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  • Having an affair and need to break away - need advise please

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    Old 10-12-2008, 01:13 AM   #16
    ginawest
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    Re: Having an affair and need to break away - need advise please

    First of all, man and women outside of marriage are not prohibited from being good friends and especially those who worked together with the same company. But there are boundaries and limitations.

    If I have a strong physical and sexual attraction to a coworker who is married, I would definitely not allow myself to be alone with him, getting drunk and hope he would not take advantage of the situation. Unless you are really really a strong woman, your conscious mind would tell you that nothing's gonna happen, you are just friends but in your subconscious mind, you are waiting for that very part when he would grab you and kiss you.
    When you allowed him to walk you back to your office, he probably thought you are leading him into something.

    Believe me, it is not true that people realizes what have just happened after the fact they have kissed or have sex, they knew what was going on all along but can not stop the heated moment when they surrender their mind against their passion, they just dont care anymore. This is how an affair starts. They say it was never intended but there was always a story before any office affair, like flirting, sexual tensions, emailing, texting, a confidante...a married man should not be telling personal stories that he doesnt confide to his wife unless he is interested to you unless you are his sister, mother or an elderly....This stuff always leads to an emotional affair that is ignored and hardly noticed by both parties unless followed by a sexual act.....

    The fact that you did not put an end to it after it started because you dont wanna hurt his feelings??? and so it continued, you were just going along with the ride. You dont really care about his wife and he doesnt. You were more afraid that he would be a stranger if you try to put a stop to it.
    And yet you were hoping that he would be the one to end it and not you.

    It's sad that a good friendship can end due to stupidity but if it needs to end, then you should end it. Let him destroy his marriage without you being part of it. I would not advice you of getting another job because that is very unrealistic and avoiding him or making lies will just cause you more stress. I would just tell him straight into his eyes that you do not want to continue your affair and you are not interested. For the meantime, you can still be friends but avoid having an alone time with him inthe elevator, office or parking lots. Have a female coworker with you when you go to your car. You have to protect yourself until you are strong enough to resist your own passions. Im sorry to say, you have been weaken emotionally, mentally, and sexually by this man. I dont blame you and only thing you can do is to avoid any triggering moments by not being alone with him.

    However, if you are so attracted to this guy and cant simply avoid his magic charm on you, then forget your conservative type but be ready for any consequences. Just hope that when the road gets bumpy, he will go along with you.
    Your last post was few months ago. Im not sure if you decided to fight or flight with your feelings....Goodluck!

    Last edited by ginawest; 10-12-2008 at 01:24 AM.

     
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    Old 10-12-2008, 11:39 AM   #17
    kellis
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    Re: Having an affair and need to break away - need advise please

    The problem here is not who is at fault. People are human and we all are attracted to the opposite sex, and sometimes, that person happens to be off limits!....and this guy is off limits because he is married!

    He is a jerk for carrying on with a lover and a wife at the same time! I'm sure his marriage is unhappy....he's CHEATING for goodness sake! And even if he leaves his wife (which I seriously doubt), are you ready to have a relationship with a truely unfaithful man that would eventually do the same thing to you? As good as the sex is, you deserve better than this! You deserve to be with a man who can at least take you out to dinner without having to look over his shoulder all night! You are his mistress....nothing more! I'm sorry if that is harsh, but it's true! Leave this man alone and find a man who can make you feel like a real woman...instead of convenient booty call!
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    Old 10-13-2008, 04:26 AM   #18
    chevyman
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    Re: Having an affair and need to break away - need advise please

    I'd be afraid her hubby would shoot me.
    end the marriage (Divorce) then seek your compassion, intimacy with someone,I think its wrong to be having affairs while someone is still married, seperated ect,,ect,, just my opinon

     
    Old 10-13-2008, 08:44 AM   #19
    chevyman
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    Re: Having an affair and need to break away - need advise please

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by kellis View Post
    The problem here is not who is at fault. People are human and we all are attracted to the opposite sex, and sometimes, that person happens to be off limits!....and this guy is off limits because he is married!

    He is a jerk for carrying on with a lover and a wife at the same time! I'm sure his marriage is unhappy....he's CHEATING for goodness sake! And even if he leaves his wife (which I seriously doubt), are you ready to have a relationship with a truely unfaithful man that would eventually do the same thing to you? As good as the sex is, you deserve better than this! You deserve to be with a man who can at least take you out to dinner without having to look over his shoulder all night! You are his mistress....nothing more! I'm sorry if that is harsh, but it's true! Leave this man alone and find a man who can make you feel like a real woman...instead of convenient booty call!
    Never pass judgement on man if you don't know that man, if he has a problem with his infidelity maybe theres a reason, thats no excuse I know but just because he steps out of bounds in his marrige don't mean he will do it again to another altho the % are high they will...your saying once a cheat always a cheat and I disagree with that.

    Last edited by chevyman; 10-13-2008 at 08:46 AM.

     
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