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  • His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

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    Old 11-26-2007, 08:13 AM   #1
    wishgirl
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    His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    I'm having a problem with my husbands high school girlfriend after 20years! We've been together 18 years, broke up long ago for 2 years and got back together.

    I recently found and email where his high school girlfriend posted a public email on a high school forum board offering to give him old photos.

    A public post? And in addition, about 5 years ago we received a reunion invitation with her name, home address, and phone number for the RSVP, with a space to write all current info, and your favorite highschool memories. I threw it out. (after showing it to him)

    Then another arrived in the mail 2 weeks later with a handwritten note, saying she hoped he and his family could make it. I threw it out also. (after discussing it with him of course) I felt it was easy enough to ignore, no big deal. Then, last year we got another reuninon invitation, again, her name address phone for the RSVP, etc. Then the forum board post happened.

    He says she offered him the photos about 10 years ago also while we were broke up when she showed up at a family funeral, and he didn't want them.

    My question is....why does this girl keep trying to give him photos from long ago? Why would she announce to the public that she kept them all these years and wants to give them to him? She has our address....the reunion invitations....she's looking it up every five years. So why did she ask in a follow up email, how she could get them to him?

    What do I do about this? Do I send her and email asking her to stop trying to give him photos? Do ask her to stop sending us reunion invitations, and ask that someone else send them to us? Part of me doesn't care and wants to ignore it the way I've done over the years. But this involves my child, and my child's father and this girl shouldn't be bothering us or posting things publicly on high school forum boards. He says he doesn't want photos from her and didn't respond to get them after the post.
    Any advice would be helpful. Thanks.

    Last edited by wishgirl; 12-01-2007 at 07:23 AM.

     
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    Old 11-26-2007, 08:41 AM   #2
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    Well, my first thought is: How does your DH feel about this? Could he care less? Does he even go to his high school reunions?

    If he doesn't care about this sort of thing (which I gathered if you were throwing away invitations), my initial -- and maybe knee jerk -- reaction would be to post away on that board as his wife. Ask exactly what you wrote here:

    "My question is....I'm ****** off about the public posts. Why is this girl trying to give him photos from long ago? Why would she announce to the public that she kept them all these years and wants to give them to him? She has our address....the reunion invitations....she's looking it up every five years. So why did she ask in a follow up email, how she could get them to him?"

    Sorry, but not being rude would be pretty low on my priority list. She dated your hubby while she was engaged to another man. She obviously has a way to reach your hubby - she's been mailing invitations to him over the years. She's even offered up the photos years ago. I do not believe she is posting what she is because she just wants to offer up the photos. Was she the school s!ut back then? If so, maybe she enjoys posting s!utty things still 20 years later.

    I'd make a fool of her on the website. Let her know you'd appreciate it if she stopped hounding your husband. Suggest she go to her own husband for attention -- yours is busy.

     
    Old 11-26-2007, 09:00 AM   #3
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by StenoLady1 View Post
    Let her know you'd appreciate it if she stopped hounding your husband. Suggest she go to her own husband for attention -- yours is busy.
    LOL; this is exactly what you ought to post on that board OP, ha ha!

    She sounds to me like one of those saddos who is still entertaining fantasies about her high school sweetheart and simply cant let go of the past. You ought to give her a helping hand by prizing her fingers off it for her with a comment like StenonLady's above, lol. And as for not wanting to be rude, you should forget that. I'd take pleasure in being rude in a situation like this!

     
    Old 11-26-2007, 09:07 AM   #4
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by StenoLady1 View Post
    I'd make a fool of her on the website. Let her know you'd appreciate it if she stopped hounding your husband. Suggest she go to her own husband for attention -- yours is busy.
    She sounds like she is miserable in her marriage and is trying desparately to gain back that "old feeling" she had when she was dating your husband. It seems that your husband could care less about her photos, her attempt at the contact, etc.. I think Stenolady's approach to this situation is exactly what this woman needs!

     
    Old 11-26-2007, 10:09 AM   #5
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    I'd tell her off for sure...no question about it! I had an incident happen where some old female friend(from highschool 30+ years ago) of my husband's kept hounding him. This was someone who was married to an old friend of my husband's but was now divorced. She kept calling him after some "friend" gave her his number...he was single at the time so not a real biggy. But then she kept on calling and wanting to get together with him even after we were living together. They never dated or anything....he couldn't stand her as she was off her rocker(really!). He could not get her to stop calling...like every holiday she would call and say "Happy 4th of July" or whatever...any excuse! Finally she called for the third time with me sitting right there listening to my husband telling her to stop calling him...I got on the phone and cursed her up one side and down the other and told her she better not ever call MY (f word) house again and we haven't heard one word from her and that's been about 2 years! WOOHOO!
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    Last edited by BeaTrade; 11-26-2007 at 03:14 PM.

     
    Old 11-26-2007, 01:49 PM   #6
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    Ok, I'll bite being the only male to respond so far...

    What's the big deal?? It sounds like your husband is not that concerned about it so why should you be? I don't see the issue honestly, if she's the one sending out invitations to ALL of the alumni, then sorry, but it's their job! Now, if she is ONLY sending your hubby the invites and no one else, then sure, maybe she's trying to get close to him again. Maybe she truly just misses the friendship? Also, about the photo's...am I missing something? Are they nudes or something? If not, then what's the issue of a "public" post mentioning she wants to give them to him? If they are sexy photo's, then sure, she's absolutely wrong for posting that publicly.

    I'm sorry, and maybe I'm way off base here, but given the information you've posted, you sound like you are jealous of someone your husband dated OVER 20 YEARS AGO!! What's wrong with her sending him an inviation to a reunion??? I have to ask, are you two happy in your relationship? If so, this ex shouldn't even raise an eyebrow!

    Good luck,
    Skarn

     
    Old 11-26-2007, 01:57 PM   #7
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    The big deal Skarn is that this women is popping her head up every couple of years and attempting to reignite something she should have forgotten about twenty years ago. Sounds like a nut case to me.

     
    Old 11-26-2007, 02:06 PM   #8
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    If she truly "misses the friendship" don't you think she would have gotten the hint that he doesn't given his lack of response to her? It's pretty clear to me this woman doesn't want to get the hint. Besides, it's one thing to get an invitation to a reunion. It's quite another to get a handwritten note from the same person two weeks later about the same reunion. Seems a little pushy and inappropriate to me.

     
    Old 11-26-2007, 02:44 PM   #9
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    Skarn, maybe I misread the original post, but I think what the "big deal" is not just an invitation to a HS reunion and a public post about some old photos; it's that OP's DH's high school GF is hounding OP's DH and -- IMO anyway -- is beginning to cross the line.

    Sure, it's cool if the ex is in charge of all the invites -- but to follow up with handwritten notes when she doesn't get a response? Did she do that with all of the alumni from whom she didn't get a response? I can tell you for all of my HS reunions, I've never received a handwritten follow-up note when I didn't respond to the first one. Neither has my hubby.

    And I *believe* the issue with the photos is that the ex has tried to give them to DH some years ago, and he refused. The ex has OP's & her DH's address; if she truly just wanted to get them off her hands, she could easily just drop them in the mail. She doesn't do that. She "hounds" and posts on the HS alumni website trying to draw attention that she's still got these photos.

    I didn't get the sense from the OP that she was unhappy in her relationship or overly-jealous. A 20-year marriage with a short break (and eventual reunion ) is something rare in today's age and shows enormous commitment, IMO. OP also talks about how for years, she'd just throw away the invitations without giving them a second thought (as I do my own HS reunion invites and my DH's).

    As far as "missing the friendship," well, maybe an ex-boyfriend from 20 years ago, who's married, isn't the best pick -- assuming that's even her real motive here for hounding OP's hubby.

     
    Old 11-27-2007, 08:10 AM   #10
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Laylah View Post
    The big deal Skarn is that this women is popping her head up every couple of years and attempting to reignite something she should have forgotten about twenty years ago. Sounds like a nut case to me.

    This is exactly how I feel. Thanks to everyone for responding and all the support.

     
    Old 11-27-2007, 08:37 AM   #11
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    I agree with Skarn. I don't see the big deal, either. They're just photos. Maybe she remembers that time fondly- doesn't mean she wants him now or that she is crazy.

    I would not write a message back on the board. Just ignore it if it bothers you, or have your husband tell her no thank you. You're all adults, so it shouldn't be a drama like this.

     
    Old 11-27-2007, 08:56 AM   #12
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    I' m not seeing the big deal. Maybe this person is one of the organizers for reunions, or maybe she is just emailing lots of people to keep in touch. I think it's fun to see old pictures, maybe she does do? If you are secure in your marriage, who cares? I just had my high school reunion a few months ago, and since then, I've reconnected with tons of people, men and women, and we are even planning and follow up reunion next year because it was so fun. My husband won't attent these reunions with me because well really, why would he, and he knows some ex boyfriends are in the mix, but who cares? I haven't read that she propositioned your husband, or tried to get him back, just that she wanted to post pics and sent some messages. Unless I'm missing something here? And even if she was trying to get him back, let her, he is with you and isn't going anywhere, he can just ignore her. Not like you can control her actions. But it doesnt' sound like that is even the case.

     
    Old 11-27-2007, 09:42 AM   #13
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by wishgirl View Post
    She has our address....the reunion invitations....she's looking it up every five years. So why did she ask in a follow up email, how she could get them to him?

    He says he doesn't want photos from her and didn't respond to get them after the post.
    I think the comments in the OP's original post make it quite clear that her husband has already, on several occasions, ignored this womans contact; yet she has continually contacted him regardless, over the span of many years. It's not normal to ignore rejection like that, and someone who does is displaying a sense of relentless determination to me. I only need to get ignored once; after that a person who has no interest in continuing contact with me doesnt get a second chance at hammering the point home.

    Also, why would she care less if he had those photos? And even if she did, as Wishgirl points out above, all she'd have to do would be drop them in the mail, just like she did with the reunion invitations. Instead she asked him how she could get them to him?? Eh sorry, but had she forgotten about the mail service all of a sudden???

     
    Old 11-27-2007, 10:59 AM   #14
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    Connecting with old friends is normal. Sharing old photos is normal. An event organizer sending out invitations to the event is also normal. What is not normal is to refuse to take no for an answer. Sure, the old girlfriend could have had totally innocent intentions in all of the above - and that would be "no big deal." But she's taken it way further. When he didn't respond to the invitations and openly expressed not wanting the photos ... why keep insisting??? It is a big deal when she's being this intrusive and pushy and won't take no for an answer. He isn't interested and he's let her know it. But she refuses to accept that (for whatever reason). That's annoying and obsessive considering he's not responding and has repeatedly shown NO interest in her, a reunion or any photos.

    Since the invites come with her home address, why not write her back? Write "will not be attending" in big bold letter, sign both your names (you + hubby) and mail it back to her. Next time she offers the pics, write back on the public site "Thanks for the offer of your HS photos, but as we've told you the last X times you've offered, we're not interested." I'd literally return each and every invitation. Let her throw them out - maybe then she'll get the hint. If she re-sends the invite with a note, send that back too with "will not be attending" in big bold letters...again. If she has the nerve to write a third I'd be tempted to send it back with "Please (expletive) OFF" in bold letters across the front.

     
    Old 11-27-2007, 11:25 AM   #15
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by amy2705
    If she has the nerve to write a third I'd be tempted to send it back with "Please (expletive) OFF" in bold letters across the front.
    The sad thing is I don't even think THIS would stop the woman! How sad it is that after 20 years and him not contacting her back she is still chasing after him.

     
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