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  • Wife Gets Depressed When She Sees Other Women

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    Old 05-03-2007, 08:43 AM   #31
    daylight568
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    Re: Wife Gets Depressed When She Sees Other Women

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Guy133 View Post
    I've been married about six months. My wife has gained a few pounds over the past few years, and now just about any time she sees other women (in movies, or TV, or real life) who are dressed skimpy, she gets upset, and this usually means getting mad at me.

    It could happen anywhere. We can be watching an innocent TV show, and if there is a scene with a woman in a bikini, she gets mad and then accuses me of wanting the girl on TV.

    Any ideas of what I can do to help her not feel so intimidated?
    I say just ignore it,say nothing,maybe look the other way if you see a hottie comming around.You have only been married 6 months and birth control can cause you to gain weight and also deplete you of certain B vitamins causing depression.Since you've only been married 6 months,she most likely is still very hot for you,which tends to make her overly jealous probably due to the birth control issues.Give it a few years.She'll chill out.I was this way with my bf for the first 6 months too and had just began birth control.Except we weren't married.I chilled out after about a year to maybe a year and a half.I'd say just give her some time to adjust to her feelings and maybe have her take some B vitamins for stress.

     
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    Old 05-04-2007, 03:46 PM   #32
    Laylah
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    Re: Wife Gets Depressed When She Sees Other Women

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Guy133 View Post
    I've been married about six months. My wife has gained a few pounds over the past few years, and now just about any time she sees other women (in movies, or TV, or real life) who are dressed skimpy, she gets upset, and this usually means getting mad at me.

    It could happen anywhere. We can be watching an innocent TV show, and if there is a scene with a woman in a bikini, she gets mad and then accuses me of wanting the girl on TV.

    Any ideas of what I can do to help her not feel so intimidated?
    Going back to your original post Guy, I think it is more than obvious what is going on with your wife. She has body image issues which are fuelling a sense of jealousy and paranoia, which in turn are manifesting themselves in the form of verbal aggression and you, as you said in a subsequent post, invariably end up "getting it in the neck" as a result.

    I think you should look at the situation from the opposite perspective here. Let me put it this way: If a man I was involved with put on 20lbs over a couple of years and started turning on me, accusing me of oogling every toned image of masculinity the media threw at me, and behaving in an erratic and accusatory manner, I'd tell him very simply to get himself down to the gym and work on the issue instead of causing me mental trauma because of it. And let me tell you, anybody who says they want "to disappear" when a particular behaviour begins, is a person who is mentally traumatised by it.

    Your wife refuses the advice of going to the gym because of the "slim women" to be found there. I think that attitude is ludicrous and clearly counter productive. If she'd rather sit on her sofa watching TV she has no right to verbally abuse you when the image of a slim toned woman appears on it.

    I really think you need to talk to her.

     
    Old 05-04-2007, 04:00 PM   #33
    galinaqt
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    Re: Wife Gets Depressed When She Sees Other Women

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    Originally Posted by Guy133 View Post
    So what's the solution? Why am I getting in trouble for this, and how can I stop it?
    Your wife reminds me my mother. My father called it "somebody always guilty sindrom". Answer is very simple, "You cannot stand up for yourself".
    I don't say it to critisize you, since it is my big weakness as well. I was guilty to my mother and grandfather for things which happened even before my birth. Whenever my coworkers had personnal and professional problems I was guilty. Only now when I am middle age, I was able to somewhat change plus environment change (touch wood).

     
    Old 05-05-2007, 06:28 AM   #34
    mary09
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    Re: Wife Gets Depressed When She Sees Other Women

    Hi Guy...
    Wow, I just finished reading all these posts...what a different range of advice you are getting here. For what its worth, I agree with Seraph.
    First of all, it's good you came here to vent and I believe you love your wife alot. Yes, she has self image issues - I will not presume why she has them, no one on this board knows this, despite the fact that most people seem to think she is bringing them on herself.
    I believe that no one has the right to take their insecurities out on their spouse, no matter what it is about. There are tons of people out there with problems, mental issues, health issues....you name it. Not just self image issues. No matter what, there is a reason she is feeling like this and yes, she needs to get to the bottom of it, so that she doesnt take her feelings out on you.
    I will say that though as much as it seems you love your wife, remember she is your "wife". Some of these responses have been in my opinion very disrespectful to her. People can advise and give advice, but saying things like "if she doesnt want to get off the sofa" or "**** or get off the pot"...I would not like anyone to say that about my spouse. I kept reading and waiting for you to defend her but you did not. No, she doesnt have the right to take things out on you....but I hope you are more supportive of her in real life than you have been on here, because she will feel that.

    Not everyone who is overweight is that way because they just cant control their eating. That's like saying all people who are depressed are that way because they're just in bad moods all the time.

    Laylah:

    "Tell your wife you get a grip.....both would do her good".

    This guy came her looking for help for himself and his wife. What you are telling him to do is going to make things worse for her and consequently for him. This is a really insensitive thing for any one to say to their spouse.
    With all due respect, I think you are upset at your friends husband for not allowing him to speak to you and this is coming out in your advice towards this posters wife. She is not your friends wife and she may have some issues. Yes, she needs to do something to get a handle on her weight and to stop taking it out on her husband absolutely, but believe me, I know from experience as I've been there, when you lose the weight, the problems that caused them are still there. The extra pounds are symptomatic of problems that person needs to deal with. I'm not excusing it, but just suggesting people be a little more gentle with their advice. As far as your friend goes, I hope you have not been giving this advice to him about his wife, because "if" so, this is more than likely the reason he is not talking to you, not because she wont let him. If I in Cyberspace can detect that you have very little respect for anyone who is overweight, so for sure must she and maybe she can not handle that. Remember that you are his "friend" but she is his "wife" and there is a fine line between giving advice and being disrespectful of someone's spouse, once you cross it, you cant always go back. My apologies if this comes across as rude, because I would never want to hurt anyones feelings.

    To the original poster.....you dont deserve to be treated rudely by no means, but you married this woman, and marriage means you work together to resolve things. Give her the benefit that there may be more to it, than just being lazy. Try to help her resolve it, and then if there's nothing else causing it, then sure, this is her problem she needs to deal with.

    Just my two cents guys....I hope you and your wife can work through this.

    ******

    P.S. I also believe most men ooogle beautiful women, whether their own wife or girlfriend, is overweight, or skinny, or even really attractive themselves. It is in their nature!

    Last edited by mary09; 05-05-2007 at 07:24 PM.

     
    Old 05-05-2007, 02:27 PM   #35
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    Re: Wife Gets Depressed When She Sees Other Women

    Guy, I personally think that the problem is deeper. I doubt that she will feel securer if she loses weight...she might find another feature in her that is imperfect.

    You can help her mostly by NOT pointing out this imperfection in her, even in a friendly way like advising her to work out. Instead you can make her feel loved and treasured for what she is. If she still feels insecure then, there is nothing YOU can do.

    Last edited by Nina000; 05-05-2007 at 02:28 PM.

     
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