Second late miscarriage-incompetent cervix

Hi I am so sorry about your lossses, Unfortanatly I no there is nothing I could say to make this any easier on you and your husband. Its good that you are reaching out and talking about your babies. Reading your message brought tears to my eyes, I do no the pain your family is going through and I am so truly sorry. I wish no-one ever had to go through the pain of having to say good-bye and bury their child/red or any loved one. It doesn't seem fair or make any sense to us, all we no is our hearts are broken and we want them back. Im sure you have had many people tell you this, It may not seem like It now, eventually time does help all that pain you are feeling, you will never forget, but one day you will be able to handle the pain and feel like you can go on and maybe even figure out a reason why this has happened to you. I want to let you no You are not alone. I lost a niece, Alexis Joy ( Jan 7th 2000- march 4th 2000) She is my brothers baby. What my family and I thought was the worst horrible thing did turn into a blessing from God. I no how bad that does sound, 7 years ago I would of never thought I would be saying this. I can tell you that little girl saved so many people and continues to do so. She led a complete life though it was so short, she did more on this earth in her short time than most people will ever do in their lifetime.
I also lost a baby due to a m/c back in July and was told 2 days ago my baby im carrying now does not have a heartbeat, my baby passed away at 16 weeks 4 days, I go tomorrow for the d&c. Im a so emotional and mentally drained but with the help of god and the support of my family I no everything will be ok, I have to believe god is good and his reason why will better myself, my life, my familys life in some way. I will praying for you and your family. Please keep posting and let me no how you are doing.

Dawn

Dawn,
What an incredibly strong and supportive post you left for me, then as I am reading I find out your baby has passed away and you are awaiting a d & c and I immediately started crying. I am so very sorry, my prayers will be with you. Your strength and belief in God is what is sustaining you right now, I envy you that, I believe in God I just happen to feel a little angry with him yet. I hope the procedure goes well. Are you going to get to see the baby afterwards? I hope so, it is something that forever binds you to that child, it also makes letting them go harder, but I would take the pain of letting both of my boys go over never getting to see them, touch and kiss them, and send them off with tear tinged love and kisses. I am surprised they are doing a d & c instead of inducing you. I have to warn you, your milk will probably come in and weigh heavily on your heart.

I know you are being strong right now, but if you need to cry, scream, hit a pillow, whatever it is do it, you will feel better not bottling the pain up inside. I hope you have supportive friends and family around you during this stressful time. My husband has been wonderful as has my mom, she's my rock (God bless her, I am so lucky to have her). I do talk to God every night trying to deal with all that has happened and I always ask him to keep an eye on my boys, then I always say goodnight to Shawn and Dylan, I tell them how very much I love and miss them, to take good care of their grandparents (my hubby's parents have been gone for many years now), and to please never forget their mommy because she will never forget them. The baby you lost previously and the one you still carry that has already went on ahead took your love with them but will always leave a part of themselves with you to remember them by and think of them with love.

If I had a magic wand or a genii in a bottle I would wish all the suffering away that is talked about on this and all the boards, but it is not to be. I don't know why bad things have to happen but I do know that we grow and change from them. When we lost Shawn in 2003 he really opened our eyes to just how lucky we were to have a happy and loving marriage and two boys that are healthy that we love to pieces and that is all that matters everything else in life is just gravy. I haven't found the lesson or happy moral to the loss of sweet Dylan. I think I crave his little body rolling and kicking me in my tummy too much yet. I have a variety of health problems and think this might be the end of the line for us having kids and am mourning that as well. My heart and mind are doing constant battle over the good and bad points of this. How does one close the door on your fertility and the grand posibility of a baby, I haven't got an answer yet, don't know if I will.

I hope for your speedy recovery and as little pain as possible. I pray that you are surrounded by love and support and know that I am here if you want to chat. I was afraid at first to leave a message but it really has helped even if sometimes you are typing through tears. Everyone here understands and that means the world when you are trying to put the pieces of your heart back together. I am sending tons of hugs, I hope you feel them. I will be thinking of you. Susie

Susie
I hope you are doing well and I think its great that you are taking time to take care of yourself and health issues. Good luck with all of that.
I too miss the little things that a baby brings and was happy to read your post about that - smelly bottles and adorables cooing. I am not as far removed from it as you as my two are 5 & 3. But it really goes so quickly... And they are just sweet. i am lucky to have 2 incredible little boys and I'm not sure how I would feel after this late miscarriage without them. It was devistating and for those who do not have children yet - I can't imagine how that feels. I'm not sure if I mentioned this already but a neighbor came to tell me her miscarriage stories after she heard about what happened with me. She is older and has 4 children (like 20's-30's). But after her 1st child was born she had 2 late miscarriages due to an incompetant cervix. She went on to have 3 more children with the cervix stitch (i'm not sure of the correct terminology). But I do hope that you continue to be hopeful...

Dawn
I hope that you are ok, I just have tears in my eyes reading your post and would not want to be where you are right now. It has only been 3 weeks since I miscarried at (what I thought was 17 weeks). The baby measured about 14 weeks. Reading your post has me rewinding to 3 weeks ago. I hope you are ok and I'll be thinking of you.
D

dee,

I am so glad you have your small sons to enjoy, mine are getting to be such big kids (God above, my oldest starts high school next year and I'm only 34). I don't know what we are going to do yet for future children yet. I am having surgery on April 3 and have a hysteroscopy (to look for polyps, etc) and a d & c because I am still bleeding 5 weeks after losing Dylan. I think I am actually having my first period right now. Aparently I only shed the lining from the pregnancy not the lining that has been building up since 2001 (I finally have a confirmed diagnosis of Polycystic Ovary). Hopefully this time the surgery gets done, last time the tried to do it, I found out I was pregnant with Dylan. If we decide to get pregnant again this can only help.

I have to vent about something that has been really hurting me. First off I recieved this survey to fill out about my stay at the hospital about a week at home which included sections on going home with baby, admissions, and other topics that were not appropriate for me. There was this huge sections on if the nurses helped you learn to nurse if you were going to breast feed. I was really offended and it made me start crying so I shredded it and figured that was the end of it. A week and a half later I get another identical survey with a letter stating that I see we haven't recieved your reply yet, please fill this out asap. There was a phone number on there for someone within the hospital were I delivered Dylan, and of course I got voice mail, so I told them how hurtful I thought this was and that it was tasteless when my baby is lying in a casket in a funeral home 3 blocks from here and you want to know my experience with bringing my baby home. I get a call back about an hour later and the lady was very apologetic and said I should have never recieved one in the first place and would contact the survey company and make sure I would not recieve any more. Two days later I recieved a beautiful basket of flowers from the hospital saying how sorry they were and offering condolences on the loss of our son, which was very nice. Okay, I think problems are solved. I get a bill in the mail for our health system for $50.00 for a co-pay to the first hospital I went to (was transferred by ambulance to our health plans hospital). With our plan there is a $50.00 co-pay if you go to the emergency room, but it is waived if you are admitted to the hospital. I called and the lady said it would be taken care of. A few days later another bill comes this time with an obscure code and a dollar amount of $1474. I freaked out, everything is covered under our plan, any hospital expenses, doctors fees, room and board, etc., so I call again. I say there must be a mistake, everything should be covered and asked what the code was. She didn't want to tell me. Turns out the code was for an abortion which our plan does not cover. I started crying and explained what had happened, she got on the phone with someone else and told me it would be changed and I would not get any more bills regarding this until it was straightened out. She apologized and said she would be praying for me. Then on Thursday I get a statement of benefits in the mail, first just usual stuff then the same amount of $1474 comes up and it clearly lists the procedure as an abortion. Lost it again, could not stop crying for like 30 minutes. Made another call this time to the health plan main office, explained through tears what was going on, she said this was clearly a mistake (a coding error) and between them, medical coding and my doctors office this would get cleared up. She wished me the best, said she was sorry and said she would be praying for our family. Nice sentiments but I swear to God they are trying to give me a mental break down. I would move heaven and earth to have my child back in my womb growing bigger and stronger but I can't and I hate it, hate it, hate it. Here's the kicker, today recieved a bill from the ambulance company for over $600.00. They said my insurance company had denied the claim, I was ready to go off when I saw that had filed with an insurance plan we haven't had in over 4 years. So I have to call them on Monday and straighten this out.

I keep asking God, "What more do you want from me?" because we have had so much go wrong within the last six months. I am now on ten (yes, ten) medications: zoloft, klonopin, vicodin, percocet, neurontin, flexeril, metformin, vitamin d, amoxicillan and a statin for high cholesterol. I am also having the joy of wearing a holter moniter until 3 pm Sunday. It is a 48 hour continuous monitor of my heart rate because I had an EKG that came back with a slow heart rate. I also have an echocardiogram set up for Thursday. I need a vaction from my life!!!!!

Thanks for letting me vent, it helps to get all this junk out of the system. My best wishes to all and hope everyone is working through there own healing process and feeling better each day. Susie