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  • Husband having problems dealing with my long term back pain

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    Old 04-03-2007, 07:01 AM   #16
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    Re: Husband having problems dealing with my long term back pain

    I know bills are a huge part of the stress factor here. All of our bills were based on a two income family, now we have one. And our business is seasonal, and our bills are all way past due, some of them are current. But this is really hard, and now it has rained for two weeks straight, so he still can't work, even now that winter is over.

    My h is also not use to doing anything around here, so he's stressed. And he has been doing really good since my surgery with the house. Well him and the kids. REally I thought this place would not be liveable by now.

    I know its hard on everyone.

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    Old 04-03-2007, 07:29 AM   #17
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    Re: Husband having problems dealing with my long term back pain

    Wow, I thought it was just me, I am only 37 husband is 32. 5 years after we married it all went downhill from there. I have had 3 consecutive back surgeries and now I need new knees. I am not eligiable for any disability from SS because I don't have enough work credits. I chose to be a stay at home mom, boy that turned around and bit me in the ***.He carries the weight of Mortgage, car payment,utilities,our daughter and his mother lives here,I surprised the guy isn't running for the hills. He lashes out at me sometimes and says I am the root of our financial problems. I mostly am and I strongly feel that he being as young as he is would benefit from me leaving. but for some reason he loves me,it must be my humor, he doesn't get much of anything else. I hate to think of living the rest of my life like this. I sure cought me a good man

    Old 04-04-2007, 02:04 AM   #18
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    Re: Husband having problems dealing with my long term back pain

    [QUOTE=orchidflower24;2884540][I]Thank you everyone for your replies...I appreciate your support and prayers.

    Dear LuvMyBeagle: You said that your surgery was in July of last year. I was told by the nurse practioner that it could take up to a year for the pain to subside. What kinds of pains are you having now? I am having a lot of nerve pain, causing knife-like pains in my rear and major muscle spasms in my right hip and lower back....worse than before surgery[/I]Like you, my husband and I decided together that surgery would be the answer to the ddd problem, and he has been thinking that I would be healed by now. He says he understands and shows me that he does, but then; yesterday, he had a major meltdown, which only showed me that he is having a rough time dealing with all of my issues. ( I also, have been diagnosed with MS, which is affecting my sensory system, by making my nerves that is not helping) But now, my husband has apologized to me, said that his yelling at me yesterday was all his fault and doesn't want to talk about it anymore. I know that it sounds like he is depressed, but I don't think that he will go to counselor with me. I will try, for his sake. Oh, I neglected to say that he was planning on retiring from his job on April lst of this year, but doesn't want to until I am feeling better. I understand him, but that puts a lot of pressure on me, I think. I am sorry for rambling on, but I don't know what to do...I don't like to push problems under the rug...I want to put them on the table and deal with them! He doesn't.
    I hope and pray that everyone who reads this is able to have a less painful day today. Blessings to all of you.[/QUOTE]

    orchidflower24, I just found this post. I am sorry for not getting back to you. I have not been well this past week. Unfortunatly it has been both physcialy and emotionaly. Sorry for spelling it is late but to much pain to sleep.

    In regards to your questions, I too was told that it would take at least a year to be totally well. My problems started the day after surgery when the therapist got me up to walk. I could not feel my right leg. Her response was "well I had back surgery 2 years ago and I still cant feel my leg". I was so upset by that remark. I was not even 24 hrs post op. But anyway, i did what I was told and walked. By the 2nd week I had severe burning pain in my right leg all the way down my calf and into my toes. To make a long story short this has not gone away. So after multiple injections and a very painful emg it was determined that I have L5 nerve damage. What that means is I will always have this pain. I have been told that I have what is called RSD. I also have failed back syndrome, my back pain is worse then before the surgery.
    I just saw a new painmgmt dr today. Not to happy. I waited 2 and a half hours with no meds. So he comes in and does not even touch me. I explain the situation and he ups all my meds. Then tells me I need to loose weight. I have lost 20 pounds since my second sugery in October. And he also tells me that I need to make sure my husband knows about all of the side effects because they make you a different person. Then he tells me I need to make sure I am taking care of my wifely duties if you know what I mean. Well sex is the last thing I want to do. Yes I think about it all the time but acting on those thoughts is totally another thing. So I am not sure I will be returning to him. I have an appt. with a different one next week. I am trying to find someone to help me. I was the sole bread winner and the one with insurance while my husband returned to school. He graduates in June but it will take awhile to get a job and then the whole insurance thing. I got lucky and got another 27 week of short term disability because of my leg but that runs out in July. I have just started the process for SSD.
    So the meds I am on are 80mg oxycodone 2 times daily to be upped to 3 times next week. I just got over being sick and now get to do it again. 300 mg of neurontin 3 time a day to be upped slowly to 3600 mg a day. I dont know if i can do that or not we will see.
    Sorry for the the long post been very lonely.
    Take Care.....Barbara

    Old 04-18-2007, 02:30 PM   #19
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    Re: Husband having problems dealing with my long term back pain

    Dear Orchid, please do not worry. You are saying that your husband is a good carrying man, right? That is OK if he meltdown a bit, we all in title once in a while to it. Our pain and health issues puts a lot of pressure on our husbands, wifes, kids - the whole family's life is changed. I am on disability for a year afther my magor bi-level fusion surgery. I leave in constant pain, but i try not to talk about it all the time and i don't have to: my husband sees my pain on my face. I try to hide it from him, i don't want to have a depressed aura around me all the time. He works hard, plus has to take care about things i used to do. It is not easy on them. Even though is not easy for me to stand or seat for a long time, i still cook (nothing complicated anymore), make salads, wash the dishes - something easy, just to help him.
    So sorry that you are so upset, but trust me he will rest a bit and when he realizes what he said - he will be more upset than you. I am sure everybody agrees with me that because we are in such pain all the time, unknowing what to expect in a future, not be able to work - we are extra sensetive to what people say, what do they think, etc. I use to be so confident, i had a big job on a Wall Street and now i am a big ball of pain in a sweat pants and shirt and not even worry about it. Forgive him, he loves you!

    Old 04-18-2007, 04:38 PM   #20
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    Re: Husband having problems dealing with my long term back pain

    Ok I have a question, I am engaged to be married next year and I just started to have these back issues about 5 months ago. Initally well maybe even about 6 weeks ago he was a jerk and then he turned around. But i sometimes feel like pushing him away because I do not know the end result of whats going to happen. I am 31 and he is 36 and he wants a child after we are married, i am scared because this is all new to me. I hate being intimate and I am so mean and moody I gained 40 lbs due to meds and inactivity and I am just so emotional. I do not see how someone could still want to marry someone like that. I mean what if I dont get better and what I f I will eventually need the fusion. i have been off work 4 months and luckily he does not have to support me, it was workers comp. So I just dont know what to do as much as I love him sometimes I want to let him go, so he dont have to suffer with me.

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