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  • Men Who Are Shy And/Or With Low Self Esteem...Are They Worth Giving A Try?

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    Old 03-23-2007, 12:54 PM   #31
    CandP
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    Re: Men Who Are Shy And/Or With Low Self Esteem...Are They Worth Giving A Try?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by CandP View Post
    Well it's been 9 days since we've met face to face. I've been dealing with a family health issue that has been on my mind since then, so I haven't emailed him at all. I did tell him about it then. Do I email him a hello? At this point, as I've said, I can't see me in a relationship. Just a friend, for sure.

    But would I be encouraging anything? I mean, if we do become friends, go out, would it be a problem if I tell him that we'll go out and look for dates or s/th? I mean two friends going out, talking to others etc? Though I got the impression from emails & meeting up/talking that he doesn't approach girls very easily b/c of his shyness...he hasn't tried to contact me either....but I do need more friends in my life....I am so confused!! What do I do?
    So, back to the original post...
    You think no?

     
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    Old 03-23-2007, 01:38 PM   #32
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    Re: Men Who Are Shy And/Or With Low Self Esteem...Are They Worth Giving A Try?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by CandP View Post
    So, back to the original post...
    You think no?
    It will be less confusing if you have woman friends.

     
    Old 03-23-2007, 01:43 PM   #33
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    Re: Men Who Are Shy And/Or With Low Self Esteem...Are They Worth Giving A Try?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by galinaqt View Post
    It will be less confusing if you have woman friends.
    Agreed.

     
    Old 03-25-2007, 01:54 AM   #34
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    Re: Men Who Are Shy And/Or With Low Self Esteem...Are They Worth Giving A Try?

    hi,
    my boyfriend is shy, has a slightly low self esteem, and is quiet but in a non-rude way. he is the nicest guy i have ever met, honestly. i would never have thought that he was interested in me. he asked me on a date (formally!) and he was very respectful throughout the entire evening. and this was the shy, quiet guy that always let his friend (who also had class with us) do all the talking. i gave him a chance, and while sometimes i get a little annoyed at his insecurities, he puts up with mine as well, he is more compassionate, understanding, shares his feelings with me more than the average man, and listens to my feelings and needs. he does so much for me...its crazy! we have been together for two years and he is the best thing that ever happened to me.

    one date...thats all it took for me and i was hooked! give him a try. if not, then just tell him you aren't really all that into him and hopefully you guys can still have awesome conversations!

    good luck.
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    Old 03-26-2007, 07:25 AM   #35
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    Re: Men Who Are Shy And/Or With Low Self Esteem...Are They Worth Giving A Try?

    I really like 'hey-its-shars' post. It makes me really glad that girls like that exist and I hope I will be fortunate in meeting someone like that one day

     
    Old 03-26-2007, 09:32 AM   #36
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    Re: Men Who Are Shy And/Or With Low Self Esteem...Are They Worth Giving A Try?

    If you are young, attractive and have guys knocking on your door, you may not need to accept guy with self-confidence problems and try to help him.
    If it is not the case you better take a basically descent person and try to help him to overcome his problems. That is my take on it.

     
    Old 03-26-2007, 10:33 AM   #37
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    Re: Men Who Are Shy And/Or With Low Self Esteem...Are They Worth Giving A Try?

    I get the silent treatment, fair enough.

     
    Old 03-27-2007, 07:52 AM   #38
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    Re: Men Who Are Shy And/Or With Low Self Esteem...Are They Worth Giving A Try?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by galinaqt View Post
    If you are young, attractive and have guys knocking on your door, you may not need to accept guy with self-confidence problems and try to help him.
    If it is not the case you better take a basically descent person and try to help him to overcome his problems. That is my take on it.
    Well, I take exception to the notion that if you're not 21, with a slammin' Victoria Secret body, then you have to settle for something other than what you want in a man. I don't buy that, and when you settle, it hardly works out for the best. I think there are all kinds of people, male and female. If you're a Sharon Osbourne type of woman, who wouldn't mind or who would even enjoy running the show, taking care of the household as well as the business, negotiating contracts and fighting your husband's battles for him, then a shy, retiring, unassertive man may work for you, but if you're not and dont' want to be that kind of woman, if you want a man who is strong, independent, emotionally stable, assertive, a take-the-lead kind of guy, then you should keep looking until you find him. And as long as you take care of yourself, take pride in yourself and feel good and confident about yourself, you don't have to be young and hot to get a man who will make you happy.

     
    Old 03-27-2007, 08:03 AM   #39
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    Re: Men Who Are Shy And/Or With Low Self Esteem...Are They Worth Giving A Try?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
    Well, I take exception to the notion that if you're not 21, with a slammin' Victoria Secret body, then you have to settle for something other than what you want in a man. I don't buy that, and when you settle, it hardly works out for the best. I think there are all kinds of people, male and female. If you're a Sharon Osbourne type of woman, who wouldn't mind or who would even enjoy running the show, taking care of the household as well as the business, negotiating contracts and fighting your husband's battles for him, then a shy, retiring, unassertive man may work for you, but if you're not and dont' want to be that kind of woman, if you want a man who is strong, independent, emotionally stable, assertive, a take-the-lead kind of guy, then you should keep looking until you find him. And as long as you take care of yourself, take pride in yourself and feel good and confident about yourself, you don't have to be young and hot to get a man who will make you happy.
    In my case, none of us are strong leader type. My relatives weren't even sure that my dh is a right choice for me. We are more like a team, touch wood 9 years together and have a dd.
    If woman rather be alone than settle for less it is her choice as well.

     
    Old 03-27-2007, 11:33 AM   #40
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    Re: Men Who Are Shy And/Or With Low Self Esteem...Are They Worth Giving A Try?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
    If you're a Sharon Osbourne type of woman, who wouldn't mind or who would even enjoy running the show, taking care of the household as well as the business, negotiating contracts and fighting your husband's battles for him, then a shy, retiring, unassertive man may work for you, but if you're not and dont' want to be that kind of woman, if you want a man who is strong, independent, emotionally stable, assertive, a take-the-lead kind of guy, then you should keep looking until you find him.
    Well thats implying that only PUSHEY women are attracted to shy guys?

    My partner is shy and gentle, and I am also a very shy person, we both have very similar personalities infact, I don't 'run the show' or fight his battles, neither one of us takes the lead, we are both equal in our relationship, and we both give and take etc on an equal level.

    Being a shy person myself, I am not attracted to the typical arragant type of guy, who yes may be attracted to me as they feel they can take advantage, I actually was more attracted to my 'shy' boyfriend, because he was 'shy', as he was not pushey with me, and respected me as a woman when we first met.

    It is actually a breath of fresh air to meet a MAN who isn't full of himself, and does have some shyness I think

     
    Old 03-27-2007, 11:45 AM   #41
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    Re: Men Who Are Shy And/Or With Low Self Esteem...Are They Worth Giving A Try?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by brook65 View Post
    Well thats implying that only PUSHEY women are attracted to shy guys?

    My partner is shy and gentle, and I am also a very shy person, we both have very similar personalities infact, I don't 'run the show' or fight his battles, neither one of us takes the lead, we are both equal in our relationship, and we both give and take etc on an equal level.

    Being a shy person myself, I am not attracted to the typical arragant type of guy, who yes may be attracted to me as they feel they can take advantage, I actually was more attracted to my 'shy' boyfriend, because he was 'shy', as he was not pushey with me, and respected me as a woman when we first met.

    It is actually a breath of fresh air to meet a MAN who isn't full of himself, and does have some shyness I think
    No, I wasnt' implying that. I'm just saying that's what I see usually working in the long run. Take for example the rock and roll guy. Most of them are arrested adolescents, not very mature, not very good business heads,not very good with that kind of thing. Most of them who have marriages that have lasted years are married to very strong women who handle the business, run the home, and take the lead, like Sharon Osbourne, Debbie Santana, and Barbara Springfield.

    I'm rather shy, avoid confrontations, am introverted, etc. and I dated a like minded fellow for a couple of years, and neither of us took the lead either, and as a result, in the long run, it was disaster. He ended up marrying a Sharon Osbourne type. I just think if the bills are going to get paid, if the business is going to be run, if the neighbors are going to be put in their place when they step over their bounds, if someone bullies your kid, someone has to go talk to the parents of the bully and get it straightened out. If both people are shy and afraid of conflict and avoid confrontation and don't handle money well, etc., then who's it going to be?

     
    Old 03-27-2007, 11:46 AM   #42
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    Re: Men Who Are Shy And/Or With Low Self Esteem...Are They Worth Giving A Try?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by brook65 View Post
    Well thats implying that only PUSHEY women are attracted to shy guys?

    My partner is shy and gentle, and I am also a very shy person, we both have very similar personalities infact, I don't 'run the show' or fight his battles, neither one of us takes the lead, we are both equal in our relationship, and we both give and take etc on an equal level.

    Being a shy person myself, I am not attracted to the typical arragant type of guy, who yes may be attracted to me as they feel they can take advantage, I actually was more attracted to my 'shy' boyfriend, because he was 'shy', as he was not pushey with me, and respected me as a woman when we first met.

    It is actually a breath of fresh air to meet a MAN who isn't full of himself, and does have some shyness I think
    No, I wasnt' implying that. I'm just saying that's what I see usually working in the long run. Take for example the rock and roll guy. Most of them are arrested adolescents, not very mature, not very good business heads,not very good with that kind of thing. Most of them who have marriages that have lasted years are married to very strong women who handle the business, run the home, and take the lead, like Sharon Osbourne, Debbie Santana, and Barbara Springfield.

    I'm rather shy, avoid confrontations, am introverted, etc. and I dated a like minded fellow for a couple of years, and neither of us took the lead either, and as a result, in the long run, it was disaster. He ended up marrying a Sharon Osbourne type. I just think if the bills are going to get paid, if the business is going to be run, if the neighbors are going to be put in their place when they step over their bounds, if someone bullies your kid, someone has to go talk to the parents of the bully and get it straightened out. If both people are shy and afraid of conflict and avoid confrontation and don't handle money well, etc., then who's it going to be?

     
    Old 03-27-2007, 11:46 AM   #43
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    Re: Men Who Are Shy And/Or With Low Self Esteem...Are They Worth Giving A Try?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by brook65 View Post
    Well thats implying that only PUSHEY women are attracted to shy guys?

    My partner is shy and gentle, and I am also a very shy person, we both have very similar personalities infact, I don't 'run the show' or fight his battles, neither one of us takes the lead, we are both equal in our relationship, and we both give and take etc on an equal level.

    Being a shy person myself, I am not attracted to the typical arragant type of guy, who yes may be attracted to me as they feel they can take advantage, I actually was more attracted to my 'shy' boyfriend, because he was 'shy', as he was not pushey with me, and respected me as a woman when we first met.

    It is actually a breath of fresh air to meet a MAN who isn't full of himself, and does have some shyness I think
    No, I wasnt' implying that. I'm just saying that's what I see usually working in the long run. Take for example the rock and roll guy. Most of them are arrested adolescents, not very mature, not very good business heads,not very good with that kind of thing. Most of them who have marriages that have lasted years are married to very strong women who handle the business, run the home, and take the lead, like Sharon Osbourne, Debbie Santana, and Barbara Springfield.

    I'm rather shy, avoid confrontations, am introverted, etc. and I dated a like minded fellow for a couple of years, and neither of us took the lead either, and as a result, in the long run, it was disaster. He ended up marrying a Sharon Osbourne type. I just think if the bills are going to get paid, if the business is going to be run, if the neighbors are going to be put in their place when they step over their bounds, if someone bullies your kid, someone has to go talk to the parents of the bully and get it straightened out. If both people are shy and afraid of conflict and avoid confrontation and don't handle money well, etc., then who's it going to be?

     
    Old 03-27-2007, 12:11 PM   #44
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    Re: Men Who Are Shy And/Or With Low Self Esteem...Are They Worth Giving A Try?

    Although we are shy, but if we have to have unpleasant talk or make important deceisions we do it as best as we can. We may not like it, but we do what we have to do.
    My husband would be scared off by pushy noisy woman, who wants to take charge. Some man may prefer it.
    May be your bf left you 'cause another lady has more money or don't have kids from previous relationship ( just an assumption). He would look better telling you that he doesn't like your personality, not financial portfolio.
    Another person may very well be attracted to you.

     
    Old 03-27-2007, 12:58 PM   #45
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    Re: Men Who Are Shy And/Or With Low Self Esteem...Are They Worth Giving A Try?

    I'll add some low-self esteem "nerd" perspective onto this. I am not trying to sound like I am bragging (I am trying to make a point), but I am a very intelligent guy. I am graduating early from one of the top universities with a masters degree. I am 6'1" and pretty athletic. I can be funny and witty. I am pretty good at reading people so I am empathetic. My friends would all agree that I would be a great prospect for women.

    However, women scare the crap out of me. I have high self esteem in most other situations. I am very comfortable talking to other guys and to the girlfriends of my male friends (because they are "off the market"). In many situations, I am the leader of men. Most of my friends seem to value my opinions and what I have to say more. I usually make the decisions in the group. One time I even had to step up and get into a physical fight to protect my friends. However, with single women, I am nervous as hell.

    Now, let's take a look at a "nerd" (by nerd I mean good intelligent guys who seem to have low self esteem, they are often normal looking). People who are intelligent, funny, witty, and in general good at many aspects in life are often so good only because they try hard. They study hard, they listen, they observe... they are perfectionists. Almost by default, they are not as good as they wish to be. If I thought "Oh, I am smart and I can do anything" then I would have dropped out of school (and probably in effect become one of those cocky stupid guys). In fact, most of the better guys are like this, they think they are not good enough and they keep improving themselves.

    I think the reason why I am nervous about women is that if I start a relationship, I know that there is now somebody else at stake. If I hurt myself, I can live with it, but if I hurt someone else, that would bother me for a long time. Also, on approaching women: I am often thinking "She might not like me. She might be annoyed that some random guy is approaching her, I know that I sometimes get annoyed when random people start talking to me. Maybe she does not want to be bothered." This is empathy backfiring on me. I care too much about others that it makes me nervous. This is why you sometimes hear people say, "That is a great looking girl, why is she going out with that jackass?" The "jackass", who does not care about others, is more confident. In fact, guys who think "this girl is lucky that I am hitting on her, she should be grateful that I want to have sex with her" are the guys who look the most confident (but obviously, they are probably not the best guys for a relationship). Often, shy guys who would allow a woman to "walk all over" them care about the woman a lot. He values her a lot and fears the thought of losing her of ******* her off (which is why he tends to give in more).

    Are all confident guys "bad" and are all "good" guys shy? No. Most guys discover that they need to appear confident to attract women. In fact, I find that sometimes, even though I really want to make a girl happy, I have to just go against her. I have tested this, the girl liked me more because I bossed her around a little bit. Guys eventually find the right balance of power (how much the guy should try to impress the girl before he seems arrogant, how much the guy should give into the girl before he seems weak, etc). Unfortunately for some, it takes them a long time before they get the courage to go out there and gain the experience to figure this out.

    Don't discount all the shy guys. They can be great guys, they are usually just a little less experienced. However, if a guy has too little self esteem (i.e. he even lets his male friends walk all over him, he is afraid of people in general, etc), that can be a problem. But if a guy is nervous around a woman, that is proof that he likes her.

    Last edited by noblepaladin; 03-27-2007 at 01:01 PM.

     
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