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    Old 01-08-2006, 01:48 PM   #16
    raaaaaaaaaar
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    Re: I'm losing my mind...help

    Hi Steakie

    You sound like you're going through a very hard time with this and I think what compounds the pain further is having him contact you and hearing about him. I know it may be hard but I think the thing to do is maybe ask your friends not to talk about/mention him or just don't ask about him. I know you desperately want to know what he's up to and what he's feeling but at the moment it is just going to hurt you. It sounds like he doesn't know what he's feeling and he is most definitely concentrating on HIMSELF at the moment which is what you should do. I know it's harder for you to do as he was the one who made the decision to end it-it was forced upon you.

    Just be comforted to know that I know EXACTLY how you feel! I have some people telling me that my ex seems really miserable and some telling me that he seems ok as he has rushed into the newness and excitement of another relationship. It's so hard as I don't have a clue what he's thinking or feeling-but if I continue to use up all MY energy wondering then I will make myself ill as i'm onto a loser there!

    Please try hard to cut yourself off from him-he is being very unfair by contacting you. I'm already feeling a lot more distant from my ex as I havn't had any physical, verbal or electronical communication with him for a while. It helps not to go to places you would together and remove any reminders of him and change your routine a little. I know it will be hard as you will be going back to college-im scared too as I start back this week and I would always go to his place after a late lecture on a Wednesday (it will be so weird not doing that)-but once you have got through that first day, just congratulate yourself on how strong you have been and it WILL get easier.

    Keep talking

    xx

     
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    Old 01-08-2006, 02:40 PM   #17
    steakie46
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    Re: I'm losing my mind...help

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by raaaaaaaaaar
    Hi Steakie

    You sound like you're going through a very hard time with this and I think what compounds the pain further is having him contact you and hearing about him. I know it may be hard but I think the thing to do is maybe ask your friends not to talk about/mention him or just don't ask about him. I know you desperately want to know what he's up to and what he's feeling but at the moment it is just going to hurt you. It sounds like he doesn't know what he's feeling and he is most definitely concentrating on HIMSELF at the moment which is what you should do. I know it's harder for you to do as he was the one who made the decision to end it-it was forced upon you.

    Just be comforted to know that I know EXACTLY how you feel! I have some people telling me that my ex seems really miserable and some telling me that he seems ok as he has rushed into the newness and excitement of another relationship. It's so hard as I don't have a clue what he's thinking or feeling-but if I continue to use up all MY energy wondering then I will make myself ill as i'm onto a loser there!

    Please try hard to cut yourself off from him-he is being very unfair by contacting you. I'm already feeling a lot more distant from my ex as I havn't had any physical, verbal or electronical communication with him for a while. It helps not to go to places you would together and remove any reminders of him and change your routine a little. I know it will be hard as you will be going back to college-im scared too as I start back this week and I would always go to his place after a late lecture on a Wednesday (it will be so weird not doing that)-but once you have got through that first day, just congratulate yourself on how strong you have been and it WILL get easier.

    Keep talking

    xx
    Hey raaaaaaaar,

    Yes I knwo what you mean about not asking or trying to find out about him, but It is especially hard when we have our dogs together and just so much history together. Also becasue I was really close to this family and stuff. I can't decide if it hurts more not knowing hwat he is up to or knowing, ya know? I do try not to think about it, and sometimes lately I have been pretty successful, but it is hard after your life being that person for three years. I have dreams about him every night! I see how you are saying that it is unfair for him to contact but it almost makes me feel good to know that he still "needs" me and still wants to talk to me, but, like I said, at the same time, it can hurt too.

    Also it is hard to not go places that we went together as there aren't that many different places to go around here, and btw, if I tried to remove everything that reminded me of him I wouldn't have anything. He was a very giving person and he bought stuff for me a lot, so a lot of what I have is either from him or totally reminds me of him. That was one thing he did, he was very sweet and giving, but sometimes it seems he was great giving gifts but never quite gave himself..

    Also, I was thinking today and it's kinda scary b/c I was thinking that if he ever did want to get back together, would he really want to start all over from stage one? By this I mean that at first we started dating and were both at our own houses and saw each other almost everyday, then he practically moved in over at my house and thats how it was for almost two years I think, then we moved over to his house and thats where it ended. But I was wondering would he want to start all over again, meaning not living together and living seperate, and that thought scares me. BUt, then again, I guess if he truly realizes that he loves me and misses me, I guess that would not really make a difference, right? and maybe by then he will realize that we need our own place...I just don't know....but I think we would have been OK had we had our own place instead of just a room in someone elses house.

    I mean he should be getting his own place soon anyways as he is getting older. So maybe if we do get back together he will have a place or we could get a place together. My point is though, I don't know if he would really want to go through the hassle of starting over? but I mean it shouldn't really be a hassle if you realize you want that person, right? And I don't think it would really be starting over, I mean, sure, we are back where we were when we first got together but to me it would be more like picking up where we left off..... and like I said if he really wanted me back that shouldn't be an issue, right?

     
    Old 01-09-2006, 04:32 AM   #18
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    Re: I'm losing my mind...help

    OMG thats a lot of stuff to be thinking about!
    Listen... I don't think all those practicalities matter at the moment. There's so much going on there I really think it's taking up all of your energy that you should be focussing on yourself. IF you did get back together you would figure all that stuff out then, but at the moment just try not to think about it. I'm not saying its easy but you just need to concentrate on being nice to yourself-and thinking about all that stuff is probably driving you up the wall!

    Other than that I don't really know what kind of advice I can give you as I'm trying to counsel myself through similar feelings at this time! However-I do believe you can train yourself to view things differently. It takes time but you really do have to try and LOVE YOURSELF through this difficult period and not get stuck in an endless cycle of going through the same terrible thoughts in your mind! I've never even met you and I can tell you are a very caring and sensitive person to whom their relationships with others means a great deal. You have a lot to offer someone who deserves it

    It's hard I know-but if you can see a counsellor I would advise it (i've got an appointment with one on Friday!)

    Ra x

     
    Old 01-09-2006, 09:44 AM   #19
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    Re: I'm losing my mind...help

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by raaaaaaaaaar

    It's hard I know-but if you can see a counsellor I would advise it (i've got an appointment with one on Friday!)

    Ra x
    what kind of counselor are you seeing?


    I'm so panicked right now though, but it's my own fault. I remember his bank account log in information so I went to it to see how much money he had..whch was wrong and nosy and I guess not really any of my business anymore. Anyways I saw that he had spent 200 something dollars at disney world (he loves disney, and we used to go all the time). So now of course I knwo thats what a pass costs so I've got all these alarms going off n my head about what girl he is with and buying a disney pass for...i don't know it could very well be a friend whos a guy and is going to pay him back for the pass, but of course my womanly instinct is saying that its a girl that he is already sharing something that was so special to us with, and already hanging out with her and buying her a disney pass and going to our restaurant that we always went to at disney ( I don't think he would buy his guy friend a pass and dinner....)!!!! i'm so sad.. I really would hope that he's not lying to me but everything seems so "suspicious"... I wish if were seeing someone he would just tell me esp. since when he broke up he said it was not b/c of another girl and that he was not planning on being with anyone.....I want him to just tell me, its better than finding out from someone else.....or thinking the worst when nothing is going on...i just don't know, I am driving myself crazy and I don't know what to do, I just love him so much....

    Is there anyway of asking him without crossing the line (the non of my business line) and without making him feel like I am a psycho if there really is nothing going on?...............I think I would just rather know, than be freaking out about it.....i think

    Last edited by steakie46; 01-10-2006 at 08:49 AM.

     
    Old 01-10-2006, 09:58 AM   #20
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    Re: I'm losing my mind...help

    I am really scared that he lied to me and already has someone new that he took to disney, bought a pass for, and took to our restaurant....

    It just hurts so bad to think that he has already "gotten over me" whereas I feel like I will never be the same again/never get over him..

    Also if this suspicion turns out to be true I no longer have the idea that he just wanted space to think about us and be alone, instead it was not that he wanted to be alone, just that he didn't want to be with me..hence I screwed up and it was my fault...hence I was not good enough, pretty enough, loving enough, nice enough, etc......

    Last edited by steakie46; 01-10-2006 at 11:25 AM.

     
    Old 01-10-2006, 11:29 AM   #21
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    Re: I'm losing my mind...help

    Speaking from personal experience, I know exactly how it is to feel paranoid and wondering what he's doing...I still do. I asked him at least 3X if there was another girl when we broke up and he said no. And it got to the point where, I don't want to know anymore. I could spin all these stories and situations in my head about what he is doing and I would go absolutely insane. I have to stop myself from doing it sometimes, but I would really, really suggest cutting off all contact with yours. It took me a month and a half to do it so I'm no role model here, but after doing it 10 days ago, I just feel more sane and in control of myself. It killed me to do it, because of the history I had with him (you know my story- for those who don't, its the thread entitled "Can you just fall out of love like this?"). He was the love of my life, and while I still think so, I am so angry and sort of hating him right now (mixed with intense feelings of wanting him back and still crying over him on occasion). It kills me to think that someone I put so much of myself into can just hurt me the way he did. But, it happened, and its a reflection of HIS character, not mine, beacuse I truly truly feel that he will look back one day and think, 'wow, I really messed up and I can't believe I treated someone like her the way I did'. And maybe he won't, but then, it's his loss, because I think he will have many relationship problems in the future if he is this selfish and cold! Someone said something great on the thread posted by Rarrrr, saying something about how it shows that WE are the ones that are capable of love and commitment and COMPROMISE and SACRIFICE, and they aren't, so if anything, they are the losers, not us. THat really made me think, and its true.
    I'm off on a tangent, but my point is- try to concentrate more on you and appearing strong to him, or better yet, yourself and everyone around you. I've noticed that when he calls you are short with him- thats good, because I never was with mine. I would start bawling and ask him a million quetsions and I just never wanted the phone convo to end because I wanted to keep talking with him, even if it meant me bawling. Somewhere in my crazy head I just thought that if we could stay on the phone and talk it all out in detail we'd decide we were meant to be and get back together. Obviously, this made me look neurotic and I'm sure pushed him away even more. Now, if he called tomorrow, I would have the strength not to cry...but barely. Its so hard. I know. But the only thing that can really help is time, fun distraction, and CUTTING HIM OUT. Even if only for a few months while you can heal and aren't so emotional and attached still. If you have to settle bills or whatever, do it through email, that way you can cut to the chase. My guy was sending me emails (b/c he is a coward) saying hey and 'checking in', and I was so annoyed that he didn't call me that I didnt respond. I think it makes them realize that they're being idiots.
    I'm obviously still very bitter and trying to heal myself, and I don't know how I'm doing, but I know that every time I talked to him I immediately took 5 steps back. So I knew I had to cut off contact. I still think about him every day, what he's doing, if he misses me, but I try to stop. What really gets me sometimes too is thinking about him in the future, like in a year, because I won't know where he is. Right now I know where he is mostly all the time- where he lives, when his semester is finished, but in a year? He'll move to another apt. and I won't know if he has a girlfriend or what stuff he does...its scary. But hey, the same goes for him- I'm not letting him know of my whereabouts so he can drive himself crazy too if he really wanted to.
    Its really tough. Just try to take care of yourself. I've thought about counseling too, I just don't know if it will make me dwell on it vs. getting over it. For now, everytime you start to stare off into space and cry and think about him, try to do something that will distract, like driving somewhere to go shopping or whatever. Even if its the last thing you want to do. I know what its like to not want to accept the situation and get over him, and I know what its like to lose all interest in things. Believe me, i know.

     
    Old 01-10-2006, 12:14 PM   #22
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    Re: I'm losing my mind...help

    I know I shouldn't be worried about whether he is with someone, but I just want the truth and for him to be honest with me despite the fact that it will hurt me and he doesn't want to hurt me, but then I will know that he really just didn't want me anymore ...... I don't know anymore, I just want the truth so I can move on, but I guess I should move on anyways, I hurts not knowing, but thinking it, like who is the girl, what does she look like, what does she have that I don't, why would he rather be with her, than soemone who he's so close to and has been with for over three years, etc..

     
    Old 01-10-2006, 01:44 PM   #23
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    Re: I'm losing my mind...help

    Hiya guys

    Steakie... please please don't think that it's your fault and that you're not good enough. It's always the gorgeous ones that don't believe in themselves and I bet you have so many amazing qualities!
    You obviously gave him your heart and soul and really wanted to make the relationship work whereas for some reason TO DO WITH HIM he has decided that it's not what he wants at this time. I think citygirl is right in that you have to cut yourself off from him (I know how hard it is!) otherwise you are setting yourself back in recovery. Even though i've been feeling really low the past couple of days, others around me can see i'm so much better than when it first happened and when he contacted me about the "new special someone" ergh! And I truly believe that it's because i've spent time on my own, haven't had reminders of him around the place and most importantly haven't seen or spoken to him. You really do need to concentrate on your own self-esteem. It says nothing about you as a person that he ended your relationship-it just tells you about him.

    Citygirl... you are absolutely right-we are not losers! We are the people who will learn from these break-ups and are such caring and committed women that these men are fools for not realising it!

    Both of you-I'm feeling the same feelings, don't give up hope. We are strong and CAN get through this

    xx

     
    Old 01-10-2006, 01:56 PM   #24
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    Re: I'm losing my mind...help

    No, I wasnt saying you shouldn't be worried, because I think you (and I) can't help but think that and worry about it. I think its fine to worry, because if that really was the case, how hurtful would that be?! However, when I was going through the worst part of this (a month and a half ago) I kept asking him all these questions and trying to get answers thinking it would give me clarity and help me to understand, and maybe that he'd even come back. But I ended up being hurt more by his answers than if I hadn't asked at all. His answers were so cold, I was almost like, who are you? So Im not sure what is better- knowing why and moving on (or, sort of knowing why- some of his answers were really unclear and confusing, I dont even think he knows why) vs. not knowing why and moving on and then just wondering. But either way, the end point is to move on, because you have no choice. Its so unfair, I think.
    I tended to feel worse after talks with my ex because he would answer my questions very hurtfully. I know he was just trying to be honest, but it hurt. I didnt want to hear that he doesnt feel he loves me anymore and doesnt know why, and I didnt want to hear that he doesn't think he is coming back, and that he didn't put much thought into breaking up with me (ouch- that was the worst). I left every conversation crying and being right back to the beginning again. So I dont know. Its like, Im glad I sort of know more of what was going through his head, but I think a lot of it was bs to let me down easy, or just a reflection of his confusion and HE isn't even sure of his own reasons. However, knowing the 'reasons why' made me hurt even more.
    Even if your guy is with another girl, yes it might make you have to accept the fact that you need to get over him quicker, but I would think it would make things worse for you for the exact reasons you mentioned (you would compare yourself to her, etc). I know for myself, I dwelled about him being with another girl as the reason for the breakup to the point where I even pinpointed one of his friends in my head that I thought 'might be her'. Yeah they got along real well and everything. But he's not with her, and shes just his friend, he has a lot of female friends in school. Every now and then I wonder about the future and what if he got with her THEN, how would I feel. But by then I hope I wont feel much toward him. It was all just driving me crazy, and still does- I try not to think about it. I guess Id sort of rather not know anymore.
    I think if you have a solid hunch, then maybe try to find out if you cant let it go and think hes lying, but if you are just analyzing or doing the 'what-if' game (like I tend to do) it might make matters worse for YOU in the end. I know it brought me a lot of hurt asking questions all the time, so I ended up cutting off contact so I could heal and get over him. It just seems like yours is doing exactly what my guy did (and a lot of other ex's on this board, as Ive learned), which is: they probably are telling the truth, they just can't express it well and they're too confused to even know what is going on. They just know that, a) their feelings changed in some way, and b) this is how they chose to deal with it. I think that is all guys want to or know how to express in situations like these. I agree with all your questions though, I still ask myself questions like that, just in a different scenario- minus the girl (i.e., why would he choose to dump me after so much time, after all we had planned, in such a short amount of time? what changed...why is his life better without me...?) But I'll never hear what I want because nothing can bring him back, and even if i would ask him why, I doubt i would be satisfied with his answer.

     
    Old 01-10-2006, 02:11 PM   #25
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    Re: I'm losing my mind...help

    Raaaar- Just read your post. Very well put- it is MUCH easier said than done to cut someone off that you're in love with. It took me a month and a half! I remember my friend told me to do it the first 2 weeks of the breakup and I said no way and thought she was crazy and that I'd never EVER want to do that. But it really is the best thing, because you DO need to concentrate on your own self-esteem. How else will you deal? You want to come out of this a better person, not a worse person, because otherwise he has taken everything from you, and no one should ever be able to do to you. Once you get the ball in your court more by asserting some control over the situation, you can start looking at things more clearly and can even find some answers for YOURSELF, without relying on what your stupid ex is saying/doing as your source of all feelings.

    (and Im only saying this as a person who is going through it...I realize how easy it sounds coming from someone else. Im about a month ahead of you in the process, so by all means, if you can't do it now, I understand...I couldnt for a while. Every time I tried, Id cave. Just, looking back, I see now why it is the best thing to do, when you're ready).

    We have so many good qualities to offer someone and it just so happened that we were taken advantage of for whatever reason. I just got off the phone with my best friend, and we tend to discuss our relationship issues quite often. And she said something that I am still thinking about:

    She believes that there is no such thing as The One, which is something that I keep dwelling on- me and my ex said we were each The Ones, and how can that just change, especially when I KNEW and thought he did, too? She believes that there is only The One At This Point in Time. You can find multiple "The Ones", depending on where each of you are at the point of time in your life. If they match, there you go. Apparantly, our guys arent ready for what we had to offer right now, because I fully believe it is not US, it is THEM. Even my ex drilled it in my head that it wasn't anything I did or who I was, it was totally his issue with himself and his life.

    So, hopefully, and I'm sure, we will find "Ones" that are just as willing to commit and are as giving and compromising as we are. And hopefully, they will remain The Ones throughout life (but we know that doesnt always happen). Anyway, I just think thats a good way to look at it. I tend to refer to my ex as 'the love of my life' and 'The One', but I think shes right- I guess he was The One then, and vice versa, but he just changed his perspective and there was nothing I could do differently. Its devastating, but it doesnt mean that we aren't capable of loving and being loved again. In time!

    Last edited by lady346; 01-10-2006 at 02:12 PM.

     
    Old 01-10-2006, 02:44 PM   #26
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    Re: I'm losing my mind...help

    Hiya citygirl

    just been reading through your posts and I was sitting here nodding my head, totally understanding what you were saying.

    I truly believe that my ex changed over the course of our relationship and gave less than half the time and commitment I did. Looking back, I can see that I was happy for the most part of our relationship, but over the last 6 months or so it was totally destroying me. Him not making the effort to come and spend time with me, putting me last on his list of priorities, yet he still told me he loved me. I just didn't believe it! He said the words but didn't back it up with his actions. It's strange I know and I think he was and still is confused about his feelings. I also know exactly what you mean about missing the "old him". I miss mine too but it's clear to me that he is a different person. He changed, and I think a lot of it is due to his childhood and past problems which he has never really dealt with, and he is a selfish person now who just wasn't willing to devote the time and attention that I needed and deserved.

    But the point is, I don't know what he's thinking and more's the point-I shouldn't let it affect me. I'm trying to concentrate on myself and realise all my wonderful qualities. Spending time with friends, going out, talking to people and treating myself are all helping me recuperate. The part that makes it all happen is that, as difficult as it is to admit, he is not part of my life anymore. I don't see him, speak to him, text him, email him. I feel more distant from him now so he can't hurt me as much

    xx

     
    Old 01-10-2006, 03:18 PM   #27
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    Re: I'm losing my mind...help

    Yeah...it is hard for me because my boyfriend really WAS a wonderful guy. Better than I could have asked for for so long...except for the fact that I just gave more than he did and he took advantage of it (and I was his first serious relationship). And when I confronted him about it, he said he understood, listened, said he'd change or we'd analyze why we were upset, etc. We had great communication. Now, it was fine that way for 1 year and 7 months, but when he completely just stopped making any effort at all and blaming it all on school, I had started to have enough. I was still happy overall in the relationship, just like you said, because I was happy with HIM, I just thought it was a rough time and I wasnt happy at the moment (the last month or two). And I was having frustrations and knowing something needed to change, like most couples go through in their relationships. I didnt see it as the end-all of problems. I just felt like I was totally being taken for granted. I felt like I was available for him 100% of the time, if he needed me, if he wanted to see me, when he called me, and as for him? I was lucky if he could put in the time to come see me and actually talk with me in between his studying time. So that was it- it had built up over time. I made so many sacrificies religion-wise and time-wise, like I've mentioned, and I was willing to raise kids his religion because it was important to him and it wasn't to me (I'm flexible and completely open-minded in that area). Well, with that it was unequal from the start, and I guess thats not good. I am a firm believer that people of different beliefs/backgrounds/culture/whatever can come together and actually work better than other couples, and thats what I wanted and felt we were like. But throughout our relationship I felt like it was ME who was constantly bringing up how to compromise, how to communicate, how to help us and strengthen us to make our differences...and it worked. We had a great relatoinship. Because I gave and gave and he just was his great self, but he didnt have to give and give. Sometimes I wonder if it was my fault...that I was just too available and willing to compromise and then resented him for not doing the same. I think I was just madly and completely in love with him...I was just constantly thinking of ways to make him happy, day in and day out. From the littlest things to the big ones. So when it came to making ME happy and he fell short and then just didn't try at all, no wonder I was upset. He just did what he wanted. And I guess hed rather just end it and make it easier for himself without trying to fix it. It makes me feel so betrayed- how selfish!!. Hes the baby of the family, VERY spoiled, and self-involved, and I just didnt see his true colors until now. Its a shame.
    The saddest part is just dealing with the loss, and the fact that what was assured in my mind to be so strong just fell apart so fast. I constantly remember our good times, and how quickly he just threw it away because HE was having a rough time. It makes me so angry that I gave sooo much to try to work through our differences and fought and gave up all I could and then the ONE time he has trouble he just cuts the relationship off. That pisses me off beyond belief. (Angry phase, can you tell?) Its funny, these are my thoughts right now, they go from missing him, and then the next second Im cursing at him in my head and reminding myself that I will never take him back, that he can't treat me this way and I shouldn't want to be with him.
    It is true, once theyre not in your life, they cant affect you anymore. Only your thoughts can, and I try to avoid thinking about him, but like Steakie, my imagination runs wild and I start imagining him 1-2-3 years from now with another girl, another life, and totally moved on from me, like we never were what we were at all.

    *sorry I keep writing so much w/ so many details, you can tell I am venting a lot...it really helps to write it all out!

    Last edited by lady346; 01-10-2006 at 03:26 PM.

     
    Old 01-10-2006, 05:13 PM   #28
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    Re: I'm losing my mind...help

    Hey citygirl,

    please don't apologize for writing "too much" becasue I think it is therapeutic as well and I like to read what you and raaaaaar have to say, makes me feel less alone. I don't know you guys but I feel like you are friends!

    I totally agree with what you were saying about giving so much, and maybe expecting in return, which then turns to resenting for not getting it. I kinda feel like I put sooo much into the relationship and all he had to do to make me happy was treat me nice and say nice things. I really did not ask for a lot, an "I love you" out of the blue would make the happier than anything else, but I don't understnad why he could not do it... it got to the point where I was telling him that I wish ed he would be more afffectionate and emotional, but still seems like for some reason (childhood related, i know, and other reasons) he could not do it... I heard in pschology class that if you do the things that you want your partner to do to you to them that they will probably do it to you...yeah, no! It did not take much to make me happy like I said an I love you or compliment for no reason or to snuggle or gosh i don't know, just something so easy as "you're the best"....i just don't get it...and I even did things for him that he should've really been doing but sometimes little things I asked of him were such a big deal!.....

    Despite all that, I never go to the point where I wanted to end it, I always wanted to work things out and talk about things,and I guess it makes me mad b/c the one time he opens up and tells his feelings and wants to talk it out it is to break up! But I still love him so much, it hurst so bad, esp. to think that he lied to me and there is possibly another girl....in that case he didn't want to be alone just didn't want to be with me and already had someone else lined up so he would not have to be alone!

    GRR, I just don't know...I love him, thats all i know for sure and I keep thinking he's going to realize what he had and show up at my house and say how stupid he is and that (if there is another girl) he spent time with her and it just made him realize how much he missed and loved me and how sweet, fun, affectionate, and loving I was to him becasue I loved him more than I can type in words and I DID give up so much for him over these past 3.25 years.... and it hurts so much b/c it seems like even just a month ago we were fine (except for the little bit of fights here and there) but we were still in love..at least I was, I mean even in my recent birthday card it said things like someday I will make you my wife and I love you more than you know and more each day......and just sucks how his feelings can change like that yet mine still stay the same.... i just keep dreaming he will realize and come back and really mean that he was stupid and he loves me more than anything and that despit that there is "more" out there that I am all he wants, not becasue he is settling but because I'm all he wants, b/c he's all I have ever wanted since I met him.....he changed and so did I, but he was still all I wanted...

    Last edited by steakie46; 01-10-2006 at 05:16 PM.

     
    Old 01-11-2006, 09:25 AM   #29
    steakie46
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    Re: I'm losing my mind...help

    I know that I shouldn't be worried about whether or not there is another girl, like you said city girl how you would rather not know anymore, but I just can't do that. I don't knwo why exactly it justs eats away at me b/c I was always self conscious and had low self esteem ( I think that was a problem in the relationship too, it's not that I didn't trust him I just didn't think I was enough sometimes, which is why I probably nagged at him to give me compliments and stuff b/c it made me feel better about myself and more confident....i didn't mean for it to drive him away though, it was subconscious..). Also, it just seems like so many things are pointing to another girl (i.e. dollar amounts on bank statement that would seem to be for two, disney pass, going out to breakfast which is VERY unlike him) and it hurts so bad to think that he lied to me about it or that it took him only a week or two to move on..... he said he wanted time to be ALONE but seems that he's not alone he just wanted to be without me... it really sucks to feel like you can't live without someone yet its so easy for them to live without you....

    Last edited by steakie46; 01-11-2006 at 09:27 AM.

     
    Old 01-11-2006, 10:08 AM   #30
    lady346
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    Re: I'm losing my mind...help

    I hear ya. Thats why I asked my guy if there was another girl at least 3 times. If you want to ask, ask him, but...I mean would you believe him if he said no? I believed my guy, but like I said, I dont really want to know if he lied. Like, in the instance that I would see him in the city with some other girl, I would just break down (or punch him! haha), even though I dont think I could ever get back with him anyway. And plus, I mean, he has the right to date whoever now I guess since we're not together, but of course I would jump to the conclusion that he broke up with me for HER even though its probably not true.
    You're right, you don't want to feel rejected and that someone could just pass up all the time they spent with you so fast. Sometimes I wonder if my guy just started getting hit on by other girls (he always did anyway, he was so hot) and that he just felt it was easier to just be single and flirt than to be stuck with me NOT being able to give me his time to please me. I have no clue. I think its pretty negative to think that though, in my situation, I just see it as what it is. Try to do that- look at it EXACTLY as how hes telling you, and try not to analyze his bank statements (I know its hard, because theyre on your card!). It does sound like he is doing things for two, but I mean, they could be for his friend and hes going in groups because hes TRYING to deal with his break-up, just like you are. I thought that my guy wasnt caring at all about our break-up until I talked to him on the phone a month later and he started crying. He said he WAS having a hard time, guys just dont like to show their emotions much. Of course, my guy could be crying over the fact that he knows HE'S selfish, not because he misses me. But again, there I go analyzing Point is, you'll go insane. Its still early for you, and for both of us, so it will happen. If you can't and you HAVE to know, ask him and tell him why you think so. Dont make yourself seem all psycho like you've been spying on him, bc you havent, just tell him you think you have a right to know and you just want the truth so that you can heal.
    In time, you will feel like you CAN live without him, you just have to work on your self-esteem. It will come in time, its hard when you get rejected like we did from someone you love so much.

    Last edited by lady346; 01-11-2006 at 10:09 AM.

     
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