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  • Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction



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    Old 03-01-2008, 05:38 PM   #61
    bajaboats
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    Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

    Howdy Reach,

    Yup, Your right. I have always had a blast with just living. Always willing to try new stuff. Always fast and furious. I know that is what attracted my wife to me.
    She would get kick out of me flying by her while riding a wheelie on the highway at 100+ mph.

    I think the problem now is she thinks I'm still a kid and haven't grown up. I take care of my responsibilities and even she says I am a very good father. My girls love me to no end. I sold the super fast road bikes (Crotch Rockets) and the big off shore boats are also gone. Quit racing Dirt Bikes and sold all of them (Doc said I was too old cause I was getting hurt alot)

    I don't drive a corvette anymore I drive a big 4 x 4 pickup (all tricked out cause I'm still a child remember :-)

    I have been only speaking to her about nice things now. If she wants to argue, I listen and then politely excuse myself from the room and retreat to my office or go for a walk and have a Cig. I don't know if it will work but it makes sense to me if I keep chasing and begging she just going to keep running. I haven't said the words "I love you" yet today. I am wondering how long it will take before she notices? I will let you know. I have just been pleasant and smiling.

    Lots of Praying too.

    Well the whole family (me too) went to see the Hanna Montana 3D movie tonight. It was really COOL. I have never seen anything like it. Totally 3D!!

    It was worth the $60.00 for the four of us to get in. We all had a blast.

    Hey there blindmom1954
    I really hope it works for him this time too.
    I am very lucky. I never got in trouble with the law. I have never even had a ticket EVER.
    I would most likely DIE in Jail...

    Be strong and I hope all is well with you son. Keep us posted and thanks for Chiming in.

    As Always,

    Peace.
    Baja

     
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    Old 03-02-2008, 03:14 AM   #62
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    Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

    Good Sunday Mornin' to Everyone.

    I'm on to day 26 today, I fell excellent!
    Only got about 5-1/2 hours of sleep last night but I have been getting between 6 and 7 normally. I went to bed kinda late last night and my internal clock still wakes me up at 5:30. I won't consider that a Bad Habbit. I have never used an alarm clock in my life. My Mom is a retired School teacher and I was taught good disipline habits.

    No signs of PAWS or anything like that. Just reality setting in and I am dealing with life really well.

    The anxiety is and depession and managable on my own. I don't feel the need to hide and also don't have any cravings.

    Hope your All doin' Fine.

    As Always,
    Peace.
    Baja

     
    Old 03-03-2008, 04:25 AM   #63
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    Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

    Hello Again All.

    On to day 27. The journey continues.

    This one will be a short one.

    I feel totally normal now. This is such a wonderfull feeling.

    Everyone have a great Monday!!

    As Always,
    PEACE.
    Baja

     
    Old 03-03-2008, 09:20 AM   #64
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    Thumbs up Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

    Baja I love your posting I actually look forward to reading what you put on here.

    I went to 2 meetings yesterday and was on an AA High and I could tell it was irritating my hubby. So I need to kinda back peddle, and lay low. I woke up super early today and got out of bed and did some writing. He asked me what was wrong and I told him I was worried about making my meetings when I get a job. Talk about positive worrying, I told him I wrote about it and was able to take my stress level down. He told me thats what night meeting are for. I smiled and said yeah I figured out i was worrying about nothing. Then he shared that he doesn't know how were gonna eat this week I told him yeah I worry about that too. But, I am trying to stay positive and I have a job interview today and I am gonna make some call and not drive if I don't have to to save gas. Then I told him about some leads on jobs I got so he seemed happy.

    I am keepin on keepin on. Trying to stay positive I started off the day with the 3rd step prayer someone told me it helped them, and I thought I need to act on suggestions. I'm trying to work a program of some kind. I got really worried cuz he said don't drive if you don't have to and I told him maybe I can call someone for a ride to a meeting. I just wanna show him I'm tryin. Any ways be good take care and keep posting your helpin all of us in the road out. Funny I never felt a pink cloud in getting sober cuz I don't think I ever wanted to enjoy sobriety, isn't that dumb talk about self sabotage but today I am letting God steer my boat and let myself be happy.

    Ok I got to tell you something, yesterday I was sure God forgot about me and I was so down about money. Here's my God shot - I was getting the laundry together and I was down cuz I have to wash my suit instead of having it drycleaned. I thought oh I should check the pocket and see if there is any $$ in the I laughed to myself but checked anyway I found 19.00 OMG I immediately said thanks God I know this is all you. I made sure I gave $1.00 in the basket at the meeting and was able to spend $4.00 on some much needed lettace, tomato and other stuff. But I am holding on to the rest like it a life support. In the past it would be like whoo hoo I can go blow this $$. But today I am truly grateful to have anything. This lesson is a tough one that I do not want to forget.

    I loved that story writing it made me smile, you told me I was not alone and I am keeping that to my heart. Thanks so much for your support.

    Reach you are my hero and everybody else that I didn't mention by name I apologize my brain cells are still coming back slowly but surely, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    Take Care,
    Lori

     
    Old 03-03-2008, 12:54 PM   #65
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    Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

    Hey Lori,
    Glad to sse your doin better today.
    Time really does heal all wounds. Wounds leave scars but scars are there to remind us what happens when we get wounded. Even a better reminder when we wound ourselves.

    The pink cloud thing was something I heard in an AA meeting a long time ago. I remembered it because my senses where heightened and I got really upbeat. The opposite of depressed. I am that way naturally but this was a much higher feeling.

    They too told me it would fade and I would have less pink clouds and sometimes just white clouds, Gray clouds and even dark black clouds on some days.

    I usually spend most of my life in the pink to white area but I still get popped in the head from time to time and have to dig my heals in.

    I feel sooo much better and things are falling into place nicely. I am working on some ideas I got regarding my wife and it is too earley to tell if it is having any effect yet.

    Still on a roller coaster or maybe I should call it "The Crazy Train" like Ozzy says.

    You be good and take care!!

    Bug Hugs,

    As Always,
    Peace.
    Baja

    Last edited by moderator2; 03-03-2008 at 03:33 PM. Reason: no discussion of the moderators, as per the posting policy

     
    Old 03-04-2008, 04:02 AM   #66
    bajaboats
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    Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

    Hey Hey Hey,

    I'm on day 28!! That makes FOUR weeks Clean.
    No Urges and No signs of Paws either.
    Just a bit of the Yawns still from time to time.
    Sleeping is normal for me as a hyper active person. I got about 6 hrs last night.

    I wanted to do a huge WAVIN to all today and a special Hi to Lori (In Cali) and REACH!!

    Thanks to everyone here I got the help to find the strengh to get clean.


    As Always,
    PEACE.
    Baja

    Last edited by Administrator; 06-11-2010 at 04:56 PM.

     
    Old 03-04-2008, 04:06 AM   #67
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    Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

    WOW Baja---that is allot of support! Congrats on 4 weeks!!! WOOO-
    HOOOO!!!!!!!!

    ~Angie
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    Old 03-04-2008, 04:30 AM   #68
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    Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

    Thanks Angie!

    You ready for the Snow today?
    We have a forcast of 5 to 8 inches here today and tonight.
    I gotta go gas up the plow truck today! I get about 4 miles per gallon pushing snow OUCH!!!

    Have a great day and drive carefull!

    Peace.
    Baja

     
    Old 03-04-2008, 07:25 AM   #69
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    Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

    Hey Baja--
    We are getting iced in as I type---I can handle snow but not the ice. Thing is, the kids are at school because it was fine this morning--I hope the bus driver is a good driver Heck maybe I'll just pick them up! You be safe also---think of all the cash you are going to make!

    ~Angie
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    Old 03-04-2008, 02:11 PM   #70
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    Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

    Hey Angie.
    No snow here yet??
    I gassed up and put 80 Gallons of gas in the truck at 3.09 per gallon. I thought the W/D's were painfull OUCH - No snow yet.
    They are still saying 5-8" by morning??

    How the Ice doing down there?

    Peace.
    Baja

     
    Old 03-04-2008, 02:18 PM   #71
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    Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

    I wanna be you when I grow up Baja. You sound like an amazing man and you are giving me such hope in a time a turmoil. The fact that you are at day 28 and feeling as good as you are really helps me to hang on. I'm on day 2 and feeling better than yesterday so I hope I'm not far behind you.

    Great Work! Congrats!

    Good luck with the snow. I'm in Jersey and we had 60 degrees today!

     
    Old 03-04-2008, 02:30 PM   #72
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    Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

    Hey diamondgirl,

    If you made it 2 days you can make it another 2 days EASY.
    It only gets easier from here on out.

    I really have not felt better in a long time.

    I have an appointment at a local college on Wed to get enrolled in a medical course. They say it is a two year program but if I bust my butt I might be able to do it faster. Like summer school. I'm going for the RN program !!!

    We had the high 50's on Sunday and melted a lot of the snow. Bummer bacause I wanted to go Skiing on Monday but the hill was closed.

    Well thanks for the Props. Now if I can only get my wife to think I'm a wonderful Man again I'd be Fine. Time and patience. I got some books to read and I'm working some programs to win her back. As long as she is here and still talking to me I think I have a chance. I just have to keep my SH*T together.

    You take care, I think this storm will be hitting you in a day or so.
    Big Hugs.
    As Always,
    Peace.
    Baja

     
    Old 03-04-2008, 03:03 PM   #73
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    Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

    Sounds like you know what you need to do and are on the right path. It will take time to regain trust but it will be worth it. You sound like a remarkable man and she would be a fool to let you go. I sometimes wish my husband would be as hard on me so I know that I couldn't slip but he just sees this as a blip on the screen and something that will be over shortly. Don't know which is better.

    Hang in there! I have a feeling she will come around.

     
    Old 03-04-2008, 04:06 PM   #74
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    Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

    Hey Baja and Diamond

    Baja and I have talked a bit about spouses before and the aftermath of when we get clean and the reactions. Just thought I would share another thought about it.

    The initial reaction is sometimes anger at the mate when a spouse finds out about the problem. I think afterwards, though, it is more of a fearful, self protection set of emotions that set in. "Do I leave myself open to hurt again?" " Do I allow myself to trust again? What if it leads me to hurt again?" "What is going to happen to me in all of this?"

    I think the spouses need to take some selfish time out to deal with it all, same as we need selfish time out to get better. We need time to heal from our addictions; our spouses need time to heal from them, too.

    Keep love in the equation always. Be considerate even when you are struggling. Family problem? Oh, yeah, big time. But by definition, families work together to resolve problems whenever possible. Even when it means time out from one another, we do what we have to to try and make it all work.

    Hubby and I were able to work out the aftermath. It surprised me that there would be any, and it took outside help ( my social worker) to point out to me that Hubby had his own set of issues to deal with concerning my addiction and eventual transition into recovery. As I move along here and read of others who experience some aftermath in the relationship. I realize it is not unusual and even almost predictable.

    Here's to the spouses and all they endure also
    reach

     
    Old 03-04-2008, 04:53 PM   #75
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    Re: Baja's Journey "THE ROAD OUT" Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Alcohol Addiction

    Here's to the spouses and all they endure also



    Absolutely Reach!! We and our addiction have put them and our children thru hell--I know this sounds selfish, but I wonder if the tables were turned if I would have stuck it out like my husband did. He has asked me that several times and I just don't know how to answer him. Although I did say to him, if you were sick with cancer--I would be right by your side, I am sick with a disease called alcoholism, and I thank you for standing by me. Even though at times his ways were sometimes very cruel---he never left or gave up on me. We have to give them time---just like it took time for us to finally get sober.

    ~Angie
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