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  • To girls, or guys, who have snopped in txt or mail and found something??

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    Old 08-22-2007, 09:59 AM   #16
    tarheel247
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    Re: To girls, or guys, who have snopped in txt or mail and found something??

    i still think you should let him know that you found him out. don't wait till he tries crawling back. do it now. and then move on...
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    Old 08-22-2007, 10:36 AM   #17
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    Re: To girls, or guys, who have snopped in txt or mail and found something??

    I'm glad you think it is over. Don't tell him you read his text messages. For future reference, if you tell a guy you read his text messages, he'll just use a new password and you will lose your source of information.
    Like someone else said, you know what you read, act on it (break up)!

     
    Old 08-22-2007, 11:05 AM   #18
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    Re: To girls, or guys, who have snopped in txt or mail and found something??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by tarheel247 View Post
    i still think you should let him know that you found him out. don't wait till he tries crawling back. do it now. and then move on...


    I wouldn't bother, let him wonder, let him get paronoid, just don't tell him. Cause if you do, your giving him a weapon, allowing him to torment you regarding snooping at his texts.

     
    Old 08-22-2007, 11:26 AM   #19
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    Re: To girls, or guys, who have snopped in txt or mail and found something??

    Oooh oui, Brook that a good point!! I am glad that you broke up! Stay broken and don't tell him why. Scum doesn't deserve your time, cherie.

     
    Old 08-22-2007, 02:00 PM   #20
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    Re: To girls, or guys, who have snopped in txt or mail and found something??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by emma j View Post
    Nicole it wasn't rude it was to te point. But i wanna make it clear it didn't let him sweet talk me. i was all prepared to have it out with him and then out of nowhere he just ended it cos i wasn't staying over. didn't really get a chance to say what i was prepared myself to do.

    Anyways its over now. He can go torment some other girl who will take it. i've had enough of him. Thanks for all your advice. i never thought i'd be "one of those girls" who put up with such bull and let her feelings of the guy take over and cloud her. Yeah i did have strong feelings for him but nothing it worth that.

    thanks.
    Just be thankful that you can carry on in your life without the drama now. You'll meet someone soon enough, you know that. You'll meet someone who deserves all the great things you can offer!! I know you have a good heart so put it towards someone who TRULY deserves it..!!

    Best of luck hun!

     
    Old 08-22-2007, 02:13 PM   #21
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    Re: To girls, or guys, who have snopped in txt or mail and found something??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by emma j View Post
    What did you??
    I'm sitting here feeling sick to my stomach, feeling like its happening all over again. what is wrong with me that any guy i'm with has to be doing stuff behind my back.
    I'm with my bf nearly 2 months now and before i got with him i knew he was a total ladies man but felt that his feeling for me where genuine, that he did love me and believed him when he said all the stuff you "should say" to win a girl over.
    Well before he was with me he was seeing a much older woman. About 2 weeks into us seeing each other he got a txt off her and i saw it cos i was laying on his chest. So i asked him about it the next day. He said that yes she had txted him but that he wrote back once then ignored her. Said that he loved me and wouldn't do anything to make us split up. So we've been going through some up's and down's, our honneymoon period is well and truely gone and we haven't been getting on well.
    So last night i had this dream that i looked through his phone and found txts. So i woke up this morning with this horrible feeling. My gut feeling never ever fails me so i made the decision that while he was int he shower i'd look at his txts. Yes i know it was wrong off me but well i'm glad i did.
    I found txts from her only a day and two days old. These where not normal txts. i won't go into what they where but from the txts he had to have been replying back more than one word answers. The txts he was recieving where not the kinda txts that you allow to happen more than once if you have a gf.

    So what do i do. I really trusted this guy. considering what i went through with my ex and his history i really trusted him. How to i approach this subject with him. Yeah i'm gonna be made to look like a snooper but i had good reason to. He has a very bad temper and i'd rather not say it to his face but well txts aren't the best way of doing it either.
    So what do i do, i feel so so sick right now. Thought i'd found a good one. i'm due to go away in 3 weeks for college how on earth can i trust him now, thinking what is he gonna be doing while i'm away. i'm just home from his house and usually i'd have txt him well by now but even in the car i as really cold and of with him so he's gonna sus thats somethings up soon.
    Anyways, thats enough rambling.
    Emma.

    I should prob add that this isn't he first situation of something happening with an ex.
    Sorry but if you knew that he was i ladies man before hand, chances are he most probably won't be fateful to you alone.
    What did the messages say? Was it sexual or was it two friends just having a conversation?
    Since you read the texts, you need to confront him about it.

     
    Old 08-22-2007, 02:22 PM   #22
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    Re: To girls, or guys, who have snopped in txt or mail and found something??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by emma j View Post
    Thanks for the reply.
    Firstly as far as i am aware these are just txts and nothing has actually happened, but in my opinion something has happened. he got into a conversation with an ex that wasn't your normal run of the mill conversation you'd have when you have a gf.
    By very bad temper i mean he snaps so easily, he tends to raise his voice alot during arguments but no he'd never raise a hand to me. I just don't wanna ave to stand there an be raored at beause i looked at his txts.
    I know i'm a complete idiot when i say this but i'd be nearly willing to sort it out but it's all gonna get turned around on me and that i looked at his txts. So i'm wrecking my head trying to think of anexcuse that would justify it.
    I've been thinking of different ways of saying it to him like" you should really be more careful what txts u leave in your phone" or to ask him has he heard from this girl since the last time. If he says no he's flat out lied.
    Bottom line what he did and is doig is not on, i deserve better even if it is just txts. My problem is how to approach the subject without breaking up. Yes i'm an idiot!!
    Firstly, you are not an idiot, so get that out of your head.
    Unfortunately, you decide to read the texts so you now need to face the consequences of this action.
    In all honesty, i'll be upset too if my boyfriend went through my phone without my premission. How dare he.
    What kinda conversation are they having that you feel they shouldn't be having?

     
    Old 08-22-2007, 02:31 PM   #23
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    Re: To girls, or guys, who have snopped in txt or mail and found something??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by emma j View Post
    On monday we had a blazing argument where he actually mid traffic stopped his car turned off his engine and told me to get the ****** out of his car. We sorted things out that night(only to discover this morning he was also txting her while all this was happening). then yesterday when i thought things where ok again we starts again cos i wanted to stay in my own bed. Seriously i stay in his house like evry night and so he accused me of not making the effort. So he said he was comoing down that he had alot to say. Basically he was gonna end up. We again sorted things out and because we did he decided to go out and not come down. I was angry so he came and got me instead and we stayed in his. I have to say we had an amazing night together lasat night and i thought finally things where ok..
    .
    You need to get rid of him. Don't make anyone disrespect you like that.
    Let him go.

     
    Old 08-22-2007, 02:36 PM   #24
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    Re: To girls, or guys, who have snopped in txt or mail and found something??

    Emma, I am SO glad you broke up with this guy!!!! Trust me, you'll have lots of men to choose from in college, and plenty of time to get to know who you want to date. Pay attention to warning signs like the guy being a ladies man when you first meet, etc. Best of luck!

     
    Old 08-23-2007, 05:31 AM   #25
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    Re: To girls, or guys, who have snopped in txt or mail and found something??

    Hi all,
    Just an update. Well i'm sitting here today feeling a mixture of feelings after events that took place last night. i'm half afriad to even step out side my door right now, my hole body is shaking and i feel sick.

    So yesterday after he broke up with me, oh and to the posters who say just leave him wondering, i didn't break it off in the end i didn't get a chance so the txts never even came into it! I hadn't heard from him at all.I went out with my friend as planned and while i was out i got a txt from another friend. This girl has a fiancee who myself and my ex became very friendly with after i had introduced my ex to them. We all just got on great. My ex even got her fiancee a job. So anyways, i'm not to mad on the fiancee, he has a bad temper and i've always felt that he always see's the bad in people like he's paranoid that theres always bad in everyone. he'll always say, about someone new i introduce, ah emma i'm not sure about him/her, when he doesn't even know them and thats all i said about the guy. So me stupidly said this remark to my ex after a falling out between all of us after i got my wires crossed about something. He, being the fiancee blew it up into something it wasn't and started accusing people of lying. It was all very silly.

    Gonna make up some names here cos it could get confusing.. lets say my ex is called james, my friend is call lucy and her fiancee is called paul.
    So while i was out i get a txt from lucy saying whats all this your saying to james about paul, things that aren't even through. i was thinking ah here we go again after the previous incident. So i had no credit and replied on my friends phone saying " no credit not really sure what your talkingab out to be honest, will try txt you later" so i'm thinking what the hell has james said.So i get a reply back saying, dont' come over all inocent with me.you know exactly what i'm talking about. saying that paul is paranoid all the time ring any bells" so i'm thinking oh my god how he has twisted that for his own gain. So that was it i was never ever seeing that guy again.

    Then things got nasty. I txted him saying i wanted my stuff back, which included my phone charger and a very expensive necklace. I said i'd call out tomorrow nigth and get it, he said he was off all day so is aid i'd call out before 12 and get it. he replied saying wellm ake sure it's before 12 cos i'm going out. turns out i cudn't get that lift so i asked could he just drive to my house and i come out and get it. he said he wasn't bothering come near me and that if i wanted my stuff i could come get it. he also said he wanted his teddy and his dvd back as all they where fit for where the bin, then another txt saying acutally no i'm just gonna **** all your stuff in your garden and you can **** anything you have from me in the bin, there worth nothing after you got your grubby hands on em. HE then procedded to tell me how i was controlling and twofaced and he had had enough of my manipulative ways and that even ****(a girl he works with who kissed him who doesn't even know me) agrees. Told me he was gonna go down to where my friend works and tell her the things i said about her, to let everyone know what a horrible person i am. I wasi in total shock. only the previous night he cuddled me and told me he loved me, never wanted to break up yada yada. How can someone jut turn around and be so hurtful. So i replied nd said i'm coming down tonight to get my stuff, i just wanna get it and never see you again. he said he wasn't there so i said that i was gonna call down anyways and just get it. to which i get a rely saying. if you go anywhere near that house while i'm not there i'll come straight down to your house and smash every window in it(with a curse word thrown in to every second word!) so i'm in the middle of town now totally shaking at his treats and just how aggressive he was getting. Then i get another txt saying i'll be there. So i went down with a friend who brought her step brother with us, just in case and i got out of the car(he brought a friend with him, a girl who tried to break us up 3 times and who told him all sorts about me that weren't even true) I went to take the bag and he just put it on the ground and made me pick it up and that was it i just walked off. I got back into the car and found a cd i had bought him and the case smashed up to bits. So then i started bawling.

    So its the next morning andi'm just realising just how luck y anescape i had. he had the potenial to i think be very very aggressive and well god knows what else. i'm now afraid to step outside my door in case i see my other twofriends which he has turned against me, they are NOT the kinda of people to get on there bad side.i just feel so sad and down and constanly shaking now. I just can't get my head around how someone who claimed they loved you, claimed ah they'd give u the moon and the stars could turn like this. i'm now afraid of the guy. whats more i just dont' understand what on earth i did to make him go like this. to say all those things about me.

    I know i'm a nice girl, all i did wrong was love a guy and take his controlling ways for to long but no its been turned around to look like i was that way. So when college comes i'm just staying away from guys. all my trust in them is just gone. from one who cheated on me ater 3 years and engaged, to another who would look at me while i sleep and tell me i'm beautiful tell me he wanted to spend his life with me tot hen smashing up my cd;s and telling me he's smash up my house. i've realised this guy is not right int he head at all. he once told me how he ledt an ex with a massive bruise on her leg because she cheated on him and he made it out to be an accident. i saw ALL the warning signs but thought na he loves me. wht a fooli was.
    I'm not used to things like this. i'm a quite girl who doesn't like fights or confrontation, they sacre me so i'm all shaken up. i can't wait now to go away and get out of here but thats gonna be 3 long weeks. Plus as i said i'm afriad to go out. i'm heading out on sat night, he knows where i'm going to be, i'm terrified he's gonna turn up with the other two friends and start something.
    Ah i dunno. right i think i'mgonna have a lay down. Sorry its so long but i needed to get it all out. thanks.

    Last edited by emma j; 08-23-2007 at 05:37 AM.

     
    Old 08-23-2007, 06:14 AM   #26
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    Re: To girls, or guys, who have snopped in txt or mail and found something??

    Hi Emma,

    I'm sorry this guy turned into such a jerk. Two months into a relationship and he was a total psycho! Good thing you didn't waste anymore time on him. Could you imagine how bad this would have gotten a year from now? Look forward to going to college in a few weeks and moving on with your life.

    As far as him turning your friends against you, well, if they are/were your true friends what some psycho ex says wouldn't matter. If these (so called) friends confront you on what he has said to them just tell them that you are no longer together and he is doing whatever he can to make me miserable in the hopes I'll come running back to him. That is the truth you know Emma. He is trying to bring you down so you have nobody so you will go back to him appologizing to him and begging him back. He has some serious anger and control issues. You are better off changing your phone number so you won't have to deal with him anymore. Oh, and any threatening texts you should save just in case some crap starts up again. It could happen if you aren't calling him in the time frame he thinks you will.

    Emma, he wasn't a good guy. Guys like him seek out women they can control and manipulate. They all have tempers and are very good at lying and turning every situation around on someone else. There are so many decent men out there who don't treat women this way. Be glad you only invested 2 months in this loser. I invested almost 4 years in mine! Enjoy being single for a while and going to college. Don't worry about finding the man of your dreams right now. Focus on you and your studies and making yourself happy. If you do that everything else will fall into place.

     
    Old 08-23-2007, 08:36 AM   #27
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    Re: To girls, or guys, who have snopped in txt or mail and found something??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by happymom28 View Post
    Hi Emma,

    Two months into a relationship and he was a total psycho! Good thing you didn't waste anymore time on him. Could you imagine how bad this would have gotten a year from now?

    If these (so called) friends confront you on what he has said to them just tell them that you are no longer together and he is doing whatever he can to make me miserable in the hopes I'll come running back to him. That is the truth you know Emma. He is trying to bring you down so you have nobody so you will go back to him appologizing to him and begging him back. He has some serious anger and control issues. You are better off changing your phone number so you won't have to deal with him anymore. Oh, and any threatening texts you should save just in case some crap starts up again. It could happen if you aren't calling him in the time frame he thinks you will.

    Emma, he wasn't a good guy. Guys like him seek out women they can control and manipulate. They all have tempers and are very good at lying and turning every situation around on someone else. There are so many decent men out there who don't treat women this way. Be glad you only invested 2 months in this loser. I invested almost 4 years in mine! Enjoy being single for a while and going to college. Don't worry about finding the man of your dreams right now. Focus on you and your studies and making yourself happy. If you do that everything else will fall into place.
    Right now i'm feeling that a total physco is an understatment!!I'm sitting here thinking emma u silly girl you saw all the warning signs but still u stuck it out. People can be so so blind when in a relationship.
    Theres no way that i would still have been with him a year from now. i would have ended up in a mad house!
    With regards my friends, i think i'm just gonna let things lie for a while. Let things settle. i feel hurt that they jumped on me so quickly. i've known this girl since i was 4. Yeah i said something but only the fraction of what he's twisting it to be. So if there going to take the side over someone they know just over a month then thats there choice, i've better friends to be hanging out with. "He is trying to bring you down so you have nobody so you will go back to him appologizing to him and begging him back.He has some serious anger and control issues" this is so so true. he's trying to turn my friends against me so that i have no one. He's still threatening to go to my best friend and say to her things i have said. sometimes i let my mouth run. but damn i trusted this guy. What i said about her was that she drains the life outta me sometimes. But like he's turned into something so milisious(sp).

    i'm not planning on changing my number because of him. i currently have my phone turned off and have sent a mgs to those close to me that if they need me they have my house number. i did however turn my phone on about 10 mins ago. With 2 txts from him. now remember how i said that one min he can be lovely then click your fingers and so aggressive and horrible. wellt he first was at 12.05 last night saying. i know you prob don't wanna hear from me but i felt i needed to say goodbye. you had a good side to(WHAT!!!).i loved the time we had together.I just could hand your stuff to you(so you dropped it on the ground!)
    then at 12.11 another saying. for the record **** and paul both know what you said about them and i'll make sure *** does do. poision comes in small bottles. then signed it with the name he used to call me, like a pet name.
    I'm so angry that he's making me out to be this person going around saying all this stuff about people. i am not like that at all. i can't believe just how malisious(sp) he's being.

    happymom28 you say " Guys like him seek out women they can control and manipulate. They all have tempers and are very good at lying and turning every situation around on someone else" this is very true, why is he turning it all around though to look like he's the victim and i'm the nasty one. people aren't gonna believe me cos of my apparent saying stuff, which is SO untrue.

    So i've 3 weeks left here before i go and i just can't wait for them to fly by. i hate to admit but i'm a bit afraid to go out in case i bump into my 2 friends. i hate confrontation and fights. i can't handle it, i get stressed and loose alot of weight and i'm only tiny as it is so its just not good for me.

    Anyways. thanks everyone. i always know i can come on here and i have people who will give me the advice i need and help me through stuff when u dont' feel quite up to talking to those around you..
    EMMA

     
    Old 08-23-2007, 08:43 AM   #28
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    Re: To girls, or guys, who have snopped in txt or mail and found something??

    Yeah it is weird how on the outside looking in it's soooo crystal clear...you are not alone. I see people making crazy mistakes in relationships all the time and they don't see what I can see immediately. It's not you...eveyone pretty much is like this! It's just human nature. And these "friends" of your are being played just like you were...were they your friends for a long time and now they are being all manipulated by some guy they've known for 2 months or less? See on the outside looking in everyone can see how stupid that is! But they don't get it!.....yet.....but they will!
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    Old 08-23-2007, 08:52 AM   #29
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    Re: To girls, or guys, who have snopped in txt or mail and found something??

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by BeaTrade View Post
    Yeah it is weird how on the outside looking in it's soooo crystal clear...you are not alone. I see people making crazy mistakes in relationships all the time and they don't see what I can see immediately. It's not you...eveyone pretty much is like this! It's just human nature. And these "friends" of your are being played just like you were...were they your friends for a long time and now they are being all manipulated by some guy they've known for 2 months or less? See on the outside looking in everyone can see how stupid that is! But they don't get it!.....yet.....but they will!
    Yeah my friends are being played big time. i dont deney that i said nothing, but what he's saying and what i said are two very very different things. Yeah the girl is my friend since i was 4 and her financee not since the last year 2 years. So yeah not he's manipulating them to. Just like he did me. my friend today told me that its because i'm so fragile and i am i'm to soft and sensitive for this kinda crap. Give me a woss of a man and that will do me!!!!!

     
    Old 08-23-2007, 09:00 AM   #30
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    Re: To girls, or guys, who have snopped in txt or mail and found something??

    there is nothing to think about.....you need to get rid of him, now!

     
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