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    Old 01-22-2007, 01:50 PM   #31
    lawdhamurcy
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    Re: Spanking

    I have to say something here. My dad (step dad) spanked me as a child and I NEVER once thought if he loved me why is he doing this? Never. I always knew that my parents loved me unconditionally. SO I think here it's just an issue of the beholder. If that makes sense.

    Some people may be overly sensitive and say "my parents spanked me, but I love my kids more so I wont do it, or I felt abused as a child as a result of spanking"

    Then some people like me, feel it was the best thing one parent could have done. I've said before I wouldn't be the person I am today without my dad. Yea sure I have flaws but who doesn't. Nobody is perfect.

    My dad has done more for me than most biological parents do for their flesh and blood. He is a saint!

     
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    Old 01-22-2007, 08:06 PM   #32
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    Re: Spanking

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Msminnamouse View Post
    But nobody is saying anybody is a bad parent here. Are they?
    Re-read your first post. When you tell people that if they spank their kids, their kids will grow up emotionally scarred, you're telling them that you think they are bad parents. You may not use the specific words "you're a bad parent" but what you're saying is the same thing. Good parents make the decisions they make out of love for their children.

    Theses are your words:

    "I have never met any well adjusted person who was spanked as a child. Spanking is hitting. People like to use the word "spank" because they don't like thinking that they're hitting their child."

    "It causes low self esteem, depression, anxiety, social problems, and leads to abusive relationships. Platonic or not. Particularly, men abusing women and women being drawn to abusive men and abusive relationships. It also teaches the child to pass down the same punishment to their children."

    "Even if you use spanking as a "last resort" because "nothing else has worked", that's not an excuse."


    Yes, absolutely, these things are a reality to some people- but not everyone. I'm sorry if this is your reality, but again, it's not really fair to tell others that if they spank they are intentionally hurting their kids. If you do have all of these problems because you were spanked, then you have to decide for yourself if you're going to let your past define your future. We all have baggage. I have things in my past that I would easily be able to use as an excuse for a lot of things, if I chose to. But I decided, well, I was probably close to your age, that I could dwell on the past and live my life as a victim, or I could rise above and not let anything define me but me. Your parents and your past are responsible for who you are...only you are responsible for who you become.

    You are so young, you should be concerned with a lot of other things besides telling parents how to discipline their kids.

     
    Old 01-24-2007, 09:57 AM   #33
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    Re: Spanking

    Msminnamouse,

    I have to disagree with you as well.

    If you didn't want to spark a debate on the subject then why post what you did? You yourself said you are not a mother, so why come on this in the first place? It seems to me you were just trying to stir up trouble with this one.

    Lets face it, there is a severe lack of displine now compared to when we were children. Look at the way most kids act now. I bring my 5 year old to kindergarten and I hear a 4th grader near by saying words that shouldn't even be in their vocabulary right in front of his mother! If I were that kid my mother would have spanked me, and I would think she had every right to do so.

    What I am getting at is the majority of us parents now were spanked as children. It was the norm. We were better behaved and much more respectful than today's youth. I'm not saying you have to spank your kids to get them to behave. I very rarely spank my daughter. But she knows there are consiquenses for her actions.

    All I know is that I can not stand seeing children wearing those "wheely shoes" and their ipods paying no attention to anyone around them in a public place, and then when their parents tell them to do something they tell their parents "no", and the parents sit back and take it. Since when did the children become the boss. I know I'm a little of subject, but it all stems from lack of disipline. That's just my opinion.

     
    Old 01-24-2007, 02:35 PM   #34
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    Re: Spanking

    happymom and lisafaith have VERY good points. And I will use myself as an example of someone who was "spanked" as a child. Not very often I might add, but I do remember feeling embarrassed during the actual act of spanking. And what is the problem with feeling that way? I had just done something wrong...wouldn't it make sense that I feel something? shame? guilt?sorrow? Isn't that what we are lacking in this society? People who feel bad about their own actions?There are altof people who have no regards to other peoples feelings. Kids need to take responsibility for their actions. They NEED to feel embarrassed or have their little feelings hurt every once in awhile. HOw else are they gonna learn what "consequences" mean?... I do have many emotional problems. But they don't stem from being spanked! I think its easier for people to blame the act of spanking instead of the person who was behind the act. I'm not making sense? My mom, for example, spanked us. However, the issue was not her spanking me, it was how she treated me any other given day. I was ignored, I was ALWAYS being told to "go away". We didn't, and still don't have any type of relationship that I would call normal. And I am not going to sit here and blame "spanking" thats NONSENSE! My mother was not a good mother. She never showed me the love I really needed. I am the best parent I can be towards my children. I SHOWER my kids with an enormous amounts of love and affection. I treat my kids like how I wished my mom treated me. I also spank them. (WHEN its necessary) I talk to them like they are people and I pay attention to them (not just when I am disciplining them) We have alot of fun together. And both my kids understand that when I am angry at their "behavior" (which is what I tell them...its the behavior not them I don't like-which is very important to make clear) that I still love them. I tell them I love them more so when I am disciplining them. I want and need them to know that they will ALWAYS be loved no matter what it is they do. ITs how we raise our kids from day to day that has the most impact!(obviously if they are being beaten the way we know is abuse...then we have room to discuss the emotional scarring of those actions) But if ANY discipline is done in the correct way...its effective. whether its in the corner (which I could point out a few horrifying outcomes to being in the corner...should we label those parents too?)or if its having all their toys taken away...well, they could grow up fearing they will loose all of their possessions and become afraid to leave their house....I don't know...we could pick and pick and pick and each time we could find one story that went to the extreme...its NOT the act of the discipline...its the actions of the parents on a day to day basis. Thats where the problem is. ALOT of Parents don't pay attention to their kids. Whether its work or the computer or something else that is going on in the adult world. We wouldn't have had Columbine, had certain parents taken an interest in what their kids were up to thats for sure. So, with that said, I must now pay attention to my kids. They'll be scarred for life if I don't! (thats a joke) People...relax....and just do the best you can. Life is too short to be so serious ALLL the time. Have fun with your kids and just pay attention to them. Thats what they need most.
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    Old 01-24-2007, 04:23 PM   #35
    Dang12
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    Re: Spanking

    You guys might not be able to spank your children in the near future. A law is being voted on in the California govenment outlawing spanking. The proposed law says that spanking is illegal for any child three and under.

    Last edited by Dang12; 01-24-2007 at 04:24 PM.

     
    Old 01-24-2007, 04:49 PM   #36
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    Re: Spanking

    Thankfully I'm up in Canada and our government isn't quite that stupid... yet.
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    Old 01-25-2007, 05:48 AM   #37
    lawdhamurcy
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    Re: Spanking

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Dang12 View Post
    You guys might not be able to spank your children in the near future. A law is being voted on in the California govenment outlawing spanking. The proposed law says that spanking is illegal for any child three and under.

    That is ridiculous. I don't think I even had to spank mine until they were between 2 and 3 anyway. It will be a WHOLE LOTTA people in jail then, because (I haven't checked statistics) but I'm pretty sure 7 out of every 10 parents spank their children. If not more than that.

     
    Old 01-25-2007, 08:36 AM   #38
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    Re: Spanking

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Dang12 View Post
    You guys might not be able to spank your children in the near future. A law is being voted on in the California govenment outlawing spanking. The proposed law says that spanking is illegal for any child three and under.
    Yeah, well it's also against the law to speed, drink and drive, do drugs, and molest children. And all of those laws are obeyed so well!

    Many social workers here have already said they would rather the government focus their time and resources on protecting children from true abuse. Not enough is being done. Although, I was watching Oprah last week, and she said she will be working to create legislation for a 1-strike law when it comes to crimes against children. Hooray! I am so tired of pedaphiles getting, well basically a time-out. They're told "don't do that again" and let back out to rape another child. It's sickening!

     
    Old 01-25-2007, 09:49 PM   #39
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    Re: Spanking

    Msminnamouse,
    I've read through all the posts and I am Very sorry for the experience you've had with your parents. I am olny guessing that what you went through as a child was more than simply "spanking" and sounds like abuse. Not just through hitting, but more than that (emotional, verbal, lack of suport)? I will agree that some parents abuse their children under the lable of "spanking" and that will cause emotional problems into adult life. Spanking in and of it self does not cause long lasting problems and at time for some parents/children is neccesary.
    I don't believe spanking should be done in anger, or even that hard, but a swat to the bottom to displine is just fine.

     
    Old 01-26-2007, 08:55 AM   #40
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    Re: Spanking

    I have not read this entire thread yet but I agree with ajwall for the most part.ajwall mentioned "personal responsibility" that is a good point.I have noticed with ALOT of kids these days they seem to be trying to pass the buck onto someone else or something else more often then not for something THEY themselves are at fault for.I am a firm believer that what happens to an individual is MOST times (with some exceptions) is that individuals fault period.This is a very important thing for kids to learn to take responsibility for their own actions.I have listened and watched so mannnnnny parents blame others or some other thing for their childs poor behavoir.They are then not teaching their child personal responsibility.
    Now spanking yes I do use spanking as discipline when I see fit.I do use spanking as a last resort and typically I never get to that point.My kids know I will give them a spanking if they refuse to straighten up and of course they do not want that to happen.I also do EXPLAIN to my kids WHY they will be recieveing a spanking and I do this in a calm manner and ask them if it is understood.I make sure they know why they are going to recieve the spanking and that they did something and spanking is the result(personal responsibility).Other things I do for discipline taking things they enjoy away and make them earn them back again I explain to them why this is taking place and that THEY are at fault and this is the result.I agree that we always need to be speaking with our children and listening to them as well.Bottom line we are the parents and they are the children not the other way around we raise them we feed them we clothe them they live in our homes....and we LOVE them.My kids are far from perfect and I am not a perfect parent but I can say none of my children are trying to pass that buck of things they have done onto anyone else.I will not deny that spanking does not work for SOME children just as reasoning and taking things away does not work for some.We as parents need to figure out what works well for our own children.Too much government involvement and ya get what we have today ALOT of kids not taking rsponsibility for their own actions......we have kids ruling their parents for God sake...parents scared to discipline their own children for fear of the government saying ..oh no you dont and locking them up........it is sad sad sad.If reasoning and no spanking is working with your child then so be it your doing the right thing.If spanking is working then so be it your doing the right thing........that is the way I see it.

     
    Old 01-26-2007, 09:48 AM   #41
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    Re: Spanking

    I have read further and I must add some to my post.....One being ,IMO,caring for an animal is not much at all like raising a child.There is far far more work involved in raising a child.I have a puppy (newborn) right now that lost it mother (she passed) so I am having to feed and care for this puppy......I can only tell you I WISH caring for a newborn human baby had been this easy lol.I also have a grown dog and if only my children listened to me as quickly (everytime) as my grown dog does lol.Yes I have swatted my grown dogs rear end with a newspaper before ....worked great for house breaking him by the way.Anyway,no it is not the same so yes I have a problem with you comparing the raising of an animal with the raising of a child.
    Secondly,as I stated in my other post I was spanked as a child,for a while anyway.I was abused as a child as well and there is a very VERY big difference between spaking and abuse.I can tell you when I was spanked I never once thought I was being abused and I certainly learned my lesson.My dad stopped spanking and just dished out abuse so from then on I was difiant ,low self esteem etc.When I was being spanked and not abused I was becomming a well adjust mannered kid.Again spanking will not work for all children but surely does for alot without leaving them feeling "scarred." I wish I had continued to be spanked (not abused) as a child and I am certain I would have not had the troubles I had growing up.
    I also want to say to the OP I find alot of people love to dish out their "opinions" on raising children yet they have not even one child of their own.Let me tell you EXPERIANCE means EVERYTHING.I am not saying you are not entitled to your opions we all are but remember you are not speaking from personal experiance and a dog (or any other animal) is of no comparisom whatsoever.

     
    Old 01-26-2007, 10:02 AM   #42
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    Re: Spanking

    In regard to possible laws being made stopping parents from spanking their children again this what we get when we allow our government too dictate too much of our personal lives.I will be damned if anyone is going to tell me how to discipline my child including weather I can spank or not.I have no problem with "sugesstions" and advice from parents with more experiance then myself but when it comes to people TELLING me how I can or cannot disipline my own children then there is a big problem.Our rights are being taken away one by one.Now do not get me wrong there have been times that it had been a God send for some children that the government was involved the problem arisses when we lay down and let them have control and decide that they know our own children better then we do.

    Last edited by tnmomofive; 01-26-2007 at 10:05 AM.

     
    Old 02-02-2007, 11:25 PM   #43
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    Re: Spanking

    I totally agree!! I have a 3 yr old , n i would never " spank" her. But i know in asian cultures they spank or u can say hit their child for discipline. Its totally wrong to hit an innocent kid..

     
    Old 02-03-2007, 05:00 AM   #44
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    Re: Spanking

    i really don't understand how you can have the opinion that you do when you have'nt been on both ends of the situation,i would never spank my daughter unless i feel it really needs to be done but i'm not going to lie and say that there has'nt been times when i have been that mad at her and my nephew who i used to have on a regular basis that i could of quite easily lost my temper,being a parent does'nt come with a handbook and when somebody you love so much does things that they know are wrong its very frustrating although a young child does'nt really have a concept of hurting you on purpose is sometimes feels that way,your entitlied to your opinion of course but i don't think thats what you are expressing,i think you are expressing other people's opinions and survey result which i would agree with if the whole population had been asked these questions but they have'nt so the evidence in this context i think is unfounded.

     
    Old 02-03-2007, 06:08 AM   #45
    Msminnamouse
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    Re: Spanking

    I have an opinion, even though I haven't been on the parent's end of the equation, because I know how I felt as a child that was spanked.

    I know it didn't help me. I know I responded to a calm approach. For the most part, so did the other people I have interviewed.

     
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