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  • Help! In love w/ a married man!

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    Old 03-19-2006, 06:46 PM   #61
    Lexi4529
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Nikki1963
    I'm ashamed to say this, but I've fallen for a married man.

    I'm 42, but look about 29. I only mention that because I am lucky as far as meeting men is concerned. However, they're always the kind that either degrade me, or want to be babied.

    I was married to the love of my life (met at 16), but divorced in 1994. We had a son together. My ex died in 1999, and I still have a hard time dealing with that.

    I have dated a few men, but remained mostly single (and celebate) through the years. Then I met this married man and he swept me off my feet.

    He has made no bones about the fact that he loves his wife, and would not want to leave his children. But he says he'd like to take care of me and my son for the rest of our lives (financially - he could well do it), and he sees us spending it together.

    I'm no idiot, I realize that if he cheats on his wife, he would do it to me. I have broken it off 3 times already. However, my heartache is so intense that I end up drinking or emailing him. He, of course, takes me back in a heartbeat. But it's only working as a pacifier. Our relationship has changed dynamics as well, and we only seem to discuss light things anymore. Never going into 'where this is going'.

    By the way, in all the time we've been together, we have not been intimate... just close to it. We always stop ourselves.

    I start counseling on Wednesday, because I want to get back to the peaceful life I had before... SANS MEN, but lonely for one.

    I don't want to go through the torture of missing someone, and I will miss him dearly.

    Any advice?

    This is a mistake.
    What you (and he) are doing to his wife and family is wrong.
    Of course, he's the one who owes them loyalty, not you... but your happiness is still at the expense of his wife and children, and in the long run it will turn to poison.
    This is a mistake.
    Please break it off, immediately, forever.
    You can't be happy this way.
    You will never find happiness this way, nor will he.
    There's someone out there for you, but not this one.
    Good luck.

    Last edited by Lexi4529; 03-19-2006 at 06:47 PM.

     
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    Old 03-19-2006, 07:08 PM   #62
    Nikki1963
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    Lexi,

    If you read the rest of the posts, I am anything but happy. In fact, I have never been as miserable in my life except when my ex-husband died.

    I have no intention of ruining his family or marriage. My hope is to get help in getting over this... NOT how to keep him.

    Last edited by Nikki1963; 03-20-2006 at 09:43 PM.

     
    Old 03-19-2006, 07:16 PM   #63
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    U GO GIRL! Sounds to me your getting stronger! Good work.
    __________________
    Waiting in a Q for 5min feels like 1hr,holding someone u luv for 1hr feels like 5min

     
    Old 03-19-2006, 07:54 PM   #64
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    Amen, Nikki! Atta girl! You are going to be all right. Don't you take &%$# on a paper plate when you can have filet mignon on a silver platter. In fact, don't take &%$# on a paper plate when you can have nothing at all except your self respect. You'd be surprised how long that alone can sustain you! (And if anyone ever quotes that to *me* when I'm having man trouble, you will feel the wrath of the tiger... )

     
    Old 03-19-2006, 07:55 PM   #65
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    Good for you! You seem like a smart girl who thought about making a bad choice, but thank God you didn't. You will respect yourself so much for for this. Look at it this way, you obviously are a better person then he is, or you wouldn't be on here posting, wanting to end it. I think you'll do the right thing. I think that we may have been very hard on you because we all are slightly scared of "the other woman". I wish you the best of luck.

     
    Old 03-19-2006, 08:27 PM   #66
    Nikki1963
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    Kell -

    I have been on the other side. One of the reasons I divorced was because of the times my husband cheated on me. He never admitted it, but you don't come home from an 8 hour work day smelling like you just showered w/ Ivory soap when we used Zest.

    There were also a couple times when this girl would walk up toward us w/ her arms crossed & stare him down. His face would get beet red.

    I loved that man more than anything in the world for 17 years of my life. His cheating was like a dagger through my heart.

    I never want to do that to any woman. It's the ultimate betrayal.

     
    Old 03-19-2006, 09:08 PM   #67
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    I've been surfing through these boards to find an answer on how to put my children and my sanity back together again after recent events in my family. I'm a victim of betrayal by my husband committing infidelity. To me you are like the woman who my husband had an affair with. This woman knew my family, my children, my parents, his parents. But this woman didn't care what the consequences are of having an affair with my husband. She selfishly went ahead and did it anyway. I know it takes two to have an affair and my husband knows what's on my mind, but how could you sleep with this in mind that you are with a married man? How could you live with yourself? You seem to come in here posting to get some symphathy and you got your circle of cheaters sympathizing with you & your selfish behavior. But you won't get that from me. I know hundreds of men and women who are victims of infedility. Statistics say that 85% of people who go onto affairs with married people know these people are married. You know this man is married, why are you even going forward with it? Whether it's been 3 weeks or 3 years, you still had an affair with a married man. And you have a child? If your child ever find out you had an affair with a married man, how could you explain yourself? Karma, remember that. Are you going to be around to help pick up the pieces when your married lovers wife and children find out? Are you going to pay for the therapy bills for the wife? What about the children? You won't get sympathy from me, but go ahead and circle yourself wtih your circle of cheaters. Birds of a feather, flock together. Anybody who sympathizes with your kind is just like you. A cheater and a thief.

    Last edited by Zarakenpatsi; 03-19-2006 at 09:20 PM.

     
    Old 03-19-2006, 09:23 PM   #68
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Zarakenpatsi
    I've been surfing through these boards to find an answer on how to put my children and my sanity back together again after recent events in my family. I'm a victim of betrayal by my husband committing infidelity. To me you are like the woman who my husband had an affair with. This woman knew my family, my children, my parents, his parents. But this woman didn't care what the consequences are of having an affair with my husband. She selfishly went ahead and did it anyway. I know it takes two to have an affair and my husband knows what's on my mind, but how could you sleep with this in mind that you are with a married man? How could you live with yourself? You seem to come in here posting to get some symphathy and you got your circle of cheaters sympathizing with you & your selfish behavior. But you won't get that from me. I know hundreds of men and women who are victims of infedility. Statistics say that 85% of people who go onto affairs with married people know these people are married. You know this man is married, why are you even going forward with it? Whether it's been 3 weeks or 3 years, you still had an affair with a married man. And you have a child? If your child ever find out you had an affair with a married man, how could you explain yourself? Karma, remember that. Are you going to be around to help pick up the pieces when your married lovers wife and children find out? Are you going to pay for the therapy bills for the wife? What about the children? You won't get sympathy from me, but go ahead and circle yourself wtih your circle of cheaters.
    Zar, I certainly understand why you would be in so much pain, but I don't see any "circle of cheaters" here. Just a woman who knows she made a mistake in allowing feelings for a married man go too far and getting support on how to move past it, put her feelings in perspective and end everything with him before it goes any further. I would think that would be a good thing.

     
    Old 03-19-2006, 09:45 PM   #69
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    Zara -

    I know that I have been everything you said. It's true, and no one needs to defend me. It is theft, and it is cheating. Why do you think it's tearing @ me? I hate knowing that I have helped someone 'nullify' his marriage vows. That kills me.

    However, I'm not your husband's mistress. I have also never had sex with this man... even in the 'Clinton' term. And it's been over 5 months. Please don't think I wanted this... because you don't know me.

    I have been on your side as well. If you read my most recent post, I talk about that. It is the most horrible feeling next to losing someone in death.

    I'm sorry you're hurting. You may not want to hear this, but just reading your post makes me despise the girl who did this to you.

    But, please don't take it out on me.

    Last edited by Nikki1963; 03-20-2006 at 08:58 PM.

     
    Old 03-19-2006, 09:55 PM   #70
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    So now you are trying to defend your actions? Anybody who sympathizes with a cheater flocks in the same group. You still did it. Like someone on another post asked if she considers her husband kissing another woman as cheating and yes, it's cheating. It's wrong for her husband to kiss another woman like it's wrong for you to be with another man whether you had sex with him or not. I will no longer diginify you or any of your kind by even continuing this post. You are a cheater. You are a thief. Karma will get you.

     
    Old 03-19-2006, 09:55 PM   #71
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    Very mature, thoughtful post Nikki. I know you don't need anyone to defend you, I just didn't see where it was coming from. Plus, I was speaking for myself, since I feel I did offer you some support, and I certainly do not deserve to be considered a cheater or a thief.

     
    Old 03-19-2006, 09:58 PM   #72
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    There is no mistake on being with a married person. If a person is taken, you leave that person completely alone and not to start anything but a friendship with that person. You all flock in the same group. You sympathize with someone like this woman, you are all from the same pool of classless low lives.

     
    Old 03-19-2006, 10:07 PM   #73
    Nikki1963
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    Hiya,

    I didn't mean it negatively toward you by any means. Hope you didn't take it as such. Because of your help, and the others here, my mindset has changed immensely.

    I just don't want Zara to think that I'm proud of my actions, or like the woman who has been with her husband.

    Zara -

    I understand where you're coming from. However, I won't battle you here. Why not create a thread on this site for yourself? Because taking your frustrations out on me isn't going to help either of us.

    By the way: Regarding 'KARMA' - you've said it twice...

    I have lost 15 loved ones in the past 6 years. Among them was a child - my son's best friend, and my former husband.

    A man cheating on me someday is not nearly as painful.

    Please stop aiming your pain at me. I'll say it once more, I understand that you are hurting. But I didn't do that to you.

    I will be kind to a point, so please tread a little more lightly.

    Last edited by Nikki1963; 03-20-2006 at 08:59 PM.

     
    Old 03-19-2006, 10:44 PM   #74
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    I wasn't defending anyone and I am certainly not a cheater. I'm a stay at home mother of three who is very happily married. I just think that good people make bad choices sometimes. Always try to put yourself in someone else's shoes. I don't know what it's like to be there, I just think she needs some advice, and totally beating her up verbally isn't going to help anything. I think she'll do the right thing or she wouldn't be on here asking our opinions.

     
    Old 03-19-2006, 10:55 PM   #75
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    Re: Help! In love w/ a married man!

    I've been lurking for some time now and I feel I have to say something for ones. I'm a married woman and if my husband cheats on me, I don't know what I would do. But I somewhat agree with Zara. She's the victim here and nobody's coming to her side. I see that a lot of people are prone to come to someone's rescue even though that person is somewhat repenting. But the deed is done like Zara said and people are ganging up on her instead of feeling sympathy. I am not here to make anybody feel bad, but Zara is a victim of betrayal. She's a sister. She's another woman. I saw someone in here, forgot who, but she seems to say it a lot, never hurt another woman or something like it. Standing in someone shoes is never comfortable especially if they are new like Zara's. Good luck Zara. You have my sympathy.

     
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