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  • my boyfriend just had a baby with another girl...i need some real advice!!

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    Old 03-08-2006, 11:37 AM   #16
    amy2705
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    Re: my boyfriend just had a baby with another girl...i need some real advice!!

    You already know that this guy will lie to you to keep you. How can you trust him? Can you really trust anything he says about the baby and the mother? Is it true or is he just saying it to keep you?

    The mother wants him back. It's simple - you're not allowed to the house and she's cozying up to his family. To me, that sounds like you're being nudged out of the picture. Think about it - you're cut out of the entire experience of him being a father! It's become their special things - something that they share exclusively. It's a big thing and you're not part of it. Why? Because she says so and he's going along with it. He's invloved in the experience, she's involved, his family is involved. Everyone but you. And you've been made an outsider to the whole thing. In fact, rather than him insisting that YOU, his girlfriend, share in this HUGE part of his life, he's going along with the exclusion and you're left out feeling insecure, angry and confused. That doesn't sound right to me.

    While this situation you're in is bound to be really difficult under any circumatances, he's not making it easier. He's making it more difficult than it needs to be and neglecting your feelings. He could step up to the plate without cutting you out. But he hasn't. It would be different if he was trying ... but he's not.

    Child or no child, I'm wondering if he's worth sticking with because he's lied in the past and doesn't seem to take your feelings into consideration (beyond lying to you to keep you).

    I'm really sorry for what you're going through & hope this didn't come off too harsh But I think you deserve better than this.

     
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    Old 03-08-2006, 12:36 PM   #17
    SweetHome
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    Re: my boyfriend just had a baby with another girl...i need some real advice!!

    I have been through something like this... I began dating a guy that had a girl pregnant but the two were not together. In fact the child was born the day before my birthday. He didn't tell me until my birthday (happy birthday to me) by that time we were dating for only a few months. I didnt stay because he had lied about something so important. And too, he was dealing with a sex-only relationship with the other girl that just turned into something so much more.

    It is a hard pill to swallow. Besides if the mother doesn't want you at her house that is her right and her business. You have no claim.
    Lives change when you have a baby. This mother may have never got back into your bf life if not for the pregnancy. This child deserves the benefit of both parents, both grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles and whoever will love this child. On that point, how can you argue? She sounds like a good mother to me and not controlling at all.

    My advice would be to decide what kind of relationship you want and what kind of man do you have? I agree with the post that says that this woman and this child will be in your life as long as you are with this man. This is time to make a mature and responsible decision. Go and find someone who wants what you want. Stay and deal with a man with a child. Please don't make an issue of this man seeing his child. Do you really want a man that could so easily walk away from his child?
    Take your time and make a good decision.

    Last edited by SweetHome; 03-08-2006 at 12:39 PM.

     
    Old 03-08-2006, 01:17 PM   #18
    justinluck
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    Re: my boyfriend just had a baby with another girl...i need some real advice!!

    You've only known this guy for a year. He already has a child with another girl. How old are you? I'm sure you have plenty of time to find a guy who doesn't already have children. Make your life easier and find someone new.

     
    Old 03-08-2006, 02:20 PM   #19
    opielonghorn
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    Re: my boyfriend just had a baby with another girl...i need some real advice!!

    it is your boyfriend's responsibility to fix this situation regarding what the rules are for his visitation, whether he does that with a lawyer or on his own. right now, you are only hearing information about the mother and child from him, from his point of view. whether she has intentions with him is irrelevant. if your relationship with him is worth it, you'll have to deal with these other two people as a permenant part of his life. it is understandable that you feel left out when you have offered to go and see the baby with him but are denied this privilege. make sure that is clear to him, and that he knows you are not going to this woman's house to start some kind of drama or fight.

     
    Old 03-08-2006, 02:33 PM   #20
    rosequartz
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    Re: my boyfriend just had a baby with another girl...i need some real advice!!

    he's already lied to you and cheated on you..............

    what on earth are you hanging on to?

     
    Old 03-08-2006, 03:06 PM   #21
    Tiff208
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    Re: my boyfriend just had a baby with another girl...i need some real advice!!

    I am not sure what the problem is...except that he is creating a problem that really doesn't have to exist. It seems very simple to me, either....
    1. He loves you and wants you in his life and is willing to understand the situation (how you feel,how this women is sooo obviously manipulating him as well as his family)and then fix it.I mean it is his child ....they are not the only 2 people i the world who have a child and are not together. He should be able to drive there,pick up the baby and spend his own time with his child in his own life(with you and his family)
    This situation is not cool. OR
    2.He really isn't concerned with your feelings at all and goes over there without you because she and him have something going on besides the baby(which sounds like maybe this could be a possibility by how confident she is being with the family and trying to run things like she is.)It was when she was home before that he was sleeping with her even though he was dating you(don't forget that)
    If he is not willing to make you a part of this and cannot stand up to her then you should definatly leave. He has a right to see his child but she should notmake it this way.Good luck sorry you are in the middle of this mess it really isn't your fault you got with a man with all this baggage.

     
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