
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    Re: STILL addicted to Vicodin... need help

    Your story is similar to mine. I was taking 20 hydros. a day.

    Sorry guys, I did not want to struggle through cold turkey, so I found a dr.
    who would put me on methadone.
    It worked for me, I was clean 3 months and relapsed.
    So, I am on a very low dosage of methadone a day.

    I always wondered, why go cold turkey when you dont have to?
    Surely if you make some phone calls you can find a place in your area
    that can help you.
    __________________
    julie

     
    Old 09-20-2005, 07:08 AM   #8
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    Re: STILL addicted to Vicodin... need help

    Unfortunetly all the above posters are right.You are an out of control vicodin addict and as such I truely do not see any way for you to be in control enough of your usage to actually even attempt any kind of taper,honestly.Cold turkey,though it sounds rather harsh,it really is not as bad as you may think when you weigh all that you are going thru right now with what it will mean when you are actually off.it is much much easier to actually do if you change your thinking before hand and think of the whole process as just being 'sick',like with the flu? for a few days.Have you ever had the flu or anything like it before?did you get thru it all okay and live to tell about it?this is what I actually did wayyy back when when I had finally gotten sick and tired of all of the constant hassle the guilt and thought of the people who cared about me who I really really hurt and espescially the self loathing.But you really really have to want this or you will fail and fail again until you feel it down to your very soul that you just cannot continue this any longer.honestly.You CAN do this,really.believe me, i have done this along with many many others who managed to get thru it all and come out the other side a much happier,healthier and very grateful person.

    First of all,come clean with your doctor or doctors?You only need one if you are actually seeing more than one.Pick the one you feel will be the most helpful and understanding and drop the others.discuss what you are planning to do and that you really could use some support.Then start to visualize yourself as 'clean' and how things will be sooo much better when this is all over.Next,start the process by getting rid of anything and everything that you have stashed away and cancel any orders for online meds that you may have.just go along with what comes next,have something for diarriah on hand as it might get kinda nasty in that dept.Keep yourself well hydrated and try to eat as normally as you can even crackers and ginger ale will work.just keep in mind that you will not feel well for the next few days and just think of this all as having the flu.when you have the flu,the symptoms are really alot like those of WD.the more you can actually think of it this way,the better mind set you will have,really.If this did not work so really well for me, I would not bother to even tell you this.it is all in the 'mind' and they way you decide to actually percieve things is what will make a huge difference while you deal with all of this.but you just HAVE to want it or it will not work.Your family should know what is going on here too as they will be a big support to you when you start to feel weak.but if you want it all bad enough,you can do this.honestly,you will be just so truely amazed at just how really strong of a person you are when this is all done and you start to feel more human again.this is when you really need to make strong connections with other recovering addicts.The NA or AA meetings really really helped me alot as these people all are all just exactly where you are only at different stages of the game.I was actually going thru out pateint treatment while going thru the last part of my WDs so making those connections was not that difficult at all.out patient treatment is always a good option which i highly recomend to you.unless you feel an inpatient program might be a better move for you.only you can really answer that for yourself.but attending daily treatment and just that big huge support system I had to help me along really helped me alot.everyone is different in how they feel about sharing with others and the program will only give back what you decide to put into it.but it IS a good option.i really hope you decide to take this all as seriously as it needs to be and then get yourself healthy again and stay the hell away from those pills that are trying to kill you.

    The amounts of tylenol that you have consumed during this addiction could already have caused some damage to your liver and kidneys.You DO have damage, I can guarantee you that,it all depends on just how susceptable your organs are to the damage that determines whether or not they suffered irrepairably or not.just because any blood work that you may have says everything is hunky dory does not mean there is no actual damage,trust me on that,it only means that any damage has not reached a level yet that it actually shows up in the bloodwork .If you could see my ultrasounds that were done just a few months ago on my liver and kidneys(I have polycystic kidney disease with liver involvement on top of being a recovering addict)and then look at the great labs(all still within the normal ranges) that were recently done on my liver and kidneys,honestly, you would be just shocked to see it all together.my L kidney is almost three times the normal size because of the extensive cystic formations on both kidneys(My L one is actually the worst but they both don't look at all good at this point)and i have several liver cysts along with some bleeding,but believe it or not, my labs alone would say that I am in perfect helath and have no problems with either kidney or my liver.If this alone does not get someone on this board to stop poisoning their organs with heavy doses of tylenol i don't know what would actually.Just because you cannot "see it" does not mean that it is not there.There is absolutely no way in hell that someone can actually take in the extremely high amounts that some addicts take(30-50 vics a day?Yikes!) and not have any sort of damage to the liver and kidneys as you are wayyy beyond the daily limit of what is actually considered safe.I hope this will get some people who are not sure just what they want to do about there addictive behavior to wake up and smell the coffee here before its to late.Trust me,transplants are not real fun either.My son had a liver Tx a few years ago,and thankfully is doing wonderfully with it,but i would not wish to put anyone thru the hell of that whole process.now, doesnt just stopping cold turkey sound sooo much better and easier now??Good luck.you WILL get thru this.someone is always here to vent to or if you need a cybershoulder to cry on,K.Just do what you know you have to do in order to get your life back.Okay,i will stop now,i promise.marcia

     
    Old 09-23-2005, 06:01 PM   #9
    cidlette
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    Re: STILL addicted to Vicodin... need help

    You are all so encouraging to hear... uh.. read. I never have enough faith in myself to do much of anything. There have been a couple of times where I really really wanted to just stop taking the pills and thought I should just stay in bed and get it over with. Then I remember all my responsibilities and how I just HAVE to go to work. As if the world will end if I'm not there. You say everyone is different.... I wonder how long it will take me to get thru the w.d.'s. The depression is what gets me also. I already suffer from depression and take anti-depressants. And getting these pills is so HARD. I only get them from one doctor... I haven't gone the route of doctor hopping yet (and since I'm such a lousey lier I don't think I could do it.... I just know I'd be caught). As I said, myhusband left me and all I do is try to get my house fixed up to sell. I can't get any of my "friends" to help me with the work. I tell myself that things in life can only get better....then I found a lump in my breast last night. And I'd had an epidural in my back for the pain that started me on this drug spiral and now it seems to have worn off and my back is hurting so bad again. Of course, the vicodin dosen't help with the PAIN anymore!
    So... when you went thru the withdrawls...when you stopped cold turkey, were you alone? I will be. Unless I go to my sister's. Were you able to keep food down? Each morning I feel like I have anti-freeze going thru my veins... at least that's the only way I know how to describe it. I am such a wimp when it comes to pain. How long will I have to be out from work? I can't afford to lose my job.... heck I might have breast cancer now!!! I'll need the insurance.
    I'm so glad I found this site.... it's so good when I can remind my self that I'm NOT alone, even tho I feel so lonely. Most of you seem to agree that methodone is not the way to go. I just figured I'd be having someone ELSE controlling the drugs for me. And it would be cheaper! But you're right about just trading one addiction for another. I used to smoke cigarettes and I remember how hard that was to quit, but at least it didn't make me SICK when I quit. I lay in bed twitching all over... like those knee jerks, only it's all over me. I wake up feeling like I've run a marathon during the night my legs are so tired. Has anyone tried taking sleeping pills while getting off the vicodin... kinda like just sleeping through the whole ordeal? I won't throw up or anything like that, will I?
    Thank you for all your help and advise and kindness and caring.
    - Cidlette

     
    Old 09-24-2005, 06:04 AM   #10
    cidlette
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    Re: STILL addicted to Vicodin... need help

    What was methodone treatment like? I lay in bed this morning thinking of going cold turkey off the pills but then the horrible foot cramps started. Unfortunatley, I still like the pills... part of the time, anyway. Every morning I hate them and when they make me so irritable. But I have no will power. My friend who was an addict said go the methodone route. How did it work? Thanks for your help... cidlette

     
    Old 09-25-2005, 06:53 PM   #11
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    Re: STILL addicted to Vicodin... need help

    Cidlette,

    You should try the detox recipe that Ukonom posted. Just do a search for Detox recipe and try it out. It consists of L-Tryosine and B6 to help rebuild your neurotransmtters and help your mood (though you need to be sure the ADs you are taking are not SSRIs or MAOIs). Also, copper, phosphorus, Vitamin C, zinc and magnesium help. You can also get milk thistle and dandelion to scrub your liver and kidneys. I have had an MRI done on my liver and kidneys and bloodwork and have a good bill of health, so the last posting that looks like ity was intended to put the fear of god in you can not be taken as a blanket statement, but more on a case by case basis. Some people's bodies react differently, and depending on body type and age, the pills can do more damage to some than others. Not to say you don't need to get off of these right away, because you do. Ask your doc for Wellbutrin. This does not have an adverse reaction to he herbal remedies I suggested, and can really help with the depression. It has even helped my sex life tremendously (I know other ADs have the opposite effect). Believe it or not, sex alsoi really helped my depression since it releases seratonin (or dopamine I can't reemeber which but a good chemical nonetheless) in the brain.

    If you have a gym with a sauna, go to it daily and sweat, sweat, sweat! The more you sweat out the toxins, the faster the WD period goes by. I took my last dose the day of a trip to Costa Rica, and went on a hike in the jungle the next day and sweated like a wh-re in church and woke up the next day feeling fine and not a symptom again. Also, excericise helps your liver flush itself out and start to repair the damage we have done with these nasty yellow buggers.

    I would be careful with methadone as I hear it has terrible withdrawals, even worse than hydro withdrawals. In my experience (I have relapsed once and gone through WDs recently) if you can get over the three day hump, you will be OK (that is 72 full hours with nothing in your system, so 84 hours from your last dose). Try taking your last dose on a Thursday night and get through the weekend. I did this and Monday was my first bearable day. By Tuesday, I felt great and could finally envision life without the pills, cause when you're on them the hardest thing is that you have convicned yourself that you can't live without them.

    Keep me posted on your progress.

     
    Old 09-25-2005, 07:45 PM   #12
    cidlette
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    Re: STILL addicted to Vicodin... need help

    Thank you Newbie (and everyone else). Once again I am down to only about 15 pills.... enough for a day. Three if I REALLY try HARD. I don't know why I am being such a wimp about this.... but you are right about how I'm feeling. I have just spent an hour searching (once again) for a site to buy pills... frantic because the one I placed an order with twice before (and the 3rd time last week) ...now the site is down. So will my pills come tomorrow? this is ridiculous! I see that you have all made it to the computer to get on this site while you're going thru d-tox, so it looks like I'll survive it. Like the fluh, huh? I wish I had someone who would be here with me because I guess I wil be staying home from work starting wednesday.... I just went thru so much stuff with my boss recently and I'm worried he'll be mad at me for calling in sick. Stupid that I'm more worried about that than my own health! I'm going on a family vacation in two weeks with my dad and sisters and I'd really rather not be taking these pills then... I will check out that detox recipe. I have no sex life, so I don't have to worry about that being affected. Wellbutrin didn't help my depression. I like the Lexipro I'm on...
    But what is the opinion on taking sleeping pills while d-toxing? I don't mean I'll take a bunch of them... I take them at night to sleep anyway.
    Thank you thank you thank you....cidlette

     
    Old 09-25-2005, 11:33 PM   #13
    tripleair
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    Re: STILL addicted to Vicodin... need help

    I'm repeating what many have said on other threads. You have to want to stop for real. If you are still searching for pills, what does that say? So many people have made the choice to stop and many have or are planning to here. Is it the fear of withdrawal that is stopping you? Are you afraid of not having that superhuman feeling we all know? For me, I asked myself a simple questions. What to I stand to gain from quitting? By focusing on the positive have I been able to rationalize my quit date. I've also been able to buy the detox recipe items and have them ready. I've made arrangements with work to have time off. I've made reservations to go to a place of tranquility I can stay at while I detox that has hot springs and is peaceful and healthy. I hope to God I follow through. I think about how great things are going to be after I stop everyday.......including asking for support on this board while I'm doing it. I know it will be there. This is a wonderful place with positive energy. I know I won't be alone......and that is comforting beyond words. Carpe Diem!

     
    Old 09-26-2005, 09:16 AM   #14
    AddictedtoNorco
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    Re: STILL addicted to Vicodin... need help

    I am telling you, this recipe works wonders for getting through the mental anguish of WDs. Though you still have chills, etc., you actually feel good mentally and can rise above the cravings. Though, like you will continually hear, you have to WANT to quit. No one is going to quit for you. It is a hard struggle, but you can do it if you put your mind to it. Stop suring the net for ways to get it, tka econtrol of your life, and start the detox process. If you stop taking on Thursday evening, you can go to work Friday (and perhaps save your sick excuse for when your boss can see how sick you look and feel) and not have to use sick days. The weekend will be rough but just have a friend come over and stay with you if you can. Get through the first 84 hours and youwill see that after that it gets better.

     
    Old 09-26-2005, 04:30 PM   #15
    cidlette
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    Re: STILL addicted to Vicodin... need help

    Ok, I decided I have to quit... so I printed out the detox receipe and was going out to buy the stuff and realized that the Lexapro I take is a SSRI, so I can't take the main ingredient on the receipe... L-Tyrosine . Does anyone know of something that can substitute for it? Or if that stuff is so good (as Ukonom says) maybe I should stop taking the Lexapro and take L-Tyrosine instead! What would happen if I took both?
    - cidlette

     
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