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  • Dealing with anger of BPD gf

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    Old 07-19-2006, 03:34 PM   #1
    SeeSaw99
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    Dealing with anger of BPD gf

    Hi all--

    My girlfriend has BPD. I am a 25-year-old male and she is 23, and we've been together six months. I'm hurting and confused rather badly today, and have come to this board just to get my feelings out and hopefully get some support.

    My girlfriend and I argue a lot; it's an endless cycle. The good times are really good. It's the bad times that I am having trouble dealing with. I don't know how to deal with the raging anger that she throws at me, which follows a sudden mood change, almost as if a switch is being flipped. As an example, on the 4th of July, after having a great time watching fireworks, we walked up the street to have dinner. The waiter made the mistake of giving us separate checks (which she apologized for-- she had had a long night after all). Well, my girlfriend exploded on me, and I was stunned. She argued that the separate checks indicated that the waiter thought we were not together, and this was hence my fault for not showing her enough affection during dinner. We headed out of the restaurant afterwards, and she was furious, and kept sniping at me with sarcastic comments about how I didn't care about her.

    This is a repeating cycle, and the anger often starts with the most minor things. I try to bite my tongue most of the time, but sometimes it's so bad that I have to say something back, letting her know that her behavior is unacceptable, which only fuels the fire. Can anyone give me some advice on how to deal with the raging? Explaining that she is hurting me only causes her to day, "See? Everything is about you!" I'm starting to get a little depressed. Thanks to all...

     
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    Old 07-19-2006, 05:10 PM   #2
    STzenn
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    Re: Dealing with anger of BPD gf

    I'm verry sorry that you are in your current situation, and I want you to know I feel your pain COMPLETELY! I am married to a BPD and she was that way for far too long. You are fortunate for being so young in your relationship and not having ties to keep you together (kids, marriage, money, etc...). You are in a very bad situation, but you must make a decision soon. If she is a BPD, then her road to recovery will be LONG and HARD, and you will suffer much more than you already have. Having experienced the hardships of living with a BPD in recovery, I can tell you that you will be dealing with HER, not YOU, for a long time to come. I know you feel hurt and pain, and you did nothing to deserve it, and yet it is HER that is the focus. Her pain, not yours, is what deserves the attention, even though it is You that got hurt in the first place.........this is the nature of BPD. Well, you must decide if you want to stay or go, FIRST. She can recover, if she has the strength and commitment. But it won't be easy for her, and if you stay for recovery, then you will feel the full efffect of her pain and fear.....that is the nature. But if you stay, then your relationship can become something so much greater than what you ever thought it could be, if you love her, if she truly loves you, and if you both can endure the hell that you must walk through to get to heaven. Or you could go and cut your ties now, before it is too late, before she clings on to you for dear life or you have kids to "solidify the relationship"(......a course of action that alot of BPD's take to stay in a relationship). If you want to see this through to the end, then you have bitten off more than you ever wanted to chew, but the reward is tenfold. If you want to leave this pain behind and let her deal with herself, then go quickly and completely, leaving nothing behind for her to cling to and draw you back into her chaos.

    Remember that she is suffering, whether she realizes it or not, and that it is NOT YOUR FAULT. You may be the one who feels the pain of what she is doing, but she is hurting inside more than you may ever know. She is sick, and she needs help. You cannot save her and you cannot make her change. Only she can reach out for help, and only she can take the necessary actions to help her own situation. If you decide to stay, then this needs to be the next step taken.

    Stephen

     
    Old 07-20-2006, 09:40 AM   #3
    rosequartz
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    Re: Dealing with anger of BPD gf

    do you really want to live like this?
    you don't have to, you know.....no one has to put up with abuse.
    save yourself, while you're still able.

     
    Old 07-22-2006, 04:28 PM   #4
    STzenn
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    Re: Dealing with anger of BPD gf

    Very true, Rose.....

    You don't have to live like this. You do have a choice. You need to save yourself first, regardless of what help she or the relationship needs. And if you sit too long on this problem while doing nothing, then you will ultimately be able to do nothing about it.

    Simple and honest.

     
    Old 08-13-2006, 01:46 PM   #5
    confusedinlove
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    Re: Dealing with anger of BPD gf

    Im going through the exact same thing....she kicked me out today...and we're preg..and engaged...and for the past few days shes been unbareable... im scared... and now shes saying that im the one ruining things...i dont know what to do

     
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