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    Old 08-14-2006, 08:27 AM   #46
    SophiaM
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    Re: being the "other woman"

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by eve40
    There is no caveat here and no one is saying what this man, and the OP, is doing isn't wrong or devstating to the live in GF. We are saying men and women choose not to marry and instead live together, for a reason. The level of committment IS different, like it or not, it is.
    I agree that most of the time when a couple doesn't marry after a reasonable period of time, it indicates one or both might be afraid of fully committing to the other, but there are always exceptions to that rule. My oldest cousin married his girlfriend after 10 years of being together (and living together). Another couple that my friend knows married after 15 years together (they met as freshmen in college and dated all this time, including living together). Women often stay because they'd rather be with that person unmarried than not at all. I stayed with my ex for four years also and well, it's a gamble and I lost, but you can't guarantee a marriage lasting these days, either. Just because a man marries a woman doesn't necessarily indicate higher commitment--my old neighbor's husband started cheating on her only a few months after their wedding, and after 3 years of marriage, they are now divorced.

     
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    Old 08-14-2006, 09:31 AM   #47
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    Re: being the "other woman"

    Tanabear-
    I really want to address the issues you are dealing with from your past abusive relationship. Sweetie, my first husband was abusive to me in every way a man can be abusive to a woman, mentally, sexually, physically- you name it. It was a horrid relationship and he had me so manipulated that for some time, I felt that I deserved his treatment and that I wasn't worthy of being loved and treated kindly by a man. I eventually came to my senses and ended that relationship before he got so abusive that I ended up being severly injured or even dead.

    Yes- it does leave you scarred, and it does make you want to never trust a man again, but if you can not move beyond this on your own, then you do need to speak with a psychologist and find a way to get through this so you can go on to enjoy a healthy relationship with another man. I swore off any kind of relationship after I got out of my first marriage, BUT with time, I realized that I was only causing myself more pain by not allowing myself to trust another man. I eventually had to deal with my feelings and had to work through them. I was able to do that and am now married to the absolute best man in the world. He loves me and treats me the way a woman deserves to be treated- with love, kindness and caring. I treat him the way he deserves to be treated as well.

    Whether you want to admit it or not, your words and posts strongly indicate that you have not been able to work through and get over the damage your former abusive boyfriend treated you. If you allow this to continue to control you, then you will not be able to trust another man and go on to enjoy a relationship that is true and lasting. Why cheat yourself and miss out on having a man love and adore you? Why allow yourself to be a sex toy for some guy? Don't you think any better of yourself? Don't you think you are worth more than that?

    Two wrongs don't make a right Tana, and you just keep saying that you aren't cheating. You say that he is, BUT you are helping him cheat. You are an accessory to his affair going on behind his GF's back. I would deffinately compare it to someone saying, "Well, my friend robbed the bank. I didn't. I only drove the get away car for him. I didn't break the law, he did." And although that is technically true, there is responsibility on your part here. You know he is in a relationship with someone else and justifying it doesn't make this any less hurtful to the girlfriend.

    You were hurt previously and now it seems that you feel that because of that it's ok to hurt someone else. Two wrongs don't make a right Tana, no matter what kind of "spin" you put on it. Yes, your "BF" is in the relationship with his live in GF, but again, you are also sleeping with him so you do bear some of the responsibility whether you accept and believe that or not. You know there is a GF yet you chose to continue to help drive a wedge between them. This would all be different if you had no idea there was another person involved.

    I started seeing a guy years ago, and it just so happened that I found out he had a live in GF and when I found out, I confronted him about it. He gave me the whole song and dance that their relationship was on the "skids" and he wasn't happy with her. Regardless of what he was saying, I wasn't about to knowingly help destroy that relationship, so I ended it immediately and told him I wouldn't be a part of it. Come to find out, they were actually engaged and planning a wedding. I had to do what I felt I could live with, and being involved in an affair with someone who has a girlfriend isn't something I can do. That's me, that's how I am. Some people, like yourself have no problem with it at all, and that is your choice. Again, you do need to be aware, that if this guy is messing around with you, there probably have been other women and may even be other women currently as well.

    I hate that you had to endure abuse from another human being because no one deserves that. And again, I'm not judging you at all. I say these things out of concern because I know exactly what abuse from a man can do to a woman. It's not pretty, and it does leave scars. How we chose to deal with working through the pain is up to us, and it sounds like maybe you haven't fully come to terms with what your former BF did to you. And if I am wrong, and you have come to terms with it, then I have to say that it's left you with a terrible outlook on the possibility of a wonderful and loving future relationship with a man that will treat you with respect, love and kindness.

    Take Care

     
    Old 08-14-2006, 12:55 PM   #48
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    Re: being the "other woman"

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by rosequartz
    so eve are you saying that no one should expect fidelity unless there is a ring and a marriage certificate? if that were the case, how would anyone ever get to that point? I don't believe that someone is "free" up until the point that ring is on their finger......that's one reason I'm so against bachelor parties.....I don't think it's OK to cheat, ring or no ring.
    I also don't need a piece of paper or a ring to LOVE someone completely, so I don't think I need a piece of paper and a ring to define betrayal.
    No Rose, I'm saying the marriage puts both people, on the same page with the same vow and offering the same committment. This issue is the perfect example of what I'm talking about. Obviously the live in Gf is 100% committed, she even agreed to buy a house with the cheater guy. But cheater guy? Not only has he not married live in GF, his devotion lasted 6 years and now he's cheating on her. It's pretty clear, in this situtation, that he never planned on marrying her, but did live in GF, ever figure out that or is she living under the notion that he is as equally committed to her, as she is to him? I'd bet she is because she believes, or believed at some point, that they were equally devoted to each other. A legal and/or spiritial committment tell both partners that they are each committed enough to make a go of it for life, at least at that moment in time, because I really don't believe most people marry thinking it'll be a great ride for 4 or 5 years, then splitsville. I think most people marry on the assumption that it's "till death do us part". No, it doesn't always work out that way and yes, sometimes husbands/wives do cheat, but at least they were committed ENOUGH at one point to create a lasting partnership and the bonds are important. Sometimes enough for two people to try to save. If a man, or a woman, never even get's to that level of committment, in a relationship, how can anyone expect it to survive the bad times? And, if it's really just a piece of paper and doesn't add any level of committment to a relationship, then why doesn't everyone just get it? It certainly reduces taxes, makes medical issues easier, makes child rearing easier, we've listened to gay advocates talking about this for years. Those who oppose gay marriage do so because they believe it is more then just a legal issue. I don't really care, one way or another, I think anyone who wants to marry, should be allowed to. But, the point is, people do not marry, not because it's "just a piece of meaningless paper", they don't marry because it's a promise they are not ready to make. If I were just living with a man (not that I would, I would maintain my own place. If a man wants to live with me, he'll need to be prepared to build a life with me, until then I am independent.) and I met or fell in love with a new man, I would end the old relationship first and then pursue the new one. After all, I offered no man any vows. But, if I were committed enough to be married and had taken an oath to a man, I would be required, by my own oath, to resist any interference from outside temptations. I married him for a reason, after all, and those reasons still exist. I believe it is a special and different kind of promise and one I must honor, barring extreme conditions.
    Like I said, in my first post Rose, I personally had to draw a line somewhere, for myself, and this is it. This man agreed to buy a house, with his live in. Nowhere in the deed, does it say he's giving her his fidelity. Everyone else here is just assuming he did. Like most women do. I'm not making that assumption. I'm making the assumption that if he wanted to give her his fidelity, he would have offered her the RITUAL of marriage. Then they would have bought the house after, or rented.

    Last edited by eve40; 08-14-2006 at 02:47 PM.

     
    Old 08-14-2006, 01:06 PM   #49
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    Re: being the "other woman"

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SophiaM
    I agree that most of the time when a couple doesn't marry after a reasonable period of time, it indicates one or both might be afraid of fully committing to the other, but there are always exceptions to that rule. My oldest cousin married his girlfriend after 10 years of being together (and living together). Another couple that my friend knows married after 15 years together (they met as freshmen in college and dated all this time, including living together). Women often stay because they'd rather be with that person unmarried than not at all. I stayed with my ex for four years also and well, it's a gamble and I lost, but you can't guarantee a marriage lasting these days, either. Just because a man marries a woman doesn't necessarily indicate higher commitment--my old neighbor's husband started cheating on her only a few months after their wedding, and after 3 years of marriage, they are now divorced.
    I think marrying after 10 or 15 years is the exception, not the rule. I guess it all depends on the woman's goals in life. If, for example, it's children and family a 35 year old woman wants, she can't afford to wait around 15 years, she just doesn't have the time. That is just an ugly truth of life. Can a woman who's 20 wait 10 years, yes she could but even then, 10 years is a long time to wait on one man. If the woman isn't looking to marry or have children or wants children but not necessarily a husband, then a live in works as well, but it's all still about LEVEL OF COMMITTMENT. I'm not making value judgements on which choice is right or wrong, but they most certainly are not the same.
    And I think a man, cheating on his wife after 3 months of marriage, speaks more of his moral character and less on the instutition of marriage. Maybe he was one who should have just lived with a woman. And, why marry after 15 years? What moviated this couple to do so? If the committment hadn't changed why not leave the status quo? What motivates a couple to marry, if not a deepening of love and committment?

    Last edited by eve40; 08-14-2006 at 02:06 PM.

     
    Old 08-14-2006, 03:22 PM   #50
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    Re: being the "other woman"

    Another thing...marriage vows "per se" are mostly a religious act and not everyone believes that way. I am not a religious person, so to make vows before god is not an important thing. I think many people are not Christians so making Christian vows are pointless. I was married for over 20 years and that marriage ended. For me, I don't want to go through another divorce. The fear of a divorce keeps me from legally marrying the man that I love.
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    Old 08-14-2006, 03:34 PM   #51
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    Re: being the "other woman"

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by keepsgoin
    Another thing...marriage vows "per se" are mostly a religious act and not everyone believes that way. I am not a religious person, so to make vows before god is not an important thing. I think many people are not Christians so making Christian vows are pointless. I was married for over 20 years and that marriage ended. For me, I don't want to go through another divorce. The fear of a divorce keeps me from legally marrying the man that I love.
    Some marriage vows are Christan but, most certainly, not all of them, as every region and religion has them in some form. There are also secular forms of marriage.
    And, I certainly can't fault you for never wanting to go through a divorce again. If it continues to block you from marriage, I wouldn't push myself until, or if, I'm ever ready again. If not, well, you've found the level of committment you are comfortable with. If it's enough for you, that's all that matters. It works for you, it makes you comfortable with your relationship, and it's the result of a lesson you feel life as taught you. As I said earlier, I'm not passing judgement on either way of living, I just see them as very different.
    But I'm curious, has your lover ever asked you to marry him? If yes, why do you think he did? If no, why do you think he hasn't yet? If it's never come up, how do you know his level of committment to you? You certainly know your level of committment to him, but what of his to you? I'm not asking you to be suspisious, I'm just wondering how much we women know and how much we just assume. Because, assumptions are what get us hurt. (I'm speaking, in general, here.)

    Last edited by eve40; 08-15-2006 at 07:20 AM.

     
    Old 08-14-2006, 09:14 PM   #52
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    Re: being the "other woman"

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ozzybug
    Tanabear-
    I really want to address the issues you are dealing with from your past abusive relationship. Sweetie, my first husband was abusive to me in every way a man can be abusive to a woman, mentally, sexually, physically- you name it. It was a horrid relationship and he had me so manipulated that for some time, I felt that I deserved his treatment and that I wasn't worthy of being loved and treated kindly by a man. I eventually came to my senses and ended that relationship before he got so abusive that I ended up being severly injured or even dead.

    Yes- it does leave you scarred, and it does make you want to never trust a man again, but if you can not move beyond this on your own, then you do need to speak with a psychologist and find a way to get through this so you can go on to enjoy a healthy relationship with another man. I swore off any kind of relationship after I got out of my first marriage, BUT with time, I realized that I was only causing myself more pain by not allowing myself to trust another man. I eventually had to deal with my feelings and had to work through them. I was able to do that and am now married to the absolute best man in the world. He loves me and treats me the way a woman deserves to be treated- with love, kindness and caring. I treat him the way he deserves to be treated as well.

    Whether you want to admit it or not, your words and posts strongly indicate that you have not been able to work through and get over the damage your former abusive boyfriend treated you. If you allow this to continue to control you, then you will not be able to trust another man and go on to enjoy a relationship that is true and lasting. Why cheat yourself and miss out on having a man love and adore you? Why allow yourself to be a sex toy for some guy? Don't you think any better of yourself? Don't you think you are worth more than that?

    Two wrongs don't make a right Tana, and you just keep saying that you aren't cheating. You say that he is, BUT you are helping him cheat. You are an accessory to his affair going on behind his GF's back. I would deffinately compare it to someone saying, "Well, my friend robbed the bank. I didn't. I only drove the get away car for him. I didn't break the law, he did." And although that is technically true, there is responsibility on your part here. You know he is in a relationship with someone else and justifying it doesn't make this any less hurtful to the girlfriend.

    You were hurt previously and now it seems that you feel that because of that it's ok to hurt someone else. Two wrongs don't make a right Tana, no matter what kind of "spin" you put on it. Yes, your "BF" is in the relationship with his live in GF, but again, you are also sleeping with him so you do bear some of the responsibility whether you accept and believe that or not. You know there is a GF yet you chose to continue to help drive a wedge between them. This would all be different if you had no idea there was another person involved.

    I started seeing a guy years ago, and it just so happened that I found out he had a live in GF and when I found out, I confronted him about it. He gave me the whole song and dance that their relationship was on the "skids" and he wasn't happy with her. Regardless of what he was saying, I wasn't about to knowingly help destroy that relationship, so I ended it immediately and told him I wouldn't be a part of it. Come to find out, they were actually engaged and planning a wedding. I had to do what I felt I could live with, and being involved in an affair with someone who has a girlfriend isn't something I can do. That's me, that's how I am. Some people, like yourself have no problem with it at all, and that is your choice. Again, you do need to be aware, that if this guy is messing around with you, there probably have been other women and may even be other women currently as well.

    I hate that you had to endure abuse from another human being because no one deserves that. And again, I'm not judging you at all. I say these things out of concern because I know exactly what abuse from a man can do to a woman. It's not pretty, and it does leave scars. How we chose to deal with working through the pain is up to us, and it sounds like maybe you haven't fully come to terms with what your former BF did to you. And if I am wrong, and you have come to terms with it, then I have to say that it's left you with a terrible outlook on the possibility of a wonderful and loving future relationship with a man that will treat you with respect, love and kindness.

    Take Care
    i know i'm not over it. i can't yet...its only been a few months since the last attack happened, and i'm still dealing with it emotionally as well as physically...head trauma hasn't healed yet. and the trial doesn't start until november...i still have a long ways to go...he got caught beating me the last time, so he's been charged...but i lived through almost two years of abuse with him. its not easy to get over...but i don't think i am purposely trying to hurt anyone. i don't ever want to hurt anyone in any way...maybe i'm just liking the positive attention i'm getting from him? i don't know...I know i don't want any kind of relationship, none at all, i can't deal with that, so maybe this is my way of getting what i need, without attatching myself emotionally. i don't really have any answers...

     
    Old 08-14-2006, 10:12 PM   #53
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    Re: being the "other woman"

    I was in a relationship years ago. In my eyes, he was the one. I am happily married now, but I still think of him often. He cheated on me by lying about where he was going on vacation. He was supposed to be with family, but was really with some girl on a ski trip in utah. Her family was well to do and actually owned the whole ski resort. I found out accidently at a party, as he had blabbed to mutual friends prior to leaving. Upon his return, I confronted him. He told me that it was a miserable time because she had completely ignored him the whole trip after he had confessed that he had a girlfriend and had lied to her (me) about where he was going. To this day, if I ever met her I would shake her hand and buy her a drink for supporting a girl she didn't even know and standing on her principles. I have not and would never date another man's girlfriend/wife because I don't want that done to me and because as a basic rule, I believe in finishing something before starting something else. I am not condemming you, as the previous post suggests, it's more on him than on you....but remember that it really is true...what goes around comes around.

     
    Old 08-15-2006, 06:15 AM   #54
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    Re: being the "other woman"

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by eve40
    But I'm curious, has your lover ever asked you to marry him? If yes, why do you think he did?
    Oh yes..he has asked me, he wants me to marry him...he always tells me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.
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    Last edited by keepsgoin; 08-15-2006 at 09:50 AM.

     
    Old 08-15-2006, 07:23 AM   #55
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    Re: being the "other woman"

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by tanabear6
    i don't ever want to hurt anyone in any way....
    But you are hurting someone, possibily many people will be hurt when this affair is exposed.

     
    Old 08-15-2006, 09:54 AM   #56
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    Re: being the "other woman"

    OK, let's just look at it this way...what if you, tanabear, were living with a man for 6 years...y'all had some problems but you were still living together...how would you feel about it if he was having an affair with his co-worker(or anyone for that matter) and how would you feel about the woman that knew good and well that he was in a long term relationship but was having sex with YOUR man anyway? I bet you'd want to kick her "blank"..right?!
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    Old 08-15-2006, 07:41 PM   #57
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    Re: being the "other woman"

    Did you always have this view about feeling it was okay to have a fling with someone who was in a relationship that needed help??? He obviously still wants to be with her or he would have left, plain and simple. He can have all the excuses he wants, but thats all they are... excuses ... probably so he can cheat as much as he wants to.
    I kinda have a feeling this is still about what happened to you and the abuse... its in a way therapeutic for you to cheat-- hence all the fun you are having in doing this, although, the cheating is to a lesser degree... it still serves its purpose of getting back at your ex for what he did to you as well as shifting the hurt and betrayal on someone else instead of yourself.
    I really think you should get counseling just to help you sort out your feelings.

    Last edited by soulster; 08-15-2006 at 07:46 PM.

     
    Old 08-20-2006, 02:20 PM   #58
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    Re: being the "other woman"

    Wow, I can definitely completely relate to the excitement of something that is forbidden. And I'm not one to judge people for doing something that others believe is "wrong"...I think when it comes down to it, all bets are off when it comes to matters of the heart, and feelings towards another person. I once had a "friend" who had a girlfriend; we would hang out all the time, and while we never slept together (I can now say fortunately), the sexual side of it was ALWAYS tossed around. He wouldn't let me meet her for a time, and I felt like this secret of his. Turned out that he couldn't have given a crap less about me, but they aren't even together anymore. He called me after he was single again and after game playing again, I had to face the HARD COLD fact that he STILL didn't want me. He would call intermittenly...play with my head and talk about the OTHER girls he was sleeping with. It got very sick.

    The point is, this guy is taken. I know it is going to be difficult to put yourself in this girl's shoes, but try to just for a minute. You may not be attached now and it may just be a physical thing at the moment, but what if you do get attached? What if she knows its going on? I'm definitely not trying to say its anyone's fault, just that being the "other woman" is 9 times out of 10 probably going to end up badly... I wish you luck

    Last edited by CUCrusaders24; 08-20-2006 at 02:26 PM.

     
    Old 08-20-2006, 07:48 PM   #59
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    Re: being the "other woman"

    First of all, it doesn't matter whether or not they are married . Cheating is cheating. And, it doesn't matter how long he lived with her and the fact they are not married yet, who is to say she is waiting for him? maybe she doesn't want to get married.
    A man can cheat, married or not it doesn't matter what his perceived level of commitment its. We don't really know the reasons why he is doing the cheating. Some men go into marriage because the woman wants it so he goes into a marriage knowing he will not be faithful but he doesn't want to lose her. Does this make him better or worse than the faithful man who is in a committed 5yr relationship but just lives together? A ring means nothing if there are no morals behind it - after all the divorce rate is around 50%.

    Honestly, I feel sorry for you Tara, as you don't have enough self esteem to see you are being used. You don't have the power, he does. If you can't be open with your relationship and are working hard to keep "his secret" then your are in a losing situation. I think you feel safe with him as you know he won't leave her so you are risking nothing - no emotional attachment - no expectations - no commitment on your behalf. You don't have to give him anything as all he expects is sex with no emotions - something you are comfortable with. I see all women in these types of relationships as the losers as they really think they hold the power which they obviously don't. A man who will cheat with you will cheat on you. I think it was Dr. Phil that said "if you can't do it in front of your partner then it is cheating". Both of you are obviously keeping a huge secret from the girlfriend. Since, he is the one in the relationship, he owes it to her to either break it off or tell her and let her decide. Since he won't tell you and is working extremely hard to hide it from her it shows he has feelings for her.

    Any woman who values herself will want a committed, honest, trustworthy man who will reciprocate love. I think you are lacking in self esteem and given your past I see why. Go to councilling and seek help as rationalizing your behaviour only makes it more sad.

    His girfriend is the one in the dark, the only victim here. Since you are keeping a secret and won't tell her what is going on then you are lying when you say you don't care - you obviously do care or you would have told her by now. She has a right to know. His behaviour could very well be causing her behaviour towards him.
    If he didn't want to be with her he wouldn't be. He wants the best of both worlds - a nice woman at home and another for a sex partner (this will soon wear off and you will really see who he is). It is not fun to hurt another, it is not a fling, you are dealing with someone else's life here. She may very well dump him once she finds out or, to your amazement they may work it out. Either way, you have no business being in the middle of their relationship. End it, tell her, and move on. If you have no desire to have a healthy relationship then just be alone until you are ready for a real one-on-one relationship with your dignity in tact and your head up high.

     
    Old 02-27-2007, 08:52 AM   #60
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    Re: being the "other woman"

    Hi Tanabear and posters...

    This thread really struck a chord with me. So many similarities to my situation. The irony of it is that I posted that situation on here a few months ago.. and was absolutely FLAMED. Not that the advice wasn't "correct" (although, thats always a matter of opinion)... but I think the posts here were fantastic. Especially from the first couple of posters.

    I'm also 22. He's also 30. He also works where I do. I have been sleeping with him for 2 months, and he is in a long-term relationship with another woman. Seeing a few similarities? Now you see why I just had to reply to this thread.

    It is a hard pill to swallow, isn't it, when you expose your 'infidelities' here, looking for some rationalization, perhaps someone to say its 'all ok' and to carry on as you are, or find some connection with someone who has been through it and has come out of it beaming and high-fiving and feeling like a winner... and all you get is warnings, doubts and a big lecture on morality.

    Thing is, after being through it, I'm inclined to say that all the warnings are pretty much correct. I started off as you did, loving it, in complete lust with this man... I have always been attracted to older men, and he is a stunner too, we connect fantastically, great friend, great in bed... the whole lot. We had been flirting for what felt like years. I never thought anything of it - he had a gf of 3 years. Until he ended up in my bed one night. Shocker.

    It is a couple of months later, and I feel pretty damn awful. Guilt is sometimes delayed.. it did not set in for me until a few weeks ago. He does not live with this gf, and he has told me EVERYTHING your guy has told you, and the rest - they hardly sleep together and when they do the sex is bad and not passionate, they are different, she is nagging and high maintenance and demanding, she is a workaholic and has different views on life to him... all of that bull. But then I stopped and thought... what do I really know about this girl? She works hard, is close to her family, career-minded, has lots of friends... it occured to me that I have only really heard his side of the story, and the cold, hard facts do NOT paint a negative picture of her in the slightest. Then the guilt set in. She is being CHEATED on by this guy... who probably adores him just like I do. Nagging and high-maintenance? Maybe she is just smarter than he has given her credit for. She probably senses he's a liar and a cheater.

    This guilt is no fun, Tanabear! It creeps up on you too. Then you begin to realise just how unimportant you are in their life, aswell. They are still WITH their gf's, despite all they say to us. Actions speak louder than words. They are men that go for what they want, thats why they are sleeping with us, isn't it? Then why don't they break up with their gf's? There are many ways to rationalize this. "Oh, he's just busy. He's lazy. He doesn't want the monumental fallout with his ***** gf. It is easier for him to just keep it how it is". No, no, no. Truth is, for whatever reason, he is too cowardly, or needs and wants something from her, and we are just the 'side order', and never the main course. Mix in the fact that i was easy in the first place, and now he doesn't have any REASON to change the situation, cos he's getting everything he wants, isn't he? His cake, and eating it too, so to speak.

    It was when I realised, on top of all this, that I had developed feelings for him, that my decision REALLY hit me hard in the face. Its no fun, and it can happen slowly, and with plenty of denial and a good dose of excuses, you can make yourself believe you are fine with the situation when you really aren't. That is why I posted my original post on this board, and believe it or not, that is why you did too.

    I know the mum's probably told you a whole lot about their 'failing relationship'.. but I had that too... his best friend is my close friend, and he tells me all the time they are 'miss-matched' and the rest. But at the end of the day, these people don't know. The only one that knows is him, and he's not exactly getting 10/10 for honesty, judging by his actions. Sux, I know. But seeing as you don't want a relationship, it shouldnt matter to you I suppose.

    I truly think, if you are fine with it, and you are having fun and it continues in that way, and you are careful about who finds out (extra careful! Its hard!) then you are a much more resiliant person than me, and good luck to you! I wish my situation could have worked out better. Perhaps it still will, but only if he straps on a pair, and breaks up with his gf. Be careful around work, people can pick up on body-language very well, i've noticed. I've already been interrogated by a couple of people. Think up some good lines! Keep it cool. Although by this stage... perhaps you are back to studying again.

    Let me know whats happening... I'd love to hear your situation lately, maybe it will help with mine.

    And if anyone else can add their 2cents, I think I need them right now!

    Tyger.

     
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