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  • Rage and anger getting worse... What do to?

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    Old 02-07-2007, 10:47 PM   #1
    micro
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    Rage and anger getting worse... What do to?

    Hey all,

    I'm 21 y/o healthy male. I can't complain about having a bad life and all. In fact, I think I'm very fortunate to be who I am and I have everything I could ever want.

    Reading that title may make you think I'm an abusive, angry, lonely person. I'm anything but that. However, lately I notice my ability to contain my anger and ability to express my frustration has been becoming more and more violent. What is even stranger is that all of this anger and rage is directed towards only ONE person. To everyone else, I'm tolerant, patient and understand. That is not to say that I have no patience or tolerance for that one person, I do. It's just that my limit with her is very very small. This person is a friend of my. We share quite an intimate relationship but nothing more than that. Perhaps this has been building up from the time I first met her. I was probably way too nice to her and she abused that privilege. She has says things that can be cruel or insensitive, but I always end up letting go.

    Anyway, back to now... I've been extremely sensitive to the things she does or say. Anything that goes against my will, I get pretty angry. This one time, I was so mad, I manage to break stuff around the house, toss stuff around the house, etcetc... Anyway, I realize this is a problem and I really want to treat it. What can I do...is anger management something that you can learn to manage alone? I don't need to speak with a specialist because I know I'm not at that stage where I need medications or professional counseling.. I just want some direction... Is something wrong with me? THe fact that this happen to only one person, does it mean I have a problem?

    Thanks for taking time out to read this...

     
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    Old 02-08-2007, 05:37 AM   #2
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    Re: Rage and anger getting worse... What do to?

    Hi Micro, just sounds like you are not expressing your feelings to her. Sounds like she says something that you find inappropriate and instead of you communicating with her to tell her that when she says these things that it upsets you, you just deny your needs. Unmet needs are a big cause of anger. You are not being fair to yourself by not standing up for yourself. If you do not change your behavior with her and move on to someone else you might just keep repeating the pattern. It would really benefit you to change this.

     
    Old 02-08-2007, 09:13 AM   #3
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    Re: Rage and anger getting worse... What do to?

    micro
    I second what Sannah has said. The one and only person with whom you are angry is yourself. You have not expressed your needs, feelings and thoughts and this has made you increasingly mad. You may have thought you were doing this to be nice, supportive, patient, etc. but in the end it has brought you to this kind of rage.

    You don't need medication or counseling; you just need to learn to communicate better, especially with this one person or, for that matter, anyone who might put you in the same kind of position where you don't express yourself. When you express yourself - your needs and your feelings, at that time, it's not in anger. Anger and rage come from being denied either from someone else or by yourself, which is most often the case. People don't make us feel any particular way, we make ourselves feel that way because of how we interpret the situation and then how we often fail to respond in ways we know are correct. In so doing, we lose a little bit of ourselves. And that can make us furious! And we think it's the other person's fault, but it's not, it's our own.

    you can do a net search on nonviolent communication, sometimes called compassionate communication, which has some very good pointers which you might find helpful.

     
    Old 02-08-2007, 05:33 PM   #4
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    Re: Rage and anger getting worse... What do to?

    Hey all,

    Thanks for those great replies. I'm glad it's something I can do. I'll certainly look into the solutions you guys mentioned.

    Again, I appreciate your help!

    Thanks!

     
    Old 02-10-2007, 05:20 PM   #5
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    Re: Rage and anger getting worse... What do to?

    Louise Hay Anger Release CD is really awesome. Better than a therapist IMO. Therapists are WAY overrated and they will not even TELL YOU what you can do to improve, they will leave it up to you and have you guessing the entire way, which is a waste of hard earned cash. Try Louise Hay! Psychiatrists are mostly way overrated. Medicine hardly fixes a thing.

    Also it is my experience that certain people in our lives are doing "little" things to make us angry and we ignore it time and again and before we know it we are lashing out in anger and rage. Avoid those people like the plague. They are nasty and probably hate their own lives.

    If somebody does something viscious or passive aggressive to me I let them know instantly that what they did was wrong and disgraceful, using a degrading tone of voice of course towards them. Sometimes I will give direct and clear cut directions on how to behave and what to do. This lets them know how awful they are coming across and I will repeat myself over and over again too without backing down. This is so I don't internalize it and keep it within me. So unleash it on the people instantly, and in a legal way of course, so that way you do not have to carry it with you.

    Key: It is NOT wrong to be angry and express anger with people who did something disgraceful and low towards you. It is OK to assert yourself and ASK for what you want!

    It is WRONG to displace the anger onto somebody innocent.

    But try Louise Hay Anger Release CD and Dr. Phil's Self Matters Audiobook.
    Way cheaper and better than any therapist.

    I also like to run it off!! That is great.

    Last edited by strongernow; 02-10-2007 at 05:28 PM.

     
    Old 02-11-2007, 05:43 AM   #6
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    Re: Rage and anger getting worse... What do to?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by strongernow View Post
    Also it is my experience that certain people in our lives are doing "little" things to make us angry and we ignore it time and again and before we know it we are lashing out in anger and rage. Avoid those people like the plague. They are nasty and probably hate their own lives.

    If somebody does something viscious or passive aggressive to me I let them know instantly that what they did was wrong and disgraceful, using a degrading tone of voice of course towards them. Sometimes I will give direct and clear cut directions on how to behave and what to do. This lets them know how awful they are coming across and I will repeat myself over and over again too without backing down. This is so I don't internalize it and keep it within me. So unleash it on the people instantly, and in a legal way of course, so that way you do not have to carry it with you.

    Strongernow, sounds like you have a lot of buttons that can be pushed. In my opinion it is better to work on fixing your buttons. You cannot control what others do. Getting angry at others because they are inappropriate sounds like a huge waste of energy. If I find myself around someone who is inappropriate I exit. I will not allow myself to get pulled into someone's drama. This is letting this other person, who obviously has problems, to control my life. I have control over my life, I am not going to give this control over to someone with issues. I hate drama.

    As for your opinion of counseling, I disagree. I found counseling extremely helpful and I know others who have also. Maybe you don't like what they are saying? I believe that you have read my story on here about the psychiatrist telling me that I was the problem (when I said that EVERYONE else had the problem).

     
    Old 02-11-2007, 01:46 PM   #7
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    Re: Rage and anger getting worse... What do to?

    Hi

    No I did not read your post or your story about your psychiatrist.

    Everybodys story is different. It seems like you don't want to realize that. If your psychiatrist said "you were the problem", how does that apply to me? You don't know me or what I do or say nor do you know the people I know.

    You also do not have a degree in psychiatry. I am not sure how much you know about the medical model or other psychological models but accusing people and being nasty towards people is not a part of any model I know.

    I disagree. I think getting angry is not a waste of energy. It is a part of human expression. It sounds like you are still immature and repressing your feelings. You also are trying to shame and embarass me by pointing out how "I have a lot of hot buttons"...how do you know? you don't even know me honey.

    You said that maybe I do not like what counselors have said to me? I take that as your projection. YOU didn't like what your counselors have said to you.

    Well, I have a degree in Mental Health. Let me give you some advice. Counseling is another form of brainwashing and is based on subjective ideas of what "the happy life" stands for. Counselors will twist and distort things just so that they can be right because they have never worked on their issues and they can even lack empathy themselves. With some counselors it is about control and manipulation. I believe what I want to believe and do what I want. I also know what I know. Some counselors are professional, ethical, and actually want to help people, good for them, that is the way to go, I have been helped by a few counselors that have challenged me to become more organized and they have made very helpful suggestions; other counselors have been snide and nasty with me and well, there is a punishment for that because it is against the code of conduct to treat any client with disrespect; and it can be reported and it will be taken seriously.

    Last edited by strongernow; 02-11-2007 at 01:57 PM.

     
    Old 02-12-2007, 06:07 AM   #8
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    Re: Rage and anger getting worse... What do to?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by strongernow View Post
    You also do not have a degree in psychiatry.

    I disagree. I think getting angry is not a waste of energy. It is a part of human expression. It sounds like you are still immature and repressing your feelings.

    You also are trying to shame and embarass me by pointing out how "I have a lot of hot buttons"...how do you know? you don't even know me honey.

    You said that maybe I do not like what counselors have said to me? I take that as your projection. YOU didn't like what your counselors have said to you.
    Strongernow, you don't know what I have a degree in.

    Yes, getting angry is part of human expression. Many people have found it helpful, however, to try to avoid putting themselves into situations which have no value and will only make them angry.

    I was not trying to shame and embarrass you. Constructive criticism is meant to be helpful. How can anyone improve if everyone has to be quiet about issues that are negative. A person cannot fix "faults" if they cannot be identified. How do I know that you have buttons that can be pushed - by the story that you just told us. On the previous post where you explained how you use a degrading tone of voice to let people know that what they did was wrong and disgraceful - this is an example of shaming others.

    As for you thinking that I projected onto you about not liking what the counselors said. I appreciated what that psychiatrist told me. It got me to stop and look at myself as the problem and then I set about to fix it. I have recovered from my issues. I am anxiety free and I can problem solve any issues that come up in my life. I have turned my life around. Many, many others thank me here for helping them. It seems from what you post that you still have your issues. The proof is in the pudding.

    Instead of considering what I wrote, you lashed back and attacked. Is this what happens with your counselors? Whenever I have mentioned to others that they have buttons that can be pushed, ALL of them can reflect on this and say "yeah" I do. They don't think of it as something that is shameful like you seem to think. If you are coming here with issues, things are not perfect within you and it would be helpful to be able to calmly do some introspection. Other times people have disagreed with what I have said. This is fine. I am only putting out ideas in hopes of helping, but the people have never become angry (except one other person).

    Do you feel like you are nothing unless you can see yourself as perfect?

    Last edited by Sannah; 02-12-2007 at 06:16 AM.

     
    Old 02-13-2007, 06:18 PM   #9
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    Re: Rage and anger getting worse... What do to?

    Well of course I have hot buttons but what is your point??? You think I am in denial or something?? I already know about them. What is your point??

    And YES many times if I don't see myself as perfect then I am nothing or I am garbage.


    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Sannah View Post
    Strongernow, you don't know what I have a degree in.

    Yes, getting angry is part of human expression. Many people have found it helpful, however, to try to avoid putting themselves into situations which have no value and will only make them angry.

    I was not trying to shame and embarrass you. Constructive criticism is meant to be helpful. How can anyone improve if everyone has to be quiet about issues that are negative. A person cannot fix "faults" if they cannot be identified. How do I know that you have buttons that can be pushed - by the story that you just told us. On the previous post where you explained how you use a degrading tone of voice to let people know that what they did was wrong and disgraceful - this is an example of shaming others.

    As for you thinking that I projected onto you about not liking what the counselors said. I appreciated what that psychiatrist told me. It got me to stop and look at myself as the problem and then I set about to fix it. I have recovered from my issues. I am anxiety free and I can problem solve any issues that come up in my life. I have turned my life around. Many, many others thank me here for helping them. It seems from what you post that you still have your issues. The proof is in the pudding.

    Instead of considering what I wrote, you lashed back and attacked. Is this what happens with your counselors? Whenever I have mentioned to others that they have buttons that can be pushed, ALL of them can reflect on this and say "yeah" I do. They don't think of it as something that is shameful like you seem to think. If you are coming here with issues, things are not perfect within you and it would be helpful to be able to calmly do some introspection. Other times people have disagreed with what I have said. This is fine. I am only putting out ideas in hopes of helping, but the people have never become angry (except one other person).

    Do you feel like you are nothing unless you can see yourself as perfect?

     
    Old 02-14-2007, 04:46 AM   #10
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    Re: Rage and anger getting worse... What do to?

    Strongernow, what is my point then? That maybe you could get angry less often if you work on your buttons. Also, strongernow, if you think that you are nothing unless you are perfect, well, this isn't fair to yourself! We all have imperfections. It is actually a big relief when you can come to accept that you don't have to be perfect. It is actually liberating. If I were you I would work on changing this thought about yourself.

     
    Old 02-14-2007, 09:57 AM   #11
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    Re: Rage and anger getting worse... What do to?

    I met equal amount of people who like therapists and found them helpful and other way around. It depends on a person and a problem. Person can get in real trouble if he is not good with people and can't stand up for himself/herself with a lousy therapist. Type of people who needs help the most are the most volunarable.
    I took advantage of suggestions here and ordered Louise Hay cds. I will order dr. Phil later. It can't hurt and I don't have time to go to therapist right now anyway.

     
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