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  • In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

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    Old 08-27-2008, 06:33 PM   #76
    Niclolu
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    I agree with Izzy'sMom. I just got done reading all of the posts and the "constant waiting for him to call" was driving me crazy and this isn't even my life story!

    Blue, I feel for you because I have gone through the waiting game more than once in my life. Not knowing and waiting around is the worse part. Older and hopefully wiser, I have learned that I have two options: 1) Do something about it or 2) let it go.

    In your heart, you are hanging on to the hope that he will return and things will be like before. Your heart wants it so much that you spend your days filling in the blanks for him. Many of us can sympathize with that because we have done it. We make excuses for the other person and we continue to hope for the best.

    Personally, I would put a stop to all of the guessing and wondering by giving him a call and asking to talk. If he agrees to meet and talk, you will get your answer. If he ignores your call, there is your answer. If he tells you he has moved on, it will be painful to hear but you will have a concrete answer.

    You will then know for certain that it is time to move on. Yes, it will hurt but you will heal in time. Sitting around and waiting for him only drags out your pain and disappointment. You cannot heal if you are hanging on to false hopes.

    Be strong Blue. Get your answer and move on with your life - whether with him or without him. Put an end to the waiting game, the guessing game, and the hoping game. You will look back one day and kick yourself for wasting your time waiting and wondering. It will be hard letting go being this was your first serious relationship but there will be others after him. Yes, there will be!

    Take back control of your life. Get 'em, Blue!

     
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    Old 08-27-2008, 07:05 PM   #77
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Willapp View Post
    I just wanted to chip in as a guy and say that men generally are quite straightforward when it comes to how we act.
    I completely disagree. Guys will play games and act like a total jerk in an effort to get the girl to break up with them first so they don't have to look like the bad guy. It happens all the time, even in "mature" relationships, because at the end of the day, guys are actually major cowards and can't own up to their own shortcomings in a relationship. It's really sad and it's too bad, but men are truly from mars and women are definitely from venus. This situation is a very clear proof of that, because Blue, your bf told you "we'll talk" before he left, but as you can see, he's been home for a while and still hasn't gotten up the courage to call you to actually talk. He's a total coward and has no guts. Spineless guy. Jellyfish.

    That being said, Blue, this situation is so sad and it really sucks. You do need to get closure because otherwise you won't be able to move on. I actually think that you should call him and tell him flat out - Look, I know we're over and that's fine, just give me back my stuff so we can close this chapter, move on and go our separate ways. If you don't give me my stuff back, I'll send my biggest and most angry guy friend to your house to get it from you. Have a nice day!

    In all seriousness, you need the closure. And you should get your stuff back. Once you get your stuff back, you can start working on moving on. Right now, the reason why it's so hard for you is because there's that unanswered question left hanging out there after him telling you that you'd talk when he got back. That was totally unfair for him to do that to you, and you should be getting mad about it and angry that he would leave you hanging. It's ok to be sad at first, but at some point you need to get angry about it. He handled this situation like a loser and made you suffer and that's not cool. He doesn't deserve you because I can tell you're a great girl. You were totally into him and in love with him, but he couldn't care less about you. That sucks and i'm sorry you had to go through this. But you have a right to closure, so try to get that for yourself so you can finally move on.

     
    Old 08-27-2008, 10:06 PM   #78
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    thank you all for the support

    it's been a hard week and i didn't want to post the same things and get people on this board angry for it so i tried to stay away from the message board for a little bit but i really needed to post again

    i think i am going to have to send him a text message..my one friend says he might be exhausted from the relationship at this point and may need more than 2 months to feel better about things but she also said the answer probably wouldnt be different a month from now either...my other friend thinks its better to talk about things sonner than later because 2 months have gone by and as more times goes by it gets easier to forget the person and get over the person

    i do want him back----would the best approach be to step up and kind of say i realize you want this over and if you still have these things at your place so and so can pick it up.. Or would this be forcing him to respond and pushing him further away???

    do you think its possible he thinks he may have some hold on me BECAUSE my things are there? and that i am just waiting?...

    would me asking for my things and making things final be a positive step into possibly getting him back, making him possibly think twice and if he says no, then its a step to closure as well?

     
    Old 08-27-2008, 10:16 PM   #79
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    keeping in mind i do want him back and don't want to be mean about things what should i say

    these are the thoughts/options running through my mind:


    1. some time has passed and it seems like you want this over for good. if u still have so and so there So and So can pick it up

    2. some time has passed and if this is over for good i think its best if i get the few things i had there back. So and So can pick it up

    3. I realize you want this completely over. If you still have so and so So and So can pick it up




    thanks everyone in advance

     
    Old 08-28-2008, 08:51 AM   #80
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    I guarantee he's not placing the kind of importance on your "things" as you are. Your clothes or whatever are not some kind of symbol of your relationship to him, seriously, he does not think that way. He's not thinking to himself "her clothes are here so we are still connected". Men just do not think that way, especially when they were the ones to end the relationship.

    I wouldn't give him any kind of explanation. I'd simply say that I want to get my things back and when would be convenient? If he does want to reconcile the door would be open...but please don't count on that. If he wanted to talk to you, and wanted to reconcile, he would have by now. He wouldn't be waiting to "feel better" about the relationship or whatever.

    It just makes me feel sad that your whole world seems to be on hold, waiting for this guy to decide he wants you back. You are letting him run your life and you aren't even together any more! Healing will not take place until you accept the situation first. You really need to stop the waiting and try to get on with your life.

     
    Old 08-28-2008, 08:59 AM   #81
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    You really want this guy back? He's so spineless and he's such a coward. And he has made it clear by his lack of communicating with you that you don't matter to him. I can't understand why you would still want to get back together after all of this has happened? He's not worthy of you, you really need to see that. You're better than him and you deserve better. I hope you won't lower your standards and keep pining away for a guy who is totally cowardly and has no guts. Nothing worse than dating a coward. Trust me, I've been there.

     
    Old 08-28-2008, 10:39 AM   #82
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    So true..... Most men will be a jerk so you will make the move and end it OR they will simply say "they need time" and then simply vanish. The lies a man will tell in order not to have that "talk" are endless. What I would do is text him OR if you can do it.. call him and tell him CALMLY, that you know you have stuff over there and you'd like to pick it up... and SAY NOTHING else then that... NOTHING. Don't go into asking him about the relationship because one thing is true. If he wanted you back he would tell you. You asking him again does nothing to bring you back together. ACT like you're fine... acting like you're upset doesn nothing.. begging does nothing, sulking does nothing. If hes truly done, nothing you do will matter but if he is still pondering this over, you acting happy and like you're ok will only show him that you are strong and that you don't need him. One thing for sure, you need to move on. If he ever comes back and you want him... then great, if not, the more time you waste on him the more time you rob yourself of meeting someone new. Remember.... that one of the reasons you stated that the problem was that you were controlling. If you don't deal with that and why you need to control, this will happen again. Work on that so you don't have to go through this again with someone else.

     
    Old 08-28-2008, 12:44 PM   #83
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    hey guys,

    thanks for responding

    i am just really torn and undecided about what to do. I don't know if i should just try to leave him alone completely..maybe he will come back on his own and maybe he won't...or maybe he knows the answer now and me texting him will the guy final answer once and for all

    Some people close to me are worried about me getting slapped in the face again by texting him regarding my things..obviously, my things are an excuse to finalize things and to move on and to give him a window of opportunity to possibly say something positive

    so i guess it can work either way..if i text him and some slim chance something positive is said, thats good..and if not, it shows i need to move on completely

    some are saying do you really need to hear him respond and say i'm sorry i didn't call you back, i didnt want to hurt you more. I understand u want closure and if you want your things back that is fine and i hope one day in the future we can be friends

    i am told he will say something to try to make himself look decent and look like he is sorry this is happening...everyone agrees he is not a bad person, not a bad guy but he was just horrible with this situation

    i guess some part of me is thinking if i text him one last message and i do get my things back in the end..i guess i can say well maybe i contributed a lot in ruining the relationship but i gave it everything i could at the end to make up for it

     
    Old 08-28-2008, 01:48 PM   #84
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    If people close to you are worried, why don't you listen to them? After all, they care about you and have your best interests in mind.

    And if you do decide to text him, be prepared to:
    1. Be ignored
    2. Not get the answer you're looking for
    3. experience more pain

    Again, if he wanted to be back with you he would have let you know by now.

    My guy and I split a couple of times and he and I were always communicating again in less than a week. He let me know he wanted to make up and reconcile. He did not ignore me or not contact me for over 2 months!

    Please...allow yourself to heal. Let this go.

     
    Old 08-28-2008, 06:41 PM   #85
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    probably nothing he can say now will be as painful as the first couple of nights...

    some say apart of them wishes i just leave him and take it as closure but they also say maybe you need to show u gave everything u had to give at the end and he is making his final decision by giving my things back and i am showing him i am being strong about the situation now

    my friend said it might upset him that i am accepting it and want my things back because its pretty much saying goodbye..but i guess noone can really predict how he will respond.

     
    Old 08-29-2008, 08:21 AM   #86
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    While I don't agree with the friend who said it might "upset" him that you want your things back...so what if it does?

    You said earlier that you would give it until the end of the summer and then if he hadn't contacted you, you'd realize it was over and move on. Well, this weekend is the "unofficial" last weekend of summer...sounds like you are still waiting for him?

    He's done. It does not matter to him one bit if you "gave it your all at the end". It will not change his mind and make him want to get back together.

    Why are you still waiting for him?

     
    Old 08-29-2008, 09:01 AM   #87
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    Whatever you do, if you do it with the hopes of eliciting a certain reaction that would be a mistake. I went through this last year. My ex had a piece of jewelry and I sent an email saying I needed it and that I would wait until he "sorted things out"... and I was hoping he would say.. "come over and lets talk things out"... what I got was "Do you want me to mail them to you?".... I knew we were done. If a guy wants you he will contact saying he does. Not much can be done to change that. The worse thing to do is to call/text so you can "talk about it". The best thing to do is to be strong and if he wants to contact you at some future point he will. BUT you can't sit around a wait for him.

     
    Old 08-29-2008, 09:13 AM   #88
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    maybe sending him the text is what i will need to move on then and say goodbye because then i truly truly know he is done with me and there is no reconciliation

    i know my things are there and it probably does not mean much to him at all..but maybe he thinks i'm possibly waiting for the call still or some part is holding on because i have a few things there

    i really don't know at this point what is the best thing to do

    i think i have proven to be strong..and i dont think the text message i am sending is pathetic..its kind of finalizing things i guess

    its going to feel so weird that he was my first everything and his response if i text him will probably be i am sorry, i know u want closure and if u want i can drop off ur things or they can get it

     
    Old 08-29-2008, 09:49 AM   #89
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by blue34 View Post
    maybe sending him the text is what i will need to move on then and say goodbye because then i truly truly know he is done with me and there is no reconciliation

    i know my things are there and it probably does not mean much to him at all..but maybe he thinks i'm possibly waiting for the call still or some part is holding on because i have a few things there

    i really don't know at this point what is the best thing to do

    i think i have proven to be strong..and i dont think the text message i am sending is pathetic..its kind of finalizing things i guess

    its going to feel so weird that he was my first everything and his response if i text him will probably be i am sorry, i know u want closure and if u want i can drop off ur things or they can get it

     
    Old 08-29-2008, 09:55 AM   #90
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    Re: In alot of PAIN. Does he want me back?

    It does feel awful and I kept delaying asking for the jewerly because it was my way of holding on to him. If you need closure, as so many of us do, then you need to get it .. if only to actually "hear" him say it. Then you can move on without holding out hope. I never got closure from him. He was a total coward. He would answer my emails with "love" etc ect.. to confuse me and I analyzed the crap out of everything he'd say. Even up to that last email when I said "mail them to me".. he said "still trying to sort things out".. blah blah blah. Nothing I respect more then a guy thats got the spine to tell me the truth and not be a wimp about stuff like that. I'd rather a guy say "hey, This isnt working out", instead of not being a man and just saying it.

     
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