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  • ::sigh:: No luck with men

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    Old 05-08-2008, 10:58 AM   #16
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    Re: ::sigh:: No luck with men

    Woo Jenny LeeÖ.Suicide? I understand that you are lonely and depressed but thatís not the way to go. Give yourself the opportunity or should I say a chance.
    I am a 23 year old woman who was in an abusive relationship for 6 years. I think the happiest that I have ever been is when I left him and stayed single for 2 years after. I didnít want to enter a new relationship until I figured out how to get myself back on track and to tell you the truth, I still question myself. I was depressed and very lonely as well. I would accept the wrong kind of attention just so I could have some kind of attention. Then I woke one day and thought to myself, ďIím cleaning out my closet and ridding myself of these people who are blatantly using me and really do not love me at all.Ē Do not degrade yourself or lower your priorities that you feel as though you need in a relationship. For crying out loud, theres only a few good ones out there so give yourself time to find them! Do not settle for the sake of any form of companionship because thatís doomed for failure.

    Also, when you do find someone special, and you will, you still have to realize that there is no such thing as perfection. The man that Iím currently with treats me good is respectable and pretty laid back. I thought all would just all fall into place but, because of my first and only real relationship, I was, and still am scared and on my toes about if Iím truly making him happy or am I boring him and such. Being in a relationship doesnít exactly rid you of these feeling because theres always going to be new ones revolving around your love life. For example, as of right now I am trying to work on letting go of some of my independence, being equal with him as I make big decisions and trying to respect his opinions, and adding another person to clean up after. AND, just because you have a significant other does not mean that you have the advantage of making love when ever you want; donít throw out those D batteries just yet!

    Just try to relax Jenny Lee, life is so beautiful. Please try to enjoy it!

    (((Hugs))) Jul
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    Old 05-08-2008, 12:39 PM   #17
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    Re: ::sigh:: No luck with men

    Okay, this may sound a little harsh but...

    ...the only thing "pathetic" here is that you think it takes a man to make you worth something, NOT the lack of men in your life. Sometimes (often times) guys can be really dumb when it comes to women but what they can do is sniff desperation a mile away (like bloodhounds, really). So maybe that is coming into play here.

    Women who value themselves solely on the basis of their attraction to men (or lack thereof) are sad and as a female myself, I'd never be friends with one of them. I am older than you are and have never been in a relationship for any extended length of time so I take offense to a lot of what you say. But making some of the statements you have, you've really insulted a lot of people.

    I used to wonder what is wrong with me since it seems like I am abnormal, but I got over it (for the most part). But I have a lot going on in my life careerwise and have tons of other interests and friends... I look at men/boyfriends as just another topping in the sundae of life. Would be fun to have one around, but it's not exactly mandatory.

    So get a hobby, get some interests. Follow your passions and loosen up. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and buy some shoes! That works for me. Every.time.

     
    Old 05-08-2008, 01:06 PM   #18
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    Re: ::sigh:: No luck with men

    Well, with all due respect, and I certainly don't mean to speak for Jenny, but being a single woman who has lived pretty much all my life single, I don't really thing that's what Jenny means. I didn't see where she was trying to speak for all single women everywhere. If you are fine being single, that's great. Some women aren't, that's all, and that doesn't necessarily make them pathetic. most people are hardwired with a drive to mate and procreate, why we're all here. And we've all got a different chemical and hormonal balance and make up, which determines a lot of things including our sensitivity, sex drive, and other things. A nice new pair of shoes is great, and if they replace waking up in the arms of someone who loves you, that's great. All Jenny is saying is, a pair of shoes doesn't replace having someone to love for everyone, and it's not because they refuse to CHOOSE to be just as satisfied with a great pair of shoes as they would be with the love, support and companionship of and good sex with a good man.

    I think it's a common misconception that people have of women who are single and don't want to be that they all "feel they HAVE to have a man to feel validated." That's not it at all. It's not about having just a warm body next to you to feel like life is worth living. We all could have that, that's the easiest thing in the world. Again, I'm not speaking for Jenny, or for any other single woman for that matter. But for me personally, I've watched beautiful sunsets alone, and I've watched them holding hands with and softly talking and laughing with someone I was in love with and had a deep emotional intimacy with, I've gone to the movies by myself, and I've gone with my head resting on the shoulder of and having stimulating discussions afterward with someone I was in love with, I've been so sexually frustrated my body physically hurt, and I've made sweet love (sexual contact, but not actual intercourse) with someone I was in love with, I've come home from a long trip to lug all my luggage by myself to a shuttle bus that I had to pay an extra $20 to take me home, and I've come home to a smiling, familiar face, a strong warm hug that melted all my stress away, and a free car ride home and a nice welcome home. While the first ones are doable, and actually PREFERABLE to trying to force things with someone who isn't right for you, the second ones are just much fuller, richer, and better, no matter how fabulous the shoes I was wearing while I was doing all the first ones, that's all. It's healthy to make do with the first ones if you must and make the very best out of it, but it's also very natural to have desire for the second. I was just having a related discussion with a boss of mine yesterday. He said, especially now that he's older, he doesn't WANT to take two weeks off and go to Hawaii or go climb the Alps or hang glide off the cliffs of Big Sur. All he wants is to enjoy his job, and every now and again have some time off to spend with his family, his lovely wife, and the baby they have on the way. When you're 70, what pictures do most people want in their scrapbooks? Pictures of their families, loving spouse, kids, grandkids, graduations, wedding days, sweet 16 parties, Christmas mornings, Thanksgiving dinners, or pictures of all the great shoes you owned? I'm not defending a drive to mate and procreate that goes beyond the norm and leads to disproportionate unhappiness, unfulfillment and depression, I'm just saying there are two sides to the issue.

    Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 05-08-2008 at 02:11 PM.

     
    Old 05-08-2008, 04:05 PM   #19
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    Re: ::sigh:: No luck with men

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
    Well, with all due respect, and I certainly don't mean to speak for Jenny, but being a single woman who has lived pretty much all my life single, I don't really thing that's what Jenny means. I didn't see where she was trying to speak for all single women everywhere. If you are fine being single, that's great. Some women aren't, that's all, and that doesn't necessarily make them pathetic. most people are hardwired with a drive to mate and procreate, why we're all here. And we've all got a different chemical and hormonal balance and make up, which determines a lot of things including our sensitivity, sex drive, and other things. A nice new pair of shoes is great, and if they replace waking up in the arms of someone who loves you, that's great. All Jenny is saying is, a pair of shoes doesn't replace having someone to love for everyone, and it's not because they refuse to CHOOSE to be just as satisfied with a great pair of shoes as they would be with the love, support and companionship of and good sex with a good man.

    I think it's a common misconception that people have of women who are single and don't want to be that they all "feel they HAVE to have a man to feel validated." That's not it at all. It's not about having just a warm body next to you to feel like life is worth living. We all could have that, that's the easiest thing in the world. Again, I'm not speaking for Jenny, or for any other single woman for that matter. But for me personally, I've watched beautiful sunsets alone, and I've watched them holding hands with and softly talking and laughing with someone I was in love with and had a deep emotional intimacy with, I've gone to the movies by myself, and I've gone with my head resting on the shoulder of and having stimulating discussions afterward with someone I was in love with, I've been so sexually frustrated my body physically hurt, and I've made sweet love (sexual contact, but not actual intercourse) with someone I was in love with, I've come home from a long trip to lug all my luggage by myself to a shuttle bus that I had to pay an extra $20 to take me home, and I've come home to a smiling, familiar face, a strong warm hug that melted all my stress away, and a free car ride home and a nice welcome home. While the first ones are doable, and actually PREFERABLE to trying to force things with someone who isn't right for you, the second ones are just much fuller, richer, and better, no matter how fabulous the shoes I was wearing while I was doing all the first ones, that's all. It's healthy to make do with the first ones if you must and make the very best out of it, but it's also very natural to have desire for the second. I was just having a related discussion with a boss of mine yesterday. He said, especially now that he's older, he doesn't WANT to take two weeks off and go to Hawaii or go climb the Alps or hang glide off the cliffs of Big Sur. All he wants is to enjoy his job, and every now and again have some time off to spend with his family, his lovely wife, and the baby they have on the way. When you're 70, what pictures do most people want in their scrapbooks? Pictures of their families, loving spouse, kids, grandkids, graduations, wedding days, sweet 16 parties, Christmas mornings, Thanksgiving dinners, or pictures of all the great shoes you owned? I'm not defending a drive to mate and procreate that goes beyond the norm and leads to disproportionate unhappiness, unfulfillment and depression, I'm just saying there are two sides to the issue.
    thank you!

    I have done the whole "have fun by yourself" thing. I have gone to the movies, the museum, the mall, a restaurant, spent more weekends alone than I can count by my lonesome. After awhile it gets OLD, and tired.

    I notice that when I am hanging with a friend men will approach me, and I meet a guy instantly. But because I am always alone, men do not approach me that often. If they do, it's not the right kind of guy. Maybe I appear to be "lonely" which= less appealing?

    In my other thread, I mentioned a friend doing something really shady...a guy was interested in me and wanted my number, she played like she didn't have his number and didn't know how to reach him initially which turned out to be a lie. And whenever I ask her to hang out with me she makes up an excuse as to why she can't go to the movies with me...obviously she is jealous of me. This is what I have to deal with. I have a very hard time making friends with young girls my age they do not accept me into their inner circle. But I have an easier time making friends with older women they are much more confident

    My mother told me that it makes her sad to see a young girl like me spend every weekend and holidays alone without a man in my life): This really hurt me and I started to cry. She doesn't understand how for me it's not easy finding a boyfriend. And how a lot of women simply don't like me because of how I look. But I am just like them, I have insecurities and the desire to be accepted just like they do. They just look at the physical aspect and think I must have it easy..

     
    Old 05-08-2008, 06:12 PM   #20
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    Re: ::sigh:: No luck with men

    your so lucky to be single.. i wish i was.. i have been with a guy for the past 6 yrs, and it is hell.. im in 20k debt because of it.. he takes me for granted and occasionally hits me and grabs me and pushs me to the ground.. we constantly fight and argue everyday.. i buy him so much things, just for his attention, because i never had a mother in my entire life, and want this man to stay around.. but im going deeper in debt keeping him in my life.. we both dont use drugs or smoke or drink so thats a plus.. so all of you that are single be overally happy.. men these days take woman for granted and use them and cheat.. i have lost trust in everyone.. i dont have any friends eaither.. i cleaned out my closet, because all these so called friends did was use me out of all my money.. its better to be with no one at all then to be with someone that will use you or abuse you, or not treat you the way you should be treated.. sometimes i even think of being gay, because im so miserable and men never please me and i have no love or emotional support.. ladies please be strong and have some faith that you are very lucky to not be in a ltr with anybody.. its better to deal with your own issues.. its a headache dealing with your issues and the person your datings issues too.. im very lucky i have never been married and have no kids.. goodluck ladies.. dont settle for less and dont go just on looks.. huge everyone.. im 24 female from newyork by the way..

     
    Old 05-09-2008, 06:27 AM   #21
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    Re: ::sigh:: No luck with men

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JennyLee123 View Post
    thank you!

    I have done the whole "have fun by yourself" thing. I have gone to the movies, the museum, the mall, a restaurant, spent more weekends alone than I can count by my lonesome. After awhile it gets OLD, and tired.

    I notice that when I am hanging with a friend men will approach me, and I meet a guy instantly. But because I am always alone, men do not approach me that often. If they do, it's not the right kind of guy. Maybe I appear to be "lonely" which= less appealing?

    In my other thread, I mentioned a friend doing something really shady...a guy was interested in me and wanted my number, she played like she didn't have his number and didn't know how to reach him initially which turned out to be a lie. And whenever I ask her to hang out with me she makes up an excuse as to why she can't go to the movies with me...obviously she is jealous of me. This is what I have to deal with. I have a very hard time making friends with young girls my age they do not accept me into their inner circle. But I have an easier time making friends with older women they are much more confident

    My mother told me that it makes her sad to see a young girl like me spend every weekend and holidays alone without a man in my life): This really hurt me and I started to cry. She doesn't understand how for me it's not easy finding a boyfriend. And how a lot of women simply don't like me because of how I look. But I am just like them, I have insecurities and the desire to be accepted just like they do. They just look at the physical aspect and think I must have it easy..

    The older I get, the more I realize you just have to accept your parents as they are, good bad and the ugly, and realize they are never going to change. It's unfortunate your mother says this to you. I was lucky in that aspect. My mother's mother sort of forced her into marrying my father, she hid letters my mother got from another man she had known while she was in the service because she didn't want my mom to be "distracted" from the man who became my father, and kept telling my mom "you're 29, he's your last chance!!!" and my mother has regretted marrying my father all her life, but being a good catholic, felt she could never get a divorce. I have never known my mother really happy. I love both my parents but I wish I had had two functional, happy parents who lived apart than two maladjusted, dysfunctional parents who lived together and were so wrapped up in their unhappiness they didn't really have much left over to parent with. So she always said to me "dont' feel like you have to have a man or you have to get married or give me grand kids. It wouldn't break my heart if you never get married." So at least she doesn't make me feel bad about being single. And shame on your mom for rubbing salt in your wounds. No doubt your mother comes from a time when it was considered shameful for a woman to be past a certain age and not married. But the good news is, back then women sort of HAD to get married because they couldn't make the kind of money men did because they couldnt' get hired for the kind of jobs that paid, and if they did, they were paid less than the men in the same positions. Women needed men literally to put a roof over their head, food on the table, buy their car, medical insurance, etc. and single women were considered hussies, dangerous loose women who would swoop in and try to steal your husband away because they didn't have one of their own. But things have changed. It may be lonely not having a life partner, believe me, I totally get that, but there's certainly no SHAME in it anymore!! My extended family sometimes makes me feel like a loser for still being single, so I just avoid them when I can and dont' talk to them much. Most of the time I feel good about never having married the wrong man, never having been beaten by a man I was in a relationship with. I was treated somewhat poorly in the the only relationship I was in, and while a part of me will always love him and miss the good parts of the relationship, I would NEVER go back to it the way it was. I'm not the same person I was back then. And that's a very GOOD thing.

    So you say other women don't like to hang around you because of the way you look. Does that mean you're really pretty? That surely doesn't have to be a drawback. It may mean you have to work a little harder to show people you're not stuck up or whatever, which is unfair, I know, but it's just part of life. But I gotta tell you, one of the coolest, most down to earth women I've ever known was also the most beautiful. I mean, men broke their necks to look at her, she looked like a cross between Christy Brinkley and Michelle Pfeiffer, only prettier, if you can picture that. But she was just so cool, open, warm, friendly, very smart, down to earth, there was no way you couldn't like her. And if I can befriend a beautiful woman, surely there are other women out there who feel the same and wouldn't let the way you look stand in the way of getting to know you.

    Sometimes I have to check myself, one little thing i did pick up from Dr. Phil that I think is good advice, is to ask yourself, "how much fun am I to be around?" People aren't going to want to be around you if you're aren't fun to be around, so if I catch myself sounding not fun in any way, too complaining, or whatever, I immediately lighten up.

    Well, I hope I've helped a little. I know it's not easy, but you still have so much time. Don't sweat the things you can't control, and concentrate on being the very best you that you know how to be.

     
    Old 05-09-2008, 07:05 AM   #22
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    Re: ::sigh:: No luck with men

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JennyLee123 View Post
    .

    I get so depressed that I think about suiciude. I feel cursed
    i really wouldnt be thinking of suicide because you dont have a boyfriend or because you are finding it hard to find one right now. you are only 24 which means there is plenty of time for you to meet the one. you just have to understand that life itself is a wonderful gift and you shouldnt take it for granted. i cant think of one good reason to commit suicide. there are people in different countries over the world that dont have it as lucky as you. countries like ethiopia for example. they dont have clean water, food, proper shelter, clothes or a proper education. what about the people who live in fear everyday that a bomb might be dropped on their house? im sure a 24 year old girl in ehtiopia would love to trade positions with you right now. i know that not having a boyfriend can be a drainer at times and you can feel lonely. i was fat in high school and all my friends had boyfriends and i didnt but please undertand that this is not a good reason to even contemplate suicide because life is fantastic and you have it so much better than a lot of other people. so be grateful for the life you have, the life that some people in disadvantaged countries would love to have.

     
    Old 05-09-2008, 08:46 AM   #23
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    Re: ::sigh:: No luck with men

    My friends are almost all extremely pretty and even beautiful and I don't find it threatening at all. In fact, I love to tell them and others how beautiful they are! I am not beautiful by any stretch of the imagination, but I've always attracted men because of a positive attitude, sense of humor and keeping myself physically fit. So although I'm not beautiful like my friends I don't feel like I stand out because I think I'm fun to be with. Find someone with a fantastic personality and tons of self confidence and befriend them! They will be happy to find a new friend and won't care that you might be better looking than them.

     
    Old 05-09-2008, 09:07 AM   #24
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    Re: ::sigh:: No luck with men

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JennyLee123 View Post
    I know relationships are a lot of work, but it's not the bad relationships I desire or envy it's the GOOD ones. There are lots of people out there in happy relationships that i would like to be in.
    No one goes into a relationship wanting a bad one. They just end up that way at some point. And the reason why they do is because people often ignore red flags and warning signs just because of fear of being alone. And that's the worst position to be in.

    And the bottom line is, a very large percentage of people married or in a relationship are NOT happy! They put on a happy face in public where people THINK they are, but behind closed doors, there could be abuse going on, addiction, financial problems, childcare issues, etc. You have no idea how happy or unhappy a couple really is, because you're not with them all the time. And what you perceive as being a happy relationship is probably really not.

    It just seems as though you are idealizing it as if having a relationship is the end-all-be-all of existance. And that's just not true. I can tell you with all certainty that EVERY relationship I've had turned out to be more of a hindrance to me and my goals than a support. It's unfortunate, but thankfully I still managed to find my way and get to where I'm at. It would be such a shame if you got saddled with some guy who was just not right for you just because he was the only guy to show you some attention.


    Quote:
    even the ppl in bad marriages and relationships would rather be where they are than single. you see why most women put up with men who treat them like crap because bieng alone truly sucks.
    That's completely and totally not true. No woman would prefer being abused or neglected or treated with utter disrespect than to be single. The only thing keeping them in that position is fear. And that is no way to live or be happy. Living in fear is the worst possible way to live. You don't even know what that's like! If you did, you would not say these things.

    Quote:
    i don't want to suffer the stigma in society of being a single woman past 30.
    What you don't seem to understand is that the trend NOW is that women are waiting to get married to first establish themselves with an education and a career. Because they would rather be independent and self sufficient so that she can take care of herself and not have to rely on her husband to take care of her. This isn't the 1950s when it was considered bad to be single after the age of 20. This is 2008! Seriously, you need to wake up and start realizing that times have changed a LOT!! Because it's become way more accepted and in fact more praised for a woman to have the means and ability to take care of herself, and take more time to devote to her career before settling down with marriage and a family. I'm a sociology major, I learned all of this when I was in college! And the trend is moving toward women waiting longer and longer, into their mid to late 30s before getting married.

    There is no "stigma" anymore, except the one you created in your mind. As for whatever stupid thing your mom said, you just need to tell her to mind her own business. Seriously, you're an adult, and you don't need to listen to that anymore. You're not a child, you're a grown woman. Your life is your own business, not hers. So, don't let her put any kind of guilt trip on you because it's not her place to tell you what to do anymore.

     
    Old 05-09-2008, 12:52 PM   #25
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    Re: ::sigh:: No luck with men

    How do I cope with my jealousy issues regarding relationships? It's something that I've never been able to overcome since I was a teen around 16/17 years old.

    I just remember being INSANELY jealous of a friend who got a serious boyfriend that I would spend hours in my room at night balling with tears wondering "why can't I find somebody?"

    A old friend of mine boyfriend got her name tatooed on his arm in big bold letters..I remember wishing that a guy would feel that deeply enough about me to do something like that. But it has never happened. I've never made any significant impact on a guy to be worthy enough to be written permanently on his arm. I always wanted to know what it felt like to mean that much to another person. To me it's like a huge deal I value things like that.

    Eventually, they ended up getting married. And of course I am still single

    Then I had another friend who met someone, and she would spend the night over her boyfriend's house almost every night. They would cuddle and say "I love yous" she told me. I was so envious of that. I have never been that close to a guy to where we would come close to doing anything like that. I even sunk into a deep depression because I didn't understand why this has NEVER EVER came close to happening to me. I would even wish that her and her boyfriend would break up..that's how miserable I became. I feel like I truly have been cursed to be alone. I am spending the best years of my life single..I am supposed to be in love..when ppl talk about their younger years, they always mention "falling in love" and meeting the love of their life..so far I cannot vouch to ANY of that. I have not lived at all. I feel like my life has been a waste.

     
    Old 05-09-2008, 01:04 PM   #26
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    Re: ::sigh:: No luck with men

    You're SO young, you're really way too young to think your entire life has been a waste. I still think you're putting far too much emphasis on a relationship to define your happiness, when that's not what a relationship is about at all. If you go into a relationship with that mindset, you're going to end up being disappointed because you're supposed to be comfortable within your own self first and just have a relationship to compliment who you are, not to Make you who you are.

    Far too many people define themselves by their relationship. And they are the ones who end up totally devastated and at a complete and total loss when that relationship ends because they have no idea who they are or what they should be doing with themselves.

    Jealousy is a normal human emotion that people experience when they see other people having something that they want. I'm really not sure how you can get through that. But it all goes back to what I just said in the first paragraph. Stop putting your happiness in the hands of another person. That never works, not for anyone. It's time for you to stop believing that another person is going to make you happy. That's the surest way to end up with a broken heart in the end.

    It's time for you to start doing more things to enhance your life. Get your life in order so that once someone comes along, you'll be all set and you guys can be equals instead of him having to take care of you. With accomplishments come confidence and a feeling of self-worth that can't be measured. And it's something that you can never feel just from a relationship.

     
    Old 05-09-2008, 01:32 PM   #27
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    Re: ::sigh:: No luck with men

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Kszan View Post
    You're SO young, you're really way too young to think your entire life has been a waste. I still think you're putting far too much emphasis on a relationship to define your happiness, when that's not what a relationship is about at all. If you go into a relationship with that mindset, you're going to end up being disappointed because you're supposed to be comfortable within your own self first and just have a relationship to compliment who you are, not to Make you who you are.

    Far too many people define themselves by their relationship. And they are the ones who end up totally devastated and at a complete and total loss when that relationship ends because they have no idea who they are or what they should be doing with themselves.

    Jealousy is a normal human emotion that people experience when they see other people having something that they want. I'm really not sure how you can get through that. But it all goes back to what I just said in the first paragraph. Stop putting your happiness in the hands of another person. That never works, not for anyone. It's time for you to stop believing that another person is going to make you happy. That's the surest way to end up with a broken heart in the end.

    It's time for you to start doing more things to enhance your life. Get your life in order so that once someone comes along, you'll be all set and you guys can be equals instead of him having to take care of you. With accomplishments come confidence and a feeling of self-worth that can't be measured. And it's something that you can never feel just from a relationship.
    I don't know why I feel this way. It's something that I have been working on..trying to change my mindset but it's so hard for me.

    My mother and father do not think I am normal...I am quiet, and not very extroverted, kinda laid back. They always tell me that I should have a boyfriend, go out more, have more friends..then if I do that they'll tell me that I need to get my priorities straight by finishing college and becoming more independent. There is only so much I can do at a time. I feel confused.

    Once at work, this guy told me that i was not like most 20-somethings he said that a lot of them would not be 'working' and they would be hanging out, always talking on their cell phone..and he never saw me do any of that. It made me feel insecure about who I was. Like I'm not "cool" or don't have the right personality.

    My mom is always reminding me of how I am getting older, and that I haven't done enough in such a short span in my life. She makes me feel as though I am wasting my 20s away..like I haven't partied enough, or accomplished enough in my life to truly enjoy this period in my life. I am always under this pressure to do what 20 somethings are supposed to do.

    I get so depressed because I don't have friends anymore to go out to a bar or club. Like I stated earlier, many women (in my age group) do not warm up to me...they might strike up a conversation or something but they defintely will not invite me to hang out with them..Even when I try to be nice and friendly they just don't like me. The only women I get along with the most are older women but unfortunately, they don't want to go out clubbing and mingling with young guys..

     
    Old 05-09-2008, 01:55 PM   #28
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    Re: ::sigh:: No luck with men

    Jenny Lee,

    Do you have any sisters, cousins, family members that you could hang out with everyone in a while? Every since I have my daughter, 5 years ago, I lost touch with all of my friends except one and she has two babies now so itís very hard. Although, I do have many family members that hang out every once in a while when life gets stressful. Every body needs somebody to lean on every once in a while and it seems as though you have only been going to your parents for comfort. Sounds to me that they are not helping build your confidence at all!
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    Old 05-09-2008, 02:11 PM   #29
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    Re: ::sigh:: No luck with men

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JennyLee123 View Post
    I get so depressed because I don't have friends anymore to go out to a bar or club. Like I stated earlier, many women (in my age group) do not warm up to me...they might strike up a conversation or something but they defintely will not invite me to hang out with them..Even when I try to be nice and friendly they just don't like me. The only women I get along with the most are older women but unfortunately, they don't want to go out clubbing and mingling with young guys..
    So you do the inviting! Maybe don't start out with going to a club, try inviting an interesting person to coffee or lunch. Maybe there is a co-worker you get along with or have had a few friendly words with. The advantage is that people usually have brothers, cousins, neighbors, etc. who might be interested in meeting a girl like you!

    And as far as being responsible and having a job instead of spending your days shopping or talking on your cell phone, you absolutely should not feel shame for that! It is admirable that you are doing things that will improve your life instead of wasting your 20s away with shallow activities. Although you definitely deserve to have some fun! My son is 17 and has only attended one high school dance. He's concentrating on his studies and was accepted to a good college. He's thinking about his future and while I would like him to relax and have some fun, I realize that he is old enough to set his life path and just because I think he should be cutting loose more often, that's his decision not mine! And really, what parent could be disappointed in a responsible, mature adult child??!! Your parents need to lighten up on leaning on you so hard. Of course, you can't change them, the only thing you can change is your response to them. Maybe try saying "that's a good idea, I'll give that some thought" and then do what YOU think is best for you.

    And please do think about inviting an acquaintence to coffee or lunch, you never know what can happen or who you may meet as a result.

     
    Old 05-09-2008, 02:57 PM   #30
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    Re: ::sigh:: No luck with men

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JennyLee123 View Post

    Once at work, this guy told me that i was not like most 20-somethings he said that a lot of them would not be 'working' and they would be hanging out, always talking on their cell phone..and he never saw me do any of that. It made me feel insecure about who I was. Like I'm not "cool" or don't have the right personality.
    why would you think that? It sounds to me like he was giving you a compliment!

     
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