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    Old 06-23-2007, 01:47 PM   #16
    jo5086
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    Re: I'm in love with a girl whose boyfriend is a friend of mine

    In my opinion, you should tell her directly and simply. Declaring all the mushy stuff when you don't know if she feels anything for you is not a good idea to me, if she doesn't want to leave her bf for you, then all that stuff could make your reltionship super awkward.
    If a guy liked me while I was dating someone else, I'd prefer him to tell me straight up and reassure me that we wuld still be friends if I didn't like him back. I do not like to hear sentimental stuff from someone I am not into..that makes me want to not be around the person anymore. she may be different, but I guess I'm letting you know that this could be a possibility.

     
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    Old 06-24-2007, 08:32 AM   #17
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    Re: I'm in love with a girl whose boyfriend is a friend of mine

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jack Smith View Post
    I know we would be absolutely perfect for each other, and if we started dating, I know it will last for the rest of our lives.

    Many times it seems she singles me out specifically and we have something special, but other times it doesn't quite seem that way. She's very hard to read.
    Hi Jack, I've just singled out these two quotes because they seem contradictory in nature and I'm wondering if you are reading more into this girls possible feelings for you than is actually there? I dont mean to rain on your parade, but as a woman, when I want a man, I let him know about it and I certainly dont take six years to do so!

    The man I'm in love with at the moment was my lover within six weeks for the simple reason that we clicked and became extremely friendly very very fast, we had so much in common, and I didnt want to wait around, and I certainly didnt want to deprive him of my attentions while I knew his single status was something some other woman could come along and reverse at any time! I'm sure the women on here will know where I'm coming from, lol.

    I wouldnt advise anybody to interfear in an established relationship, so I'm not going to do so here. But you seem bound and determined to do so, so it really dosent matter what I say anyway. I just have two questions for you on that subject; you talk about how you dont feel she loves him (which you have no way of knowing by the way, as you cant see inside her heart and mind) but you dont seem to have considered whether he loves her. Is that a matter of no consequence to you? And if you did manage to poach this girl from her current relationship, how would you feel if another man held your relationship with her in such low regard?

     
    Old 06-24-2007, 09:05 AM   #18
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    Re: I'm in love with a girl whose boyfriend is a friend of mine

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Laylah View Post
    Hi Jack, I've just singled out these two quotes because they seem contradictory in nature and I'm wondering if you are reading more into this girls possible feelings for you than is actually there? I dont mean to rain on your parade, but as a woman, when I want a man, I let him know about it and I certainly dont take six years to do so!

    The man I'm in love with at the moment was my lover within six weeks for the simple reason that we clicked and became extremely friendly very very fast, we had so much in common, and I didnt want to wait around, and I certainly didnt want to deprive him of my attentions while I knew his single status was something some other woman could come along and reverse at any time! I'm sure the women on here will know where I'm coming from, lol.

    I wouldnt advise anybody to interfear in an established relationship, so I'm not going to do so here. But you seem bound and determined to do so, so it really dosent matter what I say anyway. I just have two questions for you on that subject; you talk about how you dont feel she loves him (which you have no way of knowing by the way, as you cant see inside her heart and mind) but you dont seem to have considered whether he loves her. Is that a matter of no consequence to you? And if you did manage to poach this girl from her current relationship, how would you feel if another man held your relationship with her in such low regard?

    Yeah, I may be reading more into her feelings than are actually there at the moment. I definitely know she can like me. I'm attractive, funny, intelligent, not annoying, etc. And like I said, we really are perfect for each other. Call me naive, but I honestly don't see how she couldn't like me, given the opportunity. And I don't know... just the way we look into each other's eyes when we laugh together... there's got to be something there. Even if it's hidden deep down at the moment, I know it's there. But she's hard to read because she's not the flirtatious type at all. She's a very classy girl.

    She may even love him. But she's not in love with him (otherwise she probably would've answered differently on the survey). And yes, I have considered whether he loves her or not. I know he certainly likes her. But I know that my feelings for her are far greater than his feelings for her. I've seen him get thoroughly annoyed at her simply because she sent him a text message while he was in the middle of a video game. I've seen one time when he tremendously upset her and he just laughed about it. I wouldn't do that kind of ****. I don't care if she texted me while I was sleeping; I'd be happy to talk to her.

    And how would I feel if another man came along and tried to come between her and me? It depends on what the person's intentions were. If he just wanted to sleep with her or wanted a relationship without much meaning, I'd be angry and pretty annoyed. If the person was completely in love with her like I am, I would be understanding of him, but I'll admit, at the same time I would be kind of angry and very defensive. However, I want to give this girl the world and share it with her. I know I can make her the happiest woman on Earth, and I know she can make me the happiest man on Earth.

     
    Old 06-24-2007, 09:28 AM   #19
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    Re: I'm in love with a girl whose boyfriend is a friend of mine

    By the sounds of it she can either make you the happiest man on earth, or the most miserable Jack, depending on whether or not your feelings are reciprocated. When and how do you intend to put those feelings to her, or have you come to any decision about that yet?

     
    Old 06-24-2007, 10:19 AM   #20
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    Re: I'm in love with a girl whose boyfriend is a friend of mine

    Well, I'm currently planning to write her a letter and send it to her. In the letter, I'll tell her that I have feelings for her (not that I'm in love with her, but just "have feelings for her"). I'll tell her that after all these years, I had to get it off my chest. Then I'll say that I realize she's dating her boyfriend and that I really don't want to come between them... that above all, I want her to be happy... I just needed to get it off my chest. And then I'm contemplating on whether or not to write something romantic about her at the bottom.

    And when I finally send her this letter, I'll probably immediately regret it and run for the nearest bomb shelter.

     
    Old 06-24-2007, 10:24 AM   #21
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    Re: I'm in love with a girl whose boyfriend is a friend of mine

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jack Smith View Post
    Then I'll say that I realize she's dating her boyfriend and that I really don't want to come between them...
    If you're going to write her a letter make sure it dosent include any BS. That's clearly BS. You'd like nothing more than to come between them!

     
    Old 06-24-2007, 10:47 AM   #22
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    Re: I'm in love with a girl whose boyfriend is a friend of mine

    I know what you mean, but I'd really, really prefer not to come between them. I think the best case scenario is for me to wait for them to break up. It's just that the waiting is killing me.

     
    Old 06-24-2007, 11:16 AM   #23
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    Re: I'm in love with a girl whose boyfriend is a friend of mine

    What'd kill you more? - Waiting a couple more years, or her getting pregnant for him during that time? I don't condone what you're doing, but if you're going to do it grab the bull by the horns and do it properly!

     
    Old 06-24-2007, 11:21 AM   #24
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    Re: I'm in love with a girl whose boyfriend is a friend of mine

    By the way, really, make sure you don't say anything that reads as insincere, cause when a woman reads 'insincere' she interprets it as 'arse-wipe'!!!

     
    Old 06-24-2007, 12:45 PM   #25
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    Re: I'm in love with a girl whose boyfriend is a friend of mine

    I would never say anything insincere to her.

    And I don't understand what you were trying to say in your second-last post. Waiting or her getting pregnant? What?

     
    Old 06-24-2007, 12:56 PM   #26
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    Re: I'm in love with a girl whose boyfriend is a friend of mine

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jack Smith View Post
    I know what you mean, but I'd really, really prefer not to come between them. I think the best case scenario is for me to wait for them to break up. It's just that the waiting is killing me.
    This is in part off-topic, but I can't help myself. While I was reading the posts and musing about this love story, I remembered an old love poem by Alexander Pushkin, a Russian poet of the 19th century. I don't think that by posting the poem here I would be breaking any rule of the board, since the poem can be read on many sites of the internet. That is, I don't think that somebody holds the copyright for that poem. It is as it were public property. Anyway, I am posting a personal version of the poem. I hope it brings some insight into the situation. If it doesn't, may a reader enjoy its simple beauty at least.

    Love Poem

    I loved you. Perhaps love
    Hasn’t entirely perished in my soul.
    But let it trouble you no more.
    I don’t want to sadden you with anything.

    I loved you hopelessly, silently,
    Through pangs of jealousy and shyness.
    I loved you so tenderly,
    So wholeheartedly as, God permit,
    You may be loved by another.


    The point for me is: you should speak up to her, without expecting a response. If you find a way to tell her about your love, you may suddenly find that your pain is not so great, because you have now shared it.

     
    Old 06-24-2007, 04:16 PM   #27
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    Re: I'm in love with a girl whose boyfriend is a friend of mine

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jack Smith View Post
    I would never say anything insincere to her.
    Fair enough, you wouldnt be insincere deliberatly, I get that you love the girl; but be careful how you phrase your words, because if I got a letter along the lines of the one you're considering sending and it included "I really dont want to come between you and your bf" that would read as insincere to me. (and you can be pretty sure it'd read that way to her bf too, lol)

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jack Smith View Post
    And I don't understand what you were trying to say in your second-last post. Waiting or her getting pregnant? What?
    If you decide to wait around till her relationship comes to a natural end before you make your move, that is to assume that it WILL come to a natural end, and you have no assurance of that; it is optimism on your part. She could end up marrying the guy and having his child. It's the route a lot of relationships take. I dont know what's so hard to understand about that.

    Have you never considered it as a possibility? Is there something you perceive in their relationship that tells you that could never happen? If you think that because he's behaved like an arsehole, bingo, that's it; you can forget it. Women marry and settle with arseholes all the time, mores the pity for us. Maybe it never will happen, but eleven months is not eleven weeks; there's obviously something keeping her there...

    Last edited by Laylah; 06-24-2007 at 04:21 PM.

     
    Old 06-24-2007, 06:07 PM   #28
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    Re: I'm in love with a girl whose boyfriend is a friend of mine

    Hi, just to let you know i've had the same problem before, all i can say is (if your brave enough) to just tell her how you feel, and by telling her i don't mean be pushy or anything like that, but only do it if you are sure its the right decision...
    i never had the courage to tell the girl i loved, and before i knew it she had moved away, i still regret it now, cos i listened to my head not my heart...
    in the end it is your decision on what you do, and i've probably been of no help as usual...

    take care buddy

    Steve

     
    Old 06-24-2007, 10:25 PM   #29
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    Re: I'm in love with a girl whose boyfriend is a friend of mine

    I'm not sure of anything. I'm going back and forth everyday on what to do. I don't know...

     
    Old 06-25-2007, 01:49 AM   #30
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    Re: I'm in love with a girl whose boyfriend is a friend of mine

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jack Smith View Post
    I'm not sure of anything. I'm going back and forth everyday on what to do. I don't know...
    I am sorry to hear it, but many many people, if they were in your shoes, would feel that way: confused. It is not really easy.

    Anyway, I think you'd be better to be pragmatic. You have little to lose if you tell her about your love. If you don't do anything now, you may regret your inaction in the years to come. And if you talk about it, you will relieve yourself of part of your "burden". The trick is not to wait any response from her.

    Maybe you are afraid of sounding ridiculous to her, but then let me reassure that, if you look closer, any kind of romantic love is "ridiculous", but that is precisely what makes it so valuable.

     
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