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  • My boyfriend and his Ex.

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    Old 09-30-2007, 07:25 PM   #31
    missbrit
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    Re: My boyfriend and his Ex.

    well if he didnt use a condom then you have slept with all the people she has slept with and the people he has slepts with, in terms of risk.
    maybe ask him if he used a condom? he might have put you at risk.
    I know what you mean, the revengeful side of me would want to find her ex and tell him!

    Last edited by missbrit; 09-30-2007 at 07:40 PM.

     
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    Old 09-30-2007, 11:13 PM   #32
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    Re: My boyfriend and his Ex.

    I just want to put up a possible red flag here - maybe I'm wrong - I hope so.

    It might be possible that he is just so blown away by the prospect of being a father that he has lost all perspective. His wish to step up to the plate is commendable. Its effect on you not so.

    On the other hand, I have (until 1 year ago) devoted twenty years of my life to a man who was a complete sucker for any of his ex's or new damsels in distress's problems. We all love a man with compassion, but there is a line that I have trod and, in case you are there too, I just feel the need to tell you this cautionary tale.

    You sound as though you have your head firmly screwed on your shoulders - you can talk to him and he is responding well.

    My ex has children, who in turn have mothers - I was always supportive of the relationships. His children are way more upset at our breakup than I am.

    But we got to a point where one of his ex's and I had a cancer scare at the same time - he went to the specialist's appointment with her (because she had no one else) but not with me. I didn't resent his going with her at all (in fact I encouraged it) but when he implied that I was a whimp for wanting him to come with me, a few thousand light bulbs went on.

    What I'm trying to say is, if you are finding yourself so completely sidelined, maybe it is a one-off, but if I were you I'd take an awful lot of time before making any commitment to this guy.

    best wishes

     
    Old 10-01-2007, 05:32 AM   #33
    happymom28
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    Re: My boyfriend and his Ex.

    Hi Rainbow,

    Since I'm jumping in pretty late and there are tons of replies I just kinda skimmed through. I appologize if I'm repeating anything.

    I can completely understand how blindsided you must feel. A woman who would keep something like that a secret is something that I'm not allowed to say on this board. But that is exactly what I feel about my neice's mother. About 6 years ago my brother got a call from his ex-girlfriend (who slept with my other brother, his friends, you name it!) saying that her 2 year old daughter may be his! The ONLY reason she called was because she cheated on her husband with her current boyfriend and he demanded a paternity test. My brother was one of 3 possible guys, but she contacted him first because she looked so much like him!

    Anyhow, I've never been in shoes, but I'v been pretty close to that situation and there are just so many things you want to say to a tramp like that.

    With that being said, there is no excuse for your boyfriend to be treating you this way. I understand he has a lot going on, but he should be leaning on you for support and not that thing.

    I think you really need to talk to him. If he keeps being rude to you and calling you a hypocrite then maybe it's time to just take a break for a couple of days until he gets the results back. Once he has a definate answer then he can at least figure out where to go from there. He has a lot on his plate. His whole world just came to a hault too. Unfortunately, he can't see past himself to see what this is doing to you.

    Once this comes to a conclusion you need to put your foot down about his time with the ex. Yes, if the child is his he will be bound to her. But picking the tramp up over you and treating her in a higher regard than you is just unacceptable!

    Anyway, that's just my take on it. I'm sure I missed something just skimming through.

     
    Old 10-01-2007, 12:16 PM   #34
    ErimusValidus
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    Re: My boyfriend and his Ex.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Rainbowbrite77 View Post
    He doesn't think she's manipulating him though...

    I can't stress to him enough, that he's MY BOYFRIEND and not hers! She's totally trying to stir the pot.
    Your boyfriend would never admit that his ex might be manipulating him. With hindsight, however, he might soon realise that she has been doing exactly that $600 for a paternity test when she only decided to tell him that the kid might be his after two and a half years - that's manipulation!

    I'm glad you can see that's she's trying to stir things up. Maybe her motivations are simply that she's jealous of you and your boyfriend's relatively simple relationship whilst she's saddled with child, but maybe they are more sinister. I hope not.
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    Old 10-01-2007, 01:10 PM   #35
    Rainbowbrite77
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    Re: My boyfriend and his Ex.

    I can't thank all of you enough for your insight. It helps when I hear that I'm not the only one thinking of these things.

    You see, now my sadness has turned to anger. I talked to him on the phone last night, and I definately was a b****! Sometimes I think people need to be told the blunt truth, rather than sitting back and hoping something will click in his head!

    He tells me that he is strictly in this for the child's sake. He does want to step up and be a good father. His brother had a long and brutal custody battle, and he doesn't want to see this child go through that.
    Which, I can understand, but he needs to think about what his actions are doing to the ones around him. After the phone call last night, he seemed to be a bit more attentive. He's text messaged me lots, and even called to say goodnight, I love you, and Miss you.

    Like I said, he has never given me any reason to doubt him, and he always tells me that I need to put 100% trust into him. He's always assured me that he would never hurt me intentionally, and that if he ever was to have feelings for someone else, he would let me know before anything went any further. He also assures me that he isn't interested in her in that way, and that nothing is going to happen between them. I do trust him, but her I don't. I do'nt owe her anything, and at this point she is nothing but the enemy. I don't know her, and I have never met her, so I am justified when I say I'm allowed to think whatever I want about her. And from what I know of her from this week alone, is she's trying to steal my boyfriend.
    I'm not going to make him stay with me if he doesn't want to, I just don't want to be led on thinking thigns are okay, and that things are going to get better.

    Thanks again guys, this helps a lot!!

     
    Old 10-01-2007, 03:59 PM   #36
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    Re: My boyfriend and his Ex.

    keep us posted! when do the results come in?

     
    Old 10-01-2007, 07:39 PM   #37
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    Re: My boyfriend and his Ex.

    We just western unioned the money tonight, so they should be here within 5 days....

    Pray for me people.. pray!

     
    Old 10-10-2007, 10:06 AM   #38
    Rainbowbrite77
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    Re: My boyfriend and his Ex.

    UPDATE!!



    NOT THE FATHER!



    You have no idea how happy I am right now!
    Thank you everyone!!

     
    Old 10-10-2007, 10:32 AM   #39
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    Re: My boyfriend and his Ex.

    Well, that's good news for you! Now, is he still taking that "she's going to be in my life whether I'm the father or not" stand?

     
    Old 10-10-2007, 11:32 AM   #40
    missbrit
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    Re: My boyfriend and his Ex.

    I knew it! Now she needs to be OUT of his life. SHE IS TROUBLE!

     
    Old 10-10-2007, 02:27 PM   #41
    ErimusValidus
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    Re: My boyfriend and his Ex.

    Yeah, this stank all along. If she ever once considered that your boyfriend was the father of her child she would have asked him to take a paternity test on day one. I hope your boyfriend shows you the respect you deserve as his girlfriend, Rainbowbrite77, and steers clear of his ex now that there's no reason to talk to her. I'm quite mad that she basically manipulated your boyfriend into wasting $600 as part of her little games
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    Old 10-11-2007, 07:27 AM   #42
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    Re: My boyfriend and his Ex.

    I'm glad that things worked out for the best for you two. Too bad that this unborn child of hers is going to be the innocent victim of her. I can't stand women like that. They give the rest of us a bad name!

     
    Old 10-11-2007, 01:21 PM   #43
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    Re: My boyfriend and his Ex.

    Personally, if I were you, I'd break up with him anyway. I would do it based solely on the fact that he refused to let you meet her. Because I am a big fan of staying friendly with exes, but only if all parties are allowed to meet. I honestly would wonder why my boyfriend didn't want me to meet ANYONE he has a relationship with, whether it's his mother, his co-worker, or his ex.

    It's not a popular stance on these boards, but I don't believe anyone can ever break up a relationship or "steal" someone's s.o. Crazy as she may be, blaming the girl is pointless- why isn't this guy taking responsibility for any of this nonsense, and why isn't he getting dumped as a result?

     
    Old 10-11-2007, 01:27 PM   #44
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    Re: My boyfriend and his Ex.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by bulletproof;3253***
    Personally, if I were you, I'd break up with him anyway. I would do it based solely on the fact that he refused to let you meet her. Because I am a big fan of staying friendly with exes, but only if all parties are allowed to meet. I honestly would wonder why my boyfriend didn't want me to meet ANYONE he has a relationship with, whether it's his mother, his co-worker, or his ex.
    I have to agree. I would be a little curious why I wasn't "allowed" to meet her too. That would have really bugged me. It makes him look like he is hiding something, even if he isn't.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by bulletproof;3253***
    It's not a popular stance on these boards, but I don't believe anyone can ever break up a relationship or "steal" someone's s.o. Crazy as she may be, blaming the girl is pointless- why isn't this guy taking responsibility for any of this nonsense, and why isn't he getting dumped as a result?
    I agree again. You can't "steal" somebody who doesn't want to be stolen in the first place. Yes, what this girl did was wrong, but he was just as wrong for behaving the way he did. Why are some women so quick to forgive the man they are in love with and put all the blame on the other woman anyway? Did you ever hear of the saying "it takes two to tango"?

     
    Old 10-11-2007, 01:49 PM   #45
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    Re: My boyfriend and his Ex.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by happymom28 View Post
    I agree again. You can't "steal" somebody who doesn't want to be stolen in the first place. Yes, what this girl did was wrong, but he was just as wrong for behaving the way he did. Why are some women so quick to forgive the man they are in love with and put all the blame on the other woman anyway? Did you ever hear of the saying "it takes two to tango"?
    I agree with this as well. I don't know why, but for some reason women just can't seem to unite and stick together the way men do with their "bros before hos" mentality. women simply don't do that. They would gladly throw their best friend under a bus for the sake of some loser man who will only leave them 6 months down the road anyway. I guess we just value that euphoric feeling we get when we're in love, we'd sacrifice anything for it, even our friends. Though, I've also heard many women say they would never work for another woman, that they hate to have women bosses. Well, I've had many women bosses over the years, and I've never had a problem with any of them, but then, I have no problem with seeing another woman as a superior, and I think many women do. They think "hey, you're just a woman, just like me, where do you get off telling me what to do? that's a man's job." which I think is rather silly, but there are a lot of women who feel that way.

    My brother has a friendwe'll call her M, who was out with her boyfriend at the time in a bar, and this girl, who I think her boyfriend knew casually from somewhere else, came up and sat down in their booth and started flirting with him right there in front of her. The girl was snuggling up to M's boyfriend, all this stuff, and she put her arm around his shoulders and M grabbed her hand and threw it off her boyfriend and shot him a dirty look and he just gave her a silly grin and a look back that said "not my fault, what do you want ME to do about it??" Anyway, M ended up in a knock down drag out fight with this girl, punches, pulling hair, and M's friend who was bartending, dove over the bar and joined the melee, getting cut by a broken bottle in the process. How silly. when all of that could have been avoided by M just saying "Honey, you like attention from her so much, she can be your date tonight, and any other night you like. See ya." Fortunately M learned how to do this very very well in her later dating years.

     
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