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  • Miscarriage at 17 Weeks

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    Old 01-08-2007, 09:32 PM   #16
    ASDGRMama
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    Re: Miscarriage at 17 Weeks

    I'm so sorry to hear you've lost a little one! I also found out at 17wks that my baby had died. I chose to wait two weeks to see if my body would pass the baby on it's own but it didn't happen.

    My dr wanted to do a D&E (suction) but I said absolutely not since I wanted to see my baby (I had seen him on ultrasound knew he was about the size of a 14-15 weeker).

    I was induced at 19wks and delivered a boy (Asher Nathaniel). We declined the exam and autopsy so that we could take him home and bury him close to us.

    I have never regretted seeing my little one either. I have a friend who is a professional photographer and she came and took pictures for us to remember him by (even at that very early age he looked just like my husband).

    Less than a year later (and after 2 more early losses) we found that yet another of our babies had died at 13wks. We had heard the heartbeat with the doppler the day before he died (it was 139). I just felt something was wrong so had my midwife listen for the heartbeat the following day and there was nothing; an u/s confirmed it. I again waited two weeks to see if things would start up on their own but they didn't. I was induced at 15wks and delivered another little boy (Joash Paul). We brought him home and buried him next to his brother.

    All together we've had 7 losses. It's been a very difficult road since there have been no answers for us. I have had a variety of testing done and it has largely come back normal (I have thyroid antibodies). My dr has theories about why I might have been miscarrying but no definite conclusions.

    To offer you some hope, I am now 24wks pg and things seem to be going very well (5 of my losses were since my last full term baby was born; between Nov. 2004 and Dec. 2005...the other two losses were in Aug. 2000 and Aug. 2002). I was put on Prometrium (progesterone supplement) right after I ovulated and stayed on it until 12wks gestation. I'm also on thyroid replacement hormone.

    Even with this new baby on the way I ache for my babies we've lost. I've only recently allowed myself to become excited about this pg since I had feared being disappointed again. It's a lot of hurt and sometimes it seems like it'll never stop (I'm not sure if it every does go completely away).

    We've decided to plant a rose garden where our babies are buried and a dear friend of mine gave us a beautiful tree to plant in memory of them.

    My SIL paints family trees and when she did ours she incorporated the initials of all our "heavenly babies" subtely into the vines. It means a lot to me that she recognized their precious lives (we named even the babies we didn't know the gender of because although we never saw them or held them they are part of us).

    My heart is with you! I pray you'll be blessed again soon with a healthy pg and a healthy sweet pea!

    Love and Prayers, Kelly

     
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    Old 02-05-2007, 01:48 PM   #17
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    Re: Miscarriage at 17 Weeks

    Im so sorryfor your lost and hope you are doing better with each passing day. I too lost a baby at four months and they would not allow me to see my child..they said he wasnt far enough along. I always wondered about that,,and its bothered me ever since. Should i have been allowed to seemy son after losing him at four months?

     
    Old 02-07-2007, 05:55 AM   #18
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    Re: Miscarriage at 17 Weeks

    numb one I too think constantly about what I did wrong even stupid things like was it because I drank too much coke was it because I went up a ladder little things like that really bother me dont know why supose its coz theyve never said why they know how my babies died but for me thats not enough
    anyway hope you are keeping well remember grieving is a very long process.

    Also to wrmasylum yes they should have let you see your baby if that is what you wanted my last one was 15 weeks and Ive got photos of him and got to hold him. Maybe you should think about making a complaint, although there are things about how the situation happened that bothered me at the time I think you are so shocked and numb you dont realsie until after that things could have happened differently, I know at my hospital it is standard practice to photograph babies that are lost maybe they would have a copy somewhere? best of luck to you also

    numbone and pradasweets wishing you both all the best
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    Old 02-07-2007, 07:37 AM   #19
    cbreezesrq
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    Re: Miscarriage at 17 Weeks

    My daughter miscarried at 16 weeks. She had a lot of bleeding and contractions but a week earlier they heard a heartbeat. She went to an OB free clinic when she had the severe cramps and he told her her cervix was not dilated. We interpreted this to mean the baby had a chance to survive. He sent us home.

    Long story short, after a night of what we now know was active labor when we woke up she had severe cramps and around 10am went to the bathroom and her baby came out. Well, the baby was actually hanging out of her body. She called out to me for help.

    I went running in there not knowing what to expect and had to pull the fetus out of her. I knew the baby was dead at that point and had her in the bathroom going crazy and had about 2 seconds to decide what to do.

    I flushed my grandbaby down the toilet..I live in horror to this day. I could see the large head and bud type arms and legs just like you see in pictures and it was too horrible for words..

    I am still mourning..this happened in Aug 2006. My daughter turned to doing drugs and has not recovered from this yet.

    Why that damn doctor sent her home to miscarry is beyond me..Why he did not admit her and give her a D&C is beyond me..

    I took her to the ER after this happened because she still had the cord hanging out we were told over the phone she could hemorrhage and die. They then did a D&C..How inhumane this whole incident was..

    The horror of this experience will never go away...I am beside myself..

    I wish that that baby could have been wrapped in a blanket for us to say goodbye to her..I can not understand how to get past my grief. I do not know if it would have been better for me to pull the baby/fetus out of the toilet and examine it for closure for my daughter or not..I can only tell you she is in immense emotional pain from this and I am so sad about t too..

    God bless..

     
    Old 02-07-2007, 09:47 AM   #20
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    Re: Miscarriage at 17 Weeks

    I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I had miscarried twins in November, although I didn't know I was having twins until they told me I was miscarrying. They said the babies had problems at 5 weeks, but I didn't start bleeding until I was almost 10 weeks. I was really excited about the baby even though I am 18 and young. The part I wish I didn't get at was one doctor told me everything will go back to normal and be fine with a good pregnancy, when another doctor told me I'm going to lose the babies. I was confused but being the person that I am I hoped for the best. My family was excited I was having twins and they were all talking about it. So me and my husband decided that we were going to wait 5-6 years before we tried for another baby.
    But to our suprise come December (just a month after) I did an HPT so I can schedule an appointment with a doctor the test came up negative...but a 10 days later I did another (wasn't sure when I would have ovulated so to be on the safe side I waited 10 days. The test was a perfectly clear positive. I cried...I cried alot. But now we are making the best of it. My husband is really supportive and he really appreciates this pregnancy. I worry all the time ecspecially now since I should be around 9 weeks, almost 10.
    I have changed so many things from the first pregnancy til now. I have a reagular doctors appointments when before I didn't go because of insurance but now we are putting money aside as an option and got a really great plan to help us out. I also even changed everything that I do, I even changed my entire attitude. My husband is constantly talking to the baby and kissing the baby so the baby knows that he loves him/her and has something to fight for. He really does help. Although I am already completely attached, I couldn't imagine losing this baby. It will be the most hurtful thing for me to handle. I have come to realize tho that it really isn't to common to have a successful pregnancy after having a miscarriage and not waiting a full cycle. But I am hoping everything goes good. I really feel that this will be a great change in both my husbands and my life. I try not to worry about it because stress can also lead to a miscarriage. I get cramps every now and again but they never last a full day or longer then 5 minutes. But everywhere I read it says it is normal to experience mild cramping around this time because the uterus is in the process of expanding. I have an appointment on the 12th so i will talk with the doctor about that. I also have experienced cramping such as these my whole entire life (well since I started my periods) so I don't know if its normal or if its not. But so far everything seems to be going well and I ill find out a little bit more on the 12th. Its hard having to go through it so soon after and knowing that the chances are 50/50 but I would rather live on the better side knowing and hoping it will all be ok. It seems as though I like to write novels as well...I love writing and details for me is always a given and I couldn't help but share my story with you in full.
    It is a hard thing and it is hard to get past not knowing how the next time around is going to be. You are a very strong person and very considerate and I greatly appreciate how well you have handled this.
    I can't answer why it took so long for you to miscarry and know if anything was wrong, but as you did, I went almost 5 weeks with two babies struggling to grow properly and the doctors didn't even know what they were talking about. I do hope though everything goes ok with me this time around despite the risks. I have changed my whole entire life around for this pregnancy so that I can make this work out. My husband as well has done so much to help me out with this pregnancy. About the only thing left to do is wait for the ultrasound after the 12th and see really how everything is going...and hopefully i am able to hear the babies heartbeat and then get some reassurance that everything is going ok at this point.
    I wonder why these things happen to good people...why strong healthy women who could be great mothers have such trouble with pregnancy, when so many women who are on drugs their entire pregnancy, or who don't want their babies can go through it without a breeze or such as a problem in the pregnancy. But when the time is right for you to start trying again I wish nothing but a happy and healthy pregnancy and a beautiful healthy baby.

     
    Old 02-12-2007, 05:11 PM   #21
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    Re: Miscarriage at 17 Weeks

    Hi ASDGRMama,

    I’m sorry to hear of your losses also! Sorry it has taken me so long to reply to your post, however I have been non-stop lately & haven’t had a chance to visit the board. It’s great to see that I have more replies though. Seven miscarriages couldn’t have been easy at all! It’s wonderful that you have done a rose garden for your angels though… a little something to remember them by…. It definitely helps in the grieving process. Also the idea of the family tree & using their initials in the vines is sooo beautiful It is truly so great when our babies are recognized by others aswell. So congratulations is in order then…. You’d be about 29 weeks now then…. Is that right??? How are things going? Are you keeping well? You have all my best wishes & I hope to see your post once you have given birth to your healthy baby.

    xoxoxox Crystal

     
    Old 02-12-2007, 05:13 PM   #22
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    Re: Miscarriage at 17 Weeks

    Hi there wrmasylum,

    Yes I think you should have been allowed to see your baby as it is part of the grieving process and also there isn’t (as far as I know) any rules saying that Doctors can prevent this from happening, so YES I would definitely queery into that at some stage, when you are ready emotionally to deal with it! As jo905 said, she received photographs of her baby, as did I, & these are usually taken as standard practice for record keeping procedures, therefore the hospital should still have a copy & should not refuse you to see them. You should ask for a copy of them for yourself, because they should have offered you this at the time of your miscarriage. I can’t believe they stopped you from seeing your baby!!! Did you have a D & C, pass him naturally or were you induced. I know that after a D&C they often don’t give you the option to see your baby because with the suction, (I hope this doesn’t upset anyone), the baby gets a bit damaged along with the other products of conception & is often no longer recognisable, so if that was the case then that is their reason for not letting you see him…… but I am truly sorry for what you are going through & I hope you find peace within.

    Warm hugs Crystal xoxoxox

     
    Old 02-12-2007, 05:15 PM   #23
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    Re: Miscarriage at 17 Weeks

    Hi jo905,

    I was exactly the same with the blame issue! There’s just sooo many things that we think we could have done to cause these things, but in reality….. it all comes down to fate doesn’t it! If it is meant to be…. It’s meant to be! That’s what I keep telling myself anyway & although I’ll always hold my memories of my little girl close to my heart, I will continue healing & hoping for the best in the future…. And that’s my advise to all of you! The world can be so cruel sometimes, but don’t let it get you down……don’t let the hardships of the world defeat your passion to be a mother!!! With everything you have….. keep on keeping on & know that it is possible & you will get a healthy baby in the end. All my best wishes & take care.

    xoxoxox Crystal

     
    Old 02-12-2007, 05:17 PM   #24
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    Re: Miscarriage at 17 Weeks

    Hi cbreezesrq,

    Oh my goodness… the pain you must be feeling right now! I am so sorry that you had to endure this experience. You need to know that what you did was not wrong….. we all act in a moment of disbelief & we all react differently so please don’t blame yourself for what you did! Your first instinct was to protect your daughter and you probably thought initially that not seeing her deceased baby was the best thing for her, but hindsight is exactly that…. You think you would have reacted differently if you were clear headed & knew what to expect….. but the reality is that noone knows what to expect in these situations & that is why so many blame themselves for decisions they made in the spur of the moment, but honestly….. I’m sure that your actions were not what drove your daughter to the drugs, she is just grieving & needs help to deal with these feelings. Unfortunately many don’t get the help & support that they need & this is so sad, but by coming onto this board, you are already showing that you have immense love & sorrow for your daughter & that you are there for her unconditionally! Not everyone has that & it is so beautiful that your daughter has (even if she doesn’t realise it at the moment). When she has dealt with her grief she will thank you for being there for her & sticking by her through probably the most devastating time of her life. Don’t give up hope…. Just continue trying to help her & even try to convince her to talk to people here on the board & share her feelings with us. We have all been through similar experiences & we are definitely not here to judge…. so try to keep positive thoughts & let go of the guilt because it will tear you up inside otherwise. Also it may be wise for you to seek some grief councelling (possibly with your daughter) to help you deal with some of your emotions. Take care & you are in my thoughts.

    Crystal xoxoxox

     
    Old 02-12-2007, 05:20 PM   #25
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    Re: Miscarriage at 17 Weeks

    Hi there Unsure88,

    Thankyou so much for your kind words. They mean a lot to me!!! I am sooo sorry to hear of your lost twins. That is sooo sad & I think you are so brave honey. I guess we have no choice but to be brave do we? It sounds a little bit cleashay, but it’s true isn’t it. We are all brave & no matter how hard life knocks us down, we seem to bounce back, and although we have pieces missing, it is up to us to fill those voids & cope as best we can. Not to forget our angels, but to remember them as part of us & heal. I can totally relate to your frustration about people who don’t want or harm their baby’s health (by drinking & smoking) during pregnancy & deliver healthy babies! I have the same anger & frustration. There are so many people that long for a chance at motherhood & are robbed of this chance, & then there are people who don’t realise the true meaning of the birth of their baby because they haven’t taken the time to realise it’s true beauty!
    Well congratulations on this baby & all of my best wishes to you & your husband If you are worried about the cramping at all….. even the smallest smidgen of doubt…. Go & see your doctor asap. Most times they will probably tell you that everything is fine & that it is indeed the uterus stretching & preparing to accommodate your baby, but it’s definitely better to be 100%. If I were a doctor I would rather have the same patient come in every day of the week to be checked & send them on their way after telling them they’re fine than someone losing a baby because of feeling as though they don’t want to be a bother……. Because believe me…… it would be normal to feel as though you are being a nuisance, but you aren’t. You have every right to feel nervous during this pregnancy & your doctor will understand that! Take care & know that my thoughts are with you & I hope to hear from you when your beautiful little bundle of joy has arrived

    Warm hugs Crystal xoxoxox

     
    Old 02-13-2007, 03:39 PM   #26
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    Re: Miscarriage at 17 Weeks

    Hi ASDGRMama,

    I’m sorry to hear of your losses also! Sorry it has taken me so long to reply to your post, however I have been non-stop lately & haven’t had a chance to visit the board. It’s great to see that I have more replies though. Seven miscarriages couldn’t have been easy at all! It’s wonderful that you have done a rose garden for your angels though… a little something to remember them by…. It definitely helps in the grieving process. Also the idea of the family tree & using their initials in the vines is sooo beautiful It is truly so great when our babies are recognized by others aswell. So congratulations is in order then…. You’d be about 29 weeks now then…. Is that right??? How are things going? Are you keeping well? You have all my best wishes & I hope to see your post once you have given birth to your healthy baby.

    Crystal xoxoxox

     
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