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  • I CANNOT BELIEVE he's given me a PORN ISSUE to deal with!!!

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    Old 09-06-2007, 08:07 AM   #31
    PrincessSweetNS
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    Re: I CANNOT BELIEVE he's given me a PORN ISSUE to deal with!!!

    Chère, Laylah, I just wanted to check on you to see how you are doing today. I hope that you have come to a decision. Sweetie, I am not giong to say "dump him" beucase we're not in high school anymore, those things aren't easy and done in a matter of five minutes between classes. But I do hope you are thinking about it...do you really want to be with someone whose sense of entitlement is so skewed? Or that has a lvoely, beuatiful, toned GF who enjoys intimacy but still feels the need to do the five-knuckle shuffle over some pictures on his cell phone?

    Again I say, there are LOTS of men who don't like porn, just as much as we despise it. And they are not uptight stuffy men, either. (my Husband is disgusted by it, and he's a SOLDIER, for crying out loud!) A lot of men feel they same way abotu the exploitation and so forth that we do.

    And clearly, your BF isn't one of them. I'm very very very sorry to be so harsh, and I hope you forgive me, but I think his exucse of you shouldn't have been looking on the phone is stupid. And I think that if he feels that he needs to hide it becuase you don't like it....well that can be turned around. If you were having an affair and hiding it beucase he woudn't like it, but then he found out.....would he be to blame for accidentaly running into your online chat logs, or overhearing a late night phone call? Of course not.

    Cherie, I only want the best for you. I really hope you look into your options here. I know that you don't want to leave him, but the reality here is that your relationship has changed, forever. Are you prepared to live with these changes and adapt to them? In my opinion, I wouldn't.... nothing would drive a wedge between my husband and i more than porn. In both his and my opinion, a man getting pleasure from porn is the exact same thing as a man getting pleasure from another woman/women. But please, I do beg you, don't let my opinions influence yours. I just want to hear about you ma chère.

    xoxoxox Geneviève-Angélique xoxoxo

    Last edited by PrincessSweetNS; 09-06-2007 at 08:11 AM.

     
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    Old 09-06-2007, 12:47 PM   #32
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    Re: I CANNOT BELIEVE he's given me a PORN ISSUE to deal with!!!

    You will never find a man who won't look at naked women. You will only find ones who hide it better than others.

    Its not about you or anything making you inadequate or less of a woman. Men like variety and even if he was dating the hottest woman on earth, he would still be looking at other women.

     
    Old 09-06-2007, 01:27 PM   #33
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    Re: I CANNOT BELIEVE he's given me a PORN ISSUE to deal with!!!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by MadisonBlythe View Post
    You will never find a man who won't look at naked women. You will only find ones who hide it better than others.

    Its not about you or anything making you inadequate or less of a woman. Men like variety and even if he was dating the hottest woman on earth, he would still be looking at other women.

    that's not true.....there are some men who don't

     
    Old 09-06-2007, 02:55 PM   #34
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    Re: I CANNOT BELIEVE he's given me a PORN ISSUE to deal with!!!

    I'm inclined to think that most of the men who dont' like to look at porn are more the serious church-going type, right wing, conservative, really Christian, etc. BUT I think there are also other guys who aren't overboard on the religion but just more evolved and although they may take a passing glance, they don't collect or keep mags or anything like that. I think it's not just a moral thing but it's also a matter of maturity and sophistication. But there are men out there who don't NEED to have it around all the time.

     
    Old 09-06-2007, 02:58 PM   #35
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    Re: I CANNOT BELIEVE he's given me a PORN ISSUE to deal with!!!

    *shrug* my husband isn't conservative or super right-wing church-going (thank goodness LOL), but finds porn really depressing, strip-clubs absolutely 'gross' (all he had to do is take a look around at all the of the interesting 'characters' there when his friends would take him decades ago), magazines are overrated, and he feels bad about women having to do something like that for $.

    Apparently I got a very rare breed, he just doesn't care for the stuff.

     
    Old 09-06-2007, 04:20 PM   #36
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    Re: I CANNOT BELIEVE he's given me a PORN ISSUE to deal with!!!

    I don't understand why there is supposedly something wrong and disgusting about the idea that men like to look at attractive naked women. As a female I personally love looking at pictures of men I find hot.

    Quote:
    Its not about you or anything making you inadequate or less of a woman. Men like variety and even if he was dating the hottest woman on earth, he would still be looking at other women.
    Madison makes a really good point. It's about variety.

    I personally have no desire to visit a male strip club, but that's only because male strippers don't have the body type that I like - they're generally way too buff and muscular. It doesn't do anything for me. But if the kinds of guys I did find attractive worked in strip clubs...well. If for instance, my favorite actors and musicians and athletes visited my neighborhood strip joint and I had the opprotunity to see them practically naked in the flesh and have them rub their bodies all over me and get to rub their arms and chests...oh, I'd pay good money for that, I sure would. I'd never get a shot at those guys in real life, but if I had to opprotunity to see them and touch them...::shiver:: What a happy girl I'd be.

    And that's what strip clubs are for men...the chance to look at and touch/be touched by a really hot girl, one they likely wouldn't get a chance with in real life. I don't see anything wrong with that. I wouldn't feel guilty or dirty about visiting a strip club to get up close and personal with the men of my dreams, being as that is as close as I would ever get. Pictures are the same way. It's nice to look at hot people. And as mentioned before, it's all about variety.

    Maybe I'm in the minority of women here...don't other women have a roster of dream guys, both famous and those in their circle that they fantasize about and seek out steamy pictures of? I'd say I spend a good fifty percent of every day fantasizing about and/or searching out pictures/movies of my personal dream guys. So I wouldn't take it personally to know my boyfriend was doing the same. You can't it personally. We don't own our SO's and we can't tell them what to do. Trying to control what they look at or do in their own time is pointless, IMO.

    Even if I had (who I consider to be) the hottest guy in the world for a boyfriend, I'd still look at other hot guys. But then again I also am against monogamy, so my opinion perhaps isn't relevant. I don't know.

     
    Old 09-06-2007, 04:35 PM   #37
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    Re: I CANNOT BELIEVE he's given me a PORN ISSUE to deal with!!!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by GypsyArcher View Post
    ...don't other women have a roster of dream guys, both famous and those in their circle that they fantasize about and seek out steamy pictures of?
    You all do. It's just that you're less inclined to look at naked pictures of these men, so that makes it acceptable Laylah, didn't you in fact get yourself in trouble with your fiancÚ over your comments about the wrestler? Or was that someone else?
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    Old 09-06-2007, 04:51 PM   #38
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    Re: I CANNOT BELIEVE he's given me a PORN ISSUE to deal with!!!

    sorry Layla, but the way i read this, tells the story. " issue He has given me to deal with" nope you gave yourself it to deal with by staying with him, the fact that you didn't break up, means you have already made up your mind not to leave him, so things may not ( probably ) won't change. good luck in what ever you decide

     
    Old 09-06-2007, 04:52 PM   #39
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    Re: I CANNOT BELIEVE he's given me a PORN ISSUE to deal with!!!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ErimusValidus View Post
    Laylah, didn't you in fact get yourself in trouble with your fiancÚ over your comments about the wrestler? Or was that someone else?
    My my, aren't you stirring the pot EV!

    But seriously, everyone has someone of the opposite sex they find attractive other than their SO. If they say they don't then they are lying. The difference is what you do about it.

    I also just wanted to put out there that my ex-husband swore up and down that he was anti-porn, that it was degrading to women, blah, blah, blah. Well, toward the end of our marriage I was going through laundry when I came across a picture in one of his dirty shirt pockets. The picture was of my husband on a chair in an "adult themed store" with two naked porn actress on either side of him. He was showing some very questionable behavior toward these women (I still cringe thinking about it) and their hands were in places they shouldn't have been. Anyway, I know my ex was a pig, a cheater, and an abusive jerk, but it does go to show that some men lie about it because that's what they think their women want to hear. I'm not saying that ALL of the men you are posting about are like that. I'm just willing to bet that one or two of them are.

     
    Old 09-06-2007, 05:34 PM   #40
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    Re: I CANNOT BELIEVE he's given me a PORN ISSUE to deal with!!!

    This is a really hard issue to give advice on, but I will say one thing- I've never met a single man in my life who didn't enjoy looking at pornographic images. I also don't know one who would give up porn completely for ANYONE. It sounds like he put the pics on his phone in hopes that you wouldn't find out. I agree with other opinions that it's bizarre that he has them on his phone.....porn on the computer would make more sense However, like I said, he was obviously trying to be sneaky about it.

     
    Old 09-06-2007, 05:50 PM   #41
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    Re: I CANNOT BELIEVE he's given me a PORN ISSUE to deal with!!!

    Gypsy: there's definitely nothing wrong or 'disgusting' about a nude female - women's bodies are gorgeous.

    However, nude bodies despicting sexual acts, spread eagled in full blown-up view is something I don't particularly care for, regardless of how lovely I find the female figure in an artistic way.

    Dh and I decided to look at porn tapes a few times to see if it would do anything for us, and neither of us were impressed. I'm sure there are plenty of men out there who lie about not liking porn, much with anything people don't want other people to know if they're ashamed or know their SO's don't have a high opinion of. Ouch Happymom - just ouch!! What scum :S

    I have guys I think are hot, for sure, but would I run out to the local store to buy movies or pictures of said dudes in the buff? Actually? No. I find men in suits (no tie) to be the most attractive, and I could care less if my DH spots an attractive woman across the way, in a catalog, or on the silver screen.

     
    Old 09-06-2007, 05:59 PM   #42
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    Re: I CANNOT BELIEVE he's given me a PORN ISSUE to deal with!!!

    Well I'm not trying to change the discussion here, but I had an experience similar to yours -but I'm the guy. I have recorded past lovers on tape in the act of love making. (they were completely aware of it, we did it together)..

    Anyway, I still have just about every one of those videos saved in different places. Well, one night while watching one of the videos of a past lover, I became curious as to how good the recording function was on my phone. So, out of curiosity, I recorded a small sample. It only records for 15 seconds. well, somehow in the mix, i got my mind on something else and completely forgt about the phone. when I shut it, it automatically saved it to the phone. When a video is recorded, it saves it as some long number such as 67304573...

    My current girlfriend and I had gone to a concert one saturday night. I recorded several videos of the concert, but forgot how many i actually took. Lying in bed the next morning i pulled my phone out to review the videos I had taken at the concert. i accidently went too far and hit the one with myself and the past lover--since it was named an oddball number like mentioned above. Keep in mind that you can plainly see me in the video, and her too for that matter, because both of our faces were visible.

    I have done some bad things in my life, but that right there prolly tops the list if it isnt a close second. you don't have to tell me how discusting I am or how dumb, trust me, I already know...

    Just wanted to share the experience. So, maybe finding porn pics on your bf's phone isn't so bad after all..i mean at least you weren't in my gf's position.

     
    Old 09-06-2007, 08:13 PM   #43
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    Re: I CANNOT BELIEVE he's given me a PORN ISSUE to deal with!!!

    Laylah,
    I skipped most of the postings so I may be repeating something. I don't know what about porn exactly you do not like. If you are like me, you see it as exploiting women b/c even if the women 'choose' to be involved in it, is their choice really made under free will? anyway...lets not debate porn or this thread can go on forever.
    What I am suggesting is maybe get him to read some books (for instance, Female Sexual Slavery by K. Barry; Sexual Exploitation D. Russel; Pronography: Men Possessing Women by C. MacKinnon..anyway I'm only suggesting them if you are against porn b/c its exploitive. If there is another reason, this suggestion may have no bearing. I think reading these books if you think nothing is wrong with porn may change his mind.

    However, just to empathize-I would be ****** if there were pics of porn on his phone. It would definitely be a deal breaker for me if he didn't remove them.


    +++++

    Okay i just skimmed the post and saw you hate porn for the same reasons i do. so my post ois relevant.


    also to the poster who said only overly conservative church fanatics don't indulge in porn, have to say you're wrong.
    My father thinks its degrading and exploitive and maybe extreme in this sense-he even thinks waitressing is exploitive b/c of the way men treat waitresses so i was never allowed to waitress while growing up in his house.

    Last edited by jo5086; 09-06-2007 at 08:25 PM.

     
    Old 09-07-2007, 05:31 AM   #44
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    Re: I CANNOT BELIEVE he's given me a PORN ISSUE to deal with!!!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Destea View Post
    Ouch Happymom - just ouch!! What scum :S
    Well, I had many more names for him!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Destea
    I have guys I think are hot, for sure, but would I run out to the local store to buy movies or pictures of said dudes in the buff? Actually? No. I find men in suits (no tie) to be the most attractive, and I could care less if my DH spots an attractive woman across the way, in a catalog, or on the silver screen.
    I too have several men I find attractive but I wouldn't go out and buy movies or pictures of the either. I agree that men in suits are VERY attractive. My husband is at his sexiest in a suit! Luckily I get to see him in one almost daily. Yum!!!!!

     
    Old 09-07-2007, 07:56 AM   #45
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    Re: I CANNOT BELIEVE he's given me a PORN ISSUE to deal with!!!

    Heheh ditto! Love it.

    Laylah - any updates for us? Any more discussions w/ your fiance about this??

     
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