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    Old 10-31-2007, 01:31 PM   #1
    deserttmom
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    does my boyfriend need anger management?

    does my boyfriend need anger management?
    I have been dating my boyfriend now for 2 years, he has episodes (they are getting worse) where he lashes out at me in a jealous rage, never physical all emotional and verbal, he calls me names and tries to put me down, he thinks I want to sleep with everyone. I tell him time and again that I love him and only want to be with him.

    Last edited by deserttmom; 11-01-2007 at 08:25 AM.

     
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    Old 11-01-2007, 12:43 AM   #2
    lucky charms
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    Re: does my boyfriend need anger management?

    Not trying to stir up trouble, but I've always heard and have seen that if someone is doing the accusing than more than likely they are the ones doing the deed..
    Maybe you should question him and his reasoning for his actions..

    If he is squeaky clean , he has some real insecurities that he needs to deal with before trying to maintain serious relationship.

     
    Old 11-01-2007, 01:34 AM   #3
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    Re: does my boyfriend need anger management?

    I'm not sure what he needs, but I think you DON'T need him in your life....This will not get better, read any story from domestic violence survivors and you will see that a lot of them began just like this. Get him to get some therapy as a condition of you staying with him.

     
    Old 11-01-2007, 08:31 AM   #4
    deserttmom
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    Re: does my boyfriend need anger management?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lucky charms View Post
    Not trying to stir up trouble, but I've always heard and have seen that if someone is doing the accusing than more than likely they are the ones doing the deed..
    Maybe you should question him and his reasoning for his actions..

    If he is squeaky clean , he has some real insecurities that he needs to deal with before trying to maintain serious relationship.
    I have also heard this... but whenever I think maybe he is doing something, i am proven wrong, he is were he says he is and I deep down beleive him... he is also a musician and says "this is the way we are" he accuses me of wanting to hit him, mess up his things, calling and hanging up when he gives people his phone number while out at gigs and blames me, he says I am the only one who would do those things, I have not ever done anything he says I have and gave him no reason to think these things, do you think he has any other major issues he may not be telling me about?

     
    Old 11-01-2007, 12:48 PM   #5
    Bengie
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    Re: does my boyfriend need anger management?

    he has problems. it will get worse. you have to decide if you want to deal with that for a good part of your life. Its not anger manegment that he needs. that is a symptom.

    Last edited by Bengie; 11-01-2007 at 12:49 PM.

     
    Old 11-02-2007, 12:46 AM   #6
    lucky charms
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    Re: does my boyfriend need anger management?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by deserttmom View Post
    I have also heard this... but whenever I think maybe he is doing something, i am proven wrong, he is were he says he is and I deep down beleive him... he is also a musician and says "this is the way we are" he accuses me of wanting to hit him, mess up his things, calling and hanging up when he gives people his phone number while out at gigs and blames me, he says I am the only one who would do those things, I have not ever done anything he says I have and gave him no reason to think these things, do you think he has any other major issues he may not be telling me about?
    Well hon sounds like he does have major issues.. Question is , Is this the way you want to live your life for the next 4 to 5 more years? Cause trust me relationships like this never last nor does the person ever change.
    You could stick it out and once the years has passed and you finally walk away .You will come to the sad relization that you wasted your life/yrs on someone that is nothing more than the dirt under your shoe.
    Or you could do something about it now.. Get out and find someone deserving of your time..
    I know its easier said than done especially when you really love someone, but however the heart can be a foolish leader. sometimes we actually have to listen to our minds. The mind is more logical.

     
    Old 01-06-2008, 06:35 AM   #7
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    Re: does my boyfriend need anger management?

    This sounds like my ex about to a tee. He was jelous. he didn't want me being around friends, male or female. I had always heard that people didn't change. I knew that when I married him. I was able to deal with it. I didn't realize that I couldn't deal with it for a lifetime. Eventually the fights escalated and he would raise his hand to me, or push me. Truth is, though it hurt terribly to do so, I left him and am much better off now. I'm not telling you to leave, but realize that this will not get better without extensive therapy, and it will only get worse over time. Slowly or quickly, it will happen. Take care of yourself.

     
    Old 01-08-2008, 06:41 PM   #8
    JennFL
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    Re: does my boyfriend need anger management?

    You need to get out of this relationship. If you love him and want to give him a chance then compromise and move out get your own place and let him work out his issues and you can try to support him if he really seaks help. If HE really loves you back he will respect that and understand your concerns. If he doesnt thne thats your answer. This wont change unless he tries to change and making excuses for his actions will get you no where. I have seen this first hand and it doesnt end well. good luck and keep us updated!

     
    Old 02-07-2008, 07:00 PM   #9
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    Re: does my boyfriend need anger management?

    Get out now! Don't wait for it to get worse before you do anything.

    That's exactly how my most recent relationship started out, and now I'm quite literally in a fight for my life. He started with screaming at me, calling me names, calling my 2 daughters (ages 11 yrs old and 3 yrs old) names, trying to break my 11 yr old daughter's back, trying to kill my 1 yr old puppy.

    I'm still dealing with him, even though I kicked him out the beginning of January, and I'm constantly on the phone with the police for help. Unless he admits and gets himself into therapy, it won't get better. In my case it didn't take long for it to get worse. (I could write a friggin novel with what I'm going through).

    If you've got kids, think of what this is doing to them and what it's teaching them about relationships.

     
    Old 04-08-2008, 03:58 AM   #10
    Heavnlyhart2
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    Re: does my boyfriend need anger management?

    sounds like a controlling issue they don't want you to do what they can do...jealousy isn't love by far. Guys like this have to have someone in there life to blame other than themselves cause they can't face truth about themselves so g/f and such get the blame you can't please these men no matter what you do they will find something to always complain about there never satisfied with anything....typically most momma's boys fall under this category cause they always bail em out when they get into trouble law wise in relationships Ive been there ......my rule of thumb is if your more miserable than happy it is time to move on and dump him marriage kids won't change having kids only puts them in harms way....The honeymoon phase of the cycle is the only time things are different but that is far and few in between....good luck

     
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