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  • Baby died at 3 1/2 months

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    Old 09-15-2006, 02:21 PM   #1
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    Baby died at 3 1/2 months

    I have been here twice before. I was hoping to not ever have to come back either. This morning my husband and I went into the doc's to do another ultrasound and hear the heart beat again. He first felt my stomach to see if I had grown...I had, we tried to hear the heart beat...but nothing and that wasn't good. He then brought in the ultra sound machine and as he suspected, the baby died sometime last week. I saw it dead there nestled inside of me with no beating heart. I am still very sick and hate pretty much all food and my breasts are still full and sore. I had no idea this would happen today. We just thought this would be a routine checkup. I am in shock right now and my heart hurts but I cannot cry. This is unlike me. I go in on monday for my first ever surgery. They will do a D&C and I will be asleep. The other two m/c I lost naturally. This is really hard because I was growing and starting to show and very sick with no signs of an impending m/c. I can't take this anymore. I feel like I want to give up on all hope of a baby. This was number three. This was supposed to be my charm. What am I going to do know. I am so sick of feeling this familiar empty ache. Tomorrow I was supposed to go into Seattle with all my sis-inlaws for my mother-in-laws B-day. All 5 have babies galore and one is pregnant with number 7. I called one and told her I wouldn't make it. It would be sort of too hard for me right now. They understood.The hospital is going to test my husband and I both to see if there are any chromosomal problems with us. I just want to wake up right now from this bad dream.

    Last edited by pradasweets1983; 09-15-2006 at 02:23 PM.

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    Old 09-15-2006, 07:59 PM   #2
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    Re: Baby died at 3 1/2 months

    Oh sweetie, I am so sorry to read this. I'm in shock. I just knew you were okay this time. Oh man. There are no words to help with the pain. I've never been this far along, so I won't pretend to have any advice from experience. Just know that I'm here if you need to talk, cry, vent, or whatever. I'm glad you are getting chromosome testing done. Have you had any other tests run? If not, you defnintely need to now. Makes me wonder if you have either a clotting or immune issue. I'm sure they will, but make sure they check the baby for chromosome issues too. It took us having 3 losses and 2 different specialists before we began finding our problems, so don't give up. But right now, take care of your body and let your heart heal. Again, I'm so sorry dear. Praying that God gives you an unexplainable peace as you walk through this valley. Take care. ((((hugs))))


    Last edited by ibelieve; 09-15-2006 at 08:02 PM.

    Old 09-15-2006, 09:28 PM   #3
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    Re: Baby died at 3 1/2 months

    I posted to you in the thread on the pg forums but wanted to reply here too.

    One of our babies died at 13wks 1d...we had heard his heartbeat the day before (it sounded very healthy). I had all my symptoms also...they persisted for about two weeks after (I didn't deliver until 15wks...I was induced when I failed to go into "labor" on my own). I delivered a tiny baby boy; we buried him at home. My milk came in two days after I delivered; I hadn't expected that at all. It wasn't like a full term pg but my breasts became heavy and leaky.

    It's heart-wrenching! I really do ache for you.

    If you opt to have testing/investigation done, I think it might be revealing to have them check your thyroid antibodies (TPO and Tg). Thyroid disease can be exacerbated by the hormonal fluctuations of a m/c so it's something to keep in mind these next few weeks.

    I hope you're able to find some answers. Unfortunately we still have no explanation for our recurrent losses...I believe it's the thyroid antibodies but there is no direct link, only an "association" and the studies are conflicting.

    Love and Prayers, Kelly

    Old 09-16-2006, 05:36 AM   #4
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    Re: Baby died at 3 1/2 months

    I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through for the 3rd time.
    Pls be strong.....even though no words can take yr pain away.
    Just know that you are in our thoughts & prayers.
    Have faith in God....I'm sure he's there to help you through this bad moment.

    Take care

    xx dee xx

    Old 09-16-2006, 08:24 AM   #5
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    Re: Baby died at 3 1/2 months

    prada, i am so sorry for your loss, my prayers and thoughts are with you x
    Mia-Louise jan '04
    Jacob april '07

    Old 09-16-2006, 02:24 PM   #6
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    Re: Baby died at 3 1/2 months

    prada, my heart goes out to you. We lost two grandchildren this way and we had a daughter who died with crib death at 3 1/2 months. I want to give you a big cyberhug, but there's no Smilies to reflect that.

    Old 09-16-2006, 06:05 PM   #7
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    Re: Baby died at 3 1/2 months

    Thank you all for caring. I am very numb, and it's hard to cry.Which is odd because usually I express my emotions through tears when sad..but this time I just sort of sit and stare.The sad thoughts will leave me and I will be doing something, enjoying my husband's company, and then a brief thought that the baby is no longer alive in me will come in my head and I will feel sad all over again and will sit and stare in a daze. I wonder how Monday will be when they put me alseep to do the surgery. How will I feel after? Will the tears pour out, because reality will have finally kicked in and the shock worn off? I think I will feel a little better after, because then I might be able to start letting go.

    My breasts hurting and feeling stomach sick like I am still healthy pregnant, is a cruel reminder that I have lost something dear to me at this point. I want my bump to go away too. I see it when I look down and I feel it's firmness and its still there uncomfortable as I sleep at night and I want it gone. But I want my baby even more. I can't have that though. I will most likely miss the feelings that I have become accustomed to feeling over the past few months and losing them will bring on a new found, but all to familiar sorrow. I am torn as you can see. I am wanting to desperately move on from this but at the same time fighting to never let go, as I clutch onto what was never meant to be mine.

    Why does God make it so so easy for me to get pregnant if I can't even carry a baby to term? Why? I would almost rather not be able to get pregnant, than to have to feel this pain over and over again. This ruthless tugging of the heart just might bring on a cardiac arrest. Then no one wins. Right? I am just rambling now and I apoligize. I just have so many questions and none are getting answered because no one knows why this is happening, save God, that is. Thanks again for your kind words.----Jess

    Old 09-16-2006, 11:05 PM   #8
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    Re: Baby died at 3 1/2 months

    oh Jess I am so, so sorry this is happening, a million huggs to you. I wish there was something I could say that would make a difference, just allow yourself to vent as often as you need to, we are all here for you.
    xoxo -Sweet

    Old 09-17-2006, 07:37 AM   #9
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    Re: Baby died at 3 1/2 months

    Jess, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I think having the testing done on yourself and dh is a good idea and the baby as well. I was 20 wks when I lost a little girl, I can tell you it was/is the hardest thing I've ever gone through. Take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve. You're in my thoughts.

    Old 09-18-2006, 02:45 AM   #10
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    Re: Baby died at 3 1/2 months

    i am so sorry for you, what a complete shock and terrible thing to have to deal with again. The still-feel-pregnant is a cruel twist, I had this and it does go after the surgery. I was chatty and normal, reading a novel and answering work emails on my blackberry minutes before my last surgery and then afterwards, well, like a body blow all the emotions came rushing in. You have to let them and know that you have to push for tests and you have to keep believing and find your answers. I asked my husband "how many times can we take this?" and he told me "more yet, definitely more times yet" and I immediately knew that he was right...your babies will come, some way, and you will cherish them and think them even more precious than the lucky mums who never know the pain we go through. thinking of you so much xxx

    Old 09-18-2006, 05:20 PM   #11
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    Re: Baby died at 3 1/2 months

    Thank you all and thank you Eurokelly. What you said is so true and perfect and you made me feel really good.

    Old 09-19-2006, 08:30 AM   #12
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    Re: Baby died at 3 1/2 months

    Jess... I just had to say how sorry I am and that I too am thinking of you. We shared the pain of a m/c together in June this year, so I was eagerly following your progress. I still haven't recovered from my June m/c and the fact that you are going through this again is just down-right unfair and cruel. That said, please, please, please do not give up hope. You have so much love to give a child; stay strong and someday, somehow you will be able to give that love wholeheartedly. Push for tests. Don't get fobbed off. Don't accept the 'It's just one of those things' lines... 1 is unlucky, 2 a coincidence, 3 needs investigations. Just think, it could be something easily fixable that isn't allowing your pregnancies to continue. In the meantime, don't ever think you have to go through this alone. Your day will come. Take care. xxx

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