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    Old 06-09-2008, 11:09 AM   #1
    Klakkie
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    my boyfriend wants me to lose weight

    I have been going out with this amazing guy really, he treats me like a real lady, appreciates me, loves me
    BUT one thing he wants me to lose weight, he doesnt say it directly but I get the hint when he looks at me, tutches me or just holds me
    now all i can think about is to lose weight I dont want to lose him over something that stupid. if he expects me to lose weight is he the guy for me?

     
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    Old 06-09-2008, 11:14 AM   #2
    ergo4
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    Re: my boyfriend wants me to lose weight

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Klakkie View Post
    if he expects me to lose weight is he the guy for me?
    No.

    Things like that often get worse over time. What if you lose the weight and he decides you need something else altered? He should love you for you, not the exterior package he thinks you should be.

    Unless you have some serious health issues and the doctor(s) have told you to lose weight or you will die, I don't think it is appropriate for him to tell you to lose weight no matter what.

     
    Old 06-09-2008, 11:16 AM   #3
    happymom28
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    Re: my boyfriend wants me to lose weight

    Are you sure it's not your insecurities that are making you feel this way? How do you know for sure he wants you to lose weight? What has he actually said to you?

    Now, if this guy really wants you to lose weight and you would lose him if you didn't then he is not a great guy. You don't "love" someone for who you want them to be or hope they will be, you "love" them because of who they are. You shouldn't have to change yourself for anyone. If you are happy how you are then don't worry about it. Doing things for a boyfriend's approval is the quickest way to land your self esteem in the toilet.

     
    Old 06-09-2008, 11:50 AM   #4
    Klakkie
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    Re: my boyfriend wants me to lose weight

    I'm not really fat or obese I just have a few curves, and that is what he doesnt like. the thing is I know he isnt the right guy if he expects that but I love him so much

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by MouseOnMars View Post
    No.

    Things like that often get worse over time. What if you lose the weight and he decides you need something else altered? He should love you for you, not the exterior package he thinks you should be.

    Unless you have some serious health issues and the doctor(s) have told you to lose weight or you will die, I don't think it is appropriate for him to tell you to lose weight no matter what.

     
    Old 06-09-2008, 12:09 PM   #5
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    Re: my boyfriend wants me to lose weight

    I agree with Happymom: if he actually hasn't said anything, it may be the case that you are simply projecting it.

    Anyway, I wouldn't hasten to label him as not the right guy for you just because he might want you to lose weight. Perhaps you have been gaining this extra weight since you started dating him? Perhaps he is slim himself and thinks both of you would be more compatible physically if you had bodies of more or less the same size? Perhaps he is concerned about health problems in the future for you? Perhaps he thinks you will look more attractive if you lose some weight? Is there anything wrong with wanting one's girl-friend to look better? Well, I don't know.

    But what about yourself? Do you think you could lose some weight? Do you think being slimmer would do you good? If so, why don't you start a routine to lose weight, preferably with the help of a professional? Tell your boy-friend about your intention and see what kind of reaction he has. I mean, do it mainly for yourself and for him as a side effect.

    PS. I posted this before reading the original poster's second message.

    Last edited by pendulum; 06-09-2008 at 12:11 PM.

     
    Old 06-09-2008, 12:20 PM   #6
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    Re: my boyfriend wants me to lose weight

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Klakkie View Post
    I'm not really fat or obese I just have a few curves, and that is what he doesnt like. the thing is I know he isnt the right guy if he expects that but I love him so much

    He doesn't like curves? Hmmm...I thought men liked women who looked like women, not 12 year old boys! Which I used to look like until recently.

    And I projected this onto my guy...I recently put on about 15 pounds, and I figured he'd want me to lose it, since he always knew me to be thin. Well, he told me in front of all his friends that he loved the new weight, that it gave me curves and he finally had "something to grab on to".

    So maybe your guy really likes your body and you just think he doesn't? He's staying with you, isn't he?

     
    Old 06-09-2008, 12:21 PM   #7
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    Re: my boyfriend wants me to lose weight

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Klakkie View Post
    I have been going out with this amazing guy really, he treats me like a real lady, appreciates me, loves me
    BUT one thing he wants me to lose weight, he doesnt say it directly but I get the hint when he looks at me, tutches me or just holds me
    now all i can think about is to lose weight I dont want to lose him over something that stupid. if he expects me to lose weight is he the guy for me?
    agree with happymom and pendulum, you are projecting your insecurities onto him.
    don't read more into it....you can't say he wants you to lose weight by the way he touches you, holds you or looks at you. He never said those words.....maybe he likes your curves! Not all guys like beanpoles! You say he's amazing, appreciates you, loves you and treats you like a real lady. He sounds like a keeper! If you want to lose weight, do it for you......he sounds like he likes you fine just the way you are!

     
    Old 06-09-2008, 01:10 PM   #8
    ergo4
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    Re: my boyfriend wants me to lose weight

    She is madly in love with this guy. He *may* be telling her indirectly that she should lose the weight. Perhaps he never said to her, "I want you to look like a super model" but he *may* have said to her looking at another woman, "now that is a good looking body." Y'know, some guys actually do things like that -- it may be they just don't think when they speak or they me be passively trying to drop the hint. I've been with guys who have done both. When you are madly in love with them, you look around these facts.

    The fact that she *may* have insecurities doesn't address whether or not he actually has directly or indirectly told her to lose weight. She should explain the situation more before we assume that she has some self-esteem issues that she is projecting. She seems to be comfortable saying "I have a few curves" vs. someone with issues who may say, "I'm a big fat pig" (which is what I used to routinely tell myself no matter what weight I was at the time).

     
    Old 06-09-2008, 01:40 PM   #9
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    Re: my boyfriend wants me to lose weight

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by MouseOnMars View Post
    She is madly in love with this guy. He *may* be telling her indirectly that she should lose the weight. Perhaps he never said to her, "I want you to look like a super model" but he *may* have said to her looking at another woman, "now that is a good looking body." Y'know, some guys actually do things like that -- it may be they just don't think when they speak or they me be passively trying to drop the hint. I've been with guys who have done both. When you are madly in love with them, you look around these facts.

    The fact that she *may* have insecurities doesn't address whether or not he actually has directly or indirectly told her to lose weight. She should explain the situation more before we assume that she has some self-esteem issues that she is projecting. She seems to be comfortable saying "I have a few curves" vs. someone with issues who may say, "I'm a big fat pig" (which is what I used to routinely tell myself no matter what weight I was at the time).
    Just because a guy looks at another woman doesn't mean he indirectly telling his girlfriend to "lose weight". That's a very insecure way of thinking IMO. Do you look at other guys? Just because you do doesn't mean you want your boyfriend to morph into them. Being in a relationship doesn't make you any less human and occasionally you are going to notice someone attractive of the opposite sex. That doesn't make you love your SO less or want them to change, it's human nature.

    I don't "assume" she has self esteem issues at all. But the fact is he didn't come right out and tell her to lose weight. She may have recently put on a few pounds and is self conscious, like one of the previous posters was.

    Now Klakkie, you never actually answered the question as to why you feel he wants you to lose weight. I think the answer to that question will clear a lot of this debate up. Obviously you don't have to share it with us. But if you are not fat and he treats you great I really think it is more on you than him.

     
    Old 06-09-2008, 07:54 PM   #10
    ergo4
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    Re: my boyfriend wants me to lose weight

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by happymom28 View Post
    Just because a guy looks at another woman doesn't mean he indirectly telling his girlfriend to "lose weight". That's a very insecure way of thinking IMO.
    That wasn't my meaning at all, I actually wrote:

    ...but he *may* have said to her looking at another woman, "now that is a good looking body".

    Meaning, he may have actually vocalized his opinion of another woman in front of his girlfriend thereby making her question his opinion of her body.

    And, yeah, of course I look at other guys but I have the sensitivity to not say out loud to a guy I'm with that I find some other present person highly attractive. I have actually had a guy do it to me though and have witnessed guys doing it to other women (not saying that women do not do it, but I'm just basing this on my own experience).

     
    Old 06-09-2008, 11:19 PM   #11
    Klakkie
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    Re: my boyfriend wants me to lose weight

    well guys for the first time in my life I dont know what to say and that is weird, but in a good way, your insites has realy opened a real perspective for me.

    now the answer to that question, my boyfriend and I go out alot to the movies or something just to relax us, but as all men know girls *love* shopping so we regurarly go into clothing stores when I like something I search for my number which is a medium and then he asks me are you going to fit into a small, my answer no and then you should see his face. so that is where I got the idea that he wants me to lose weight.

    Pendulum you are right he is quite slim but does a man realy want his girl to be as slim or even more slim than he is?and yes I could do with losing some weight but as I said I just have a few curves.

     
    Old 06-10-2008, 12:31 AM   #12
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    Re: my boyfriend wants me to lose weight

    Ask him outright if he has any concerns about your weight. You will know, whatever he says, if he does. I am on the side of being very cautious if there is dissatisfaction in this area on his part. Mouse is probably right in that it can and will spread to other areas of your appearance. It doesn't mean he loves you less, it is more about him than you...but look ahead to the life you may have. Do you really want to have this insecurity in it? Or know that he wishes all the time that you were slimmer? And when you have kids, your daughters will come under the same critical microscope from the man who is after all, their first true love? Clear this up, whatever it turns out to be, your or his issue, but don't brush it aside. Sera

     
    Old 06-10-2008, 02:43 AM   #13
    pendulum
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    Re: my boyfriend wants me to lose weight

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Klakkie View Post
    ...

    Pendulum you are right he is quite slim but does a man realy want his girl to be as slim or even more slim than he is?and yes I could do with losing some weight but as I said I just have a few curves.
    Well, I can't speak for every man, but it seems most of them want to be somewhat stronger, taller and heavier than their female partners.

    I may be wrong but I have the impression that in spite of your curves you are not satisfied with your body as it is. This is not a mistake, but it is perhaps a mistake to stay where you are: either accept your body as it is and move on, or do something to make it as close as possible to your ideal.

    I don't know what your boy-friend does to remain slim himself in terms of diet and activity, but here's maybe the clue for you. Why don't you follow his steps and see what happens? You don't need to ask him: "Don't you like my body? Do I have to get slim? etc". Just do what he does for a change, and if nothing happens, at least you will be more connected to each other. Possibly he will also start doing things you do. I think a real couple does a lot of things together, which doesn't mean, however, they must lose their individuality.

     
    Old 06-10-2008, 02:48 AM   #14
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    Re: my boyfriend wants me to lose weight

    Maybe it isn't that he wants you to lose weight but that he just wants you to be conscious of your weight so you don't get any bigger.I know my bf used to say similiar things but I knew thats why he was saying it because I only wore about a size 6 at the time.It also could have been that he was nervous being in the womens dept looking at clothes with you and just blurted that out not really thinking.I wouldn't worry about it unless he came straight out and said that you need to lose weight.

    Last edited by daylight568; 06-10-2008 at 02:52 AM.

     
    Old 06-10-2008, 05:45 AM   #15
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    Re: my boyfriend wants me to lose weight

    I think that you are making way too much out of some stupid comment he said.

    He is dating you. That means that he likes you and that he is attracted to you. A medium is NOT a big size. You have to be yourself, not try to be something else that you think that he wants. Be confident in who you are, confidence is very attractive.

     
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