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    Old 11-30-2007, 09:10 AM   #31
    Gurv
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by desertdweller View Post
    I'm sorry, someone contacting an ex about a reunion or old pictures every few years doesn't sound relentless to me. It's almost as if she is afraid her husband may eventually bite the lure (even if it is one)? I know plenty of people that are very into the high school years and get into the whole reunion thing and past memories, this woman my be one of those. I see no reason for cattiness or rude comments, just ignore the occasional invite and move on. If the husband doesn't care, then why should she? What's the big deal?
    Again, I agree 100%. And given the fact that they have NOT REPLIED to any of the invites, of COURSE she will continue to try to get ahold of him. He really needs to simply reply and say not interested.

    I can say first hand that being 40, I have recently wanted to catch up with a lot friends from years gone by......mostly my military buddies, but there are a few women as well. If I didn't get a reply (aka ignored), I wouldn't simply give up, I'd think maybe they never got to them and I'd try again! Does that mean I'm stalking and trying to constantly stir things up? NO! If I received even ONE reply stating they are not interested, I'd be done.

    But, what if your husband did want to become friends with her again? I would be willing to bet you'd have a MAJOR problem with that wouldn't you? I'm sorry for stereotyping, but I've had girlfriends that were just like what you posted....very jealous and would NEVER let me be good friends with a former girlfriend even though there is nothing wrong with that.

    Skarn

    Last edited by Gurv; 11-30-2007 at 09:11 AM.

     
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    Old 11-30-2007, 09:25 AM   #32
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    I totally agree with you Skarn. I don't get the big deal either, I just had my reunion myself, hooked up with alot of old friends, men and women, my husband knows about it, feels no need to monitor or accompany me to these things, and we trust each other. His reunion will be next yaer, i could care less if old girlfriends try to contact him or who he will see there. He is an adult, he can make up his own mind and honestly, I have faith in him.

    In day to day life, we both have friends of the opposite sex that we see without each other, we always have.

    I also agree that just because she keeps posting, doesn't mean she is stalking him. All he has to do is reply that he doesn't want to attend, end of story. When my high school reunion was being arrange various people would keep emailing until others would reply. Curious why he doesn't want to attend as well, is it because the OP has such a huge problem with it? I think it's quite funny how we automatically assume a woman much be a stalker and want him back just because she posts and wants to post old pictures for a reunion.

    All this drama reminds me or something at my reunion, ours was a two night one, and the first night was a pub night where only grads were allowed. I was talking to an old friend there, a guy, and I asked him where his friend was as I knew they still talked. He said his friend wasn't " allowed " to this part of the reunion because he could run into old girlfriends and the wife didn't want him to go alone for that reason and also being out a bar without her! Give me a break!!!! The second night we were free to bring spouses, but I chose not to as did most of my friends. I mean why would my spouse want to go to my reunion where he would be bored and wouldn't know anyone. I just think people get way too worked up about things. And also, even if she was wanting him, whichi it's not clear she does, who cares? She can want him all she wants, what does it matter, doesn't mean he would go there.

    Last edited by jennie250; 11-30-2007 at 09:45 AM.

     
    Old 11-30-2007, 10:00 AM   #33
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by wishgirl View Post
    She has our address....the reunion invitations....she's looking it up every five years. So why did she ask in a follow up email, how she could get them to him?
    I don't know why this portion of the OP's post is consistently flying over some peoples heads, but it is, so I've re-posted it. This woman KNOWS the OP's husbands address CLEARLY since she's made use of it in order to send a string of reunion invites, every single one of which has gone unanswered over the course of EIGHTEEN YEARS.

    Now, for the people who reckon this is all in innocence and the OP is simply being jealous, please explain this to me, because I surely do not get it: Since this ex girlfriend from her husbands highschool days clearly KNOWS WHERE TO SEND any photos she maintains he might like, WHY is she inquiring how she might get them to him???

     
    Old 11-30-2007, 10:04 AM   #34
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by jennie250 View Post
    I think it's quite funny how we automatically assume a woman much be a stalker and want him back just because she posts and wants to post old pictures for a reunion.
    She didn't want to post the photos Jennie; that's the whole point and the crux of the OP's issue.

     
    Old 11-30-2007, 10:08 AM   #35
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    don't know why this portion of the OP's post is consistently flying over some peoples heads, but it is, so I've re-posted it. This woman KNOWS the OP's husbands address CLEARLY since she's made use of it in order to send a string of reunion invites, every single one of which has gone unanswered over the course of EIGHTEEN YEARS.


    But so? If he would just reply and say not interested, please don't email anymore, that would be the end of it. But he never bothers to acknowledge it he just ignores for some reason. And again, even if she is wanting him for the last 18 years, so what, you can't stop someone from feeling something, you can only control your own behaviour.

     
    Old 11-30-2007, 10:14 AM   #36
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by wishgirl View Post
    He says she offered him the photos about 10 years ago also while we were broke up when she showed up at a family funeral, and he didn't want them.
    Well, I see that he did in fact tell her that he didn't want the photos 10 years ago. Maybe he is just sick and tired of repeating himself to a woman who clearly doesn't want to hear his rejection.

    I'm willing to bet OP's huband is affraid to email or acknowledge her at all for fear that she will only up the ante and contact him more frequently. Perhaps I'm wrong about that. But he did tell her 10 years ago he wasn't interested in the photos, so why do you think she is still persisting?

     
    Old 11-30-2007, 11:11 AM   #37
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by jennie250 View Post
    don't know why this portion of the OP's post is consistently flying over some peoples heads, but it is, so I've re-posted it. This woman KNOWS the OP's husbands address CLEARLY since she's made use of it in order to send a string of reunion invites, every single one of which has gone unanswered over the course of EIGHTEEN YEARS.


    But so? If he would just reply and say not interested, please don't email anymore, that would be the end of it. But he never bothers to acknowledge it he just ignores for some reason. And again, even if she is wanting him for the last 18 years, so what, you can't stop someone from feeling something, you can only control your own behaviour.
    Most people would pick up on eighteen years of being ignored Jennie, come on! And that's not to mention the photos she's still haranguing him over ten years after he's refused them!

    I'd be more interested if you'd responded to the second portion of my post; the one containing the question. I asked:

    "for the people who reckon this is all in innocence and the OP is simply being jealous, please explain this to me, because I surely do not get it: Since this ex girlfriend from her husbands highschool days clearly KNOWS WHERE TO SEND any photos she maintains he might like, WHY is she inquiring how she might get them to him???"

    That is the part in all this that most rubbishes the "innocent friend" theory. She knows how to get the photos to him - OBVIOUSLY. (As if he hadn't already refused them to her face, which he has ) The only reason she's inquiring how she might get them to him is because she'd rather use some other means than the post, i.e. she'd rather hand them to him. Let's wake up here people!

    I don't think it is fair that Wishgirl has come on here complaining of putting up with this over the span of eighteen years () only to be admonished for being "jealous". I think she has a very valid concern, and personally I think she has the patience of a saint.

    Wishgirl; here's my advice - tell your husband to sort this out and tell her to please stop contacting him. He has been ignoring her and refusing these photos over a very long span of time, but clearly this is not the sort of woman who wants to take a hint. Tell him it's time to be blunt. If she keeps contacting your home after that take the excellent advice offered by someone earlier in this thread and post her correspondence in another envelope addressed to her husband, along with a short note explaining how long these invites and follow up letters and offers of previously refused photos have been arriving. Let's see how "innocent" he regards it to be.

    Last edited by Laylah; 11-30-2007 at 11:17 AM. Reason: Wanted to add something

     
    Old 11-30-2007, 12:07 PM   #38
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    Layla,

    Maybe you are correct, but neither you nor I have ALL of the facts here. The biggest thing I see from the OP posts, is HER dealing with all this when in fact, it should be her HUSBAND that needs to deal with it. As Jennie said, maybe it would all stop if he simply replied and told her not interested, please stop contacting me! I see in your last post, you do indeed recommend that.

    And Happy Mom.....I bet you are right. I bet the OPs husband IS afraid to to email her......for fear of his wifes reaction! Who knows, maybe he does want to be friends with her, but knows how she'd act and thus had not replied?

    Either way, I wish the best for the OP and hubby.....

    Good luck,
    Skarn

     
    Old 11-30-2007, 12:25 PM   #39
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    don't think it is fair that Wishgirl has come on here complaining of putting up with this over the span of eighteen years () only to be admonished for being "jealous". I think she has a very valid concern, and personally I think she has the patience of a saint.

    How does the OP even know about all this, if it's going to her husband, why it it really her concern? I don't know, I just think either way, no reason to get this worked up about it. Honestly, if some girl was emailing my husband from the past and bugging him, I doubt I would be this involved in it, he would probably just email her back and say no thanks, or he would talk to her casually about the reunion or whatever, but I wouldn't be worked up about it and odds are he wouldn't really mention it to me since why would I care if he talks to or doesn't talk to a girl from his past?. Why is she so involved in this? If this girl really is stalking her husband and wants him back, again, why does it matter, that's the other girls waste of time, after all, it is just internet contact, not like this person is showing up at her house waiting outside to speak with him. I just don't get why this is such an issue, she has her husband, they are married and I presume happy, so have some faith. A nd if the husband doesn't want this contact, it's up to him to say so and block her email address if neccessary, it really has nothing to do with the OP. I would be really curious to know why the husband hasn't blocked her if it bothers him that much, maybe he somewhat does want the contact but is too scared to tell her? it just seems strange to me. I would be really curiuos to know from the husband why he hasn't just dealt with this either through email or by blocking her.

    Last edited by jennie250; 11-30-2007 at 12:28 PM.

     
    Old 11-30-2007, 01:30 PM   #40
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by jennie250 View Post
    I would be really curiuos to know from the husband why he hasn't just dealt with this either through email or by blocking her.
    Very good point jennie250. That would have been the first thing I would want my husband to answer if I were the OP.

    I still don't think that she is the "jealous wife" she is being made out to be. I would be pretty damn annoyed if some ex from my husband's past (that he has shot down and ignored since) kept on pursuing him with pictures and handwritten notes. I would also have asked him very kindly to take care of it so it was no longer an issue. If he did handle it and she still persisted I would take the matter into my own hands, but that's just me.

     
    Old 11-30-2007, 01:59 PM   #41
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Skarn View Post
    As Jennie said, maybe it would all stop if he simply replied and told her not interested, please stop contacting me!
    Well, there's no point arguing this on and on and I'm sorry if I am coming off as argumentative, but it is honestly annoying me that this woman is putting up with such obvious crap and is being told here that it's all in her head. Her husband DID tell this blast from the past that he wasn't interested in receiving photos from her, and he told her that ten long years ago, and she IS STILL persisting in attempting to give them to him. (Not to post them to him mind; the mail service isn't viable all of a sudden for the first time in eighteen years )

    And no Skarn, of course neither you nor I have all the facts. I don't have any more facts than anyone else reading Wishgirls posts, but going on the facts we have been given the situation is pretty clear to me.

    And Jennie; you've repeated a couple of times questions along the lines of: "What's it got to do with her"? and "Why's she so involved in this" - because it concerns her husband of near twenty years, that's why.

    Fair enough, we don't all agree; but I have to say it speaks volumes to me that nobody in the 'innocent highschool friend' camp attempted to answer my question as to why they think this woman, if it's all so innocent, is so intent on finding another way to give him what she could much more easily just pop in the mail?

    Would I be right in thinking nobody can find another logical explanation for that?

     
    Old 11-30-2007, 02:09 PM   #42
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Laylah View Post
    Would I be right in thinking nobody can find another logical explanation for that?
    I certanily can't find an explanation for it. I'm curious to know if anyone else who is of the opinion the OP is just a "jealous wife" would feel the same way if they were in her shoes. I mean, it's so easy to say ignore it when you're not the one dealing with the constant annoyance.

    OP, do you have any more facts you would like to add to the mix (like perhaps he has told this ex recently to leave him alone), or have you been scared away by those telling you it's all in your head?

     
    Old 11-30-2007, 02:21 PM   #43
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    And Jennie; you've repeated a couple of times questions along the lines of: "What's it got to do with her"? and "Why's she so involved in this" - because it concerns her husband of near twenty years, that's why.


    Ok, they have been married 20 years, that means he can't deal with it himself? That is my point, that it's not up to our partners to take over and deal with these things. It's up to us. I just don't know why we as spouses get so involved in this stuff, especially since this person isn't even in their real life, she is online and presumately they haven't even seen her in years. I could see if this person was waiting outside their house to see him, but online and over emails, who cares, just ignore or block.

     
    Old 11-30-2007, 02:25 PM   #44
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    Fair enough, we don't all agree; but I have to say it speaks volumes to me that nobody in the 'innocent highschool friend' camp attempted to answer my question as to why they think this woman, if it's all so innocent, is so intent on finding another way to give him what she could much more easily just pop in the mail?

    The thing is, we don't need an explanation as to her intentions, we won't ever know. Maybe you are right and she wants him, maybe I am right and she just really would like to reconnect as friends, maybe she is just bored and looking for a distraction and is really into high school, who the heck knows. But All that matters is HIS intentions, and if he has none, than it really doesn't matter. Even if he did see her at a reunion, it wouldn't matter because he, himself, has no intention or desire to go back there. That is my whole piont, you can't control what other people do, only yourself.

     
    Old 11-30-2007, 03:23 PM   #45
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    Re: His highschool girlfriend after 20 years.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Skarn View Post
    Layla,

    Maybe you are correct, but neither you nor I have ALL of the facts here. The biggest thing I see from the OP posts, is HER dealing with all this when in fact, it should be her HUSBAND that needs to deal with it. As Jennie said, maybe it would all stop if he simply replied and told her not interested, please stop contacting me! I see in your last post, you do indeed recommend that.

    And Happy Mom.....I bet you are right. I bet the OPs husband IS afraid to to email her......for fear of his wifes reaction! Who knows, maybe he does want to be friends with her, but knows how she'd act and thus had not replied?

    Either way, I wish the best for the OP and hubby.....

    Good luck,
    Skarn
    I've been reading everyone's comments on this page. And...I appreciate all responses. I just wanted to clear a few things up, I WANTED my husband to be able to say "hi" to an old friend from highschool maybe once every ten years or so, and how's your family, great. What if something ever happened to me? I want him to have old friends. But I don't want constant intrusion in our lives. It's just not appropriate every 2-5 years.

    I know about the email because there was an email in our family in box from a guy to my husband saying he saw a post on another board from her offering my husband photos, nice, huh? I clicked on the link at the bottom of the page and the forum came up. My guy was posting comments that he was going to post photos of his family. We live in another town by the way, a couple of hours away. And yes, it's irritating knowing there's all these private sites which require user names and passwords, which keep spouses out. It's crazy. I think spouses should get user names also. We don't have bars or coffee shops where spouses aren't allowed....only alumni of a certain school who know the password to get in. I only got in due to the link.

    What do you mean, he's afraid to respond becasue of my reaction? More like he's not responding because he doesn't want to. That's called being married. He's not supposed to be friends with an ex girlfriend. He always tells me men and women are never just friends. (if he's saying this, it's from his own experience, and it speaks volumes) He gets upset if I try to keep in touch with a guy who was ONLY my friend in highschool. He says any man who wants to be my friend, really wants to be more than a friend. But it's not a big issue. We don't fight over it.

    This is about me wanting to know why a person would do all of these things, and what others think about this situation.

    Last edited by wishgirl; 11-30-2007 at 06:12 PM.

     
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