It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

  • cannot get over BPD relationship :'(

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 05-02-2008, 10:26 AM   #16
    jokenroll's Avatar
    Join Date: Apr 2008
    Location: Otttawa, ON, CA
    Posts: 6
    jokenroll HB User
    Re: cannot get over BPD relationship :'(

    No, it's not getting any better for me. In fact, it's getting worse and worse.
    It's a classical situation - when your mind and you logic tell you one thing and your heart and your feelings - completely the opposite.
    I'm still surprised, however: I've been into a fair amount of relationships, and breakup was never that hard on me, esp. after a couple of years being together...

    The Following User Says Thank You to jokenroll For This Useful Post:
    baron1964 (11-13-2010)
    Sponsors Lightbulb
    Old 05-31-2009, 12:24 PM   #17
    uqli's Avatar
    Join Date: May 2009
    Posts: 1
    uqli HB User
    Re: cannot get over BPD relationship :'(

    yes, it will be hard to get over because of the intensity of her 'idealization'. you have to keep in mind the reason for that idealization, that it wasn't an interest in you, but it was about her pulling you in, making you an extension.

    there are times you will remember how good she was to you, and then think how could she go from that to completely villanizing you, and you will feel very upset, and want to get back to those good times. remember, it was someone who follows their impulses and was pulling you into giving them attention, it was more about them than you. You were NOT rejected by a healthy and rational person.

    Old 08-06-2009, 12:51 AM   #18
    Enixmax's Avatar
    Join Date: Aug 2009
    Posts: 1
    Enixmax HB User
    Re: cannot get over BPD relationship :'(

    I'm busy divorcing my BDP wife at the moment and it's an emotional rollercoaster Ė we were together for four years and she walked out with our 2 year old daughter six months ago claiming that I was emotionally abusing her after I confronted her about her behaviour (social isolation, alienation of friends/family, parental interference, lies, theft, fake illnesses, unwarranted criticism, withholding intimacy, refusing to go back to work, etc). She's a very attractive and well qualified individual with an unstable career and relationship history and her condition was only diagnosed after I used legal action to get her to see a psychologist after she withheld access to my daughter - the mediating psychologist ruled in my favour and I now have reasonable access.

    I've also subsequently gone for counselling and got to understand the BDP cycle of control/manipulation and my reactions to it - this helped me to understand the relationship on an intellectual level, but the emotional side still needs work. With the divorce pending, she still cycles between running me down and telling me she loves me and unfortunately I have to have contact with her because of our daughter. Because of the nature of her disorder, she doesnít understand that her behaviour is abnormal and I have to constantly monitor my reactions to her in order to avoid falling into the previous pattern of abuse.

    Iím very glad that the relationship is over, but it takes time to undo the damage a person with this disorder does to their partners. Iíve found that minimal contact and strong boundaries weakens their ability to do more damage and socialising with normal people helps to redefine your healthy reality.

    The Following User Says Thank You to Enixmax For This Useful Post:
    baron1964 (11-13-2010)
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    I cannot stand happy couples at all JennyLee123 Relationship Health 54 05-31-2008 06:44 AM
    I CANNOT BELIEVE he's given me a PORN ISSUE to deal with!!! Laylah Relationship Health 104 09-21-2007 09:54 AM
    How to accept being a mother when you cannot financially afford it? VoodooQueen Trying to Conceive (TTC) 4 05-02-2007 03:20 PM

    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off

    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:53 AM.

    © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!