It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board

  • I WAS having a good time, until...

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 10-26-2005, 11:55 AM   #196
    opielonghorn
    Inactive
     
    Join Date: Apr 2004
    Posts: 483
    opielonghorn HB User
    Re: I WAS having a good time, until...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Hiya
    I think sometimes, even though you're really unhappy, it's better to find some kind of comfort in accepting what's meant to be, even if it's not what you want, than running around in a panicked frenzy chasing what you were never supposed to have in the first place and never having peace.
    i'm not sure i understand the 'meant to be' part. who says this is meant to be? who says you were never supposed to have anything in the first place? the only person making these rules is you.

    by this logic, you would have achieved peace a long time ago. you're basically talking about never trying, because then you can't fail. but by never trying, you can also never succeed. deciding on a goal and then taking the steps to attain that goal doesn't have to include running around in a panicked frenzy.

    on a related-to-previous-posts note, here's a quote that helps me a lot: 'care about what others think, and you will always be their prisoner'

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 10-26-2005, 12:08 PM   #197
    Hiya
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jun 2005
    Posts: 1,566
    Hiya HB User
    Re: I WAS having a good time, until...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by opielonghorn
    i'm not sure i understand the 'meant to be' part. who says this is meant to be? who says you were never supposed to have anything in the first place? the only person making these rules is you.
    I simply don't buy that. When you spend enough years banging your head up against brick walls trying to achieve something, and you never even come close, then I really believe then God is trying to tell you something. You meet God halfway, you work, you strive as hard as you know how, but if He doesn't want that door opened, it just ain't gonna open. I didn't make that rule, our Creator did. Like my career. I had to go back to school, I had to work really hard, but God wanted that door open so my hard work was rewarded with a good job in my field. That's how it works. When you spend decades working for something and the door doesn't even crack, then it's time you borrow a quarter from somewhere and buy yourself a clue.

    I never achieved peace a long time ago because I was still striving for something God doesn't want me to have. Peace comes when you accept that there are some things you just aren't going to ever have, and let go of that dream. Peace and happiness are not the same thing. You can have peace but still be miserable. I'm not talking about happiness. Im' talking about just a little peace of mind, knowing what course I'm supposed to be on, even if I hate that course.

    Not caring what others think is a nice concept, but in the real world, if you don't care what your boss thinks, you'll find yourself out of a job. If you don't care what your friends think or how they react to the way you phrase things or how you treat them, you find yourself alone. I unfortunately learned the latter the hard way.

     
    Old 10-26-2005, 12:40 PM   #198
    opielonghorn
    Inactive
     
    Join Date: Apr 2004
    Posts: 483
    opielonghorn HB User
    Re: I WAS having a good time, until...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Hiya
    Not caring what others think is a nice concept, but in the real world, if you don't care what your boss thinks, you'll find yourself out of a job. If you don't care what your friends think or how they react to the way you phrase things or how you treat them, you find yourself alone. I unfortunately learned the latter the hard way.
    oh, forgive me! i had no idea i wasn't living in the real world!

    i think you know perfectly well what that quote means. it means not living your life in fear, and doing what you want to do without worrying about looking silly or foolish. in your posts, i notice you giving a lot of energy to what this ex thinks, or what the friend thinks, or what the people at the party will think. obviously, this quote is not meant to be taken in the sense that if you want to go out and commit murder, it's okay because you didn't care what the law thinks of that. like any piece of advice, it's assumed that the receiver will apply it in a logical sense.

    again, your attitude of simply not buying things is why you're in the position you're in. god hasn't 'decided' anything. two words for you: kyle maynard. look him up and tell me what god decided for him.

     
    Old 10-26-2005, 07:09 PM   #199
    Hiya
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jun 2005
    Posts: 1,566
    Hiya HB User
    Re: I WAS having a good time, until...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by opielonghorn
    oh, forgive me! i had no idea i wasn't living in the real world!

    i think you know perfectly well what that quote means. it means not living your life in fear, and doing what you want to do without worrying about looking silly or foolish. in your posts, i notice you giving a lot of energy to what this ex thinks, or what the friend thinks, or what the people at the party will think. obviously, this quote is not meant to be taken in the sense that if you want to go out and commit murder, it's okay because you didn't care what the law thinks of that. like any piece of advice, it's assumed that the receiver will apply it in a logical sense.

    again, your attitude of simply not buying things is why you're in the position you're in. god hasn't 'decided' anything. two words for you: kyle maynard. look him up and tell me what god decided for him.
    I would say God blessed him with extraordinary parents who worked full time every day of their lives to instill in him a positive, can-do attitude and supportive friends and coaches and teachers who were willing to mentor and teach him and encourage him, and a bright spirit that made others just want to root for him instead of beat him up just because he was there, I'd say God decided he should be an inspiration and an example of faith.

    I wasn't refering to anything as extreme as breaking the law, and I wasn't even aware that I had said anything that gave the impression that I was so worried about what the mutual friend or the other people at the party thought of me, oh, I guess the comment of how hard it might be if the ex did show, and what the others may be thinking. I think there are many times when your advice makes a lot of sense, like the lady at work who blames me for her getting fired. I couldn't care less if she wants to think that. The only way it would bother me is if she went around telling all the bosses that I can't be counted on, that I missed something I should have caught and didn't step up and she got thrown "under the bus" for it and it started to damage my reputation with the bosses, because what the company bosses think of your work performance does matter, whether we want to think it does or not. But I'm not worried about it because I'm one of the hardest working, consciencious people here and everyone knows it. So I dont' care what she thinks of me. But to give my body, my heart and soul, trust and love to someone, the one person in the whole world I ever thought I could really trust, the only person I thought I could finally rely on to not hurt me, thinking he would cherish and value it all, and to believ him when he says he loves me, I'm his best friend and always will be, etc etc, and to find out it was all a lie and he thought I was just some little chippie to be lied to and used, then laughed about with his friends afterward, I don't know how I'm supposed to not care about that.

     
    Old 10-27-2005, 12:27 AM   #200
    stacykgb20
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Sep 2005
    Posts: 306
    stacykgb20 HB User
    Re: I WAS having a good time, until...

    Hi Nini,
    I think part of the issue is that while this was your first and undeniably hurtful experience with relationships, what happened between you and your ex actually isn’t that unusual, which is why I doubt he’d see any reason to apologize, not any more reason anyway than anyone else who leaves a relationship would have to apologize to their ex. Unfortunately, part of risking your feelings and falling for someone is assuming the risk that you’ll end up hurt and let down if things don’t work out as you hoped. And since the vast majority of relationships don’t last forever, it’s almost inevitable that anyone who gets involved in a romance will end up being left and hurt at least a few times. Breakups are always painful for the one who is being left, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that the one who leaves is intentionally trying to cause their ex pain or to hurt them anymore than necessary. I know it doesn’t seem this way to you, but what you went through with your ex was a pretty typical breakup—it’s extremely common for the person leaving to vow that they’ll always stay close friends and that he or she will always care deeply about the ex, then avoid contact once the breakup is finalized. This happens in almost every breakup and isn’t particularly egregious or cruel behavior—in fact, such things are usually said in order to try and cushion the blow and lessen the pain someone feels while being dumped.

    People who don’t treat their partners particularly well, especially when leading up to a breakup, don’t have anything to be proud of, but it doesn’t make someone a bad person who deliberately and maliciously tried to devastate their ex just because they say things they don’t mean while leaving a relationship they know isn’t right for them. I guess what I’m saying is that while the ramifications of what your ex did have clearly been devastating and your desire for an apology is completely understandable, I can see why your ex doesn’t think he did anything that terrible that requires closure and an apology—in his eyes, from what you’ve said, it sounds like he considers leaving you to have been a pretty normal, run of the mill breakup. The fact that you were so hurt by it doesn’t change his perspective on what happened—I’m sure he feels like he had every right to leave and that he did what he could to ask decent toward you during the breakup, so he doesn’t see why he should feel guilty or contrite. I’m not saying either one of you are objectively correct in your views of what happened and whether or not any further discussion and apologies are justified, as I have no way of knowing and no right to judge that, but I can see his point of view. Even the nicest people can’t help but hurt others in some circumstances, particularly when they feel the need to walk away from someone who they know loves them very much and will be crushed by the news. But what can you really do?? Give up your own happiness and stop pursuing what you want in order to avoid hurting someone you don’t want to be with any longer? That doesn’t seem fair or right to either person—unfortunately, one of the hardest things about love is that there are never any guarantees and no logic or common sense controlling our feelings. That’s why people can love someone who treats them horribly more than anything and why other people can’t bring themselves to feel truly in love with someone who they want to love more than anything, someone who would make a great partner and would give them all the happiness and love they would have thought they’d ever need.

    No matter how much you want to make someone love you and no matter how much they want to love you, if they don’t feel it naturally, it’s just not going to work—the whole thing is really quite arbitrary and illogical, on top of emotions being inevitably and constantly in flux, which is why love can be so frustrating, difficult, and heartbreaking. Anyway, I’ve ended a number of my relationships over the years, ranging from relatively short and casual affairs to very serious, long term relationship that were expected to last permanently. Thinking about your situation makes me feel sad and guilty about that but also confused as to exactly how I should feel…on one hand, I needed to be true to myself and my feelings (or lack thereof), but on the other hand, I feel like a jerk for hurting people and know I could have handled those breakups a lot more tactfully and maturely (I used to have a bad habit of procrastinating when it came to officially breaking things off, which resulted in me sometimes starting new relationships before the old ones were technically over, and I know that must have been really hurtful and cruel in the eyes of my exes). I guess breaking up rarely brings out the best, most noble side in anyone—the breaker uppers just want to say anything they can in order to get out as easily, quickly, and painlessly as possible, while the people who are being dumped usually want a prolonged explanation and discussion, possibly to try and change their soon-to-be-exes minds, possibly to get a chance to fully vent and air all their anger and grievances, or possibly to try to make as much sense as they can out of something that seems totally senseless. Splits tend to bring out some of the least admirable qualities in all of us, and often the way people are treated during breakups only compounds and intensifies the hurt and resentment they feel from the way they were treated during the course of the relationship. This is totally understandable and quite common, but I know that doesn’t make it any easier or serve as much consolation for you or anyone else still feeling the pain of a breakup.

    I think you should consider whether or not you can accept that he IS sorry that you have been so hurt even if he doesn’t see what he did as particularly egregious. Maybe he was just doing the best he could and extricating himself from your relationship as gently as he knew how to do…so maybe wanting to make him feel sorry, to take responsibility for your heartache, and to feel remorse for what he did is missing the point and giving him much more power than he deserves. He really didn’t do anything that different than what most people do during breakups—there’s no reason for you to assume that he didn’t care at all about you or that he was trying to hurt you anymore than was unavoidable. I’m not trying to defend him or say he’s a great guy who acted with class and consideration, far from it, but I just don’t think that the way you’re viewing the breakup is in your best interest. Perhaps if you instead consider that all breakups suck and hurt but that since you can’t change someone’s mind if they decide to leave, you might as well try to let go of as much pain and resentment as you possibly can. Everyone gets dumped at one time or another, because we all date people who ultimately realize they’re better suited to be partners with someone else—it’s an inescapable part of love and a risk that is ultimately worthwhile because the rewards are so exciting and exhilarating. The only thing we can really do is realize that it’s an unavoidable and universal experience and that the hurt and disappointment will be worth it in time because it saves us from ending up with the wrong person and clears the path for the right one, as well as making it even sweeter and more rewarding when we do finally meet our ideal partners. So, Nini, what do you think about giving your ex a break and accepting that he was doing the best he can and that ultimately, he didn’t really do anything that out of the ordinary when it comes to bad breakup behavior? Maybe if you could stop blaming him for you being so devastated to lose him, you could let go of some of the anger and resentment, and other negative emotions, that are standing in the way of you being happy and optimistic about your future?

     
    Old 10-27-2005, 09:03 AM   #201
    opielonghorn
    Inactive
     
    Join Date: Apr 2004
    Posts: 483
    opielonghorn HB User
    Re: I WAS having a good time, until...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Hiya
    But to give my body, my heart and soul, trust and love to someone, the one person in the whole world I ever thought I could really trust, the only person I thought I could finally rely on to not hurt me, thinking he would cherish and value it all, and to believ him when he says he loves me, I'm his best friend and always will be, etc etc, and to find out it was all a lie and he thought I was just some little chippie to be lied to and used, then laughed about with his friends afterward, I don't know how I'm supposed to not care about that.
    that's the hard part. when my boyfriend and i broke up a year ago, i thought the same thing. how could this person, who told me i was the ONLY one he could talk to, how we would ALWAYS know each other, want to end the relationship? the fact of the matter is, he was and probably still is a very confused person. it doesn't mean that he was insincere when he said those things. at the time, he probably meant them. but sometimes things change, and people's feelings change. that's just life. and i seriously doubt that my ex (or your ex, for that matter) is mocking you at all. and if he is, so what? what does that matter to you? basically, you're supposed to not care about it because caring about it has only brought you heartache. time for a new approach. i told my ex my biggest, most embarrassing secret, and he could be laughing about it with his next twenty girlfriends for all i care. it doesn't change who i am, or how i live my life. i don't hate him, and i wish good things for him in the future, despite his less-than-honorable behavior towards the end. it's easy for me to forgive because everyone makes mistakes, and my behavior was not always what it should have been, either. nobody is perfect. forgive him, forgive yourself, and stop obsessing over what he's laughing about or not laughing about, or how happy or unhappy his marriage may be. it doesn't matter.

     
    Old 10-27-2005, 12:11 PM   #202
    Hiya
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jun 2005
    Posts: 1,566
    Hiya HB User
    Re: I WAS having a good time, until...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by opielonghorn
    that's the hard part. when my boyfriend and i broke up a year ago, i thought the same thing. how could this person, who told me i was the ONLY one he could talk to, how we would ALWAYS know each other, want to end the relationship? the fact of the matter is, he was and probably still is a very confused person. it doesn't mean that he was insincere when he said those things. at the time, he probably meant them. but sometimes things change, and people's feelings change. that's just life. and i seriously doubt that my ex (or your ex, for that matter) is mocking you at all. and if he is, so what? what does that matter to you? basically, you're supposed to not care about it because caring about it has only brought you heartache. time for a new approach. i told my ex my biggest, most embarrassing secret, and he could be laughing about it with his next twenty girlfriends for all i care. it doesn't change who i am, or how i live my life. i don't hate him, and i wish good things for him in the future, despite his less-than-honorable behavior towards the end. it's easy for me to forgive because everyone makes mistakes, and my behavior was not always what it should have been, either. nobody is perfect. forgive him, forgive yourself, and stop obsessing over what he's laughing about or not laughing about, or how happy or unhappy his marriage may be. it doesn't matter.
    The thing is, the more vunerable you make yourself to someone, the more you are leaving yourself open to hurt if they break your trust. I made myself more vunerable to him than I had ever experienced before in my life. It doesn't really matter if he mocks me or not, or if he truly wishes me well. The bottom line, the one I just can't get over, is, the only time I made myself vunerable to him, he said "eh, no thanks." I don't know. I don't mean to argue, and I don't think I can really explain it any better. Just remembering the look on his face when I would get frustrated with such a hard line he drew and I felt he wasn't even listening to me, and he'd frown at me and say "why are you like that?" I can't forget it, and I can't help how much it cuts clean down to the bone. I just don't see how this will ever stop ripping my heart out.

     
    Old 10-27-2005, 02:08 PM   #203
    opielonghorn
    Inactive
     
    Join Date: Apr 2004
    Posts: 483
    opielonghorn HB User
    Re: I WAS having a good time, until...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Hiya
    The thing is, the more vunerable you make yourself to someone, the more you are leaving yourself open to hurt if they break your trust. I made myself more vunerable to him than I had ever experienced before in my life. It doesn't really matter if he mocks me or not, or if he truly wishes me well. The bottom line, the one I just can't get over, is, the only time I made myself vunerable to him, he said "eh, no thanks."
    so what? so what if he said no thanks? and? he said no thanks. end of story. his loss.

    it will stop ripping your heart out when you allow it to stop, and not a minute before. when you decide you've had enough of someone else's behavior of eight years ago controlling you.

     
    Old 10-27-2005, 02:59 PM   #204
    cebo
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    cebo's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Mar 2005
    Posts: 106
    cebo HB User
    Re: I WAS having a good time, until...

    opielonghorn, I love your posts .

     
    Old 10-27-2005, 03:23 PM   #205
    mauvais
    Member
    (male)
     
    mauvais's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Aug 2005
    Posts: 76
    mauvais HB User
    Re: I WAS having a good time, until...

    You dated him eight years ago? And you say he never loved you?

    You still think about this guy and enough to post about it online? How sad. Why should he come to parties and show you that he cares for you? He doesn't! He's married! Move on. It sounds like he's the only one with a grip. I applaud him for respecting his wife and staying away from parties where an ex who still obsesses about him will be.

    All of this may be harsh, but you need a serious reality check.

     
    Old 10-27-2005, 04:03 PM   #206
    Hiya
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jun 2005
    Posts: 1,566
    Hiya HB User
    Re: I WAS having a good time, until...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by mauvais
    You dated him eight years ago? And you say he never loved you?

    You still think about this guy and enough to post about it online? How sad. Why should he come to parties and show you that he cares for you? He doesn't! He's married! Move on. It sounds like he's the only one with a grip. I applaud him for respecting his wife and staying away from parties where an ex who still obsesses about him will be.

    All of this may be harsh, but you need a serious reality check.
    Whoa! Not to start debate, but I think there may have been some things you missed in my posts. Of course he should respect his wife. But this party was thrown by his oldest friend, a very good friend, and I just found it sad and a little ridiculous that his wife would be upset by him being in the same room with some girl he dated so long ago. i applaud his devotion to his wife as well, if only every man were that devoted to his wife. But his wife really has no reason to feel so threatened by me. I have no power to have any affect at all on his marriage, and I cause no threat at all. It's a shame she doesn't trust him as much as he respects her. As far as "obsessing," well, I come here to talk about this one topic, it's the only place I do, and I don't come here to regularly talk about my job, my mom's health problems, my hobbies or anything else. So it may seem more obsessive than it really is. If I'm obsessed with anything, in reality, it's the dream and desire to have a family, a home, a husband, arms to hold me, someone to love and make love with, and children, and only having been able to find one even remote possibility of that happening, and it turned out to be with an insensitive, abusive jerk. I think calling someone in my situation obsessive for wanting to be loved, wanting to find a place of my own that I can call home, a situation of warmth, welcoming, acceptance and love, is sort of like calling someone who hasn't eaten in two months, and has a hard time thinking of anything other than food, obsessive.

    Of course it would have been awesome if any of the things I tried in the five years (before I found out the whole truth) following the break up to "move on" had worked. It just doesn't always turn out that way, no matter how hard we work at it, or prepare for or believe in it. I know that's really hard for some people to accept, but it's the truth nevertheless.

    He shouldn't go to the party to show he cares for me. He should go to help his oldest friend celebrate his birthday, the same reason everyone, including me, was there. But nor does he have any reason to forgo a party just to avoid little ol' me. But even if I were happily married today, and I found out that I had behaved in an abusive manner that scarred someone this badly, I'd feel compelled to apologize, whether it had been a friendship, a relative, a romantic relationship, or whatever, that's incidental. In fact, I did so. I hurt two people in my life badly enough to have caused that kind of pain. When I was a child, my cousins, who were sisters, did not get along very well, basic kid stuff, but the older one could on occasion be mean to the younger one, and during a visit, I joined in with the older one in teasing the younger one pretty cruely by adult standards. It troubled me off and on for years, knowing what it feels like to be on the receiving end as well, so when we were older, in our late teens, I did sincerely apologize, and I'm so glad I did, because I owed it to her, and I'm glad I was a big enough person, for my own sake and for her sake, whether she needed it or not, to take that responsibility. She actually didn't need it, she was always an incredibly resilient, life-loving girl, but she was grateful for the gesture anyway, and accepted it graciously. The other was in high school, a teenage snub thing, I won't go into details, but my friend and I did something that really hurt this girl. I apologized as well some years later, and she said ti wasn't necessary, but I think she was still unforgiving, which was fine. I didn't ask for forgiveness, only to let her know that I knew what a git I had been. When you get hurt, it's your duty to do what you can to rise above it, but what kind of world would we be living in if, when you hurt someone, you never had any conscious compulsion to take any kind of responsibility for it, own up to it, or try to make amends somehow? That would be really sad. Naomi Judd has said many times, that one should always be as kind as possible to everyone, because you may be the only Bible that person reads. We never know when we will be someone else's last hope, or their last straw. It's easy for us not to care whether we are someone else's last straw or not, but believe me, someone up there does care. And I care, too. I seriously doubt I'll ever feel bad or ashamed for knowing I deserved better and knowing I am owed an apology. Whether or not I get one and what I do with that is another matter, but I don't feel bad for knowing I deserve one, or for at least recognizing that I didn't deserve to be treated that way. I love myself at least that much.

    Last edited by Hiya; 10-27-2005 at 08:27 PM.

     
    Old 10-27-2005, 07:12 PM   #207
    Ruth6:11
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Ruth6:11's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Dec 2003
    Posts: 3,339
    Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
    Re: I WAS having a good time, until...

    I just wanted to say that I always recognize and applaud those who practice their Christianity like you did in your last response.

    You're a good person Hiya. Someone out there is going to be thanking their lucky stars for a gentle soul like you.
    Ruth

     
    Old 10-27-2005, 07:33 PM   #208
    SophiaM
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    SophiaM's Avatar
     
    Join Date: May 2003
    Posts: 5,529
    SophiaM HB User
    Re: I WAS having a good time, until...

    Nini, I don't blame you for hating the TTE. It's not her fault per se, but still, you were hoping to marry this guy. On some level, I also dislike the woman my ex-fiance married. I don't think about him that often in the scheme of things, but he did hurt me tremendously and moved on to marry someone from a culture he said he never admired or felt drawn to, after promising for years to marry me. Still, if anything, I hate him for it. I no longer put him on a pedestal, nor do I really want to be with him EVER. I just know I could never love him the same way after what he did to me. It's possible he will get divorced eventually because I know his wife wants to have kids and he refuses, but you know what...I wouldn't want him anymore. And I'm convinced deep down you wouldn't want your ex either. It's time to move on, Nini. Your ex has outlived his importance in your life. Why don't you think of him of someone you happened to date years ago and had high hopes for, but he just wasn't "the one"? Why give him all the power? In fact, I am almost certain you wouldn't want him now, even if he got divorced and wanted to date you again. Don't you think?

     
    Old 10-27-2005, 08:05 PM   #209
    Hiya
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jun 2005
    Posts: 1,566
    Hiya HB User
    Re: I WAS having a good time, until...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SophiaM
    Nini, I don't blame you for hating the TTE. It's not her fault per se, but still, you were hoping to marry this guy. On some level, I also dislike the woman my ex-fiance married. I don't think about him that often in the scheme of things, but he did hurt me tremendously and moved on to marry someone from a culture he said he never admired or felt drawn to, after promising for years to marry me. Still, if anything, I hate him for it. I no longer put him on a pedestal, nor do I really want to be with him EVER. I just know I could never love him the same way after what he did to me. It's possible he will get divorced eventually because I know his wife wants to have kids and he refuses, but you know what...I wouldn't want him anymore. And I'm convinced deep down you wouldn't want your ex either. It's time to move on, Nini. Your ex has outlived his importance in your life. Why don't you think of him of someone you happened to date years ago and had high hopes for, but he just wasn't "the one"? Why give him all the power? In fact, I am almost certain you wouldn't want him now, even if he got divorced and wanted to date you again. Don't you think?
    I know, everything you say makes perfect sense, Sophia. It would just be easier to not see him as "the one that got away" if I could just meet the one who really is "the one," you know? Would I even want him back? I have no idea how to even answer that question. I feel like I never really knew him. the guy I dated would never in a million years have married a divorcee with three kids that belonged to another man and tied tubes, he told me specifically I don't know how many times that all those things were things he just could never want or abide by in a woman, which was one of the reasons he came back to me twice, because he knew that the chances of finding a woman his age who wasn't divorced were slim, and he really didn't want to be with a divorcee. I feel like the man I dated didn't even really exist, and the man he really was, the little glimpses I saw in his sweeter moments, is the man he chooses to be full time with his wife, but with me he chose to eyll, name call, nitpick, slam things down on my leg, etc etc. And I know I shouldn't care why, but I still just do. Would he still be that man with me if I cleared up all the misunderstanding and BS that went on between us, or would he be the other man? I don't know, and I guess that what keeps haunting me, as well as this just being the final straw in a long line of crappy situations. So I don't know how to answer that. To know if I'd even want to be with him again, I'd have to meet him first.

    I can't really say I HATE his wife, that's pretty strong. I resent her for getting the only good stuff that I used to get, only better, and I suppose I resent myself for not having known how to hang onto it better, but mostly, I resent her for giving me that look when I ran into them at that club years ago. she blew her first marriage, with three kids and a vengeful, angry ex husband worth of baggage, and still bagged what turned out to be a great guy, less than a year after her final papers were signed, you'd think she could be a little more charitable and generous than giving me a look that was clearly intended to rub my face in it when she only heard his side of the story and really had no idea what really went on between us. I'm pretty sure he never told her "and she asked me if I'd brushed my teeth when we were getting ready to go out somewhere, and that pi$$ed me off, so I slammed the church kneeler down on her leg!"

    What can I say? I'm a sentimental, romantic person, and for example, I'm sitting here right now, listening to Stephen Bishop's It Might Be You, and how can you listen to that song without seeing long walks hand in hand, sweet kisses with your eyes open? And he's the only one I've ever had any of that with, so how can I not think of him? All I can do is try to keep hope alive that someday soon that will change, and I can have the chance to make new memories with someone truly sweet, to me, all the time.

    Last edited by Hiya; 10-27-2005 at 08:07 PM.

     
    Old 10-27-2005, 08:13 PM   #210
    Hiya
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Jun 2005
    Posts: 1,566
    Hiya HB User
    Re: I WAS having a good time, until...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ruth6:11
    I just wanted to say that I always recognize and applaud those who practice their Christianity like you did in your last response.

    You're a good person Hiya. Someone out there is going to be thanking their lucky stars for a gentle soul like you.
    Ruth

    God bless, mama Ruth! Again, from your lips to God's merciful, infinitely wise ears! Thanks.

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    How I'm having a smooth recovery from my tonsillectomy... princessdiana75 Ear, Nose & Throat 5 12-02-2008 04:33 PM
    Having total abdominal hysterectomy 27th june carina1106 Hysterectomy 34 08-11-2008 10:35 AM
    Having read Tizzy's thread I am tempted to put one up of my own. dianamolloy Anger Management 2 02-03-2008 12:10 PM
    Having an anorexic girlfriend - my story KH87 Eating Disorder Recovery 2 12-27-2007 01:04 PM
    Possible answers as to why some are having trouble getting pain meds. tkgoodspirit Pain Management 11 01-14-2005 05:11 AM
    Having problems...anyone have suggestions? Arleen TMJ Disorder -TemporoMandibular Joint 4 01-06-2004 10:36 AM
    Dh and I are having our first fibro fight... DecLady Fibromyalgia 7 12-30-2003 07:20 PM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:24 PM.





    © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!